Chapter 5 Elior
Elior
It felt like time was different in here. Sometimes I thought it had been a few days. Sometimes it felt like months. I stopped trying to count after I realized I kept getting it wrong.
I was still here.
That much I knew.
The plastic tray sat in front of me, untouched. Steam curled weakly from the food, carrying a smell that should’ve made me hungry. Instead, it made my stomach twist, tight and hollow at the same time.
Jace said gently, “Can you try a few bites for me, cherub?”
I didn’t look at him. My gaze stayed fixed on the pale rectangle of nauseating mashed potatoes and the little plastic cup of something yellowish I didn’t recognize. My hands rested in my lap, fingers limp, like they didn’t belong to me anymore.
“I’m not hungry,” I murmured. I’d said that a lot lately.
I felt the mattress dip as he sat beside me.
Not too close—not like he wanted to—but close enough that I could feel the warmth of him through my blanket.
His presence still did something to me, still tugged at something deep in my chest, but even that felt dulled now, like my emotions were wrapped in thick cotton.
“Please, baby. They told me you haven’t eaten all day,” he said quietly. He kept his voice calm, but I could hear the strain under it, the way he was trying not to let it crack. “Just a few bites. You don’t have to finish it.”
I shrugged faintly. The movement felt like it took too much effort. “It doesn’t matter.”
His hand hovered for a second, like he wanted to touch me, then pulled back. I watched that out of the corner of my eye.
“It does matter,” he said. “You matter.”
I didn’t answer.
The words slid over me, like everything else people said these days—they all talked, and I nodded when they expected me to, and sometimes I even answered, but none of it felt real. It felt like they were speaking to someone who looked like me, someone who used to care whether he lived or didn’t.
Jace sighed softly. I finally glanced at him then.
He looked so tired. More than tired—worn down around the edges. Seeing that should’ve hurt more than it did. Somewhere inside me, I knew that. I just… couldn’t reach it.
He picked up the fork and nudged the tray a little closer to me. “One bite,” he tried again. “For me.”
I stared at the fork for a long moment. Then I shook my head, barely perceptible.
“I don’t feel good,” I whispered. It wasn’t a lie.
Jace’s breath left him slowly through his nose. He set the fork down carefully, like he was afraid any sudden movement might scare me off entirely.
“Okay,” he said after a moment. “We’ll take a break from trying for now.”
Guilt flickered weakly through me at that, thin and distant. I hated that I was worrying him. I hated that even that hatred felt muted.
Jace took out his phone, typed something, then set it down on the bedside table.
He shifted on the bed, turning his body a little so he could see my face better. “You had your meeting with Elena this morning, right? How did that go?”
Elena, the woman who had tried to talk to me the first time I woke up in this place, was what they called a victims’ advocate, although I still didn’t get why she was coming to see me. I felt like she needed to be helping real victims. Not me.
“It was okay. She was… nice,” I said. My voice sounded far away, even to me.
Jace’s mouth twitched, not quite a smile. “That’s good. What did you talk about?”
I picked at a loose thread on the blanket. “She asked how I was sleeping. And if I feel safe here.” My fingers stilled. “She asked if anyone ever made me do things I didn’t want to do.”
His shoulders went rigid instantly, but he kept his voice steady. “And what did you say?”
“That I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I told her sometimes I didn’t know what I wanted. And sometimes I thought I did, but I was wrong.” I hesitated, then added quietly, “She said that didn’t make me bad. And that it was okay I felt like that. Then she gave me stuff.”
Jace closed his eyes for a brief second, and when he opened them, they were brighter. “More stuff, huh? What’d you get this time?” He smiled at me.
“Um…” I hesitated, trying to remember. “It was more underwear, socks, and shower stuff.”
“Did she give you more things to read?” he asked.
I nodded. Elena had given me pamphlets again—words like consent and autonomy printed in friendly fonts. I’d tucked them into the drawer without reading them. They made my head hurt.
Jace looked like he’d expected that answer. “You don’t have to read them,” he said. “Not until you’re ready. Or ever, if they don’t help.”
I shrugged again, small and tired. “Okay.”
Silence settled between us—the kind that pressed down on my chest and made breathing feel like work. I stared at the tray again, at the food slowly cooling, and tried to remember the last time I’d actually wanted to eat.
Jace sighed, then picked up his phone again. “I got some more things for the house today. Want to see?” He looked at me with tentative hope.
I nodded weakly. He’d gotten us a home. He’d said that both of us would need to stay close to here for a while, “for the case.” He wanted to take me to New York, where he really lived, but he wasn’t sure when he’d be able to.
I liked that he lit up whenever he talked about the house. I think it gave him something to focus on.
For me, though, it seemed like a fantasy. I had lost hope that I’d ever be free from this place.
Still, I liked seeing the pictures.
Jace leaned in closer to me, bringing his phone between us so we could both look at the screen. It was currently showing us a picture of a few small plants lined up on a windowsill.
“Do you like them? I thought you might like taking care of them, seeing them grow. The one on the end there flowers, so that’ll be fun.”
“They’re pretty,” I answered, getting a soft smile from Jace in return.
“Just like you, cherub,” he said. With his free hand, he traced my jaw with his fingers. I soaked in the little flutters of warmth while I could, since he couldn’t touch me for long. What he’d just done was pushing it.
His touch quickly disappeared, and I almost sighed at the loss.
Refocusing on his phone, he swiped to the next photo, asking if I liked the color of the towels he’d chosen.
Before I could answer, there was a soft knock at the door.
Jace glanced up. “Yeah?”
The door opened, and Patel stepped in. He wore a button-down with the sleeves rolled up. He carried bags in one hand and a cardboard drink holder in the other.
“Delivery,” he said, walking further into the room. “Hi, Elior.”
I nodded at him, unsure what to do with the flutter of something in my chest. “Hi.”
Patel had been here a lot. Almost every day. Usually, longer than Jace was allowed to stay. I didn’t know how I felt about that, only that it was complicated and tangled and made my stomach ache in a different way.
He’d told me to call him Aarev, but the one time I’d said that in front of Jace, he’d gotten upset. I think he’d been trying not to let it show, but it still had. He’d been trying harder ever since that night he’d gotten on his knees and begged for another chance.
Jace stood to take the drinks from him. “Thanks,” he said, less edge in his voice than there used to be when they spoke.
Patel shrugged. “I was already on my way here, so it wasn’t a big deal to make a quick stop.”
“Still, thank you.” Jace set the drink holder down on the small table.
Patel nodded at him, then pointed at one of the cups. “Strawberry banana smoothie,” he said, before moving on to the others. “This one’s a vanilla bean frappe, that’s a—shit, let me think—oh yeah, it’s mango and papaya, with some protein powder mixed in. Then this one’s just a black coffee.”
My eyes drifted back to the first cup without me meaning them to. The light pink color stood out sharply against all the white and beige of the room.
“And,” Patel added, setting down a paper bag, “a couple of brownies and those sugar cookies with the frosting that’s probably ninety percent butter. Not the healthiest, but I thought maybe you’d like them.”
Jace arched an eyebrow. “I asked for a smoothie and coffee. You’re trying to bribe him into liking you with all this extra shit, aren’t you?”
“Absolutely,” Patel said easily, winking at me with a grin.
Something tugged at my mouth then—not quite a smile, but close enough that it startled me.
Jace noticed, and a glimmer of hope appeared in his eyes.
“Does any of that sound good, baby?” he asked, his voice soft.
I bit my lip for a moment, then murmured, “The pink one, please.”
He smiled, then carefully picked up the smoothie and held it out to me. “You want to try a sip?”
My hands felt slow, disconnected, but I reached out and took it. The cup was cold against my fingers.
I brought the straw to my mouth and took a tentative pull.
The taste hit my tongue—achingly sweet. I liked it.
I swallowed and took another sip before I could stop myself.
Jace let out a breath he’d clearly been holding. “That’s it,” he sighed. “Good job. Such a good boy.”
Patel watched from the wall, arms crossed loosely, relief flickering across his face. “Oh,” he said suddenly, like something had just occurred to him. “Hang on. There’s one more thing.” He held up the second bag. “Stopped by the grocery store too.”
He reached into the bag and pulled out a clear plastic carton.
Strawberries.
Bright red, fresh, and real.
I stared at them.
Patel handed the carton to Jace, who had an appreciative look on his face.
He opened the carton, then picked up one of the juicy-looking berries, holding it out to me. “Here, cherub. Want to try one?”
I leaned forward a bit and opened my mouth, biting into the fruit.
My eyes fluttered shut, and I made a small noise of contentment as the taste hit my tongue. Oh, it was so good.
After I swallowed it down, the tip of my tongue flicked out to catch the juices dripping down Jace’s fingers.
A sharp intake of air had my eyes opening.
Jace had frozen.