Chapter 31
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Trina
I knew Scott was going to end things between us. I could just tell. Something was off with him when we were in the storage room. He got all tense and agitated, and he couldn’t wait to get away from me.
My guess is he’s wanted to end this for days, maybe longer, but he didn’t want to tell me, knowing it would hurt me. So instead of just saying it, he got angry at me over that sketch. It made no sense at the time, but later I realized it was his way of telling me he wanted out. The fun was over and he was ready to move on.
He wanted to end it, so I ended it for him. I didn’t want to wait for him to do it. I didn’t want to hear him explain how this is about him not wanting a relationship and has nothing to do with me. None of that would make me feel better. So I went over there and told him it’s over so I wouldn’t have to hear it from him.
Now I’m sad, and angry at myself for ever getting involved with him. When Asher broke up with me, I told myself I was staying away from guys for at least a year, and within a week I’d broken that rule. From now on, I’m going to follow it. Even if the most amazing guy shows up and asks me out, I’m turning him down. This experience has convinced me I’m not ready to date again, and I’m definitely not someone who can be in a casual relationship. I can’t help but get my heart involved.
What really hurts is that Scott didn’t try to fight for me. When I told him it was over, he agreed it’s what we should do. I shouldn’t be surprised by that since I knew he wanted to end it, but I was hoping he’d want to talk about it more. I thought he’d at least tell me he still wanted us to be friends. But it’s probably better if we’re not. It would be too hard to be around him when I still have feelings for him.
My phone rings and I see Callie’s name on the screen. I texted her earlier and asked her to call me when she could.
“Hey, Callie,” I answer.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, able to tell from my tone that something happened.
“I ended it with Scott.”
I tell her about Scott’s odd behavior in the storage room, and how I took it as a sign things were over between us.
“I’m really sorry,” Callie says. “I know how much you liked him.”
“Yeah, but it was never going to be anything more than it was. I knew that, and yet I let myself have feelings for him.”
“You can’t be angry at yourself for that. It’s normal to have feelings for a guy when you spend all your time with him.”
“Scott didn’t have a problem keeping his feelings out of it. But he’s used to casual relationships. I’m not. Why did I have to get involved with him?”
“Because you liked him and had a good time with him. He was a good distraction when you were getting over Asher.”
“Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t have told Asher it was over. Maybe I should’ve given him time like he asked me to, so he could figure things out. Maybe if I’d just waited longer, he would’ve been able to commit to me.”
“He had plenty of time to commit to you. If he couldn’t figure out he wanted to be with you after four years, it was never going to happen.”
“It wasn’t about me, though. It was about his career. That’s why he didn’t want to set a date for the wedding. He wanted to feel like everything was good in his career before we got married.”
“Okay, but what if that never happened? Or what if he kept using that as an excuse? Would you really want to keep waiting for him to decide if he was ready to marry you?”
“Callie, you don’t understand. You’re married with a baby. I’m single and starting over. What if it never happens for me? What if Asher was the guy and I gave him up?”
“I don’t think Asher was the guy. Just look how quickly you fell for Scott. If you were really that in love with Asher, you wouldn’t have even been interested in Scott.”
“Or I just wanted a distraction from Asher so I went out with Scott.”
“I think it was more than that. At first, it was a distraction, but then you started to have feelings for Scott. I don’t think that would’ve happened if you really loved Asher. I’m not saying you didn’t love him, but I’m not sure you loved him enough to marry him.”
“I think Asher and I grew apart once we got out of college and started our careers. We didn’t have as much time for each other. We didn’t go out as much. I still loved him, but you’re right, I didn’t love him the way I did when we first started dating.”
“Were you happy with him?”
“Most of the time. Why? Did it seem like I wasn’t?”
“Honestly, you seemed happier with Scott than you did with Asher.”
“Because everything was new with Scott. You’re always happiest at the start of a relationship when everything’s new and exciting.”
“I don’t think that’s true. I’m happier with Nash now than when we first started dating. And life is harder for us now than it was back then. Nash has been working a lot and we’re trying to figure out how to be parents, but I’m still happier now than when we were dating.”
“Then maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m happiest when a relationship is new. I don’t know. I’m really confused right now. And really sad. I’m going to miss doing stuff with Scott. Seeing him every day.”
“You’re not going to talk to him anymore?”
“I’ll say hi if I see him in the hall, but that’s it. I’m not going to go to his apartment anymore. And I’m done with the storage room so I won’t be working with him.”
“I thought he had another storage room.”
“He does, but he’s going to work on it himself. He said he doesn’t need my help. That was another clue that he was ending things with me. He didn’t want us working together anymore.”
“I’m sorry this happened. You two seemed really good together.”
“You never even met him. How would you know if we’re good together?”
“That’s the feeling I got when you talked about him. He seemed like a better fit for you than Asher.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter because it’s over with Scott. He’s back to just being my neighbor.” I hear Addie in the background. “Do you need to go?”
“Yeah, sorry. Nash isn’t home and Addie’s crying. You want me to call you later?”
“No, I need to get to bed. I’m really tired.”
“You know you can call me anytime.”
“I know,” I say as Addie’s crying gets louder. “Go take care of Addie.”
“Okay, bye!”
A few years ago, I never would’ve guessed Callie would be a mom. I didn’t even think she’d get married. I thought our roles would be reversed and she’d be the single one and I’d be married with a baby. I’m happy Callie has a family now, but I’m also a little jealous. I feel like I’ll never have that.
The next morning, I get up and almost go next door to have breakfast with Scott. That was our routine. I’d spend my morning with him and part of the afternoon until I had to leave for my job at the grocery store. Now I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel lost and alone, like I did when I first moved here.
I need to get outside. There’s people outside, and if I’m around them, maybe I won’t feel so lonely. As I’m leaving my apartment, I see Scott in the hall, unlocking his door. He’s in his workout clothes, probably getting back from the gym.
“Hey,” he says with that irresistible smile. It still gets to me, making my pulse speed up.
“Hey,” I mutter, hurrying past him.
“Trina, wait up.” He catches up to me as I reach the door. “I hope what happened between us doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”
“Yeah, I don’t think I can do that.”
“I’m really sorry,” he says with a sigh. “I didn’t want it to come to this.”
I shrug and force out a smile. “It’s okay. We both knew it wouldn’t last.”
“If you need anything, you know you can still come to me, right?”
“Well, you’re my landlord, so yeah,” I say with a laugh.
“I’m not talking about your apartment,” he says in a serious tone.
“Thanks, but I’m good.” I straighten my shoulders. “I don’t need your help. Have a nice day!”
I hurry out of the building, my eyes tearing up as I go down the street. Seeing Scott for just that brief moment has my emotions all over the place. I’m angry at him, but also still have feelings for him.
I wish things could go back to how they were before Scott and I got involved. I’d even go back to when I thought he was a jerk. At least then I could show up at his door, talk to him, or yell at him for having his music too loud. Now I feel like I can’t even be around him. Because when I am, it reminds me of what we had, and that I’ll never have that with him again.