Chapter 27
When it was dark outside and I was sure the entire Palace had fallen prey to its slumber, I departed my room, moving as stealthily as I could down every corridor.
By the time I made it to Mr. Evergreen’s chamber, I was furious, and hell bent on ensuring he understood that.
But when I barreled through the door, I tripped, stumbling on something on the floor.
As I angrily untangled my heel from it, I realized it was a shirt. His shirt.
“What are you doing?” Evergreen asked.
He arched his brow. He was not bedridden at all. He was standing and standing bare-chestedly, mid-stroke, holding his blade with a cloth.
“W-What, um. Ahem. What are you doing?” I asked, pressing my fist to my hip.
“Blade maintenance,” he said. There was a pause and then he dragged his palm provocatively along the length. “Mineral oil. Helps keep it clean.”
“Mineral oil.” I watched the motion for a moment.
“Let’s see...” Cyrus started. He sheathed his weapon into the belt that laid upon his bed, then propped the whole rig against the nightstand to step closer.
With a wry, intruding gaze, he said, “Burning rage in your eyes, late hour, disheveled look about you. You’re here to scold me something proper, yeah? ”
My eyes found the mark he’d taken for me on his chest. It was still red and open, and in desperate need of sutures, sutures the doctor wouldn't provide due to the fever. The rage he’d appointed diminished.
“Why did you lie to me?” I asked, instantly weak.
“What?” Cyrus frowned. “Lie to you? About what, love?"
“About who you are, you’re… You’re my Willem,” I said. “You’re my ostler’s boy. My… My everything.”
“...Did we not have this conversation?” he asked.
“W-What?” I was angry again. “What conversation?”
“Are you alright, Svana?”
“When exactly did we discuss that you are not Mr. Cyrus Evergreen?” I asked. “I would distinctly remember this!”
“...In my kitchen. At my cottage. You said you knew who I was?” he said.
“In your…? I most certainly did not say anything of the sort!”
“You did,” he argued. “I went to tell you, and you said you knew, then you insulted me several times and we–”
“That’s what you were saying?! I said I knew you loved me, not that you were the love of my life!”
He paused.
“It’s you,” I whispered. “It’s really you. But I don’t understand. Why? Why did you trick me? Why did you not just tell me? There’s been ample opportunity. In the market. In the stables. In the church!”
“I didn’t trick you,” he said.
“You absolutely did! Up until I saw your back while you were unconscious, I believed you were Evergreen. But you’re not. And you never told me that you weren’t. Therefore ‘trick.’”
“No, I… That’s not… I didn’t want to,” he said. “I didn't mean to even. You really had no idea? At no point did it occur to you? Did you recognize me? I knew exactly who you were the moment I saw you in town.”
“You introduced yourself to me as Mr. Evergreen. Why would I suspect that you weren’t Mr. Evergreen?”
“I don’t think I did introduce myself, actually,” he said.
“I—!” I huffed. “You’re arguing semantics with me?
Now? You think you have the higher ground in this?
At no point did you declare yourself as Willem.
You’ve always said Mr. Evergreen. You allow others to call you that, so the assumption is, at some point, you introduced yourself as such, even if it were not to me!
Therefore, I assumed you were Mr. Evergreen! ”
“I am Mr. Evergreen,” he said. “That’s legally my name!”
“But— It’s— What?” I asked. “How is it– I just–Well, why did this not come up? Why have I spent all summer with you with no idea that you were the boy I talked of every opportunity? Did you want to humiliate me?”
“No,” he said.
“Yes, you did,” I argued. “You asked me questions about him. You mocked me for–”
“I didn’t want to humiliate you,” he said. “Not exactly.”
“Not…exactly?” I asked. The hairs on my arms stood. “Oh, God.” I touched my stomach, slightly turning from him, sick.
“Not… Svana, I confess; I was angry you didn’t recognize me before,” he said.
He exhaled, annoyed. “And yes, I did purposely inquire about the boy you mentioned… about myself, for selfish reasoning, but not…. Darling, by the time I realized you were not parodying the boy, me, or loathing him as the ostler’s boy, I…
It was too late. What did you want me to do?
Tell you a whole summer after we started whatever this is? ”
“Yes. You could have–should have–told me at any point,” I said.
“You’re right.” He nodded. “Yes, I should’ve.”
“If you had told me…” I whispered, losing the end of it.
“If I had told you, you what?” he asked. “You would not have married Sameer?”
Cyrus raked his hands through his bangs.
“...Your hair is different,” I reasoned. “Your hair is different. Your jaw is wider. Your accent has changed. It was so very long ago, and you what? You think I’m just, I’m just the keeper of all the world’s changes?”
“No,” he said, his voice softening. “But I thought... I’m sorry. I should have told you. That is fact.”
“How can I trust you?” I asked.
“Don’t. Don’t say that.” He moved forward then cupped my face. “Don’t punish me for clinging to the way that you pined for me when I was the ever-enticing Cyrus Evergreen.”
“Pined for…? You don’t even realize…”
“I do realize the pain; I can see it.” His hand moved to my arm.
“No. Not the pain; that I-” I gasped, stuttering to regain control of my voice. “Will,” I said, not even believing the name had fallen from my lips. “Will, I held back from Mr. Evergreen because he was not you. Because he was not my soulmate. My Willem.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you are so very keen to my pining, sir, then surely you can rattle your perfect memory for what I mean! If I have pined for anyone, it— I have always found you attractive– found Mr. Evergreen attractive. And yes, I have thought to explore our connection but… But I have also always been so cruelly affixed to the guilt that I harbor for what happened to Willem, when he… when you were… When they punished you for my decision. My kiss.”
“That kiss was not just your decision,” he said.
“Yes, it was,” I told him. “I grabbed you. I made you kiss me.”
“No,” he insisted. “No, Svana. I wanted it.”
“I made you and they hurt you.”
“Yes, they hurt me,” he said. “But I knew it was a possibility when I agreed to it, and I’m not sorry. I would endure the horror over and over again just to relive the very moments before. Do you not know how deeply I longed for you back then?”
I swallowed.
“Do you not know how deeply I long for you now?” he asked.
He craned, closing the distance between our heights. I was shaking, meekly panting.
“I wrote to you,” I said, barely constricting a sob.
“I wrote to you every Spring, every Winter, every Summer and every Fall. I waited my whole life for your replies. I begged God to bring you back to King’s Land, to give me a chance to apologize, to defend you, to prevent your harm, and this whole time you’ve been lulling me into a sweet lullaby that you what?
Planned to end the moment I was married and never even reveal to me your identity first? ”
“No,” he promised.
“Yes.”
“I did not plan for it to end. It is just the nature of what this is. You’re marrying the Prince.”
“…Does Elías know?” I asked.
His forehead pressed to mine. “Svana.”
“He knows, doesn’t he?” I asked. “You worshipped him. He was your father’s friend. Your hero. Don’t lie to me. Not about him. Not the way he has lied. Please.”
“Yes. He knows,” he said.
“I am devastated,” I told him, stepping back. I felt my chest. “I am wrecked. How could he not tell me?”
“He didn’t tell you because we were never supposed to cross paths again,” he said.
“You work for my intended!” I cried.
“Yes,” he agreed. “Yes, I do. But I– When I was a young man and I first arrived here– You see, Elías found this place for us, a place that mirrored life back home. He did not…The Treaty did not exist then. This was supposed to be the last place I would be found. I was not supposed to see you like this, like anything. I don’t think he ever thought we could meet if I were here. ”
“Then his betrayal goes deeper than I could have fathomed,” I said.
“No,” he argued.
“Yes,” I nodded, swiping a tear. “Yes, because I pleaded with him. I pleaded that he find you. No, I groveled!”
“Svana.”
“You weren’t there!” I cried. “You did not see it, how I begged him to ease my agony, how, at times, I wished to die! Elías knew where you were this whole time and he never told me! I died every morning and again every night, more and more, every moment, and he… He allowed it!”
“Your father paid us,” he said.
“My father paid you? Elías?”
“I’m…I’m not sure about Elías. I meant my father and I. He paid my father and I to disappear.”
“What?”
“Your father allowed an old woman to inflict permanent damage to my body for kissing you. He paid us to be quiet about it. Yes. He likely paid your knight to relocate us; I imagine there is a fee involved in every step of this. There is a lot that went into this ruse. New papers, new names…A new house here in Chalke.”
“I’m going to be sick,” I said.
“I never received your letters. I swear. …Did Eli give you mine?” he asked.
“Did he…You wrote me?” I asked, horrified. I bobbed my head. Of course he had written to me.
“Yes,” he said. “Just once.”
“No.” The word was heavy in my chest, even after it had been given. “He gave me nothing.”
“I didn’t think he would but… I wrote to you to apologize,” he explained. “To tell you that I held no anger for you. That I wished you a happy life. …When you didn’t reply I figured there was a reason. That you wished to remain silent.”
After a long pause, I said, “...I would have written you back.”