Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
LIVIANNA/LILY
Then
Tiny Treasures & Terrible Timing
Now what?
Jax and I are at his vineyard, and surprisingly, he’s still asleep. Not me.
No, I’m sitting on the toilet lid with my knee bouncing up and down, trying to figure out a way out of this mess.
What the fuck were we thinking? We didn’t use condoms last night, and he knows I’m not on birth control. I was beyond buzzed, but shit, he knew better.
For a man who wants everything to go his way, he certainly is playing with something more than fire.
There’s a knock at the door. “Livianna, is everything okay?”
“Yes. Why?”
“You’ve been in there for a while. I thought I let you overindulge, and you’re in there getting sick.”
Rage ignites inside me.
I stand and swing the door open. “You thought you let me overindulge? I think you’re the one who overindulged, buddy.”
“Buddy?” His chin jerks back and he stares down at me. “What’s this about, Livianna?”
“You can’t possibly be playing stupid.” I poke him in the chest. “That’s not your nature.”
He steps back and places his hands on his hips. “Did you have a bad dream or something along those lines?”
“Jesus, Jax. Are you really going to play dumb?” I storm out of the en suite not quite sure who I’m more upset with.
I was reckless and he was just…
Fuck! He was just being a greedy man.
He comes up behind me. His hands hover over my shoulders, but disappear before he rests them on me. Smart of him. I could bite him right now, I'm so mad.
“Livianna, will you please sit on the bed and tell me why you’re about to kill the next person you see, namely me.” His voice has a silly ring to it, like this is somehow funny.
I spin around with heat burning my face. “Okay, that’s enough. You don’t get to mock me. If you would use your brain this morning instead of your…man parts, you’ll know exactly why I’m about to lose my shit.”
His gaze dials in on me, and then something clicks in his eyes. A second passes, and he laughs. Like he releases some deep belly laugh.
Oh, the nerve of this guy.
I want to slap him to get him to realize what’s going on, but for some reason I find myself giggling along with him. It’s just that I love when he’s relaxed and playful.
He takes me in his arms. “Hey, firecracker, if you think I’m so unaware that I don’t know your cycles, then you don’t know me very well.”
“What?” I wiggle free from him. “You track my periods? I don’t even do that.”
He sits on the edge of the bed and shrugs. His shoulders drop, and his smile fades. He looks like a toddler who just got a scolding.
I inch toward him until I’m standing right before him. “Why on earth would you do something like that?”
“Why wouldn’t I? We’re in a relationship, and that’s probably something I should take note of, considering…”
I growl, but it’s harmless. Of course, Jaxon Crowne would track my menstrual cycles. This is a man who’s in control of everything. I should’ve known.
He takes my hand in his. “Why does this bother you so much?”
The past slams into me. I can’t tell him about my miscarriage. Not now. It would ruin the amazing weekend we’re having. I bite my lip and glance away.
He stands, cups my chin in his palm, and finds my gaze. “What’s wrong?”
“Unprotected sex just feels…too intense.”
Yeah, that should hold him off from pushing me for more.
His eyes scan my face. “Are you sure that’s what this is about?”
I step away to escape his observant stare. “Not using condoms seems dangerous. I don’t want to get pregnant. Not when I’m rebranding and launching Lehlani Rose Designs.”
“Whoa, wait. I’m not trying to get you pregnant. That’s not what last night was about. I don’t have a breeding kink.”
I face him, taken aback for some unknown reason. “Then why take the chance?”
“You’re due to get your period any day now. I was just taking advantage of the situation.” He runs his hands over my shoulders. “I wanted to feel all of you. I wanted us to join together completely.”
“Oh.” I turn away, ignoring the warmth in his words, and fall back onto the bed. “Is that why I feel like murdering someone? I’m PMSing?”
“It’s a distinct possibility.” He slips up next to me. “I didn’t mean to overstep any of your boundaries. I just thought…”
“It’s fine, Jax. At least one of us is responsible.”
He moves and hovers over me, staring into my eyes. “Don’t talk about yourself like that.”
“I didn’t say anything bad.”
“No, but you subtly put yourself down, saying you were irresponsible.” He runs his fingers over my stomach. “You’re so driven and know what you want. You’re brave and—”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
He hesitates for a beat, like he wants me to know something more. Then, his mouth lowers to mine. We tear each other’s clothes off and go at it again like we’ve never had sex before.
This man is insatiable, and that’s exactly my kind of guy. His stamina almost outdoes mine. When we’re both panting and coming down from our orgasms, I lie in his arms while trying to catch my breath.
He traces soft circles with his thumb over the scars on my wrists. “What would you think if I suggested we get these covered with roses to honor your sister?”
His words kick the air out of my lungs. I gasp and sit up straight.
He follows. “Livianna, it was just a thought. Don’t let it get to you.”
I shake my head and try to calm down. “What the fuck is my problem today? I’m all over the place with my emotions. Why would you want to be with someone like me?”
“Stop.” He pulls me into his chest. “Quit beating yourself up. You’ve done nothing wrong. As a matter of fact, I don’t remember the last time I had this much fun.”
I peek up at him. “Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Hmmm. Maybe you need to get out more.” I smirk and push him over so I can lie on top of him. “Can I ask you a weird question?”
“Of course.”
“When did you start paying attention to my cycle?”
“The first time we were together, I noted the date and went from there.” He tucks my hair behind my ear. “Does that bother you?”
“No. I just haven’t thought about tracking since we were using condoms, so I was wondering why you would.”
He peers deep into my eyes. “Because I told you I’d always keep you safe, and I mean what I say.”
My stomach spins, and heat coils low in my abdomen. My feelings for him explode, and I can’t deny how much I care for him.
I hide my bubbling-up emotions by sliding to his side and rewinding the last few days in my head. I play with the patch of hair on his chest and sink into the beauty of our time together.
He let his guard down with me. Not only was he laughing and jovial with me all weekend, but he’s keeping me safe even when I don’t realize it. He treats me better than anyone I’ve ever dated, and that gets me a little weepy.
Here he is bending for me, and I go and let Callum kiss me. If the situation were reversed, I’d never trust Jax again. I suck in my tears and swallow my shame.
I secretly vow never to let anyone come between us again. From this moment on, Jaxon Crowne is my one and only, even if I can’t tell anyone else but him. Not even Callum is allowed into my thoughts anymore.
Jax nudges me to look at him. “What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”
I gaze up and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind and covers up what I was really thinking about…kind of. “What would you do if you saw another man kiss me?”
“I’d kill him.” He doesn’t flinch, blink, or tense. He just buries his stare into mine like I’d better take him seriously. “Why would you ask me that?”
“I… I don’t know. It just popped into my head.”
There’s a moment of heavy tension as he analyzes every inch of my face. He gently pushes me up and sits beside me.
Steel covers his eyes but they remain hooked to mine. “Livianna, I’ve seen firsthand what you do and what you like. I’m not judging you. If anything, it was sexy as hell. But make no mistake, when you’re with me, you’re only with me. I don’t share.”
“That’s not what I meant.” I shrink inside knowing Jax saw me having sex with two complete strangers for my selfish pleasure.
“Don’t be ashamed of anything you’ve done. Just know if we’re exclusive, then there will be no other partners with us or on our own. We’re together as a monogamous couple. If that’s not something you want—”
“I do want that. I mean, I only want you. You’re the only man I see myself with. You treat me better than anyone ever has. You treat me like I’m some valuable treasure. It’s more than I could ever dream of.”
“You are a valuable treasure. You’re mon trésor, Livianna. Always.”
“And you’re my king. Always and forever.”
If only that were truly the case.
Then
A Year And A Half Later
Silk Bonds & Leathered Promises
When tears don’t mean sadness.
The world looks different now, darker in some places, brighter in others, but Jax is still the one constant that steadies me.
The city shines through the glass. Paris blends violet with midnight, and I’m tangled in the silk sheets that still carry the scent of Jax.
He draws his fingers over my wrist, where the fresh rose tattoos that cover the scars he refuses to let define me are healing. “Do you know what happens in a scene?”
“What kind of scene?”
He rolls to his side, and his gaze holds mine. “BDSM. Not the clichés and not the porn, but the real kind.”
“I know what we’ve done, but I’m not sure that’s what you’re talking about, so give me some specifics.”
“A scene is about surrendering the weight you’ve carried too long. Pain becomes a conduit. The body floods with endorphins, and for a moment, every chain you’ve wrapped around yourself snaps open.”
The words ripple through me, unsettling and magnetic at once. “You’re telling me pain becomes freedom, and this has nothing to do with me proving myself to you?”
“Exactly. You like it hard, Livianna. We’ve explored some of this on a surface level, but I’d like to take it further. I’m asking you if we could experience more together.”