61. Man to Man
~ MELEK ~
The fog around us felt like a weight, bearing down on my shoulders.
Gall rode, his eyes forward, always searching. For Istral. I knew. Because I found myself doing the same for her sister.
“Gall… have you ever had sex before?” I had suspicions, but he’d only spoken to me about bits and pieces at a time I hadn’t wanted to push him.
“Two times,” he said carefully, his eyes sliding to look at me from the side like he was afraid I’d get angry. “But the first didn’t want to talk to me anymore after. And the second one laughed at me when I told her I would take care of her. So I stopped.”
I clawed a hand through my hair battling both rage and an aching pain for my son. “Your mate won’t do that to you.”
“I know. Istral is kind, and she loves me,” he said.
Gall’s simple, unselfconscious ability to love had always taken my breath away. The fact that he may have found someone who could return that for him was… beautiful.
God, I hoped they could find their way through this.
“She won’t be hurtful, but your mate is also human and frail, and innocent… You must be careful, Son. Be patient.”
“I am,” he said with a shrug. “I’m afraid of hurting her. She says I won’t. But I don’t think she understands. And my… I’m so much bigger than her.” He turned his head and his eyes were earnest and wo rried. He dropped his voice to a whisper. “Can you hurt them? Inside?”
I bit the back of my tongue to stop myself from chuckling—I’d had the same questions when I was young and inexperienced.
“It’s possible, but unlikely. As long as you wait until she’s ready and when this happens…
treat her with the respect and care she deserves.
Then it might hurt the first time for her.
But if you give her a few days, then try again—softly, carefully—slowly—she should be fine. ”
I cleared my throat, remembering how much Yilan and I had not gone slowly, or waited for her to heal. God, I was a hypocrite.
“Why does waiting help? If she’s older does she get bigger inside? The other women were older and I—”
“No, no, that’s not what I meant.” God, I was bad at this.
“I meant… when things heat up between you… when you decide that the time is coming… spend a lot of time kissing and touching first,” I said as Gall stared at me.
“Talk to her when you touch her. Find out what feels good for her and what doesn’t. ”
“You talk?” Gall said, his eyes going wide.
I smiled. “Yes, you talk. But also listen. When a woman is enjoying your touch—or anything else—she’ll make noises that sound like…
like she’s surprised, or maybe even a little bit silly.
You can hear her breath get louder, or faster.
And her skin will goosebump and flush. She may get… swollen. Down. Between her legs.”
Gall blushed.
I cleared my throat. “The thing is Gall, for any good male—but especially with your mate—it’s very important that you take responsibility to make her feel safe.”
“That’s all I want to do,” he said earnestly.
I grabbed his shoulder and squeezed, because I knew he meant that.
“The thing is, safety in lovemaking is very different to protecting her from others,” I said carefully. “When you’re intimate with your mate, you have to protect her from you.”
Gall frowned. “Because I can hurt her?”
“Because you might hurt her heart.”
Gall’s frown deepened and he looked at the trees ahead. “I only ever want to make her smile and be happy.”
“I know, son. I do. I’m just telling you…”
I did my best to explain to him how to check in with Istral, how to make sure that she wanted him before they even started.
And how to help her find out what she liked and what she didn’t.
“…And if she wants to stop, or tells you to stop a thing, don’t resist. Do exactly as she asks—and don’t get angry about it. That’s how you keep her safe.”
Gall nodded like I’d assigned him a task. “I will.”
I squeezed his shoulder again. “I know you will, Gall. You’re a good man. You have a good heart. You will be an excellent mate.”
Gall’s shoulders rose and fell with a weighty sigh. “I hope so.”
When we stopped to make camp that night, I could feel Yilan's unrest. I stayed at her side, both of us watching Gall and Istral like hawks. The pair might as well have been tied together, they were so unwilling to have space between them.
Even when she was plastered to his side, Gall’s eyes darted left and right, examining everyone nearby with a suspicious fervor.
It was obvious he was fighting the fear that they were being tricked and that if he turned his back, someone would whip her away.
I grieved for all the ways he'd been outsmarted in the past, and silently begged God to hedge them both in protection from a ruthless world.
And yet, as I watched them take joy in each other, a part of me was thrilled for them. For my son to finally have someone other than me who saw how special he was. And who would choose him.
Yilan was no longer angry or frantic, but her tension was palpable. And even when I caught her staring at Gall and Istral as they sat hip to hip to eat their evening meal, it wasn’t a smile on her face as much as worry.
“Maybe when Jhonas arrives he’ll have some runners with him and one of them can chaperone the two back to Theynor,” Yilan whispered at one point.
I shrugged. “Even if they can, it will need to wait until after I’ve won the crown. Gall needs to be close enough to attend the ceremony. I need to establish his position while everyone is humbled and submitted. Otherwise we’ll have problems later. ”
Yilan sighed, but nodded. I rubbed her back.
“Don’t worry. We all want to help them. Jann is especially committed to keeping Gall safe. And now that he’s a true warrior, he won’t be targeted as much by the younger Neph who are always looking for a problem.”
Yilan dropped her face into her hands. “I can’t put her among them, Melek. She doesn’t have the fight in her to defend herself.”
“Of course not. But… let’s acknowledge that as Gall’s mate, the chances of her avoiding the Nephilim completely are pretty small. But Gall will watch for her.”
Yilan’s head came up and she stared me down. “Melek, I love him. And I love you. But Gall is often outwitted, or overpowered by them. He will fight for her even more fiercely than he fought for me. But even you can’t overcome a group if they turn on you.”
I couldn’t deny that she was right. “All the more reason to make certain that his position in the new hierarchy is well established—to minimize the chance of those kinds of problems.”
Yilan sighed and nodded, then leaned into my arm. “God, this is such a mess.”
I couldn’t deny that either, but I sent her a rush of reassurance and love through the bond. Which was when she kind of stiffened, then looked up at me again.
“Why do you think I can’t speak into your mind? If Istral can do it with Gall… what’s stopping us?”
I shook my head. “I have no idea. That’s a Shadekin talent. You need to tell me how we figure that out.”
Yilan sat up straight and put her hand to my face, staring into my eyes, concentrating. I felt her in my mind, saw flashes of images—her fear, her gratefulness for me, her self-loathing over having hurt Istral in the past. But even when she closed her eyes, there were no words.
She slumped, shaking her head. “Maybe my sister isn’t a child, but a savant,” she said dryly.
“Or maybe I’m the real problem here. Melek, Istral thought…
she thought that all those years ago, when that man took advantage of her, I blamed her!
” Her voice was tight, horrified, and on the verge of tears.
My heart flashed—worry, sympathy, and a desire to protect that always spawned need. I cursed my body for the response as I pulled her closer. We were both weary, but I could feel the growing fear in her .
I leaned in, cupping her waist, letting my lips brush her ear.
“I know you didn’t blame her. And I’m sure you reassured her,” I murmured.
“We both know she’ll forgive you. You are not the problem.
You’re loving and protective, and your sister needs those around her who can see ahead for her.
So do not fret, Love. We will get through this. We’ll get them through this.”
She sighed, nodding, sinking against my chest and burying her face in my neck.
I couldn’t resist a smile, and dropped my voice to a breath.
“And when we do, I am going to take you away from that Palace, strip you naked, and bend you over a bed the size of Theynor if I have to have it specially made. Large enough to throw you bodily into the pillows when you can’t walk after,” I growled.
Yilan snorted against my neck, but I felt the rush of warmth and approval in the bond. She lifted her head and met my eyes with her gaze heated. Until someone moved behind me and her eyes dropped and that burden of unease and outright fear flooded through her.
“Yilan,” I rumbled, trying to make my tone soft, but firm. “God knows what He’s—”
Behind me, a flurry of shouts and snarls rose out of the dark, like a pack of wild dogs had just stumbled on a carcass and were fighting over who got to eat first.
Or like Nephilim fighting over a prize.