Chapter Camden
Camden
“Fuck! Shit. Sorry!” I laugh, unable to help it as Kingston curses his way through the last inning of our last game. He’s more of a football player, and the ball he was supposed to be throwing to third base bounces out way too damn far.
But it doesn’t matter. Baseball is fun, but then, everything with him is fun. The guys give him a hard time for overthrowing, but I don’t care. It doesn’t matter that we lost, just that it’s over.
We’re graduating in a week. Prom was yesterday. We went with LeAnn and some of the guys from the team. None of us took it too seriously since mostly we were just looking forward to the after-party.
Kennedy brought a much older date, and I swear she was trying to get Kingston’s attention the entire time, but he wants nothing to do with her. I’ve never seen my best friend hate anyone, but he hates her, giving her a death glare any time he sees her.
I wanted to dance with him on that dance floor, even though I don’t dance, and I don’t think he does either. Still, I wanted to feel his body against mine.
But I kept my distance and danced with LeAnn, as did he. Then afterward, there was a kickass field party where we shared a tent.
Nothing happened in the tent. We just laid on our backs and talked about school ending. But the urge was there. I wanted to kiss him so damn bad. I always want to kiss him. My desire has only gotten worse since I’ve actually done it.
Since I know what it feels like to have his mouth on mine.
But I resist. This is our last game together. I’ve already started packing for college. I have my dorm assignment. I’ve even emailed back and forth a bit with my roommate. The first thing I mentioned was being gay.
It may not seem like a big deal to some people, but actually typing those words was more freeing and scarier than anything I’ve ever experienced before. I waited for his reply, waiting for some sort of insult or telling me he needed to switch roommates, but all he wrote back was, “Cool.”
Cool.
And then he even joked about hitting the bars and being each other’s wingmen. He’s straight, but he doesn’t seem to have any problem finding someone for me to hook up with either.
No problem. Like the entire conversation didn’t faze him at all. And I swear I’ve been smiling ever since. I told Kingston about it, and he acted kind of strange, in a way I couldn’t really read. But he also seems happy for me.
He told me he was proud of me for writing those words. Telling people who I really am. I think he wants me to do it here, but I can’t. There’s no point.
I know, deep down, I don’t really plan to come back here. I’m hoping like hell I can get him to visit me and hopefully as often as possible.
My mom and Luce too.
When the game ends, we all hit the showers and change, ready to drown our sorrows over the loss at a party.
But as I’m driving out there, I get a phone call from my mom. Someone called in at work, and they need her to come in. She sounds guilty as hell, but I know she needs the money, and her boss is kind of an asshole. He’ll give her shit if she doesn’t come in.
I let Kingston know, and then I drive home. I’m not surprised when I see his car pull up behind mine in the driveway. He hops out with a grin on his face. “So, party with Lucy instead, huh?”
I shake my head at him because this seems so easy for him. The go-with-the-flow attitude I’ll never have.
Mom apologizes profusely as she runs out the door, and I do my best to tell her it’s no big deal.
But when we settle on the couch watching a movie with Lucy, that’s when worry sets in. Worry about my mom and Lucy. How the hell are they going to handle it with me being eight hours away?
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Kingston leans into my ear, asking quietly. And now an entirely new set of problems is arising because holy fuck, he’s sitting close. His strong thigh touches mine, and if I’m not careful, I’ll have a big situation on my hands.
I turn to look at him. Mistake. God, he’s beautiful.
And not just hot—which he is that—but so beautiful, it hurts to look at him.
That chiseled jaw and handsome face. Those soulful, happy eyes.
“What if this would have happened when I’m at school?
I mean, I know it’s going to happen. What is Mom going to do then? ”
He doesn’t look nearly as concerned now. He just looks at me like I’m insane. “She’ll call me.”
He whispers back as Lucy watches the colorful, bright movie that easily keeps her attention over our boring conversation. “But you’ll be working and living your own life. You’ll have a full-time job.”
He snorts at me, shaking his head, still looking like I’m crazy. “She’ll have me. You know that. She can always call me, and I’ll figure it out.”
I frown. “But it’s not your responsibility. You shouldn’t have to do that.”
He gives me a pointed look. “And it’s your responsibility? Don’t worry about it.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders, and I suck in a deep breath from the contact I’ve been missing for what feels like forever. “I’m here. I’ll always be here.”
And I know he will be. I’m still not sure how I feel about that. My responsibilities shouldn’t be his, but I guess he’s kind of right—Lucy is my sister, not my kid, even though I do feel like I should help out with her as often as I can.
I feel like I’m abandoning them, and I think Kingston is reading my mind again because he pulls me to his side even more. “Hey. They’ll be okay.”
“What if they aren’t?” Fear overtakes me, and I can’t stop it. The question just comes out, but he doesn’t look surprised that I’m worried about this.
“They will be. You can’t take care of everyone else forever, Cam. You’re going to go out there in the great big world, and you’re going to live your own life. You deserve that.”
Not for the first time, I want to beg him to come with me. But I don’t. Because I can’t take that rejection. Because he doesn’t owe that to me and because he’ll be here taking care of them.
I lay my head on his shoulder, though, and breathe him in. I take that selfish moment for myself. “I’m going to miss you.”
I feel him smiling, even though I’m not looking at him. “I’m going to miss you too.”
He squeezes me tighter to him, and I let him while we watch the movie on the screen, my thoughts running wild while he laughs and sings along with Lucy.
This is really going to happen.
I’m really going to leave.
I’ve never been more afraid in my life.