Chapter 21 Xavier
XAVIER
"Yara!" I yelled after her as she ran out of the room.
Ran away from me.
The SWAT team started entering the room, but I couldn't pay attention to any of them. I could see my grandfather as I ran out, waiting for me, for my father, but he didn't matter right now. None of them mattered but her.
I fucked up. Massively fucked up and even before I saw her in that chair, tied like a fucking animal with a bloodied lower lip and fear in her eyes, I knew I would have to explain everything.
I knew I would need to beg for her forgiveness, but I had foolishly believed she would still wait for me.
She would still let me in after all of this was finished.
I couldn't even bask in the knowledge that we finally had the confession from my father and her mother.
I couldn't fucking think as I ran after her, into the dark woods that were far too close to the swamp that was filled with alligators.
She didn't know this area, but I did and I dreaded what would happen if I failed to catch her.
"Yara!" I belted out again, but she wasn't slowing down.
If anything, she seemed to be running faster, getting away from me, and I had no idea how it was possible after what she went through.
Maybe it was the adrenaline, or maybe the need to get away from all of us, which I could understand, but I needed her to stop.
I needed her to hear me out and then decide what she wanted to do.
I couldn't exist without her, that much I knew, but if something happened to her—something worse than what already took place—I would never forgive myself.
Having to lie to her. Having to ignore her, to stop myself from going to Violet's house, required the strength I didn't know I had.
But when my grandpa showed up at my doorstep the morning after she ran away, just as I was about to leave, I knew I had to make a choice. And now I feared I made the wrong one.
I chose my revenge over her. I chose my need to be right, to defeat my father over the woman I loved. The woman that was everything to me, even if she thought I felt nothing.
Hearing those words coming from Rhett’s mouth.
Hearing my father and her mother admit they were working together for quite some time now.
Hearing they were selling her pictures when she was barely a teenager.
.. I wanted to kill them all. I wanted them to suffocate in their own blood, but I knew I wasn't able to do anything, not with the SWAT team there and not with my grandpa watching my every move.
He couldn't understand why I would give up on the plan the two of us had ever since I attacked my father over some girl.
He had only met Yara once—at the wedding—but he never got a chance to really talk to her.
He didn't get a chance to meet her, to see that she wasn't her mother.
That she was a victim in all of this and not someone who would screw us over.
But I knew her.
I knew she drank her coffee with just one shot of espresso and a lot of milk. I knew she smiled at all dogs, spoke with birds as if they could understand her, and I knew she had a kind heart. I knew she had scars she had inflicted on herself, but she rarely let me see them. Not just me, but anyone.
They weren't on her arms but on her inner thighs, hidden from the eyes of the world, but I saw them even when she tried hiding them. I saw them when she wrapped herself around me, laying her head over my heart.
I have never hated who I was more than tonight, and I would spend the rest of my life proving to her that she was the one for me.
That she was who I chose, no matter the consequences.
My grandpa wasn't against it, but I understood his reasoning—she was the daughter of a woman who had managed to destroy my entire world.
Her and my father had managed to fuck up everything, and I was only too happy to put them behind the bars, where they belonged.
But Yara had to pay the price, and I wasn't sure it was worth it anymore.
The look on her face, the pure betrayal when she looked at me, and I wouldn't spare her a glance. She thought she didn't matter to me, but she was the most important person.
Her cries that flickered through the microphone we had put in the dress she was wearing... They killed me. They fucking killed me, slicing into my memory with vicious precision and I don't think I would ever get to forget them.
"Yara! Stop!"
"Get away from me!" she yelled back, but her strength was betraying her. Her legs were slowing her down and I wasn't sure if I was happy or devastated by the vision of her falling onto the ground not too far from me.
With a constricted heart, I closed the distance between us, wrapped my hands around her upper arms and lifted her up. "Yara, baby. Plea—"
"I'm not your baby!" she thundered, pushing me away from her and plastering herself against the trunk of the tree.
"I'm not your anything," she bit out. I fucking hated the look on her face, the pain in her eyes, but I couldn't do anything to take back the last couple of hours.
"Was it fun, Xavier, playing with me? Using me?
Making my life a living hell? Was it fun?
!" Tears rolled down her cheeks, but she didn't try to stop them.
She had no idea how much it killed me seeing her like this.
She had no idea I had died a thousand times since she walked out of our house. The glimpses of her weren't enough. The glimpses of her smiles, of her eyes, of her kindness weren't enough.
"Yara," I tried again, lifting my hands up and taking a step closer. "Please. Let me explain. I promise—"
"You promise?" She laughed darkly, her eyes wild as she straightened up looking at me with all the hatred I deserved to have. "Your promises mean nothing, Xavier. Your promises, your words, they're all just lies wrapped in this cute little package. Just lies, lies, lies and more fucking lies!"
"Yara—"
"I'm tired of people using me," she cried.
"I'm tired of being unloved. I'm so fucking tired, and I just want it to stop.
I want it all to stop!" She slid down the tree, her hands covered in Rhett’s blood, coming over her face as her entire body shook from the sobs that took over her body.
"I don't want to be in this world anymore.
I-I don't belong anywhere. I don't have anyone.
" She went quiet for a second. "I'm all alone. "
And I couldn't take it anymore.
I couldn't just stand here and do nothing, trying to do this slowly. Slowly could go through the window, because it was obvious she was breaking right in front of my eyes, and it was all my fault.
My knees hit the ground in front of her, and before she could pull away, before she could push me away, I pulled her into me, grabbing her by the arms and pulling her between my legs.
"Alone?" I gritted out, my voice raspy from the emotions coursing through my veins. "You're not alone. You have me. You have so many people who care about you."
Her tear stained face tilted up, looking at me as I held her arms even while she tried to get away from me.
"I don't have you," she spat out, the venom in those words almost knocking me back.
But I would take it. I would take anything she wanted to dish out at me, if it meant she would listen.
"I thought I did. I thought you would maybe, maybe be the person who could save me.
I thought your words meant something, even when I tried running away from it.
Because you terrified me. Because I knew you were larger than life and I was a nobody.
" She took a shuddering breath, and continued killing me as she cried through each fucking sentence.
"I was just a pawn in this fucked up game, and you—" she laughed, "—you were the Devil.
My devil, but I need to thank you for showing me I was truly and utterly alone.
I need to thank you for showing me that the love I felt for you was nothing more but a figment of my imagination, because I was desperately clinging to the man who actually hated me. "
Hated her? She thought I fucking hated her?
"I never hated you, Yara."
She shook her head, her eyes closing as the fresh stream of tears rolled down her face. "Don't lie to me. Don't do it, p-please." Goddammit. "I can't take it anymore." Her eyes flew open, looking into mine, searing into my soul. "I can't. I want the truth, please. It's the least you could give me."
She wanted the truth? Fine.
Hollow laughter broke free from my chest and as I sat back, pulling her with me, pulling her closer to my chest, I finally felt as if the dam had opened. As if everything I had kept hidden was going to spill out.
"When I was a little boy, my mother told me one day a princess would come.
The most beautiful princess and I would know, in that moment, that she was meant for me.
I would feel it in my chest as if I was waking up for the first time.
As if it was the first time I inhaled the fresh air, that's what she said.
And I laughed." I chuckle at the memory.
"I laughed because girls weren't something I was interested in when I was eight years old.
They weren't exactly important, but then—" I quieted down, looking at the crimson streaks on her face.
Into the silver eyes that have captivated me from the first moment I saw them.
I had to fight against myself, against my own feelings, believing I hated her when all this time, I was falling in love with her.
"But then?" she murmured.
"But then I saw you." A smile broke free on my face, remembering the day as if it was yesterday.
"You were standing there, in the middle of my living room, with this big smile on your face, your eyes shining, and I didn't know what to say.
Words failed me, my heart almost jumped out of my chest the moment you spoke. "