Chapter 26
Chapter
Twenty-Six
Jasper bit his tongue as they walked through the forest. Neither spoke. He wanted to argue. He wanted to keep pushing his point. But clearly the discussion was over.
Yet Jasper just didn’t believe Kraghol was correct. He couldn’t accept that Kraghol could never belong in Jasper’s world. Or at least, he thought Kraghol should explore the idea.
Of course, he could see where Kraghol was coming from. He’d seen how some treated orcs, trolls, and gargoyles in the city. He didn’t doubt they’d be arseholes who treated a krampus just as terribly. Or worse.
But Jasper wanted a future between them. He knew they’d only really been getting to know each other for a handful of days and a lot of what he was feeling was part of the half-mate bond. Still, he wanted this to work!
Why isn’t Kraghol even willing to try?
And it wasn’t like Kraghol was happy in the forest with the krampuses. From everything Jasper had learnt, Kraghol didn’t feel a connection to his family or any of the others. And he had no friends. Here he was completely alone.
But maybe Kraghol was right. Maybe he didn’t belong in Jasper’s world. Still, it hurt that Kraghol didn’t seem willing to even discuss the idea. He just shut it down.
As they walked, a heaviness settled in his stomach. Maybe Kraghol just didn’t feel for Jasper like Jasper felt for Kraghol. Maybe he was fine for them to spend time together but also didn’t mind the idea of the bond fading and of Jasper leaving and not returning.
A painful silence stretched between them. Kali glanced up at them, no doubt sensing his hurt through their bond.
When they reached the forest’s edge, they paused. Still, neither spoke.
Finally, Jasper broke the silence. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” But the last word lifted in tone, as if he was asking a question. Because suddenly he doubted if Kraghol even wanted him here.
“Okay,” Kraghol said, voice soft.
Was that all? Jasper wasn’t sure what he wanted Kraghol to say. He just… He just wanted to know if Kraghol actually wanted him at all.
Jasper gave a sharp nod. He turned and walked towards the city. He intentionally didn’t look back. He wondered if Kraghol continued watching him as he left the forest.
The past few days, he’d been trying to show Kraghol how good they could be together. Jasper had thought it had been going well. He could see a future for them. Why didn’t Kraghol?
Kraghol always seemed so awed and taken aback by the Christmas decorations and the food he brought. He seemed to like spending time with Jasper. But maybe he had just imagined all that. Or maybe Kraghol just liked it but didn’t care if he had it or not.
In all his years, Jasper had never fought for someone. Lovers had come and gone. He’d never been bothered to try to keep someone around. But then, he’d never felt like this for anyone before.
Am I just being foolish? Should I really keep going back and trying to make this work? Or should I stop going and wait for the bond to break?
He didn’t want to be the only one invested in this relationship.
As he walked, his footsteps grew heavier. An ache started at his temples, growing stronger and stronger. By the time he reached his home, his limbs throbbed and his legs wobbled as he ascended the stairs. He gasped for breath.
At least once this bond fades, this fucking illness will probably go too.
When he got to his room, he tugged off his boots and outer layers. He collapsed into bed. Kali dived beneath the covers with him.
He hadn’t felt anywhere near this bad in a while. Why was today different?
Closing his eyes, he pushed the question away. He couldn’t deal with that now. He needed rest.
A knock woke him. Stifling a groan, he opened his eyes.
Leo entered, carrying a tray with a candle on it. The light outside had been fading when Jasper had fallen asleep. It had completely gone now.
Kali crawled out from beneath the covers and jumped onto the floor.
“Evening, Jas. How has the rest of your day been?”
“Fine,” Jasper lied, sitting up. He blinked rapidly as a wave of dizziness slammed into him. He put his hand on the bed to try to stop himself from swaying.
“Well, I got your tea for you.” Leo set down the tray and placed a plate of fish on the floor for Kali. He took a seat. “How are you feeling tonight?”
“Fine.” Jasper gritted his teeth, trying to ignore the spinning room and his throbbing head.
“How are your symptoms?”
“Fine,” he lied again. Why do I feel so fucking wretched?
“Maybe we should try and find you another healer,” Leo suggested, not for the first time.
Jasper held in a sigh. He didn’t need a new healer. He was almost certain he knew why he was sick. It was some weird, bullshit side effect of an incomplete mate bond with a krampus. And when the partial bond disappeared, he would be magically cured.
Then Kraghol won’t want anything to do with me anymore.
“It’s fine, Leo. Don’t worry about it.”
For a second, he wondered if he should explain to Leo what was happening. But recently that hadn’t gone well. And what good would it even accomplish? Everything between him and Kraghol was so uncertain.
If he told Leo, his twin would have a million questions that Jasper couldn’t answer. Leo’s worry would increase, especially when he realised how uncertain Jasper’s relationship with Kraghol was.
No. It made more sense to wait and see what happened.
“But you should be better by now. That’s what the healer said. But you’re not,” Leo pushed.
“You think I don’t know I’m not better?”
“But the healer has no explanation for why that’s the case! So you should find a new healer!”
“Leave it, Leo.”
“Just tell me why you don’t want to see a different healer?” Leo nagged.
Jasper shook his head and immediately regretted it. The room spun faster and faster. Bile rose in the back of his throat as the nausea rolled through him. “It doesn’t matter.”
Leo opened his mouth to speak.
“Just leave it, Leo. Please!” Jasper pleaded.
Thankfully Leo didn’t say anything more on the subject. The conversation moved on to other topics and Jasper could breathe easier. He drank his bitter, medicinal tea.
“And you and Percy? How’s that going?” Jasper forced a chuckle, trying to keep the conversation upbeat. “Actually, I don’t need to ask. I can hear the two of you at night. I know things are going well.”
Leo beamed. He gushed about the phoenix, filling Jasper in. “I’ve never felt like this for anyone before. I can’t get enough of him. We spend all our time together, and I still feel like it’s not enough. He just makes me really fucking happy.”
“I’m glad.” Jasper smiled and squeezed his knee. “You deserve to be happy.” And he meant it. “You’re practically glowing.”
“I can really see us having a future together,” Leo said. “And I get the sense that Percy does too.”
Jasper tried to keep the smile on his face, but his stomach sank. He turned towards the window so Leo couldn’t properly see his expression. Because suddenly, all Jasper could think of was how he wanted a future with Kraghol and he doubted Kraghol wanted the same.
“Jas, what’s wrong?” Leo asked.
Keeping his gaze on the window, Jasper shook his head. “Nothing.”
“Look, I know something is wrong. I know you aren’t telling me everything. I can feel it.”
Jasper kept staring at the window. He didn’t have the strength for this. He just wanted Leo to go away so Jasper could lie down and wallow in self-pity. And why did Leo not know how to take a hint?
“Please, Jas. You used to tell me everything. I’m your brother. Your twin!” Leo gripped his shoulder. “You know you can tell me anything.”
“There’s nothing to tell!” Jasper snapped, lying once more. He knocked Leo’s hand off his shoulder. “Why can’t you just fucking leave it? Why can’t you just leave me alone?”
Leo pulled back. “I—”
It was all too much. This illness. Kraghol not even wanting to try for a future together. And now Leo wouldn’t bugger off so Jasper could fucking mope!
“Just leave and go back to your phoenix. Be happy. Forget all about me. I don’t need you nagging me all the time. I am dealing with enough already.” But even as the words left Jasper’s mouth, he knew he was being a colossal prick.
A heavy silence followed, and Jasper wished he could take back the words.
“I’m sorry, Jas. I didn’t mean—”
“No.” Jasper exhaled. “Shit. I’m sorry. Don’t apologise. I— I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped like that. I’m just exhausted and tired. I just can’t deal with—” He cut himself off.
“I just hate being sick. That’s all. I’m always exhausted. My head aches. My body aches. My heart—” Jasper tried to smile. “It all just makes me lose my temper. You’re a good brother. I’m sorry, Leo.”
“It’s fine,” Leo said.
“Anyway, you should get back to your phoenix. He’s much better company than me tonight. And he’s probably waiting for you.”
“I can stay longer,” Leo said.
“Nah. I’m fine. I just need to be alone to rest.”
After several moments, Leo stood. “Well, drink your tea and rest up. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” He walked to the door.
“Leo.” Jasper didn’t want to leave it like this.
Leo paused and looked back.
“I’m happy for you and Percy. Really. I hope you and he are happy together for a long time.”
“Thanks,” Leo said and left.
Jasper sighed. He dropped his aching head into his hands. “Fuck. I’m such a dickhead.” Kali jumped up onto the bed beside him, curling around him. Jasper patted her fur.
“I’ll tell him soon. But not yet.” He rubbed his hands over his face. At least Leo had Percy to comfort him tonight.