Chapter 39
Chapter
Thirty-Nine
Jasper sat on a tree-stump. He leaned forward, placing his throbbing head in his hands. He struggled to draw breath into his lungs. His limbs ached. Everything ached.
What is happening to me?
He’d been unable to continue any further. So he’d stopped and sat, waiting for his body to recover enough so he could leave the forest and go home. There he planned to break down completely.
He’d never hurt like this before. He’d never felt like his entire body had rebelled against him. And he had to deal not only with the physical pain but with the knowledge that Kraghol had decided to break the bond with him and move on.
Kali placed her paws on his legs. She rubbed her nose against his knees. Then she bounded up onto his lap. Jasper wrapped his arms around her warm, lean body. He buried his face in her soft fur.
“Why won’t he even try to find a way for us to be together?” Because it would be one thing if Kraghol just wanted to break the bond so Jasper would heal. But it was not just that. Kraghol still saw no way for them to be together.
Kali whined.
“At least I still have you,” he whispered.
Kali licked his cheeks. Jasper curled himself around her, as if he could block out the world and the hurt.
Then as he sat, the sharp throbbing in his skull shifted, receding a little. The pains in his body grew fainter. He lifted his head and looked the way they’d come.
A moment later, he heard the quick footsteps of someone running through the snow. Kraghol appeared. Which was odd, since he always moved so quietly.
“Jasper!” Kraghol pulled up short.
“Why are you here?” Jasper hunched his shoulders and angled his body away from Kraghol.
“I came for you.”
Jasper’s lungs constricted at the words. He wanted them to be true. But he’d heard what Kraghol had said. He didn’t mean them like Jasper wanted him to.
“Well, you found me. Did you come to break the bond?” He did not even try to keep the anguish from his voice.
“I—” Kraghol’s shoulders sagged. “I don’t know.”
Kali hopped down from his lap, facing Kraghol. She flattened her ears against her. Her anger towards Kraghol bled through the bond.
Kraghol frowned as he stared at Kali. “I’m sorry for hurting your witch, Kali.
” Then he turned to Jasper and slowly walked past Kali, who continued to stare angrily at him but allowed him to approach Jasper.
“Are you all right, Jasper? You don’t look all right.
My sister said she knows why you are so unwell. ”
His sister. So that was who Kraghol had been talking to. After everything he’d heard about Kraghol’s family, he was unsurprised that his sister did not approve of their relationship.
“She called it mate sickness.” Kraghol crouched. He lifted a hand. His fingers twitched as if he wanted to touch Jasper. But then he dropped his arm, no doubt thinking better of it.
Still, Jasper longed for his touch. Even if the misery and outrage burned bright in his chest, he still wanted Kraghol to touch him.
And isn’t that fucking pathetic.
“She says mate sickness occurs when a partial mate bond is made with a non-krampus. Sometimes but not always, the non-krampus gets sick. It is made worse when the incomplete bond is threatened. Which is why you are so unwell now.” His gaze flicked over Jasper’s face.
“And probably why it feels worse when you are away from me.”
Kraghol opened his hand, revealing a strange red ball on his palm. “But my sister gave me a solution. If I consume this, the bond will break. You’ll be healed.”
Jasper fought the urge to slap the red ball away. He blinked back tears. “And that’s what you want? The bond to break.”
“I…” Kraghol sighed. “I can’t see a future for us together, Jasper. I want one. I do. But—”
“But you won’t even try!” Jasper cried out, his voice echoing around them. “You say you want a future. But then you give up on us so quickly! I’m so sick of listening to you give up on us. I’m so sick of being the only one who wants to find a way for us.”
Kraghol lowered his head.
Breathing heavily, Jasper stared at snow-covered treetops. “Your sister told you that you needed a proper krampus mate. Is that what you want too? Are you going to mate a krampus as soon as our bond breaks?” He wiped at his wet cheeks.
“No.”
Jasper licked his dry lips. “Your sister called me a mistake. You didn’t disagree. So am I your mistake, Kraghol? Do you regret me?”
Kraghol shook his head. “You are not my mistake. And I could never regret you or our time together. But that still doesn’t mean we should be together.”
Jasper pressed his lips together.
“It wouldn’t be fair to you. You deserve someone better than me, Jasper. How can you not see that?”
Jasper opened his mouth to speak, but Kraghol kept going.
“You deserve to have a proper home with someone, where you can have decorations, a Christmas tree, a cosy fire, and furniture. You deserve someone who can walk with you openly in the streets of Anorra. You deserve to be able to have someone whose hand you can hold as you visit the Christmas markets.”
Kraghol let out a slow breath. “You deserve cookies and hot chocolate. Not whips and switches. You deserve gifts and presents. Not punishments. You deserve a life bathed in sunlight. Not surrounded by darkness, fear, and terror. You deserve only good things in life, Jasper.”
Jasper reached out and gripped his hand. He gazed into Kraghol’s tortured grey eyes. “You deserve only good things too!”