Chapter 31 #2
“What are we apologizing for?” Josie asked. She held a bouquet in her hands and then shyly handed it to the knight like it was nothing.
He took the flowers, then set them to the side.
“You don’t like it?” she asked.
Daniel shook his head.
“How dare you,” I hissed.
He sighed. “No. That’s not–” He looked up at her. “I love it, Miss Jocelyn. I do,” he said. “That’s not what’s wrong.”
She glanced between us. “What's wrong then?”
“Lets, uh...Let’s take a walk,” Willoughby said. “I need to be anywhere else.”
Mr. Evergreen and I sat in silence for a while. We left shortly after their departure. Then walked back in silence, too. The moment we arrived at the stables, I couldn’t bear it.
“I’m sorry,” I said, defeated. “Is that what you wish to hear?”
“You’d be better to tell your knight those words, not me,” he returned. “I can’t believe that happened. I can’t believe you said those things. It’s not your business.”
“I… But he loves her,” I said. “He loves her and he refuses to confess.”
“Why must he?” he asked. “Why must a person confess something if they don’t wish anyone to know?”
I pouted.
He went on. “I don’t understand how you could hurt your friends like that.” He began to desaddle our steeds and put their things away. I watched him stomp across the barn, his steps heavier with every pass.
“I just… I didn’t mean to hurt them,” I said. “I was trying to help. I don’t understand.”
“Understand what? Basic decorum?”
I scoffed. “No. I don’t understand how Ser Willoughby has a chance to declare his love for the one woman he wants, yet he refuses.
I mean, even if he had not confided in me, one could ascertain his feelings.
Just look at him look at her,” I argued.
“It's like a fairytale–they’re written so perfectly for one another. You might as well call it Once Upon a Knight! How dare he refuse to display his feelings because he thinks he knows what’s best.”
“Maybe he does,” he replied.
“He does not. At least not without allowing her to make her own decision,” I said. “She’s part of this, too.”
Cyrus nodded. “I think you overstepped. No, I know you did. The man trusted you. You exposed his secrets. Josie trusted you. Can you imagine the things she could reveal about you?”
“I didn’t mean to expose their secrets. I don’t want you to think I’m rotten. I thought I was helping,” I said, wringing my hands. “Willem, they love each other, not just fancy. Love. Why can they not say it and be together and be happy?”
He canted his head. “Does that sound familiar to you?”
“I…” I shook my head. “No.”
“Besides. If she truly is a widow, what’s to say she’s even ready for another marriage? She could still be grieving.”
“She wants to marry him. She loves him!” I said.
“Sometimes, love isn’t all the math,” he said. “Sometimes, circumstances prevent such happily ever afters. Yes?”
“Are you suggesting something?” I asked.
“I…” He hung his head. “No.”
“You are, aren’t you?” I asked. “You don’t think this, us, has a happy ending?”
Cyrus locked his jaw.
“Say it,” I said.
“I…I saw Sameer yesterday,” he confessed. He cast his eyes to the ground. “He’s ended things with Agatha.”
“...What?”
“I said he–”
“No, I heard you.” I pondered it. “That was more of a… a ‘why' question. Sorry,” I said. “W-What happened?”
“You,” he said.
“Me?” I touched his arm; its muscles tensed. “No, I did not. I have no interest in Sameer,” I said. “That kiss meant nothing.”
“You kissed him?” he asked.
“No! He kissed me! While you were unconscious,” I added. “And it meant nothing. It doesn’t matter. I slapped him. I don’t want him.”
“I know you don't,” he said. He ran his hands over his face. “I do. I know that, but… Svana, you’re marrying him. In weeks.”
“I know that but–”
“It’s just….”
“What are you suggesting?” I asked.
He shrugged. “It was one thing when Sameer was disinterested in you; his focus was on another woman. Now it’s not. Now he’s kissing you right in front of me.”
“Once! Unprovoked! And again, I did slap him. That affects us, how?” I asked.
“I am not romantically involved with the Prince. I have no interest in being romantically involved with him. I haven’t even seen the man in so long.
He– Just because he’s no longer with Lady Agatha does not mean that he is interested in me. He–”
“He asked me how to speak to you,” he said. “He asked me how to apologize before. He’s… He’s interested in you, Svana. I know him. I do. I dread what he’ll ask me next.”
“You also know that I despise him,” I said.
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do. Do not tell me how I feel,” I told him. “I know my heart.”
“I just-”
“I’m sorry for your friend,” I said. “I’m sorry he’s sad because of the failure of his relationship, but I had nothing to do with it and I am not its replacement. I do not love him. I never will.”
“In time you might,” he said.
“No, I will not. I will never love him. Go ahead. You can promise him that on my behalf.”
“You don't know what the future holds,” he said. “But you will be married. Not courted. Married. And, because of who you are and who he is, you will produce an heir for him, which means you will have sex with him, and sex leads to feelings. Feelings lead to more sex outside of children.”
“Are you joking?” I asked.
He went on. “You’ll take his name. You will spend all your time with him now that he has nowhere else to be, and Sam?
Sam is a sort. He will charm you. He will love you.
You will become his personality. He will not want you to spend your days with me.
He will be jealous. Possessive. He will be at your side forever. You and I will grow apart.”
“I don’t love him,” I said sternly.
“You might in time,” he said.
“And I also might casually fall off a cliff to avoid him at all costs! You’re right, the future is rather unpredictable, isn’t it, Mr. Evergreen?” I asked.
“Svana.” His face darkened.
“I don’t love Sameer. I will never love him. I can’t. I–” My teeth made a click. I stole his hand and placed it to my heart. “I love you,” I said.
“You will bear his children, and I- I’m not sure that I can watch that.”
“What are you saying?” I asked.
“I’m saying…”
“I love you,” I repeated. “I love you.”
“You love the idea of me. Your Knight. Your Sword. Your Willem.”
“That’s not true,” I begged. “I was in love with you when I believed you were an arrogant swordsmastering rake, and you know it! Do not rewrite history to justify how you wound me now.”
He searched my face.
“I will not bear his children. I don’t care if they hang me for it. I will not have sex with him. Not willingly. Wed or not. I will find a way out of it. I will.”
“You can’t.”
“Run away with me,” I said. “Leave. You’ve disappeared before. Vanish again with me now. We’ll have our own family. I’ll take your name. Whatever name you choose for us.”
“It is your duty to produce a royal heir, and you, yourself, confessed how important duty is to who you are. I should rob you of that? Rob Oreia and Chalke of their peace? Of their Princess? Their future?”
“Leaving me robs me of much more, I assure you.”
He made an angry, frustrated sound, turning from me. “I cannot share you with him,” he said. “I thought I would be able to handle it, but now that he wants it to work, I… I can’t hurt him. This has to end.”
I gasped as if I’d be stabbed. “Tell me you don’t love me,” I said.
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“You know why,” he said.
“I don’t know anything because you won’t say anything,” I said. “Tell me you hate me!”
“I don’t hate you.”
“Say it!” I demanded.
“No.”
“Then tell me you love me. Tell me so I don’t have to guess if you feel this or if I’m simply losing my mind. That I’m not a fool for thinking this meant more than just sex.”
“If I say it, it’s real,” he said.
“It’s real regardless,” I said. I brought him toward me. “This right here? Us? We’re real. Now. Make a decision, Willem. Why can you not see me with Sameer?”
“I can’t see you with him because… because I love you.”
I blinked happy tears. He wiped them free.
“Please don’t cry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. I’m just so upset. I’m so scared. Please. I’m sorry.”
“I love you, Willem,” I breathed. “There is nothing I would not do for you, even die. If you ask me to run away, I will. Ask me. I will never lose you again.”
“I can’t hurt you like that,” he said. “I love you for who you are, and you are Svana Eisson. You’re our empire’s salvation. Stealing you for myself risks war and I’ve seen what war does to people. I cannot let it hurt anyone else.”
“We can make this work,” I told him.
He nodded, but he wasn’t sure. I could see it. “He, uh, he asked me to stand as his witness. His best man at the altar.”
“I…” I didn’t know what to say. “Say no.”
He shook his head. “I said yes.”
“What? Why? Why would you say yes?” I asked.
He felt my jaw, evoking another passionate embrace of kissing. My hands slipped to his waist and I began to tug at his belt.
“Svana,” he muttered.
“I want you,” I said. “I want you. Only you. Right here. Right now. Forever. Let me show you. Please.”
Cyrus lifted me; my back met the wall. I wrapped my legs around his waist. He forced his palm up my skirt to grope and caress my thigh with such vigor that it left me breathless.
I gasped as he pressed himself hard into my shape and then I jumped, when a sudden, distressed voice split us apart. My feet hit the floor.
“Well, this is… I…. ” Sameer stood at the door. “This is something, isn’t it?” he asked.