Chapter 16 #7
The first image is of us getting out of Cam’s car.
The next is of us side by side, with Cam’s hand at the small of my back.
I’m looking up at him as we walk and talk, and he’s smiling down at me.
It’s a great picture, made even better by the fact that it shows there’s something there between us, and that my kids are seeing that.
I don’t know why that’s suddenly become so important to me, but it has.
I want them to know how much I loved their dad, even if I didn’t realise it back then.
In the next image, we’re front on to the camera.
“How did they get these shots?” I ask. “I remember there were paps hanging around outside, but none of them showed any interest in us.”
“Long lenses,” Makenzie says from somewhere. “They could’ve been anywhere and zoomed in to get the shot.”
“But why take shots of us?”
“They probably took them of everyone coming in and out, then did some research after to see who and what they had,” Kenzie explains.
“These ended up in a couple of gossip mags that were out at the time,” Dan says.
The next image is from a magazine spread. The photos of me and Cam are accompanied by the headline: ‘Rock Star’s Ex Moves on with London Bad Boy!’
“What the fuck?” Cam says from beside me. “Did you see this? Know about it?”
“I had absolutely no idea,” I almost whisper as more magazine images appear on the screen, each running with a similar theme. One of them even says: ‘Finally Old Enough to Date’ with the subheading: ‘Rock Star’s Underage Ex Finally Moves on with Her Life.’
A lot of the press I got after my breakup with Sean was about my age, the American press and public not mentioning the fact that the age of consent is sixteen in the UK, and we’d been doing nothing wrong—not officially, anyway.
Magazine spreads from the UK and various European countries appear on the screen, using images from the same night. Some are of us arriving, some leaving.
“These are the only images we could find from back then,” Daniel tells us. “How long were you together?”
I’m hyperaware of Cam’s body pressed against mine, of our kids and family standing behind us listening.
I don’t want to drag up the bad, and I don’t want anyone feeling hurt or judging me and my choices, but I can’t get to the good stuff without explaining the bad.
I just hope my kids don’t hate me when they find out in detail what I did to their dad.
“We split up about seven months after we met, but only officially dated for about three months,” I explain.
“Looking at the pair of you now and watching the dynamics, it’s very apparent to anyone that you’re a couple very much in love.
But it’s more than that,” Daniel says. “I’ve watched you, watched the footage back, and seen some of the stills Kenzie has caught.
The pair of you are incredibly in sync. It’s almost like you’re tuned into each other’s emotions. Was it not like that back then?”
“No,” I reply instantly. “I still had my walls up. I was heart hurt and an emotional mess.”
I feel Cam shift beside me, but he doesn’t speak.
“I was letting him in slowly, but Cam was back then and still would be to this day if I allowed it, a workaholic. So, although we spent a lot of time together, there were long periods when I was alone. Weekends, I’d stay in at either his or mine, and he’d crawl into bed at three or four in the morning, then sleep till after lunch.
Sometimes I’d have to cover at one of the shops on a Saturday.
I’d get home around five, and Cam would leave at eight, but that suited me.
I was letting him in slowly, and he gave me that. He gave me a lot.”
“For me, it was the opposite,” Cam finally speaks. “She came into my life like a hurricane, a whirlwind, a force of nature. She was so very obviously broken yet still fearless.”
I look up at him to find him looking down at me. Neither of us smiles, the eye contact is all we need. I know he’s okay, and I’m giving him the same reassurance.
“I ran my business back then in a way which suited the type of people I was dealing with,” Cam explains tactfully.
“You had a reputation for being the ruthless head of one of East London’s most notorious crime families,” Daniel says.
“I was never the head. That was my older brother Robbie,” Cam replies, not denying the rest of Daniel’s statement.
“And I wasn’t a criminal; I’ve never been in trouble with the police.
I’d never be allowed to run a licensed building if I had, and I certainly wouldn’t consider myself ruthless.
If you ask anyone I’ve ever done business with at any stage, I think they’d say I’ve always been firm but fair. ”
“Would it be fair to say men feared you?” Dan asks.
Cam rubs at the stubble covering his jaw, and I wonder for a moment if he’s about to tell him to fuck off. Instead, he turns his mouth down like it’s frowning, but I know it’s an attempt at hiding a smile when he nods.
“I can tell you who wasn’t in fear of me: this long-legged, blue-eyed brunette who walked into my bar one night.” He thumbs in my direction.
“Go, Mum!” Lu calls out.
“Like Georgia, I’d steered away from relationships and any kind of commitment since the death of my wife and son.
I wasn’t looking for love, just focused on building my business.
Then Georgia Layton arrives on the scene and has me tied up in knots.
I fell hard,” he admits. “But the timing wasn’t right.
I thought I could fix her; she wasn’t ready to be fixed.
We were on different pages. I tried to run our relationship the way I was running my business, and she wasn’t having it.
” He exhales heavily. “We were having dinner one night—I had a lot going on, my head not in the game—and I spoke to her in a way I shouldn’t have.
So, Georgia being Georgia, wasn’t having that, and she got up and left the restaurant.
” He sighs again and leans forward, his legs spread and hands clasped together as he rests his elbows on his knees.
“It was a stupid argument over nothing, but it changed everything. George got up and left before we’d even eaten. I stayed and asked for our food to be put in containers to take away, so she’d at least get something to eat—”
“I didn’t know that,” I interrupt him. We’ve spoken about events of that night over the years. He knows that’s when I reconnected with Sean, but he’s never told me that’s why he didn’t follow me out. “You’ve never told me that,” I say, wondering why he’s never told me.
He tilts his head my way and nods slowly.
“Wouldn’t’ve changed anything. The night went the way it went,” he says calmly.
“I thought she’d be out in the car with my driver, but she wasn’t.
He said she’d stormed off down an alley, and he couldn’t follow her in the car.
I cut through the same way and onto the high street, but there was no sign of her.
I went to her place, back to mine, called her number, then eventually, I went back to hers and waited, but she didn’t come home. ”
He shakes his head. “I was worried sick until she called in the morning. I was back home by then, going out of my fucking mind because I didn’t know where she was.
I offered to go get her so we could talk, but I only had an hour before I had to fly to Amsterdam.
I was going to be away all weekend and thought the time apart might be good.
Give her a chance to cool off. It definitely did that.
” He looks at me again, his top teeth raking over his bottom lip.
I lean in and kiss him.
I know I agreed to this, but right now, I don’t want to do it.
I draw in a breath. “I cut through the alley, hailed a taxi, got the driver to stop off so I could grab a couple of bottles of wine, then went to Jimmie and Len’s.”
Cam sits back.
I press my side into his, needing the contact and the comfort and reassurance he brings me.
“I needed my bestie and a couple of wines to sort my head out. I was falling for Cam—had probably fallen at that stage—but was too scared to admit it to anyone, least of all myself. Jim and Len’s wedding was coming up, so they’d scheduled time off for both them and the band.
I thought I could go there and vent, get her opinion… ”
I pause the moment my brain goes off on a different tangent, and I feel the need to get the words out while they’re front and centre of my mind.
“I know the film is mostly focused on Sean and me, as well as our relationship and the band, but there’s something else.
Another relationship that needs to be mentioned.
Before there was ever a Georgia and Sean, before there was Carnage, there was Georgia and Jimmie, and I can honestly say, hand on heart, I don’t know how I would’ve got through this life without her. ”
Whoops and cheers erupt from behind us.
“Love you, G,” Jimmie calls out.
“We’ve been inseparable since the age of three.
She’s the calm to my storm, my voice of reason.
She pulls me up on my shit and tells me to shut the fuck up when I’m being too much.
She knows when to stay silent and let me vent, when to let me cry, and when to offer up her always sound advice.
She’s been so much more than a friend, more to me, both of my husbands, and to my kids.
Later, Ash arrived exactly when I needed her most, and although the pair of them are as different as chalk and cheese, they’re exactly who and what I need from my best friends.
Our dynamic just works. I honestly don’t know how or why they’ve put up with my bullshit over the years, but I love them both dearly for it. ”