Chapter Kingston
Kingston
Ifeel like shit. I can’t believe I let us get caught. I just lose control around him, always wanting to touch him and be close to him. It was reckless. And now, I’ve put him in danger.
I’m so pissed off at myself and at Kennedy.
Before I leave, I catch her in the parking lot. She looks furious, her eyes narrowing on me as I approach. But I couldn’t give a fuck about her feelings. “We need to talk.”
“No, we don’t.” Her eyes dart around the parking lot, like she’s afraid anyone will see us together. “You disgust me,” she says quietly.
“Whatever. I just need to know you won’t say anything about Camden. Spread as many rumors around the school about me as you want, but keep him out of it.”
She glares at me. “Were you fucking him when we were together? Do I need to get tested?”
“You should get tested after a breakup, no matter what.” God knows I did. “But no. I never cheated on you.”
“I wouldn’t even care if it was with a girl . . . but Jesus.” Anger flares in my chest at her disgusting bigotry. I can’t believe I ever dated her, that her lips were on mine. Fuck, I feel tainted.
“Just don’t say a word about Camden. Do you hear me? Not. One. Word.” I was so reckless, and I let us get caught. I can’t let him get hurt. I can’t let his secret come out when he doesn’t want it to. Especially when he’s so close to getting out of here.
“I don’t want anyone to know about it, either. Trust me.” She says this with disgust, but I can also tell she’s serious, probably afraid of the scandal.
Fuck, maybe Camden is right about this town.
Shit, Camden. I need to go to him and talk about this. I’ve been so worried about him and feeling so damn guilty, I could barely function yesterday. I fell asleep in my clothes and slept through my alarm because I was so upset.
I never do that shit. I love waking up and coming to school. But I was terrified Kennedy would run her mouth, and I’d come to school and see Camden crumbling. I can’t stand the thought of him hurting.
I drive to his house and knock on the front door. Lucy answers, jumping into my arms, and I laugh because she’s so damn cute. “Where’s your brother?”
“Right here,” his deep voice answers as he walks into the living room. I close the door behind me, walking further into the house, but his eyes are dark. He looks upset, and my gut tightens, knowing I’m the reason.
“Can we talk for a minute?” I ask hopefully, knowing we probably shouldn’t talk about this around Lucy.
He nods once, turning to Lucy. “Can you go play in your room for a bit?”
She looks like she wants to argue but then shrugs. “Okay.” She runs down the hall toward her room, and I walk to Camden, taking his hand in mine, but he pulls it away.
Shit, he’s mad at me.
“Cam, I’m so damn sorry.”
“Look, it’s fine.” He keeps his voice low with his eyes on the hallway, probably making sure Lucy is in her room, and then back at me. “You aren’t gay. I understand why you’d be worried about them thinking you are.”
“What?” I’m confused. “I’m not worried about that.”
“It’s fine. Really. I get it. High school is brutal.”
“Yeah. It is.” I grab his hand and pull him toward the couch, then sit and pull him down to sit next to me, despite his grumpy ass apparently not wanting to. He does it anyway. “That’s why I was so worried. I don’t want your secret to come out without your permission.”
“You didn’t want to sleep over.”
“I thought that would only fuel her bullshit rumors. I was trying to keep the space between us in case we had to deny anything.”
“Right.”
He’s still pissed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you out in the open like that. I shouldn’t have risked exposing your secret, and I feel like shit.”
His eyes search mine carefully, his head cocked to the side. “Well, I feel like shit, like I’ve put you in danger of being a target.”
“Me?” I question. “I don’t give a fuck what they say about me. But you have the right to come out when, and if, you want to. Not to be outed by my hateful ex.”
His shoulders seem to sag slightly. “You were worried about me.” It’s almost like he’s saying this to himself.
“Yeah. Of course. What else would I be worried about?” I know I’m missing something.
He shakes his head, his hand dragging over his face. “I thought you were worried they’d think you’re gay.”
My brows pull together in confusion. “Why would I worry about that? It’s not shameful, Camden.” I brush my hand over his cheek and smile when he subtly leans into it. “Not at all. I just didn’t want you to have to deal with any of that.”
I watch him swallow and look into his watery eyes. “I’m sorry. I should have known better. I just . . . You didn’t want to stay the night. And then, I didn’t hear from you on Sunday.”
“I thought maybe you needed some space. I’ll always do what I can to protect you, Camden.”
He smiles at that and nods, taking my hand in his. And it feels right again, like we can get through this together. We can get through anything together.
I start to lean in to kiss him, offer some form of comfort to us both, but his hand lands on my chest and keeps the distance between us. “We need to stop.”
“Stop?”
He nods, biting on his bottom lip but looking determined.
“This was great. It was the most amazing gift you could’ve ever given me.
But Kingston . . .” He sighs softly, and I don’t think he actually wants to say what he’s about to say.
“We have to stop. You have your confidence, and I have my experience, but it’s becoming too dangerous. ”
“I don’t give a fuck what anyone says.” And I really don’t. Unless it’s about Camden, and then I want to punch anyone who says anything negative about him.
“I know you think that. But I saw the fear in your eyes that night.”
“I was afraid for you,” I say because that’s all I could think about.
He nods but looks like he doesn’t completely believe me. “Still. We need to stop. It was always supposed to end anyway. Right?”
His eyes meet mine, pleading with me, but I don’t want to let this part go. Not yet. “I . . .”
“We have to.” He’s set on this. I can see it. When he decides something, that’s it. It’s always been that way with him.
“Okay,” I agree reluctantly. “But we can still hang out, right?”
He smiles at that and pushes my shoulder. “Of course. It just goes back to normal. The way it was before. That way, if Kennedy says anything, there’s no proof. We can’t get busted or risk it.”
I take his hand in mine again, meeting his eyes because I know he grew up feeling so different and probably wrong for the feelings he had.
But I don’t want him to believe that. “We didn’t do anything wrong.
I know you don’t want anyone to know, and you just want to leave.
That’s your right. But know I’ll have your back if you ever want to just be who you are. You deserve to be you.”
“It’s too much.” He shakes his head, tears filling his eyes. “Too much of a risk. You heard Kennedy’s reaction. You saw the disgust on her face.”
I know he fears that and that the rest of the town will be just like her. “She’s the gross one. Not you. Not me.” I need him to know this.
“But she’s the majority.”
I shake my head at him because I can’t believe that. “No, I don’t think she is. LeAnn has your back. And I’ll never let anyone say anything.”
He smiles and squeezes my hand. “You’re good.”
“So are you.” He’s the best person I’ve ever met.
“I just want out of here,” he says, and it cracks my heart in two because I know. I know he does.
And I know I have to let him go.