Chapter 18 Lexi
LEXI
By Sunday morning, I woke up to sunlight pouring through the blinds and the sound of Evie humming to herself in the next room.
For a moment, I just lay there, staring at the ceiling, letting the silence settle around me. Then the memories of Friday night started coming back just like they had every day since.
Dinner with Jonah and going to a hotel room with him. How he’d abruptly walked me out of that room, completely unlike the man I’d met before.
I reached for my phone, pretending I wasn’t checking it for a message that wasn’t there.
Nothing. Not even a had fun last Friday.
I sighed and sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
The events of dinner kept replaying in my mind, especially Cora’s sudden appearance and Jonah’s reaction to her.
That night, I’d glimpsed a version of Jonah I’d never seen before.
Underneath his cold, controlling exterior was a man who was vulnerable and hurting.
Evie poked her head in a second later, holding an old Disney’s Elsa toy by one arm and beaming. “Mama, you’re up!” she said, running over to me and flinging her arms around my neck.
I hugged her tight, feeling grateful for her love and affection. I loved Evie, and her love was never conditional. Children didn’t go hot and cold on you like men could.
“Mama, can we make pancakes?”
I smiled, even if my chest felt a little hollow. “Yeah, baby, let’s do it.”
As I got to work in the kitchen, I couldn’t push memories of Jonah from my mind.
Or the strange way Cora had affected him so much. Her biting comments about how his Dad didn’t think he could go through with the party. That had hurt Jonah going by his behavior later that night.
I exhaled. Why was I even thinking about him anymore? I had another evening with him, got the closure I’d thought I needed. So, why did it still feel like I’d left something wide open?
For the next few days, things were calm.
I went to work early. Evie was cheerful about the music and dance session in her new preschool, which hadn’t been in her previous one.
I took my work seriously, relishing the challenges I faced every day and ending the day feeling pleased with myself professionally.
Evenings were dinner with Evie, bath time negotiations, dishes, and bedtime stories I barely remembered reading.
Personally, I felt something was missing. Some spark, some excitement that had me looking forward to the next day with stars in my eyes.
Jonah still hadn’t texted me.
I more than felt aware of it. Under the chaos of my daily routine, I missed the anticipation of meeting him or sparring with him.
On Thursday night, I was folding laundry on the couch when my phone lit up.
I answered it without checking the caller’s name. “Hello?”
There was a beat of silence on the other end, like maybe the person had hung up.
“Hey,” came Jonah’s voice. “I know it’s late.”
I froze and turned, wide-eyed, looking at Evie, who was playing with her train set on the floor with Sasha. Nursery rhymes played from the Alexa in the background.
For a moment, I wanted to hang up, afraid Jonah could see into my living room and know way more about me than I wanted him to.
Then reality hit. It was just a phone call.
“H-hi,” I stammered. “Hi, Jonah.”
“Oh my God,” Sasha said, looking up when she realized who I was speaking to.
I pressed my finger to my lips.
That Jonah? Sasha mouthed. She knew exactly how disappointed I’d been about how that date had ended.
I nodded, covering the microphone with my hand.
My mind raced through the way I’d left things with him last time. Why was he calling me?
“I forgot to ask you this the other night. How’s your back been?” he asked.
I swallowed, my fingers reaching for the soft cotton of a little pink T-shirt I’d been folding.
“Much better,” I said. “Haven’t needed any … untherapeutic back massages since.”
“Interesting choice of words,” he said with a chuckle. “Has Jeff been offering his help again, Lexi?”
Perhaps my exchanges with Jonah were just about the thrill of excitement. It had shaken up my normal, making me believe that life was a series of highs and lows, all revolving around Jonah.
“Can you please put this doll on the train?” Evie’s childish voice rang through our living room just as I covered my microphone, hoping he hadn’t heard anything.
“Where are you, Lexi?” Jonah asked.
“I’m at home,” I answered, trying to walk over to the kitchen, where it was less noisy.
Evie chose this moment to tell Alexa to increase the volume. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse music rang through the house while Jonah asked me something.
“Can you please repeat that?” I asked, backing into the farthest corner of the kitchen to escape the music.
“Please don’t tell me you’re at a Disney amusement park.” His voice came through a little crackly.
I forced a laugh. “No, no,” I said. “I’m just … busy,” I lied.
He was silent for a bit, before he spoke. “I know you’re not happy with the way we ended things last Friday. Neither was I.”
I wasn’t unhappy with just the way Friday night had ended, but with Jonah’s silence every day since.
Jonah continued speaking. “I just… couldn’t be the guy you wanted me to be that night. My head was all over the place that night. Cora’s been cutting me out of my dad’s life, and it was making me feel like I had zero control.
“I was angry, and frustrated, and I knew that if we’d had sex, I’d be taking it out on you. I couldn’t do that to you, Lexi. You deserved better.”
Ah, this was the point where he was going to truly break things off. Tell me he’d never see me again.
Before I could respond, the music in the background stopped, and Evie walked over to me, her hands tugging at my clothes.
“Mommy, why do you look sad?” she asked in a soft voice.
My heart melted into a puddle at the sight of her concern, and excusing myself, I set my phone aside, kneeling down and scooping her into my arms.
“No, sweetheart, I’m not sad. I just got a little upset while talking to someone on the phone. It’s not about you; don’t worry,” I said, placing a kiss on her forehead.
She looked at me openly, her blue eyes attentive. “Is it Dad you’re sad about?”
“What?” I asked, stunned.
She hadn’t brought up her dad in ages. I hadn’t mentioned Dylan in even longer around her.
“No, of course not.” I hugged her more tightly as Sasha wandered into the kitchen to observe us.
We exchanged a look, and I turned back to Evie, tipping her chin up to look at me.
“Why? Are you angry with Dad?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Not angry, just sad,” she said, before switching to another topic with lightning speed. “Oh, that’s Olaf’s song!” she squealed as a song from Frozen 2 started to play next.
Sasha gestured to my phone, which I’d placed on the kitchen counter. I got up from the floor and reached for it. Jonah would’ve hung up by now.
Instead, the call was still on. I gingerly placed the phone to my ear. I didn’t care anymore about how much he’d heard. He could have heard everything for all I cared.
“You still there?” I asked in a jaded voice.
I was surprised and thrown off at knowing Evie still thought about her dad. It made me feel guilty …
“I’m still here, Lexi,” he said.
There was a noticeable pause while Sasha gave me a thumbs-up and went back to playing with Evie.
I inhaled. There was no point in pretending like this hadn’t happened.
“How much did you hear?” I asked.
“Who was that child?” He asked, his voice quieter.
I glanced around the room. “That, Mr. Walkers, is my child.”
The silence stretched.
“You have a child?” he asked, sounding stunned this time.
It was time for the truth, and I was glad to have it out. Now he’d understand. Now he wouldn’t lust after me anymore. This … whatever weird situation we were in … would never happen again.
“Yes.”
“Is that why you won’t date?”
“Yes.”
Another long pause. I prepared for him to hang up on me without another word or explanation. He was a jerk, that much was certain, even if he was a handsome, good-looking jerk.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded. “Were you afraid I’d back off if you did?”
I considered that. “In the beginning, yes. I didn’t think we’d run into each other again.
But now that we are running into each other more often, I did want to tell you.
In fact, I was going to tell you over dinner.
But—” I bit my tongue. I knew better than to bring up Cora’s sudden appearance into the conversation.
He was silent for a bit, and I was prepared for a hasty good-bye, and to perhaps never hear from him again.
“What’s your child’s name?” he asked, surprising me.
I hesitated, caught off guard by his unexpected question, before giving in. “Evie.”
“Well, is Evie’s dad in the picture?”
“It doesn’t matter, Jonah,” I said in a warning voice.
“It does matter,” he said, his voice a low rumble. “Because I’m not losing you again.”
“You’re impossible,” I said, my face heating with the sudden awareness that this man still wanted me. He knew I had a child, and he wasn’t running for the hills.
I was aware of my conflicting feelings. I was a mom who should have had her heart full with her daughter and her work, but was unfortunately still lusting after this man.
Lust, because there was no way a man like Jonah would have anything stable, sensible to offer me. He was wrong for me in more ways than I could count.
“Was it Evie’s father?” he persisted while I tried to hang up. “Who hurt you?”
I sucked in a breath. “I never said he hurt me.”
“Well, someone did. I’m asking you again, who hurt you? Who made you write off all men?”
My mind flashed back to Dylan. To the moments we had shared, laughing together, us as a happy family.
But then it went dark, to Dylan isolating me from my friends, separating me from everyone.
I swallowed. It had been the loneliest, hardest time of my life, where I felt like I could only depend on one man who had no time for me.
Tears pricked my eyes, and before I could sob, I pressed the button on my phone to hang up.
I ran my arm over my eyes, wiping away the traces of tears. I didn’t need Jonah asking me such questions. I didn’t need him making me relive the worst moments of my life.
I hated that guy for bringing those memories up. I hated him for thinking he knew me when, in reality, he lived in a cushy multimillion-dollar apartment with gold all around for all I knew, and would understand nothing about my life.
A few hours later, once Evie was in bed, a text message from Jonah lit up my screen.
I couldn’t help it. I read it.
JONAH
Tonight, I want you to do something that’s just for yourself. Not for Evie. Just for you. Take a warm bubble bath, light a few candles, and to help you relax, think of me.
He followed it up with a good-looking picture of himself. Taken at a beach recently, going by the looks of it. He was dressed in shorts, and was gazing off at the sunset. His face beautifully tanned and gorgeous, and he was shirtless, showing off those ripped muscles.
Ha.
The. Arrogant. Prick.
It had been ages since I’d done something just for me. Tonight, instead of diving into work after Evie fell asleep like I usually did, a bubble bath sounded like the perfect escape.
LEXI
You can’t tell me which handsome man to fantasize about.
JONAH
So, you agree I’m handsome then?
I held back my smile. He was still flirting with me. Even after I’d hung up on him.
LEXI
Oh, you should hear the other words I call you.
JONAH
I’ve settled in. Pray tell.
I could just picture him. For all I knew, he would have his hand in his pants while I was texting him.
LEXI
What do you mean by settled in?
JONAH
I’m on my couch at home. The lights are dim, and …
He was calling me. Again.
I answered it and continued speaking as though we’d been on the line the entire time. “Well, arrogant comes to mind, but I’m pretty sure you love that word.”
“I love anything you call me in that soft voice of yours right now,” he said. “Keep going,” he said, his voice rough, and I could imagine he was in a state of half undress.
“Are you touching yourself?” I whispered, locking myself in the bathroom. I remembered how big he was. How huge his shaft was on the one night we’d actually slept together.
“How close are you?” I asked as his breathing grew heavier.
“I’m picturing you,” he said, his voice coming out gruff, “naked. So, of course, I’m close.”
Oh God. I hadn’t forgotten how good he looked naked, either. His breaths were harsh and fast, and I knew I didn’t have much time left until he’d come.
“Well then, you’re a prick, an asshole, and a jerk, all rolled into one, Jonah Walkers,” I said clearly into the microphone before hanging up.
I sank back against the toilet seat, my heart pounding. I’d just called him a variety of names and hung up. Oh God. He’d better not fire me for this.
A minute later, another photo came through, only of his face and torso this time.
He was in his bathroom, naked of course, and he looked smug, his torso revealing a sculpted six-pack.
God, he was delicious. His muscles were defined, his skin sun-kissed, and there were a few stray grays that only made him more irresistible.
He sat with an easy confidence, none of the exaggerated posing younger men often fell into.
My hand drifted to my neck, fingers absently rubbing the back of it as I stared at the picture, wistful and far too aware of the warmth spreading through me.
And then I saw the caption.
JONAH
Remember this? Well, you’re not getting any, Ms. Sassy Pants.
Argh. I almost tossed my phone across the room.
Naked or not, he was bad for me.
I stared at the picture for one more lustful moment, biting my lip.
I should’ve called him a prick to his face.
Maybe next time, I thought as I drew myself a bath and lit a few candles.
Settling in, my fingers trailed down my body to my sensitive flesh at my core. I touched myself even though I had promised myself that I would most certainly not think of Jonah.
He was all I could think about.