Chapter 40
Chapter Forty
“If I squint my eyes, I think I can see a star,” I mutter, my neck craned up toward the sky sometime later that night.
We’re probably not in the best spot for stargazing, with the city skyline right in front of us, but that doesn’t stop me from trying.
“This is why I don’t do big cities,” Travis says next to me, eyes lost on the horizon. “Too much noise, too much pollution. Too much of everything.”
“Is that a Navy thing?” I can’t help but ask. “I mean, do you prefer quiet after the Navy?”
“I’ve always liked small-town life. Offers me everything I need.” I stop looking at the sky to glance at him, only to find that his eyes are already on me. “Do you miss living in a big city?”
“Not really. I’d always lived in a big city, so I didn’t know how much I’d grow to appreciate the quiet until I moved to a small town. Now I can’t imagine myself living in this chaos again.”
I can’t imagine living anywhere else but in Bannport. With you.
“I never asked you,” I start, my voice quiet. “You’re playing hooky.”
“I’m the boss, sweetheart. I call the shots.”
Why did that sound so hot?
“Who’s in charge of The Lair, then?”
“Jude is taking over until I come back.”
A shiver travels down my spine. The wind has picked up—not enough to freeze me, but it’s chilly. The fact that I’m leaning against a cold, metallic handrail doesn’t help.
He notices.
Travis moves behind me until his front is covering the span of my back, shielding me from the wind. He rests his hands on the handrail, his fingers grazing mine. His long-sleeved shirt rides up, and I notice for the first time the beaded bracelet still wrapped around his wrist.
Touching my fingers to it, I mutter, “You’re wearing it.”
“I never took it off.”
Neither did I. I couldn’t.
I lean back against the comfortable hardness of his body, resting my head over his heartbeat. It’s rhythmic, fast, and my favorite sound.
“Allie.”
When I turn to glance at him, I find those green eyes looking down at me with a longing expression I can see clearly even in the dark.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he rasps before one of his hands cups the side of my neck. “I felt like I couldn’t breathe in my own house because you weren’t there. It felt empty, soulless. I hated every second you weren’t with me because I knew I should’ve fought harder for you. Should’ve gone after you and made you stay.
“We weren’t mad at you, Allie. I could never be. But I also wanted to give you space, even if it killed me to think of you all sad and alone and anxious. I’ve hated everything about the past couple weeks. Every fucking thing.”
It takes me a few tries to find my voice. For someone who isn’t good with feelings, he’s just said one of the most heartbreaking and beautiful things I’ve ever heard.
I rest my hand on his bearded cheek, caressing his skin with my thumb, hoping this one touch is enough for him to know how much he means to me. But just in case it isn’t, I tell him.
“I’ve hated everything about the past two weeks too,” I confess in a whisper. “But I needed to go through it alone. I needed to find my strength and take the reins of my life without depending on you or Jada or anyone else.”
When I lick my lips, his gaze drops to my mouth.
“I can never thank you enough for giving me space, Travis. It was what I needed, even if it wasn’t what I wanted.”
“What do you want?”
Distant voices drift over to us, reminding me that we aren’t alone even though we’ve come to a secluded area in the observatory gardens. But as quickly as I’ve heard them, they fall away when Travis tilts my chin up.
“I want you,” I whisper into our bubble. “When I’m ready, I want everything with you.”
His throat bobs with a swallow. “Everything?”
“I want to go back home with you. And I don’t want to sleep in the guest bedroom anymore,” I tell him over the sound of my heartbeat. “I want to work at The Lair again, as a waitress and as an accountant because I love both. I want to explore Bannport with you, do all the fun things you like and all the fun things I enjoy. I want to host dinners with Uncle Neil, Barbara, and our friends. I want to travel, try new things, do all the things I used to be scared of before. I want to have the rest of my firsts with you. And one day… one day, I don’t want that bedroom in your house to be empty anymore.”
He shuts his eyes and rests his forehead against mine. “I want that too, sweetheart. All of it. Whenever you’re ready, it’s yours. Every single fucking thing you ask me for.”
Our noses graze in a featherlight touch, and I wonder if it would be a mistake to kiss him. If it would ruin things. But then I remember how I’d wasted so much time before—lying, hiding, ignoring my desires and needs. I remember how I was about to tell Travis about my past that day my parents showed up. I remember all the missed opportunities, the regret.
No more.
The slim distance between our lips disappears. This isn’t our first kiss, but it feels new in many ways.
I sigh, melting against the cocoon that is his body. His lips move against mine, gently, carefully, as if he was savoring every second. I know I am.
He makes a growling sound at the back of his throat as my hands thread through his hair. It feels like my body melts into his when both of his hands land on my hips, bringing me closer to his warmth and the hardened bulge now pressing against my stomach.
Without warning, Travis pulls at my lower lip with his teeth, lighting up something dangerous in me. I feel his kiss through my whole body. My skin heats with his every touch, my lips tingle against his, and my legs are suddenly not strong enough to hold me up.
I know there’s no coming back from this kiss, from this claiming .
I didn’t have doubts before, and I sure have none now—Travis is it for me. My constant. My anchor. My home. And I want to be all that for him too.
He’s gentle as he pecks my lips once, twice, three times before he pulls away. Dropping his forehead against mine, he whispers thickly, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Allie. I don’t know how I ever managed to live without you.”
Emotion clogs my throat, and I hug him as tightly as I can. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I whisper against his ear, not bothering to hide the tears that are starting to pool in my eyes. “You’re my best friend, Travis, and I lo…I…”
“I know, sweetheart. I know.” He cradles the back of my head, tangling his fingers in my hair. “You don’t have to say the words now. I feel them too. I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
Travis loves me.
He loves me enough to wait to hear it. And I love him enough to tell him when the time is right.