59. Heart to Heart
~ YILAN ~
The shock of learning that Istral could speak in Gall’s head was the last straw.
My body went weak. My head spun. I was a mess.
This couldn’t be happening.
I couldn’t make my mind work. All I could see was my sweet, unassuming sister. Her bright smile, her childlike joy.
How the fuck was that going to translate to a matebond?
And Gall… I loved Gall. Adored him. He had the sweetest heart. But as a mate? A protector? A provider?
I wasn’t sure whether to cry or scream.
I was frozen. I stood there gaping as Melek urged Gall to go with Istral to get her horse and her things. That was a good idea. We would send her back with Harris and figure this out later. Clearly the two didn’t need more time together.
But as soon as they were out of sight, Melek turned on me. “We need to talk.”
I just stared at him as he took my hand and pulled me aside, the others all watching us closely, but not speaking up. Even Diadre looked stunned.
As soon as we were out of earshot, Melek turned on me. “We have to talk to them.”
I nodded. “They can’t… there’s no way she can come with us— ”
“Yilan, did you not hear them? She’s his mate.”
“You can’t seriously believe—”
“Love, you heard the same things I did. Do you think there’s any doubt?”
A flare of irrational anger at him washed through me. “But that’s not… they’re too… it can’t be!”
“Apparently it can, and it is.”
I stared up at him knowing that this fierce sense of betrayal rocking through me wasn’t fair. He wasn’t trying to hurt me or defy me. He believed them. But he was surprised that I didn’t?
“Melek… they’re both… their minds. How can we even be sure they haven’t just heard things from others and are repeating them to make us believe it?”
Melek frowned. “Yilan… they aren’t liars.”
I deflated like a popped bladder because I knew he was right. But something deep in my core fought. I couldn’t imagine Istral as a wife and mate. A lover? I shook my head, but Melek gathered me closer, still staring down at me, stroking my face.
“I know it’s a shock,” he rumbled. “But we did suspect.”
“No. No. Not really,” I said shaking my head.
“Yilan—”
“Don’t patronize me. You don’t know her. Not like I do.”
“No, but God does. And apparently He’s given them to each other.”
An image flashed in my mind then of the two of them together . Gall excited and huge and poor Istral utterly overwhelmed and…
God, I wanted to gouge my mind’s eye out with a spoon.
Unaware of the nightmare playing out in my head, Melek put a hand to the back of my neck and dropped his head to whisper in my ear.
“We need to tell them how to do this. They’re bonded. They’re going to do this. No matter how uncomfortable it makes you, it’s clearly happening. So, we need to make sure they know how so they don’t hurt each other, or… or themselves.”
“I can’t. This can’t be—Melek, we can’t! She’s not ready!”
“We don’t have a choice. We have to move in an hour.”
“She can’t come with us!”
“He won’t leave her, nor she him. Remember how hard it was for us just being separated by the tower? Can you imagine pushing them nations apart? That’s when they’ll make stupid choices. You know they will. ”
I stared up at him. “You want me to take my sister into that… hellhole?”
He shook his head. “I’m thinking we leave them in the Shadows.
They can connect with Jhonas when he brings the legion to wait.
They’ll be close enough that once I’ve taken dominance I can send a runner for Gall.
It will delay things a day, but… they’ll be safe.
They’ll both be safe. And if there are any problems and Jhonas has to bring the legion through, we tell Gall to take her back to Theynor. ”
I took a breath, relieved that he at least wasn’t suggesting I take Istral among the Nephilim. “I… I mean, I don’t like it, but—”
“We need to talk to them Yilan. We need to help them.”
I glared up at him. “I’m not setting my sister up to be taken, Melek!”
“Do you believe they won’t go there without our input? You know the draw of the bond, Yilan—”
“I knew it as an adult. As someone with at least some concept of physical love and intimacy. She’s so na?ve!”
“She’s just spent two days traveling alone through the Shadows. Is there any chance you’re underestimating her?”
The words slipped between my ribs and stabbed me right in the heart. I took a step back out of Melek’s arms, gaping at him, breathless with the pain of it, and not entirely sure why that thought was hurting me so much.
“Yilan,” he sighed.
“You’re suggesting that I don’t know her? You think I would keep her from anything that was good for her? You really think—”
“I think I just watched men who’ve known you since you were a child underestimate you because of their assumptions and prejudices—well intended, and motivated by love and admiration.”
My mouth closed with a snap because I knew exactly what he meant. And I hated that he could draw that line to me.
“I’m not… I would never…”
“I’m not suggesting you throw her in bed with him, Yilan. I’m saying while we’re traveling, speak with her. I’ll speak with him. Let’s just… make sure they’re prepared so that whenever things move, they can be safe.”
I stared up at him, desperately wanting to throw a childish tantrum of my own. I wanted to scream and accuse and ignore him and …
Melek stepped forward, closing the space between us, his eyes filled with compassion, which somehow just made me angrier. “They’re mates, Love. That’s beautiful.”
“Children,” I whispered. “They’re children.”
Melek shook his head. “I don’t think so. I don’t think God would do that to them if they were.”
And how did I argue with that?
How the hell did I argue with that?
Saddles creaked and the horses' hoofbeats landed like drums on the hollow earth of the Shadows of Shade. We were deep in the forest, winding through a pass between mountains. The entire party had gone quiet.
I looked over my shoulder, wishing Harris were here.
Once it was determined that Istral was staying, we’d had to send the caregiver back—she had to tell Turo and the others where Istral was, or they’d think Gall had stolen her and this could all come crashing down around our ears.
But that meant Izzy’s only watcher other than me was Gall himself.
I wasn’t sure if I was grateful for that or not.
Melek had already drawn Gall aside. They couldn’t go too far—we had to stay close to keep them protected from the Shadows.
But they were far enough back, winding between trees, that their words weren’t discernable through the fog.
Istral kept looking back over her shoulder worriedly, like she thought Melek might steal Gall away from her.
I looked back too and Melek caught my eye, nodding slowly, then turned back to Gall.
I swallowed hard, then blew out a breath. “Izzy… why don’t we ride over here a little bit,” I said quietly. “There are some things I think we should talk about.”
For some minutes we just rode, our horses slowly inching further from the others. The other Nephilim were safe with Diadre among them, and the Shadows would protect Istral and me. But still, it felt… uneasy to only see glimpses of their cloaks or their horses legs through the trees .
I looked at my sister and found her twisted around in her saddle, looking back with that pucker between her brows again. She was yearning.
I remembered that dreadful pull in my chest when I’d been separated from Melek—even though it was just by a few wings of a Palace.
I recognized that magnetism I felt, even now.
I never wanted to be out of Melek’s sight.
I could do it, but I hated every second.
And the further apart we were physically, the more desperate I became for him.
Was that how my sister felt?
“Izzy,” I murmured.
“Yes?” she asked politely, because that was always her default when she was unsure.
“Have you and Gall… is there a feeling of… needing to be close? Physically?”
“Yes,” she said, apparently unconcerned about it. “It’s why I came. Because we were both afraid of being alone.”
I nodded. “I understand that. I am more wondering… have you two… have you kissed? Or touched each other? Do your bodies feel… restless?”
Istral’s cheeks flushed pink and a part of me wanted to shout and point and say see? She’s not like that!
But then my sister dropped her head and looked at me from the side like she was afraid how I would react. “Sometimes he comes into my bed to lay with me. And sometimes… sometimes my nightclothes slip up and…”
God, I felt sick. “Have you… have you mated, Izzy?” I breathed. I knew she knew what mating was.
She shook her head. “But… sometimes I think I want to,” she said in a tiny voice.
I opened my mouth, full of words about how she didn’t have to, she wasn’t to let anyone pressure her, and it wasn’t wrong to wait, that she needed to protect herself. But then I caught the fear in her eyes.
Not fear of the mating.
Fear of me.
I blinked. “Um… what stopped you?”
She shrugged uncomfortably and looked back over her shoulder towards where Melek and Gall rode, though we couldn’t see them here. “Gall is afraid of hurting me,” she said in a conspiratorial whisper .
He wasn’t the only one.
“And…” she swallowed delicately. “And I knew you’d be angry.”
My head jerked back of its own accord. I was struggling to breathe. I dropped my gaze to stare at her gloved hands on the reins, frowning. “What… why did you think I’d be angry?”
“Because you were so angry last time,” she murmured, her voice so low it was barely above a whisper.
Last time.
We hadn’t spoken about that in years.
I closed my eyes and wanted to weep.