Chapter Camden
Camden
Baseball practice starts today, and while I’m excited, it’s bittersweet.
I accepted the scholarship to KU. My mom is excited, but I’m worried about her.
She’s never had to manage completely on her own before.
I was always there to help out with Lucy and with money.
She could rely on me, but now, I don’t know how she’ll survive without me here.
She tells me she’ll be fine. I’m not so sure. She shouldn’t have to do it all on her own. No one should.
Kingston fastens his baseball pants, and I try like hell not to stare at his ass as he turns away from me to talk shit with Oakley.
God, his ass is incredible. Firm and protruding from squats and hours of sports practice.
I try to pull my eyes from his ass and tug on my own shirt, trying to get ready for practice and not ogle my best friend.
Ogling is bad. I ended that part of our relationship because I needed to.
It’s been hell these past two weeks, not touching him. Not kissing those totally kissable lips. Not dropping to my knees and taking him in my mouth just to hear those delicious moans I didn’t savor enough while I had them. Not having him inside me.
Goddammit. I pull on my baseball cap and try not to feel bitter.
It was the right call. I know that. Even though he was more worried about me, and that’s why he was so crippled with fear that night—which, when I really thought about it, made the most sense for him—it was still a dangerous game we were playing.
We couldn’t not touch each other. It was a recipe for getting caught.
It was inevitable really. And I knew it even before Kennedy caught us together.
I lived happily in denial then, but I can’t now.
Luckily, she’s kept her mouth shut, avoiding us at all cost.
But I cannot risk it. I can’t give her any proof or fuel for her hateful fire if she does decide to run her mouth.
I know he thinks it would be fine. He looks at this town and life in general with big bright eyes, but he doesn’t realize how bad it can be.
How ugly it can get, and I know it’s not just limited to Kennedy.
She learned that hatred from somewhere, from a place where it would be perfectly acceptable to taunt Kingston nonstop for fooling around with me.
I can’t do it. Especially if I’m leaving him.
And that’s what it all comes down to. When I leave, I need to know he’ll be okay. That he’ll still have friends here and he won’t be alone or ostracized. So we have to keep our hands to ourselves.
I need to look and not touch. And not get caught looking.
We have two months left in school. That’s it. Then this summer, I’m going to work and save as much money for my mom as I can before I go off to KU. Before I can finally be free to be me out in the real world and leave this small town behind.
Everyone heads out to the practice field, but Kingston holds back, his confident smile plastered on his face. “You ready for our last season of baseball?”
I laugh because he doesn’t seem sad at all about it ending. He’s living in the moment, and it looks good on him. He’s happy, so I’m happy. We’ve been going on like nothing ever happened between us. “Yeah. I am. You?”
His eyes land on my lips, settling there for far too long and sending a warm, uncontrollable tingle throughout my body. Maybe one more kiss?
“Yeah,” he says, swallowing thickly, his eyes still on my lips. Is he thinking about kissing me?
“We should go,” I say because no. No more kisses. Jesus, fuck. We’re in the locker-room where one of our teammates could come in at any time. This is why we had to end this. The temptation to be stupid is always present with him.
He finally pulls his gaze from my mouth and back up to my eyes. “Oh, yeah. I’m . . . uh . . . I’m fine.” He doesn’t sound all that convincing, but it’s like he’s distracted more than being dishonest.
“You okay?” I have to ask. I mean, I know he’ll be fine. We still have everything we had before we started this. We still hang out every day. He still sleeps over in my bed—which is absolute torture, by the way. We eat lunch together in the school cafeteria. Nothing else has changed.
You’d think it’d be weird, but it isn’t. Not really. Everything with Kingston is still so effortless. Except for lusting after him, but honestly, that’s not really a change for me. Not at all. I’ve been doing it quietly for years.
But his body lies next to mine at night, and I can’t touch him. If I touch him, I’ll never stop. So, I don’t give in, even though I know he wouldn’t deny me. He’s never denied me anything.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” he says with a grin, confident and strong as always. “Are you okay?” He moves closer to me, so close I can smell his soap and shampoo. It’s tempting, far too tempting to pull him into me and feast on his lips.
God, I miss touching him. I crave hearing those deep, throaty moans right before he comes. I think about his hard body and his soft touch all the time. It’s maddening.
No.
You can do this. Just friends.
Just like always.
“I’m fine. I’m totally fine.” I’m rambling. I never ramble. My eyes go to the door, where everyone just exited. “We should get to practice before Coach makes us stay late. Lucy wants macaroni and cheese for dinner, and she gets hangry as fuck.”
He chuckles at that. “That sounds good.”
I start toward the door, and he slings his arms over my shoulders, like he always has. It’s the most touching I allow, and I lean into it as we walk out to the field.
Just a little reminder of what we had.