23. Death Himself
~ MELEK ~
Sometime later, as my heart returned to its normal beat, we lay together in silence.
The bond thrummed in my chest, pulsing with what could only be described as joy.
It hummed between us, swells of warmth and intimacy bouncing back and forth from my heart to hers, gathering, returning, leaving another spark…
It was breathtaking. And addictive.
I could feel it feeding a whole new rush of desire for her, which was dangerous.
The temptation would be to simply bury myself in her for the whole night and day and night, forget the outside world and wallow in my mate.
And given what I felt emanating from her in the bond, she wouldn’t be hard to convince.
The words I’d spoken to her hadn’t been empty. I will stand at your side, at the throne, or in the way of the Angel of Death himself if it ensures you are safe. You are a part of me. And I would rather be imprisoned on a throne with you, than free without you…
The thought of anything without her made me growl and hold her tighter.
Yilan squirmed in my grip. “What is it, what’s wrong? What made you tense?”
“Death himself,” I muttered.
Yilan tensed, but I stroked her hair, my eyes darting to that window behind her as visions of the Fallen who had visited, crouching on its sill, laying claim to her, swam in my head.
I’d never seen Lucifer, the Fallen Archangel before, the male said to have the blackest soul in all Creation. The one who led the Great Rebellion, and who stood in opposition to God Himself. But I’d seen his hand at work. And when our eyes had locked in the moonlight, something in me had quavered.
I knew it was him, though I couldn’t have said how.
“I still don’t understand what he would want with me specifically—unless it’s just to take me from you, ” Yilan said grimly.
“I don’t know, but I will not breathe easily. We have to resist him, Yilan.”
“Of course!”
“No, I meant—”
“I know what you meant, and I’m offended that you think I might be taken in—”
“You don’t understand… The Fallen have been here since the dawn of time.
They know our natures, our weaknesses, the things that tempt us…
You can give no gap in your defenses. Not a whisper of agreement.
Lucifer is immortal. Wise. Cunning. Intelligent in ways we can’t even fathom.
You must resist him and anything he brings. ”
“What part of that monster do you think I’d agree with?” she said, incredulous, rolling towards me to meet my eyes, her expression horrified and a little angry. “How could you think I wouldn’t resist? You think I want to breed with that… that creature?”
“No, of course not. But… Damn. We need Jannus. He knows so much more about them than I do.”
Jannus. Leading the Nephilim in battle. Growing support.
He’d never spoken of ambition for the crown.
Was it because I was gone? Had my best friend’s heart been turned by power?
Could it be that the Fallen were interfering with him as well?
Did he think I had killed Gault? And if not…
Did he move forward with a plan to restore me, or kill me?
I pushed the dark thought away to focus on Yilan who was staring worriedly at me.
“There’s nothing we can do with the Fallen except resist. That is truly key.
There’s no humanity in them. You must refute anything they offer or suggest, even a simple piece of information or insight.
Perhaps especially that. Oppose their manipulations and lies, otherwise you’ll be sucked in until everything they say sounds right .
I’ve seen it, Yilan—with smarter people than us.
Do not underestimate the Fallen, particularly Lucifer.
They don’t call him the Father of Lies for nothing.
He will play on your weakness, tempt you, seduce you, and if that doesn’t work, he’ll kill you. ”
Her eyes widened. She looks shocked. “Why do you think I’d ever give in? I have no desire—”
“Because, the Fallen aren’t Gault,” I growled. “They don’t start with simple intimidation or ignorant lies. They are far more… shrewd. Calculating. And aware of so much more of the world than us. What may appear to be a simple conversation or observation is an invitation, even if you can’t see it.”
“An invitation to what?”
“Anything. That’s how they work. They get you agreeing with them.
Their words sound right . They speak your darkest heart back to you—fear, jealousy, thrill, desire—whatever pulls at you, they will bring it and present it to you.
And if you agree… if you align… it’s as if…
I don’t know how to explain it, Yilan, but it is as if they curl talons into your heart, and no matter how you might want to be free, you can’t stop believing them.
And once they have you…” I shuddered, remembering men—good men—who’d dealt with the Fallen and who became… unrecognizable.
Yilan swallowed hard. “Don’t agree. Resist. I will do that. What else is there?”
I sighed heavily, pulling her closer. “Fear. Fear is there, and they will use it against you. They will feed it. Tell you all the ways that God cannot be trusted—because it is His power that keeps you strong against them. If they can make you distrust, or fear Him, they’re winning.
So don’t listen… and resist—but do not let them prod you to fight.
You can’t fight them with your body. You’ll only exhaust yourself.
You saw how it was when he attacked—no visible foe, and yet you could feel it, couldn’t you? ”
She nodded.
“The fight against the Fallen happens in your soul. So give up nothing. Don’t be distracted or deceived into believing you can use your wiles and talents. There will be no assassinating Lucifer. He is immortal—they all are.”
Her head sank back and her eyes grew alarmed. “How do you fight an enemy that cannot be killed? ”
“You can’t. Not in the normal way. Deal with them when they’re in front of you, otherwise forget about them because there’s nothing you can do anyway. When they appear, don’t listen. Don’t agree. And refuse anything they give—including the fight. There is nothing else.”
“What stops them simply slaughtering you, then?”
“I can only believe the answer is… God.”
Yilan’s throat bobbed and I traced it with a knuckle, praying through the bond she could feel the deep ache that clenched in my chest at the thought of her ever facing a Fallen alone.
But I pushed that thought away as well, because there was nothing to be gained by using all my energy in fear of a thing that hadn’t happened yet.
I made myself focus.
“Until Lucifer returns, the bigger issue, the one we have to address now, is me finding my place here in Theynor. How I get to know your people, and they get to know me. If only we weren’t always so short on fucking time!” I hissed.
Yilan made a shushing noise and took my hand, clasping it between us and staring into my eyes. “I know they’re going to love you,” she whispered. “And I know we’re going to win this.”
I wasn’t so sure, but I stroked the back of her hand with my thumb.
Then her face went thoughtful and her brows pinched.
“You said you’d be an asset—let them see you helping.
I think that’s the best approach. Can you think of ways we might open lines of communication with the Neph who are on the frontline?
Find out where they stand on possible peace?
I think what’s needed is forward motion.
As long as my men feel like they’re actively seeking a solution, they’ll be far more patient about not walking to war.
But they need to see you providing the way to save lives in Theynor. Just as you saw me do for the Neph.”
I blinked. I’d forgotten how she’d taken that approach with me—providing needed and useful information to lower my defenses and…
The memory made me tense because it felt like a ploy. And yet, I knew she’d spoken the truth in those days. And now we were here…
God, my head was spinning. Every thought, every strategy leading directly to another problem or question. And none of them could be solved now .
I rolled onto my back, pulled her into my side and tucked my free hand under my head as I considered the many and varied enemies we faced.
“Time,” I muttered. “More than anything, we need time. ”
“And yet, it is the resource in which we’re poorest,” she whispered. “Melek… are you certain we need to take these days to—”
“Yes,” I growled. “I’m certain it’s our best choice,” I said flatly. “We need more time, but we will take what we can.”
Yilan sighed. “Then, I say one week, Melek. Actually, six days. We can’t wait longer.
The Jubilee occurs in five days. But the day after that is traditionally when I would celebrate my mate if I had one, or announce whom I choose to marry if I do not.
We will hold to the tradition. I will dance the night ritual at the Jubilee and tell them the following day that you’re my mate.
But that means until then, you must make inroads with my Advisors.
Prepare them to open communication with the Nephilim.
Then, after, we can reveal why you’re the best person to do so—because you are my mate, and their leader and the only peaceful bridge between our peoples. ”
“Wait… the Jubilee is intended to announce your marriage?” I tensed. She hadn’t mentioned this.
Her lips pressed thin. “The Jubilee is a celebration of a royal woman’s value at an age when she is seen to be… reaching her peak. Traditionally, if she’s already married, she is celebrated by her husband. But if the union is brand new, or she hasn’t married… yes.”
I felt like my skin might shatter if I move. “Turo, he’ll be expecting to be chosen in this?” I said darkly.
She sighed, and shrugged. “The people will be expecting me to choose him. He knows something is wrong. But that doesn’t matter. I will choose you. It’s just a long time to wait.”
I turned my head, wanting to argue—six days? It was no time at all! But if the people would want to exalt her betrothal… when I met her eyes, I saw the resolve in her. And I knew she was right.
“You need to win the Council most of all, Melek. The rest of the people will follow if they see Turo and my advisors comfortable and trusting you.”
I snorted. “Turo will never trust me, even without me stealing his bride. ”
“Once he gets over the shock, Turo will surprise you,” she insisted. “I just pray the others will listen quickly. They are very… protective of me.”
I grunted. “I find myself rather protective as well,” I muttered. “Though even my shield for you seems to pale in comparison to Turo’s. The man sees himself as your Keeper,” I said darkly, finally putting words to the uneasiness I’d had since he showed up in our war camp.
Yilan sighed again. “Once you are named my mate and our King, Turo will no longer see himself as the… solution to those problems. Right now he still believes I am his to protect,” she said, her lips twisting with distaste.
I growled, but she put her hand to my chest, right where the bond thrummed, and held my gaze.
“No, Melek. Don’t be angry with him. Have compassion. He’s hurting. None of us do our best when we’re desperate.”
Reluctantly, I didn’t argue with her. I certainly hadn’t been the best of myself lately. I couldn’t deny that desperation pushed a man to ragged edges. But still…
“I’ll do my best to remember that he means well,” I muttered.
Yilan’s forehead was still pinched, but she gave a small smile.
“Thank you,” she murmured, then leaned forward to kiss me softly.
When she pulled back, she let go of my hand to stroke my face.
“I pray that one day you both see the truth about each other so that you can… well, perhaps friendship is too much to ask.”
I snorted, but she shot me a warning look.
“I know one day you two will ally. You’re both good, honorable men, with great strength. Trust me,” she added when I gave her a skeptical look. “But also… keep in mind, Melek, that you won,” she murmured.
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean… you won. You won my heart. My bond. My crown. My devotion. He has worked for that for years now. It isn’t just a blow to his pride.
I think… I think he truly feels for me. I’m hurting him.
But I will not step away from this. From you.
I know this is right. I’m just asking you to be… gentle on him.”
I raised my brows. “The man threatened to kill me, then to breach your instructions and free me.”
Her face grew tight. “When the times comes I’ll address that with him. But for now… compassion, Melek. Please? ”
I growled, but drew her in, shoving down the jealousy that wanted to rise at the idea that she advocated for another male. But I loved her heart, and her wisdom.
“I will do my best.”
She tipped her head, but I growled again.
“I mean what I say, Yilan. I will do my best. The man is a fly, buzzing at me. Sometimes it’s reflex to swat him away. But… I’ll remember what you’ve said and I will try.”
She took a deep breath. “Then… Thank you,”
And then she snuggled into my chest in a way that had me right back at the beginning, wanting to say to hell with everything else, and just plunge into her and never leave.
I would have to guard against the Fallen offering me that very thing. It would tempt me beyond anything else.