Adam Chapter
Adam
Idon’t want things to be weird. I won’t let them. I refuse. And I hope like hell I handled it okay in the barn the other day because I can’t hurt Zach. But I’m a bumbling idiot with this sort of thing.
I just am. Always have been. I knew at a pretty young age that I’m different. How different? I’m not really sure. I haven’t spent too much time thinking about it because I don’t want to.
But with Zach… I’m going to do what I can to make sure he knows just how little I care about his sexuality. That him being gay will not change anything at all. Him checking me out? I don’t really get it, but it doesn’t upset me at all.
Honestly, when Zach is looking at me with that sort of goofy awe, I just feel kind of…warm inside. When he’s around, everything feels right.
It’s homecoming week. Which I actually love. The town changes, goes even more into the school spirit thing. The windows at all the business downtown are painted with our numbers and black and red colors. My front yard and every single one of my teammates has a special sign in it with our number.
The other yards all have Kensley Panthers signs. The school is covered in glitter and black and red ribbons and posters. It’s a high and I can’t help thinking about how this is the last one I’ll be in school with.
But it’s not like I’m leaving Kensley. I still get to see it, but I won’t be a football player anymore. I won’t be sitting in the cafeteria as the cheerleaders gather and draw names out of a bucket.
It’s tradition. They wear our jerseys for the pep rally later today. A tradition I could do without, but I’m sitting here with the rest of the team with my practice jersey in my hand, all washed and ready to go while I’m wearing my game jersey.
Zach is next to me and when Chloe walks up to draw, he goes deathly pale when his name is read. “No.” I say without thinking.
All eyes are on me and damn it, I hate that. The only time I want eyes on me is when I’m out on the field. “What?” Chloe is glaring at me.
“Why don’t you wear mine.” I say, my cheeks heating and again I feel all eyes on me including Zach’s. He looks like he wants to crawl in a hole and I won’t let him. I hold my jersey up. “Take mine.”
Chloe just glares at me and folds her arms over her chest. But it’s Rachel who pipes up. “No way. You can’t trade.”
“You’re never getting in his pants, Rach. Jeez.” One of my teammates just has to pipe up and he receives the middle finger from Rachel, who yeah, who has asked me out on several dates over the years. I also politely turn her down, but I didn’t realize this was common knowledge.
“Shut the hell up, Matt.” Rachel’s eyes meet mine, her lips turning up into what I think is supposed to be a sultry smile. “No trades, Adam. You should know better.”
“Never gonna happen.” Another teammate very unhelpfully coughs into his hand.
I tense, hating all this attention. Zach’s voice sounds frail when he speaks up, “It’s fine.” He stands, holding out his jersey for Chloe and I want to scream. I want to walk right up there and take his jersey. Not let her have it.
Her eyes are coldly on him as she snatches it from his hand, “It better be clean.”
“It is.” Zach says, his shoulders hunched as he walks back over to me and plops down.
“Zach.” I keep my voice quiet as they draw another name and I lean into him, “We can still have them trade. Brittany is really cool. I bet she would.”
“Drop it.” His eyes meet mine, pleading with me to listen and god damn it I don’t want to. I don’t understand why he won’t let me try to help. “Please.” He adds and I just nod, my jaw set hard, but I let it go.
We all head back to class and wait for the pep rally in the school’s gym to start. We all line up like we normally do, the cheerleaders in front of us as they run in and do a quick cheer, but unlike what we’re used to, there’s laughter instead of cheering.
We all look around trying to figure out what it is and then Matt, who is standing next to me and Zach nudges Zachs shoulder. “Uh oh, Olson. Looks like it’s payback.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I search the crowd and Zach looks like he’s going to be sick. And then I see it. Right there on the back of Chloe—Zach’s jersey— Zachary Olson is a liar.
It’s not clever or big. It shouldn’t be funny to anyone at all. But it’s enough to humiliate Zach and she knew that. “What the fuck?”
“Let it go.” Zach says numbly next to me.
“No.” I look around the pep rally for Coach or a fucking authority figure of some type and I don’t see anyone. “She’s not getting away with that.”
I catch the principal’s gaze and he finally seems to zone in on what all the laughing is about. Finally—after what seems likes hours—he escorts Chloe out of the gym and everyone else seems to go back to normal.
Excpet Zachary. And me. Because I can feel his damn pain. I can feel his embarrassment. I hate it. “Zach.” I reach for his shoulder but he just steps out from my touch and backs away.
“I’m fine.” He says it but there’s no conviction there whatsoever. He keeps walking and then he exits the gym. I fight with myself for all of ten seconds before I ditch the pep rally and follow him out into the hall.
“Zach.”
“Please just go back.” I find him standing near a locker bay, leaning against it.
“I’m not going back in there. Fuck all of them. That shit was not funny.”
“She hates me.” His eyes lift to look at me, so much pain and sadness in them that my knees nearly buckle as I approach him.
“She has no right to torture you. You had every right to break up with her. You didn’t love her.”
He still looks far too pale. Like he’s going to pass out. “You know what I did to her.”
I shake my head, hating this guilt I wish I could take away from him. I place my hands firmly on his shoulders and look right at him. “It was a mistake. One you’ve paid for. It’s enough.”
I feel his shoulders slump under my hands and his head droops. “I just want out of school. I just want it to be over.”
“You deserve to enjoy our senior year. So you fucked her….” His head lifts and his eyes widen.
“Shhh.”
“No.” I say firmly and squeeze his shoulders, “It doesn’t matter. She wanted to have sex and you had sex. But then you didn’t want to keep leading her on and you broke up with her. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“But…” He starts and I shake my head sharply.
“No. No but. It’s enough, Zach. You don’t deserve this and I have no idea why she’s taking it so far, but we are going to the game tonight.”
“Adam…” He sounds exhausted, but he stops with just my name and I continue.
“We’re gonna play the game of our lives tonight and then we’re going to the stupid after party.”
“What?” He looks horrified now and I smile, patting his right shoulder.
“It’ll be fun.”
“You hate those parties as much as I do.”
I nod my head at that because yeah I do, but who knows what’s going to happen after graduation. Will Zach and I stay close? I’d like to thank so, but people change. They move. I don’t plan to, but maybe someday Zach will want to go somewhere he can be himself.
I drop my hand from his shoulder and rub at the middle of my chest. That ache back because I can’t imagine him not being here with me.
“I already have my tent in the truck. We’re going to camp out and have fun.”
“My sisters are going to my grandma’s tonight.” I figured they were since his mom and stepdad will likely go to the game with the rest of the town.
“Good.” I say and then drop my other hand from his shoulder, liking that his smile is back even though it’s small. “It’ll be fun.”
“If you say so.” He says with a smirk and then we sit out the rest of the pep rally and chat about the game as we hang out on our own.
Which honestly is the way I like it anyway.