Chapter 33 Finley #2
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t see anything until I got off the plane.
I got here as fast as I could,” he says quietly as the dam breaks once again, a painful cry tearing up my throat.
It feels like a million knives slicing through me at once, each vicious cut stealing another breath from my lungs.
I hate myself for melting into his loving embrace, soaking in every bit of the warmth that I’ll only ever get from him, and burning it into my brain.
He presses a kiss to the top of my head as I sob, but moments later, his body abruptly goes rigid against mine. And that’s when I know it’s over.
“Finley,” he chokes out, his fingers curling around the fabric of my hoodie as though he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he doesn’t, “why do you have your suitcase?”
I squeeze my eyes shut, freeing two more tears as I inhale deeply and take in the scent of his laundry detergent one last time. It seems like a lifetime ago that he confessed to not wearing cologne because he heard it made me sick. He’s been so good to me, yet here I am, about to break his heart.
I lift my head weakly, sniffling as my gaze finds his. “I can’t stay here. I have to go.”
Panic washes over his expression, his head shaking rapidly in disagreement. “No. I know you’re hurt right now, but this is your home. You belong here with me. Let’s just sleep on it tonight. Your head will be clearer in the morning.”
I swallow roughly, stepping back and letting my stare fall to the floor because I’m a coward who can’t look at the man she loves while she tears him to pieces.
“I don’t need clarity, Theo.” It’s barely a whisper, the words getting caught in my throat as I force them out.
“I need to feel this. I need the reminder that it’s not just about me anymore. ”
“You’re right,” he cuts in. “It’s about our family. It’s about us. You, me, and Norah. Please don’t do this, Finley. Please don’t go. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I reply quietly, my broken heart sinking.
“But every decision I make will affect this baby long after she grows up, and I refuse to risk her feeling the way I did when I was little. It’s my responsibility to make sure she never spends a single minute wondering why she wasn’t good enough to make people stay.
I have to do what’s best for her, even if it means never letting anyone get too close. ”
His brows pull in, the despair behind his eyes morphing into anger and frustration.
“What the fuck does that even mean?” he spits.
“Listen to yourself, Finley. I’ve spent months proving how I feel about you—how I’m not like any of them.
I’ve done everything I can to show you that I’m ready to be the partner you need, and that you’re safe here.
I’d cut my own heart from my chest before I’d hurt either of you. How can you not see that?”
I twist my hands together to stop from reaching out for him, my lower lip trembling as I hold myself together. I need to be strong in this moment, even though it feels like I could die right where I stand.
“I see it now,” I answer. “But what happens years down the road when something goes sideways, and we can’t make it work? She’ll be caught in the crossfire, telling herself that it’s her fault. I know because I was that little girl, and I’ve spent my entire life trying to undo the damage it caused.”
“So, what?” he says. “You’re just going to take my daughter from me because you’re too fucking scared to let someone love you? Don’t I get a say in this at all?”
My heart shatters, a million broken shards exploding inside my rib cage until there’s nothing left.
I wish more than anything that I were different, untouched by the pain of so much loss and rejection.
But my mother’s choices made me this way, which is exactly why I know I have to step back and really think about the kind of future I want for my child.
“Please, Theo,” I whimper softly. “Don’t make this harder than it already is. You have to let me go.”
His shoulders sag, all the fight leaving his body as his eyes swim with tears. He looks broken, a single drop of wetness sliding down his cheek, and I hate myself for being the reason for it.
“Fine.” His voice is weak and full of defeat as he lifts his gaze, locking onto mine.
I grapple with the urge to look away, even though every instinct is telling me to as he chokes out his final words.
“When you wake up one morning and realize what a big fucking mistake you made, just know I’ll still be right here.
I’ll be waiting for you to come back home, where you belong.
” He swallows, sniffling softly. “I meant it when I said I’m not going anywhere. Because I love you, Fin.”
A sob bursts from my chest, every part of me twisting in agony as I take one last look at him before wrapping my fingers around the handle of my suitcase.
He wordlessly helps me outside where the car awaits, loads my luggage, and presses one last kiss to my forehead, a warm tear splashing against my skin before I lower into the back seat.
As the driver pulls away, a hollow emptiness forms in the pit of my stomach. I can’t stop myself from turning to look out the back window, but Theo is already gone, the door to what was once my happy place closed tightly behind him.
I have no idea if leaving is the right choice, or if I just fucked up by walking away from the best thing that ever happened to me. Only time will tell, but for now, I need to find a way to heal from my past so I can be the mother Norah deserves.