Chapter 34
‘When will we see you next?’ Kirsty asks at the door.
‘At the wedding, if not before,’ I say.
She hitches Dotty up on her hip. ‘Of course. I’ll be the size of a house by then. Can’t wait. Talk soon, Mabel. And goodbye, Dot.’
We wave her off and stand in the doorway a bit too long. We’re packed and ready.
‘Shall I make myself scarce while you say goodbye to Erin?’ Dot asks.
I smile at her gratefully, and she heads for the front room.
Erin’s in the kitchen, making toast. ‘You’re really going?’ she asks, looking up as I enter the room.
‘We really are.’
‘It’s going to be so strange being in this house without you.’
‘You’ll have Julie,’ I say, and just then I hear her voice. Dot must have let her in.
‘I will have Julie,’ Erin says. ‘And I’ll be on the phone all the time, asking how long to boil eggs for or how to get grass stains out of white socks, that sort of thing.’
‘Whenever you like.’ She’s made me feel so useful, like all the knowledge I’ve accumulated just from living this many years has a purpose. ‘And I know we’ll talk before then, but I want to hear the minute you have your results, all right? The minute.’
Erin laughs. ‘Promise.’ She hugs me tight. She’s stronger than you’d think from looking at her. ‘Thank you, Mabel,’ she says. ‘I’ll never stop being thankful.’
I let the tears come. There’s no point trying to stop them. We go through to the front room, where Julie’s sitting down for once, chatting to Dot.
‘All set?’ she asks.
I look at Dot and she nods. ‘All set.’
‘Do you know what I was thinking last night, Mabel?’ Julie asks, brushing away a tear. ‘I was thinking how grateful I am that Arthur arranged for you to have a carer after he died, and that it was me who was sent to do it.’
‘Look after Erin, won’t you?’
‘I will.’ She reaches for Erin and puts an arm around her waist. ‘We’ll look after each other, won’t we, kid?’
Erin laughs, and Julie comes forward to give me a hug, and without a word she manages to say everything. I think about the way she helped me find Dot, the way she was there for every little step forwards or back.
‘Thank you,’ I say. And I mean for the company, the laughs, the support. The cups of tea, the sandwiches, the pieces of cake. When she first came here, I didn’t think I needed her help. But she showed me that I did.
And then we’re out of the door, our cases already lifted into the boot by Erin, and we’re getting in the car and Olly’s settling down on a blanket in the back seat and Dot’s starting the engine. Just as she’s about to pull away, Julie appears at my window. I press the button to lower it.
‘You’ve left the jigsaw,’ she says, and I laugh.
It’s so close to being finished. I couldn’t bring myself to break it up again to pack it or give it away.
‘Can we finish it for you? Erin and me?’
‘I’d be delighted,’ I say.
And she steps back and waves.
‘Ready?’ Dot asks.
I could say I’m not, that I need to say one last thing to Erin or Julie, that I need to go back and pick something up, but when I open my mouth to speak, I find that I am.
I’m ready, aged eighty-six, to start this new life with her, miles away from the place I’ve always called home.
By the sea. ‘Ready,’ I say, and she gives my hand a squeeze and then puts the car into gear and pulls away.
I crane my neck to turn around, can’t help it, and Julie and Erin are there in the doorway of my little house, waving.
‘Are you all right?’ Dot asks.
‘I am. It’s just, whatever choice you make, you’re giving something else up, aren’t you?’
‘I hope you know how much I appreciate you coming with me,’ she says. ‘I was so sure that Broughton was the place for us to be, with all our history there, but you’ve made me see that we’re needed elsewhere.’
‘That family of yours,’ I say, teasing.
‘That family of ours,’ Dot says.
I wasn’t expecting that, and it touches me. I think about John and Claudia preparing to move to France, Tasha getting ready to have her first baby, Peter and his family waiting to be fully discovered. And darling Sean, of course.
‘Thank you,’ I say. ‘It’s the right thing. I’m sure about that. There are so many ways to keep in touch these days.’
‘It’s not like popping in and out of each other’s houses, though. I just want you to know that I understand what you’re giving up, and I’m grateful.’
I give her a nod because it’s all I can do and then I look out of the window for a bit, think about coming back here for the wedding in a few weeks’ time.
When we pull up outside Dot’s house, we sit for just a minute before getting out.
‘I’ve had a key cut for you,’ Dot says, rooting through her handbag. She pulls it out and hands it to me, and I see it’s on a wooden keyring with our initials carved into it. It’s the nicest gift I’ve ever been given.
‘Let’s go in,’ I say. ‘Come on, Olly.’
The house doesn’t feel familiar yet, but I know it will, in time.
‘Well,’ Dot says, ‘shall I put the kettle on?’
It seems like a good place to start. Olly and I go through to the living room and Olly goes around sniffing everything in sight. I’ve got some treats in my handbag so I get one out and he comes and settles at my feet.
‘New home, boy,’ I say.
There’s no way of knowing what he understands, but he doesn’t seem distressed or unhappy so that’s a good start.
We’re just finishing our tea when there’s a knock at the door and it’s Sean with a welcome home card and some flowers.
‘Have you got time to come in?’ Dot asks him.
He checks his watch. ‘Yes, I’ve got about half an hour before I need to go to work.’
Dot finds a vase for the flowers and Sean gives me a hug. ‘Thank you for making this huge change for Dot… and us,’ he says. ‘It must have been a wrench. You’d lived in Broughton all your life, hadn’t you?’
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘It was probably time for a change.’
He knows I’m making light of it and he gives me a warm smile that tells me so.
I think about not being able to wander up to the graveyard and talk to my parents and Bill, and Arthur, and my stomach feels a bit unsettled all of a sudden.
It’s like I thought I was standing on something solid and it’s been whipped away, a sort of magic trick.
But then I remind myself why I’ve done this.
To be with Dot for whatever time we have left.
I lived without her for so long. I can talk to the people I’ve loved and lost whenever I like, wherever I like.
The gravestones are only markers. I tell myself to try to remember that.
‘So what’s the latest on everyone?’ Dot asks when she returns with the flowers and puts them on the mantelpiece. It’s a beautiful bouquet, all pinks and yellows and purples.
‘Well, you know Tasha lives in that tiny one-bed flat? John’s offered to rent her his house, so she’ll actually have somewhere to put the baby.’
I smile, because it’s a bit like Julie moving into my place. People shuffling around, finding the right fit.
‘That’s good news,’ Dot says. ‘Babies are small, but you need a lot of equipment. I was wondering where it would all go. So it’s all happening, their move to France?’
‘Seems to be,’ Sean says. ‘We had a barbecue at the weekend and they said they’re going to go soon after the wedding.’
‘Our wedding?’
‘Yes, your wedding! Who else’s wedding? Speaking of which, Hayley’s delighted that you’re going to be close by for the rest of the arrangements. She wants to talk cake and flowers, she said.’
‘Right, we’ll get something booked in,’ Dot says. ‘How’s your dad now, about the Peter thing?’
Sean pulls a face and takes a while to compose his answer. ‘Well, he says it’s all fine but he’s storming around the house like a bear with a hangover and poor Mum’s bearing the brunt of it.’
‘Do you think it’s jealousy?’ Dot asks. ‘That suddenly all the attention is on Peter?’
‘No,’ Sean says, no hesitation this time. ‘I don’t think it’s that at all. I think he feels guilty for whatever part he played in Peter’s childhood not being so great, and he isn’t ready to apologise yet.’
After he’s gone, Dot and I unpack that.
‘They left him out of things sometimes, John and William. Like brothers do, I suppose. And I imagine William hasn’t thought about Peter for a long time, and now he’s having to.’
‘They’ll sort it out,’ I say. ‘Or maybe they won’t, and they’ll never be close. The main thing is your relationship with each of them, I think.’
Dot smiles. ‘You’re right. I can only control so much.’
I take Olly for a walk, leaving Dot to her thoughts for a while.
He’s in his element with new bushes and pavement and people to sniff.
Within minutes, we’re at the seafront and I find a bench and look out at the frothy waves.
In the winter, dogs are allowed on the beach and I can just imagine Olly tearing along, me and Dot taking our shoes off for a quick paddle.
We can be happy here. We will be. My mobile telephone beeps and it’s a message from Erin, checking we got here okay.
I send her a reply, tell her I’m looking out to sea and trying to stop Olly from eating cigarette butts and other rubbish.
I haven’t lost her. If I’d never found Dot and was still there in Broughton, she’d be leaving me soon anyway.
All change, like Julie said. All change.