Chapter 31
Dot’s eating toast and I put the notebook on the table in front of her.
‘Remember this?’
‘Oh yes,’ she says, taking it from me and moving it about in front of her until she gets the right distance, just as I have to do. ‘What’s this, at the end?’
Dot and Mabel’s first list
Marry me Get married
Find Geoff
Talk about Peter and his dad
Move to Portsmouth
‘We should move there,’ I say. ‘It’s where we need to be.’
Dot looks surprised. She opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out.
‘I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. I’ve been selfish. You’re the one who has family. Think about it. We’ll be around to spend time with Tasha’s baby, your great-grandchild. And you can get to know Peter and his family. I just want to be with you, Dot. It doesn’t matter to me where we are.’
And then she does speak. ‘What about Broughton, Mabel? What about your friends?’
I’ve thought about this. I’ve been up half the night thinking about it.
I’ll miss them, of course I will. But we can visit, and they can visit us.
It’s Dot’s family who need us the most for now.
Erin’s going to be moving away soon, and Patty’s got Harry now.
Kirsty’s going to have her hands full with two little ones.
Julie’s a bit of a sticking point, I must admit.
But there are more reasons to go than to stay.
I run through it all, watching Dot’s face.
‘And your house?’ she asks.
‘I’ll keep hold of it. We can have a base here, for visiting. I want Erin to always have somewhere to go.’
‘And what about your family, and Arthur? What about chatting to them every time you pass by?’
I take one of Dot’s hands in mine. It’s a little cool, her skin wrinkled. We have lost so much time. I don’t want to lose any more.
‘Dot, my family are gone. Arthur’s gone. Yes, I talk to them. It makes me feel like they’re still with me, just a little bit. But you can’t put your lost loved ones ahead of your present, still-alive loved ones. We don’t know how long we have, you and me. We need to make the absolute most of it.’
‘You’ve really thought about this, haven’t you?’
I nod. ‘It was just so obvious, when it came to me. I’ve been selfish, letting you move here and then go back and forth whenever you were needed.
I thought we belonged in Broughton because this is where we met, where we both started out.
But it’s just not true. Life has taken you to Portsmouth and that’s where we need to be now. ’
There are tears in her eyes. ‘Thank you,’ she says. ‘Thank you, Mabel.’
* * *
We pick Olly up from Kirsty’s. We’ve got Dot’s car with us because after the walk we’re going to take him back to ours, for good, and he’s got a fair bit of stuff.
I tell Kirsty about the move to Portsmouth, because I know that might change things, in terms of our agreement about Olly, but she breaks into a big smile.
‘Oh gosh,’ she says. ‘I wondered whether you might do that. We’ll all miss you both such a lot. And Olly too, but what an adventure for you all. Living by the sea. When will you go?’
We haven’t talked about this. Dot looks at me and gives me a little shrug.
‘Soon, I think,’ I reply. ‘But we’ll be back for the wedding, of course. And we can come when the baby’s born, do our bit.’
Kirsty waves a hand. ‘You’ve done enough for me, Mabel. We’d love to see you whenever you’re back, but you mustn’t come back for us. It’s your time, now. Enjoy it.’
I thank her, for what she’s done. Taking Olly off my hands when I couldn’t cope with him, and then giving him up again. I know she’ll miss him, but she’ll be so busy, too.
We start the walk and when we pass the graveyard I tell my family the news.
There’s no time like the present, after all.
I want to show Dot I’m serious. That I’ve thought this through.
When I go over to where Arthur is, Dot stands back a bit as if to give us some privacy.
And it’s silly; I know he’s gone and we’re not really having a conversation, but I appreciate it all the same.
‘Arthur,’ I say. ‘You won’t believe what’s going on.
I think back to when I lost you, to those empty days just after when I thought I’d just sit in my chair until it was my time to go, and I can’t believe it.
I’m busier than I’ve ever been. And I’m moving, Arthur.
I’m moving away to be with Dot. So I won’t be able to come as often, but I want you to know it doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about you.
I could never forget about you, Arthur. You were most of my life.
All those cups of tea and walks around the town.
You are Broughton, because I spent most of my days here with you.
But it’s time for a new adventure, by the sea.
Dot says you can see the Isle of Wight from the harbour on a good day.
Remember that holiday we had there? Sand in our shoes and the best fish and chips I’ve ever eaten.
So it isn’t like I’ll be leaving you behind, Arthur, not really. I’m taking all those memories with me.’
I step back, surprised to feel tears on my cheeks.
I haven’t cried over Arthur for a while now.
I close my eyes for a moment and I see him, right in front of me.
He’s got Olly’s lead and he’s tugging at it, pulling Olly away from whatever he’s found to sniff.
And then he looks at me, and all the years of love and care are in his eyes, and I know he’s telling me it’s all right to go.
‘Thank you, Arthur,’ I whisper.
Because I would have gone, either way, but it’s good to feel I have his blessing.
Dot and I walk around town in a loop before going home. Olly’s excited, sniffing and wagging his tail.
‘We should tell Erin,’ Dot says. ‘Before she hears about it from someone else.’
I think about Erin, losing her mum, then losing me.
Us. But she’s leaving too, isn’t she? And if she wants to spend her university holidays in Portsmouth, in one of Dot’s spare rooms, then she can.
And my house will be here for her too. I don’t need to sell it, and besides, I’ve left it to Erin in my will.
But then I think about that, about her coming back to the house, being alone.
And another plan starts to form, and I mull it over all the way home.
* * *
‘Well, I can’t say I’m not absolutely gutted,’ Julie says. ‘But I do understand, of course. And it makes a lot of sense, what you’re saying. It won’t be the same around here, though. That’s for sure.’
‘I was thinking…’ I say, and Dot turns her head to me, because I haven’t told her yet, and I can see she’s curious.
‘You’ve got a glint in your eye, Mabel. What were you thinking?’ Julie asks.
‘Well, I’ve no intention of selling this place, and I want Erin to have it to come back to in university holidays.
And you said you’re having to sell your place, because of the divorce, so why don’t you move in here?
That way, it would be nice and homely whenever Erin comes back, rather than dusty and closed off. ’
Dot claps her hands. ‘It’s perfect,’ she says.
Julie holds her hands up, ready to object, but there’s a twitch of a smile coming. ‘What about when you want to come back to Broughton, Mabel? If Erin’s in one room and I’m in the other, there’ll be nowhere for you and Dot to sleep in your own home.’
I hadn’t thought of that, I must admit. But I still think it’s the right decision. ‘Julie, you can’t keep rooms empty, just for the odd occasion when someone’s going to visit. That’s silly. We’ll think of something.’
Julie bites her lip, thinks. ‘I would pay you rent,’ she says. ‘The going rate. Oh, also I could buy a sofabed and I would sleep on that whenever you and Dot wanted to stay!’
‘Perfect,’ Dot says again.
I hold my hand out to shake Julie’s and she takes it, laughing. ‘Have you told Erin?’
‘Not yet,’ I say. ‘And I need to get a move on, now the news is out. I don’t want her to hear it second-hand.’
She’s at the supermarket. I’ll tell her when she gets home.
She’ll understand, I’m sure. But there’s a part of me that’s nagging, saying she lost her mother and now I’m abandoning her.
I’ve come to realise, though, that there’s never a solution that’s just right for everyone.
Us being here meant we weren’t around for Dot’s family, and us being there will mean we’re not always around for my friends.
You just have to find the closest fit to perfect, and make it work as best you can.