Chapter 24 #2
My stomach tightens. “But I’ve let you down before, and I’m scared I’ll do it again somehow without even trying.”
“There’s nothing to be afraid of. Trust me.” He leans in, his lips grazing mine. “I’d never let you go too far if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“It helps to know that.” I take a moment to picture an experience we’d have together, but I hit a wall. “Help me understand how this works because we already know I have trouble when I feel like I’m going to fail at pleasing you.”
“You could never fail with me.” His voice is low, threaded with command. “What you need to understand is pain and pleasure blur when the heart is ready. That total submission doesn’t weaken; it liberates. And sometimes it’s the only way to silence what won’t let you sleep.”
My curiosity kicks in. “I know you’ve done this before, so tell me about what you do without giving me too many details.”
He takes a second before he speaks. “I’ve whipped someone.
More than one. Not to hurt them, but to free them.
I struck until their bodies shook and the tears came.
Every blow was consensual. Every breath was a release.
And when it ended, they weren’t shattered because they felt lighter than they had in years. ”
Heat coils low in my abdomen, not just desire but the dangerous allure of understanding. “And you? Did it free you?”
His breath drags, his eyes darkening with the weight of memory. “It kept me alive. Knowing I’ve helped someone release their burdens gives me extreme satisfaction.”
“Oh.” The confession pierces something in me I didn’t know was still soft. I press closer against him with my pulse hammering. I’m torn between fear and fascination. “So you want to whip me?”
“Yes. I want to experience this with you.” His resolve becomes absolute. “We’ll begin slowly. Nothing reckless or forced. You’ll give me your trust, and I’ll give you back more than you think you can carry. But you’ll choose it. Not me.”
I’m not sure he’s ever going to open up fully with me unless I can give him this part of me. It takes me a few moments to decide, but I’ve been playing with the idea, and I want Jax and me to connect more than we already do.
“Okay, I think I’m up for trying this.” I sit, knowing I need to plan it now or I’ll change my mind. “Can we try something new tonight?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“It is, but you organize it.”
“Done.” He flashes me a wicked smile and pulls me back to his chest.
For the rest of the day into the evening, I’m almost giddy with anticipation even though a small part of me thinks I’ll run like I did the first time we tried Jaxon’s way.
I’ve been working on my new designs at my apartment to keep busy. There’s a knock on my door. I answer it after the person on the other side claims they have a delivery for me.
The gentleman hands me a large bouquet of red roses and a card. I laugh inside because the event is almost identical to the first time Jax did this, only the flowers were pink.
I shut the door and place the arrangement on the counter. I pull a black notecard out of the envelope with gold-typed writing.
Tonight you will be picked up and brought to Elite-Sinsations. Eat something light two hours before 7:30 and stay hydrated. Do not drink alcohol. My driver will be there at 7:00. See you soon, mon trésor.
I follow all his instructions and I’m taken to Elite-Sinsations right on time. As I’m coming out of the room where I took off my clothes, locked up my belongings, and put on a black silk robe that was left for me, Jax appears before me.
He’s wearing black bottoms and nothing more. “Are you ready to begin?”
“Jax, I’m more than—”
“Livianna, the scene starts now. Try again.”
God, his dominance makes me breathless. “Yes, sir.”
“Better. Did you follow all the instructions I gave you?”
“Yes, sir.”
“That’s my good girl.” He takes my hand and leads me through an area I’ve never seen before.
The hallway is dark, illuminated only by the same lighting as before. We come to an open room. There’s a red sex couch, a St. Andrew’s Cross, a spanking chair, a bed with red silk sheets, and a bondage swing. All are placed in different areas around the room.
“Livianna, this is our space for the evening. We can stay as long as you like. Just know your limits.” Jax dips his chin before gazing around at the toys.
My heart thunders in my chest as I take in all that I can. There’s a lot more here than at first glance. I hope I can do this and we get to try them all out.
I lick my lips and swallow. Jax won’t need to focus on foreplay because I’m more than ready.
“Livianna, I need you to use your words. Don’t push beyond what you can handle. This is your first time doing this, and you don’t need to impress me.”
“Sir, I want to impress you.” I place my hands on his chiseled biceps. “I like to make you happy.”
A smile quirks at his lips, and he kisses my forehead. “I’m more than impressed by you and beyond happy. Now let’s start over there. I’m going to restrain you first. This part is nothing new, so relax and enjoy the process.”
“Yes, sir.” I slide off my robe and saunter naked to the area he pointed out to me.
He works around me as he secures the leather cuffs and hooks them to an iron panel above me. The restraints around my wrists feel like a familiar embrace now, soft against my skin but unyielding in their purpose.
Jax moves behind me with practiced precision, his fingers trailing up my spine as he checks each binding above my head.
“How do you feel, mon trésor?” His voice has an undercurrent of care beneath the dominance.
“Safe,” I whisper, and I mean it.
After all these months of exploring this side of ourselves together in tiny pieces, this being the first time we’ve gone this extreme, that’s always my first response. Safe.
“Good.” His lips press against my shoulder blade. “And what do you need tonight?”
I close my eyes, letting myself sink into the headspace that’s become my sanctuary. “I need to let go. The launch stress, the constant decisions, and the demands of everything… I need it to be quiet.”
His hands settle on my hips.
“I know.” He traces circles with his thumb against my skin. “You’ve been carrying too much again.”
He’s right. The past few weeks building toward the Lehlani Rose Designs launch have left me wound tight, my mind racing with endless details and what-ifs. The success I’ve had has been everything I dreamed of, but the pressure has been suffocating.
“Tell me what you want,” he murmurs against my ear.
We’ve built up to this moment over months of careful exploration. Trust exercises. Boundaries tested and respected. But tonight is different, like we’re standing at the edge of something more profound.
I’m consenting to being whipped, and that’s something I never saw myself wanting. But Jax has communicated his needs and desires with me, and for that, I want to see if this is something I’ll enjoy.
“I want you to use the flogger, sir.”
He goes still behind me. “Are you certain?”
“Yes.” I turn my head slightly. “I trust you, my king. Completely.”
His hands slide up to cup my face, forcing me to meet his gaze. The intensity there makes my stomach flutter, equal parts nurturing and passionate.
“We’ve talked about this, Livianna. Once we cross this line…”
“I know.” I lean into his touch. “Sir, I’m ready. I need the release, and for you to be the one to give it to me. I’ve had such an urge to cut on my wrists, and need this more than you know.”
He studies my face for a long moment, weighing my words against his own protective instincts.
Finally, he nods. “Safewords?”
“Pause if I need to rest or have something adjusted, and final if I need to stop.”
“And if you can't speak?”
“Three taps.” I demonstrate with my toes against his shin.
He kisses me deeply before moving away. He crosses the room. The soft leather whispers through the air as he selects the implement. My heart pounds with anticipation and nervous energy.
“Breathe, Livianna.” His voice cuts through my spiraling thoughts. “Let everything else fall away. There’s only this moment. Only us.”
I close my eyes and focus on his words, on the trust we’ve built, on the way he’s held me through every breakdown and celebration this past year and a half.
The first strike is barely more than a caress against my backside, warming the skin. I gasp softly, my body already beginning to respond to the ritual.
“That’s it, mon trésor. Let your mind be quiet.”
The second hit has more force, and my endorphins begin to rise—that sweet chemical flood that washes away everything except sensation.
“How are you feeling, Livianna?”
“Good, like I’m about to float.” All the noise in my head, all the pressure and responsibility fade away with each careful impact.
He escalates the intensity, reading my responses, pushing me deeper into that space where nothing exists except this moment, this trust, and this release.
“I need more,” I whisper when the gentle rhythm isn’t enough to crack through the walls I’ve built around my pain.
“Are you certain?”
“Please, sir. I need you to break me.”
The next strike is sharp enough to pull a cry from my throat, and something cracks open inside me. All the emotions I’ve been holding back—the grief over Lehlani Rose, the pressure of success, and the fear that I’m not enough and unlovable—all come pouring out.
“That’s it.” Jax’s voice is rough with emotion. “Let it all go. I’ve got you.”
He continues until I’m weak and can barely stand. I sob as the endorphins crash over me in waves, my body trembling against the restraints.
But instead of being broken, I’m free. Cleansed. Like all the poison I've been carrying has finally been purged.
Jax is beside me immediately, releasing the restraints and gathering me into his arms. His hands are gentle as he checks the marks on me, pressing soft kisses to my shoulders.
“You did so well, Livianna. I’m so proud of you.”
I curl into him, still floating on the aftermath, lighter than I have been in months.
“Thank you.” I peek up at him. “I feel...empty in the best way.”
“That’s the point.” He strokes my hair and holds me close. “Sometimes we need to break a little to rebuild stronger.”
As he tends to me with cool cloths, salve, and gentle touches, I realize this is more than just physical release. This is healing. This is love, even if neither of us has been brave enough to name it yet.
“Jax?”
“Mmm?”
“I love who I am when I’m with you.”
His arms tighten around me. “You’re always perfect, Livianna. I just help you remember.”
And as much as I want to believe this can last forever, something deep inside me has me bracing for my downfall.
After all, I’m not known for being able to keep the man I love all to myself.