Camden
“What’s this?” I look over at Kingston, who’s standing by the desk in my room as he holds up the application I was working on.
“College app. You still haven’t started to apply?”
His scowl only deepens, and I know this is a touchy subject for him. “Hell no.” He puts it back down on my desk carefully, like it’s about to detonate, and then flops down on my bed next to me. “You really are?”
“Yeah.” I don’t want to sugarcoat it for him anymore. I want out of this town. I want out so badly, I can taste it.
“What will you do with a college education?” He lies on his side, his head propped up on his hand.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “Something. Anything. Everything.” All the possibilities run through my mind, and I think I’m smiling.
But he’s frowning. “What about Kensley?”
“It’ll still be here.” Although I can’t see myself ever really wanting to come back. Maybe my mom and Lucy can come visit me wherever I end up. And I’m hoping Kingston will want to go with me. Get the hell out of this soul-sucking town.
“What about me?” he asks, his voice so damn sad it nearly crushes my heart, and I settle down on the bed to face him, mirroring his position.
“You can come too.”
He crinkles his nose, looking horrified at the thought. “Leave Kensley?”
“Yeah.” I nod, holding my breath while I wait for his answer. Even though I know it already.
“I’m not leaving. I love it here. I thought you did too.” His tone is accusing, like I’ve somehow lied to him.
I wince. I don’t know where he got that idea from. I swear I’ve been complaining about this town since we were in preschool. “Things change.”
He sits up, anger streaking through his eyes and maybe a little hurt. I also sit up to face him. “Things change? You don’t say? Every fucking thing is changing. Every. Thing.”
“Change isn’t a bad thing,” I try, but he’s not hearing it.
He leaps up from the bed with panic in his eyes. “Yes. It is. You’re changing. You’re leaving. Kennedy wants me to be some respectable businessman or something. I don’t know what she wants, but it isn’t me.”
I snort at that as I climb off my bed, hoping we can joke about this and be done. “Right. You in a suit. Nobody wants that. Not even Kenn.”
His eyes only darken. “That’s what you want too though, right? Me to go to college and be someone I’m not.”
“No.” I shake my head, walking closer to him, but he backs away from me, and it stings, splintering my heart as I notice just how mad he is.
“Right. You’re going to college. You’re going to live this fancy life and never come back. I’ll just be that guy you were friends with once. The guy you played football with.”
“Kingston . . .” I keep my voice calm but stay in the same spot. “You’ll always be my best friend, but I can’t stay here if I get the opportunity to get out.”
“I don’t get you. I don’t get wanting to leave everything behind. It doesn’t make any sense. Here, you’re a king.”
“I’m not.” I shake my head, my stomach aching. Because he thinks I am. Maybe the entire school does too. But I’m not. If they knew who I really was—the real me—there’s no way I’d be their king. I’d be exiled.
And I just want out of here before that happens or I die of the crippling stranglehold this town has on me. “You are!” he shouts, and I wince again.
“I don’t want to be the goddamn king.” My shoulders droop as he studies me closely. “I don’t want to be here. I want to graduate and get out. I want to do whatever the hell I want to. Freely.”
I want to tell him the truth.
But I can’t.
The way he’s looking at me now—like I’m a total stranger to him—is exactly what I fear if he knows the whole truth. I can’t handle it.
“You can do that here. You don’t need to run.”
“I do.” I point to my chest. “I really do. I’m drowning here. And you don’t see it because you don’t want to.” I barely choke out the words I know are the truth. He sees what he wants to see and always has.
“What the fuck does that mean?” He looks completely confused, and again, guilt washes over me about keeping this secret from him.
“It means I need out of here. Kensley is crushing me.”
I want more than anything for him to understand, but he only looks even more hurt and confused. “I am Kensley. This is all I’ve ever known. All I ever really want to know. If you escape Kensley, you’re escaping me. Don’t you get that?”
I try not to allow the sob trapped in my throat to escape—it burns like acid. Because I do get that. “You’re more than this town, and so am I.”
“No, Cam.” He walks to my bedroom door, pulling it open and looking at me over his shoulder. “I’m not. And I don’t want to be. You just don’t get that, do you?”
He doesn’t wait for me to respond—and I probably couldn’t have come up with anything anyway—before he leaves, slamming the door behind him. I flop down on my bed, my heart and stomach aching like hell.
I can leave here. I can make it happen. That I’m sure of.
But if I do, I’ll lose my best friend.
Of that, I’m also sure.