Chapter 21 Xavier #2
"But you were so mean." Her words spilled between us, reminding me of what an asshole I was.
My fingers pushed through her hair, moving it from her face, allowing me to see her better.
"I was an idiot. I was also a coward because at that moment I wanted to hate you.
I needed to hate you for the sole fact that you were her daughter, and I knew what they did.
I couldn't prove it, not entirely, but I knew there was something wrong.
I wasn't in Europe just for some fancy therapy, baby," I added.
"I was there collecting evidence against my father, against your mother, because their operations didn't just span through the States, but also there. "
Her eyes widened, realizing what kind of evil monsters lived with us, but she didn't say anything.
"I don't want to tell you what I found, because it's enough what you've heard tonight, but the point is—I didn't hate you.
I hated myself. I hated the way I felt and the way I wanted you and I knew I couldn't have you.
I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to use you against him because I thought he cared about you.
Because I thought he could use you to be his perfect little daughter, and I was wrong, Yara.
I was so fucking wrong." She was calmer now, breathing slower, but the fear and the pain was still there in her eyes, and I had a feeling they would stay there for a long fucking time.
I leaned down, pressing my forehead to hers.
"I failed you more than once. I failed you months ago when I thought you were the same like her, and I failed you tonight.
" She stiffened in my arms, but she didn't move away.
"I had to make a choice, Yara, and I made a choice that almost cost you your life.
I made a fucking choice that will haunt me for the rest of my life, but I needed to stop them. I needed to do something."
"And you used me." Her words were barely a whisper, but had she yelled it would've been less painful hearing it like that. "You knew." She pulled back, looking at me with clarity in her eyes. "How long?"
"I didn't—"
"How long did you know they wanted to sell me?"
"Not for long," I answered, refusing to lie anymore.
She deserved the truth. The entire truth.
"The day you left me," I murmured, "I was going to get you.
There was no way you were going to run away from me.
I was going to take you as my bride for the Harvest. I was going to fix everything, but then my grandfather came.
" And he fucked up everything. "There are girls and boys the two of them have already prepared to sell," I added.
"There are men and women older than us ready to be sent out to their buyers, and this was our one opportunity to stop them. "
"Oh my God."
"And I didn't want to." My head hung low, my words barely audible.
"I didn't want to sell you to save them.
I didn't want to use you to save somebody else, because none of them mattered.
" My eyes closed, because I knew that this was it.
She would either push me forever or allow me to tell her everything I've been keeping from her.
"I'm sorry, Yara." I looked up, seeing her eyes for the first time since I told her everything.
"I'm sorry for jeopardizing your life for theirs. But I—"
"Xavier," she interrupted, slapping her hand over my mouth. "Shut up for a second and answer me just one thing." I nodded while her hand remained over my mouth. "Are those kids safe? Are those other people safe?"
I nodded again. "Yes," I mumbled through her fingers. "Thanks to their sloppiness, and thanks to Rhett, we were able to track down the warehouse where they were held. They're safe."
Her eyes watered, her hand falling from my face and before I could say anything else, her entire body started trembling, full body sobs shaking her worse than before. "T-Then it was w-worth it," she sobbed, burying her face in my neck. "It was all worth it."
"Yara—"
"I thought you hated me. I-I thought you were just using me.
" She kept on crying, breaking my own heart piece by piece.
"When I saw you there, when I recognized your voice, I just wanted you to look at me.
I wanted you to look at me the same way you looked at me that night.
Like you loved me. Like you cared for me. "
"And I do."
"I wanted you to come for me," she cried harder now, her arms between the two of us as she clutched my T-Shirt. "I wanted you to show me you meant everything you've said." My arms came around her, tightening, begging the universe to let me take her pain. "I wanted you to come."
"And I'm sorry I didn't." My own voice broke. "I will regret it for the rest of my life, but please, Yara. Don't run from me. Don't run from us. Let me show you what our lives could be like. What we could build together. Let me show you how much I love you. How much I—"
She suddenly pulled back, her eyes filled with surprise and something that wasn't there before—hope. "You love me?"
"I thought that was obvious."
"But you love me?"
My hands came around her face, pulling her to me.
"I fucking love you, Yara Quinn." A smile broke on her face at the same time as tears did.
"I have loved you since I first saw you.
I have been obsessed with you for months now, and I lied and I cheated, and I made you feel like shit, but I fucking love you and I'm hoping you would find it in your heart, somewhere maybe, to forgive me. "
She kept looking at me as if I was the newest wonder of the world, and I could see it already, her walls crashing down, her defense systems failing.
"You really do love me," she whispered in wonder, as if she couldn't quite believe this was happening. "I'm not alone."
"You're not alone," I echoed. She would never be alone, not again. Not for as long as I'm alive. "I love you, Yara," I said it again, feeling the lightness in my chest, because for the first time I was allowing myself to say it out loud.
I didn't have to lie anymore. I didn't have to pretend or to push her away. I fucking loved her and I wanted everyone to know. I wanted everyone to hear.
"Say it again," she breathed out, coming closer to me.
"I. Love. You," I repeated just as her lips crashed against mine, letting me taste her tears, her fears, her pain, but most of all—her hope.
She let me taste it all as she kissed the hell out of me, claiming me, fighting against her own demons, and as our tongues fought, as our lips bruised, I fucking knew that this was the last time I would ever try to sacrifice her for the good of the others.
From today onwards she came first. From today, the rest of the world could fucking burn for all I cared, but the flames would never touch her.