Maggie - It’s called fashion, look it up.
This is just a one-time deal , he said last night.
But I wanted it all the time. I wanted to stay just like this, with his leg tangled between mine, with his tattooed arm lazily draped over my waist and his large hand cradling my stomach, keeping me close.
Tears pricked my eyes as I traced the thin lines on his arm, because I couldn’t have this for real. This was all a tease.
I wanted to share my bed with him every single night. I wanted to know that at the end of every day, we’d cuddle like this together.
We both wanted it. I could tell. He wanted to hold me, and I wanted to be held. But he wasn’t letting himself. And I couldn’t even be mad at him about it because it all came down to the fact that he was scared . His fear was causing him to self-isolate.
If only I could make him see that being in a relationship wouldn't ruin everything, that the burdens and fears he was carrying, he didn’t need to carry them alone.
But I knew he’d have his barriers back up again the moment he opened his eyes.
Breathing in a sigh, I snuggled back into his warmth, trying to commit everything about his touch to memory.
When I woke up a couple hours later, he was gone, but my bed still smelled like him, and the thought of that made tears prick my eyes. Hugging myself, I suddenly felt more lonely than I ever had. Because he was right down the hall, but he might as well have been a million miles away.
I stayed under the covers, but fully awake, for almost a full hour, trying to gather myself before I stepped out in the hall.
I couldn’t show him weakness, not after everything he confessed to me last night.
He needed someone strong. He needed to know that I wouldn’t crumble, that I wouldn’t let him shake me.
But a wimpy, sad voice in the back of my head cried that I also didn’t want to sleep alone anymore.
And that’s how my bright idea formed…
If I couldn’t have him, then I’d get my own company– even if I had to pay for it.
And he could eat his heart out while he slept by himself across the hall.
__________
“Put it back,” he demanded, giving me that stern look of his.
“No,” I laughed in his face. “She likes me.” I cuddled the curly-haired, caramel-colored puppy in my arms, and she stretched up to lick my chin, tickling me in the process. “She’s so cute and fluffy and she wants me.” Unlike someone here.
“Maggie,” he warned in that deep voice of his.
“Benny,” I warned right back, keeping my eyes on the overjoyed puppy. “Oh, who’s a good girl,” I said in a puppy-talking voice. I scratched under her teeny chin. “That’s right, baby, you are.”
He blew out a frustrated breath. “You cannot get a dog.”
“You cannot tell me what to do,” I pleasantly countered.
He groaned in frustration. When he looked back at me, his jaw ticked as he reached for the puppy. “Put it back. You can barely take care of yourself.”
I gasped and sidestepped his reach. “Take that back.” I looked him up and down. “I can too.”
He stared back at me like I lost my mind. “You can’t even remember to give yourself water, now you’re gonna be responsible for someone else’s water intake?
“Yes,” I giggled as the puppy let out a little yelp at Ben. “That’s right, you tell him, Gigi.”
He blanched. “Gigi? You named it?” He dragged a hand down his face. “No, Maggie.” He shook his head. “This is a terrible idea.”
“No, this is a terrific idea.” I pet Gigi’s fluffy coat. “Probably one of the best I’ve ever had.”
“If you’re gonna get a dog, at least get one for protection.”
“She is for protection.” I snuggled her. “She’s protecting my heart!”
Ben dragged a hand down his face, looking like an exasperated dad. “For the love of God…” His wary eyes went to Gigi. “She’s an oversized rat, Maggie. There’s German shepherd mixes all right over there.” He pointed to the other side of the kennel.
I pursed my lips at him. “Are you saying she’s inferior just because she’s small in stature?”
“What? No, she’s inferior because she’s–”
“Careful what you say about my dog, Benjamin Capretti!” I shouted.
His eyes bulged. “It’s not yours! I don’t even know what I’m saying. You can’t have a big dog either. You’re not getting any dog at all.” He reached for Gigi again to physically pry her from my arms, but I turned on my heel and ran away to the front office of the shelter.
Behind us, I heard him muttering a string of curse words to himself.
After filling out all the proper paperwork, Gigi slumbered in my arms as I gingerly sat in the shotgun seat of the Escalade.
“I can’t believe you–”
“Shh!” I cut him off with a glare. “You’re going to wake Gigi. She’s had a stressful day. Now, take us to the pet store, please.”
He just shook his head before putting the car in reverse and twisting to look out the back window. “What the fuck kind of name is Gigi?” he grumbled.
“It’s a nickname for her full name,” I informed him, giving Gigi soft pets in my lap.
His jaw clenched, like he absolutely hated that he was even indulging me with these questions, and I struggled not to laugh.
“What’s the full name?” he demanded.
“I’m glad you asked,” I said with a bright smile. “Givenchy,” I said in a French accent.
His gaze snapped to mine. “What the actual fuck?”
I giggled. “Say it!”
“No.”
“Say Givenchy!” I teased. Gigi let out a teeny baby bark in my lap. “Aww! She already knows her name! And she loves it, don’t you, Gigi?” I snuggled the puppy.
“The fuck kind of name is that?”
“The cute kind,” I answered firmly.
“What does it mean?”
“It’s called fashion, look it up,” I said with an eye roll.
“Whatever. You better not think that I’m gonna help you watch it,” Ben grumbled.
“I didn’t ask you to,” I snapped back. “She is my companion. And she’s gonna share my bed with me and cuddle with me every single night,” I said pointedly. “Isn’t that right, Gigi?”
His jaw tightened, and so did his hand on the wheel.
I almost cackled aloud.