Chapter 27 #2
“I know that now,” he said. Cyrus moved us to the bed; we sat at the foot of it.
He spoke quietly. “When the War got bad, Elías could not come around as he once did, and when he had been here before, it was not as a knight. He came as a friend of my father. I think the scrutiny over visitors to the Palace scared him. I could not write to him; he did not write to me. It was not until the Treaty was drawn and delivered that we saw each other again, but… I confess, there had already been rumors that you and the Prince would wed. I believed them. We all believed them because what else made sense? When Elías returned, he said, go, move, be anywhere else, but I refused.” His fingers brushed various parts of my face and arms. “I was a man by then and I was tired of hiding, and I… Love, it’s no coincidence that I am here in all of Chalke– in all of the world.
It’s fate, Svana, and perhaps a combination of my own stubbornness, but when I saw you, when we stumbled upon each other in town, I felt as though God had granted my prayers, and I could not let you go, not even at the request of my hero.
Not for the danger of falling for you again. Not for anything.”
I moved closer, just a fraction but enough.
He said, “I knew the risk when we kissed. I knew the risk of staying the moment I recognized you in the market. I knew you might recognize me. Hell, I expected you to, actually, but even when you didn’t, even though I was given yet another chance to be free of you, I was immobilized by the what if.
What if you… I just wanted to see you again, just once.
Like you, I prayed for such a thing, and I got it.
I said, Cyrus, that’s it. That’s all you need.
But then you came around and around and around. You found me while stealing my horse–”
“Not your horse,” I muttered.
He chuckled. “And then we danced. And I felt…hope. Then Sameer paid me to distract you and it felt so perfectly aligned that I was always in your path.”
“He paid you?” I scowled. “And you took it? Filthy.”
“Filthy or not, I was between a rock and a harder wall. I could’ve refused the money, drawn attention to the why, how I struggled to be around you, or I could take it and be paid to do something I wanted an excuse to do anyway.
Besides, it wasn’t about the money,” he said.
“Not really. We can’t all be as rich as King Nikolai, no, but I do have a mountain of his gold under my bed.
I’m not suffering. I took Sameer’s offer because if I didn’t, then what?
He finds someone else to do it? Someone better suited for your attention?
No. No, I’ve worked too hard for this moment.
I’ve been too patient for this chance, and every day of my life.
I have already done things I despised doing for Chalke, why not twist that evil into something good? Something for me?”
“I don’t understand… You worked for this moment?” I asked.
“Yes, Princess. I’ve worked for it.” He gave me a look.
“Even before, I… What I mean is that I worked to become unstoppable with a blade, to become Sameer’s instructor, to guarantee that when you arrived, I would be as close to you as humanly possible given my station.
And then, hilariously, I just happened upon you at the market. And I—”
“You were engaged,” I argued. “You were engaged to another woman. Was Miss Lydia a part of your effort to see me, sir?”
“I… No.” He looked as if I’d slapped him. “She was a distraction.”
“That’s horrible. She’s a person.”
“Yes. Yes, I know, and I wrestle with myself constantly over it all. Over my ability to discard her. Lydia was…not a distraction exactly. I did care for her… but she was not you. So yes, I did feel something for her. For a time, I did try to move on from you. Not because I didn’t want you, but because you were engaged, too, and to someone I call my friend.
It was a messy time in my life. I had no rudder. No hope until the market.”
“Does she know?” I asked. “Why you left Oreia?”
“If you’re asking if she knows my identity, no,” he said.
“...Does she know of us?”
“No,” he promised. “I’ve never told her of my days at the castle, but...I mean, she has seen the scar. We were not exactly…unphysical.”
“She’s seen the scar.” I nodded, then folded my arms. “I feel awful then,” I said. “For her. For you. For this whole thing.”
“It’s all awful,” he said. “But I am not ashamed of my decisions. When the Treaty was announced, half my soul intended to disrupt your union, somehow. And the other…”
“And the other?” I asked.
“The other half said it was enough to be within your orbit. It said, do as you’re told. Hide in plain sight. Leave her alone. Let Sameer be happy… but before you ask, no. I didn’t befriend Sam to use him. I befriended him while I was alone in the world. I do honestly care for him.”
“I never suspected that,” I said, sighing. “Honestly, for the number of times you’ve scolded me for my words against him, the only thing I know for fact is that your friendship is true.”
“It is. Very much, despite everything. If there’s anything authentic about Cyrus Evergreen, it’s his respect and his love for the Prince. That’s why it’s so hard to feel this way. I’m less concerned about your knight actually gutting me, than I am gutting Sameer.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be. Please. …Svana, I am still the man you’ve confided in.
I’m still the man you’ve shaped for the better.
Please believe me. Without you, I was unanchored.
I met women; I used women. I sought ways to conceal this obsession–I, I hadn’t spoken to you in half a decade, yet every thought belonged to you somehow.
Even across the world, I was not far enough.
That's not a good look for a rake, now is it?”
“No,” I whispered. “No, and in any other circumstance I would be very frightened right now. You sound completely mad.”
“I am mad. I’m completely mad for you. Does it not show?
I’ve made friends here. You know? I’ve made a name for myself, but I…
I can’t dismiss the hope that… I don’t even know.
That you might care? And now I fear I’ve destroyed my chance, my chance to have you, even if but for mere seconds before you’re wed. It’s enough.”
“Is that all you want?” I asked. “Seconds?”
“There is no honorable way to answer that, love. A second, a minute, an eternity. There is no cost I would not pay for any fraction of time I could spend with you, Your Highness.”
I nodded, though I was unsure. I touched his neck, timid and anxiously.
“You haven’t destroyed anything,” I said. “If anything, your honesty has left me in want of you more. But I’m nervous.” My eyes flickered to his lips, then found his again. I touched his cheek, the stubble barely scratching against my fingers. “Willem,” I whispered. “I want you.”
His mouth pressed to mine. Beneath us, the mattress groaned as he laid back, taking me with him.
The moment was perfect—the way he swept me into his body and breathed the same words back to me into my ear—then he hissed, absolutely wretchedly, at the pain the movement brought.
His hand left me to shield his gash with a heavy gustful breath.
“Are you alright?” I begged, covering his fingers with mine. “Please. Lay down. You must.”
He obeyed, quickly moving toward the head of the bed but took me with him.
“Svana,” he said, pulling me to climb over him.
I staked my arms at either side of his body, but my gaze lingered. He was composed of coarser lines and ridges than I was, and I dared to explore their ends.
Cyrus rolled me to my back; he moaned once more.
“Stop it,” I told him, though I could not help but laugh. “We have not touched in so long. What is another week if it means you’re not in agony?”
“One pain for another,” he joked but he collapsed back beside me with a curse.
“I want you not to hurt,” I said. “All I do is hurt you it seems.”
“That’s not true,” he replied. He stared at the ceiling. Finally, he asked, “What’s happened since I’ve been out?
“What’s happened? What do you mean? In the world? How should I know?” I said. “I’ve been in here with you.”
“No. I meant…with you and Sam. He asked me for advice,” he said.
“Advice?” I scoffed. “On what?” I propped myself upon my elbow and grinned, playing with the growing shadow on his chin.
“On you,” he said. He was still.
“Me?”
“Yes. You.” He finally looked. “He asked how to get you to forgive him.”
I scoffed. “I do hope you told him not to bother.”
Cyrus shifted. “I didn’t.”
I frowned. “Whta? What did you say?”
“I told him to be honest with you and to apologize for his affair. I told him that you deserve an apology.”
“Good Lord, why? Why would you do that? You know your excessive need to be so loyal might actually be your worst quality,” I argued. It made him smile. “Tell your prince that I don’t hold him in contempt for anything.”
“Don’t you?” he asked.
“How could I?” I shook my head. “I’m lying in your arms and it’s all I’ve ever wanted my whole life.”
I kissed his cheek, then his neck, and then his chest. His fingers combed into the back of my hair.
“Do you mean it?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. “Tell your prince that I will forgive him on the condition that I may spend every day of our marriage within the company of my riding companion. Tell him he need not apologize for leaving me in such capable hands.”
“Oh, is that what I should say?” He snickered. “I don’t think I should do that, Svana.” Cyrus lifted my face and ran his knuckle along my blouse and skirt. “I don’t think informing Sam about you and my hands will do either of us any good. He already thinks you’re seeing Daniel.”
“I think you should touch me,” I said.
He stopped. “I think you should go back to bed before I do.”
“No.”
“No?” he asked.
“No. I’m not ever leaving you again,” I said.
“I see.” He snuck over the fabric of my dress and then beneath it, to touch me where I had missed him most. He pressed against my core. “...You cannot be caught in here with me, Swan,” he said, despite. “I’m no longer so feverish that I need ‘round the clock care.”
“Then no one should interrupt us,” I replied. “We should be alone.”
He grinned. “You’re not even close to what I would consider quiet.”
I closed my eyes, spreading my legs a little further apart. “Cyrus,” I begged.
He arrived at my ear. “If you’re going to risk our lives, love, call me Willem, please. I’ve been dying to hear you say it.”
“Willem.” I bit my lip. “Willem, my Willem. I’ve missed you.”
Whatever came over me was not remotely polite, but a naturally driven instinct.
I reached for his trousers, mimicking his own motions against him.
I hadn’t realized what he would feel like, hard beneath my hand.
I met his eyes, traveling up and down his length.
I watched his expression alter, fascinated by the flash of his teeth and the lowly emitted growl.
Willem grabbed my wrist and he pinned it back into the bed, seeking and kissing the delicate skin near my collar bone. “You fucking tease,” he purred.
I giggled. “Do you not like that?” I asked. My comment cracked as he pressed harder to me, manipulating the very center with expert skill.
“Oh, I like it,” he said.
“Are…? Are you in pain?” I asked.
“Tremendous,” he murmured.
“I’m sorry, I–”
He worked faster; my core ignited, slowly building that pressure from the church. “I dreamt of you,” he said. “Of touching you. Of this. Every second I was asleep.”
I gasped.
“This is what kept me dreaming," he whispered. “Knowing your warmth, your taste.”
Pleasure broke over me like a crash of thunder against the sky, just as he finished the thought.
“That right there. That face. That’s what I came back for.”