Chapter 23
23
After dinner: the “initiation ceremony.” The temperature had plummeted, and we returned to our yurts to grab extra layers. Inside, I stood there for a moment, feeling off-kilter. This glittering mosaic world, the feeling of being watched in the courtyard, Jonah’s unexpected appearance, and now Sol reminding me of Pastor John… It was like entering a fun house where the normal rules didn’t apply.
We walked as a group towards the firepit; thin electric lights revealed the path. The sky was a bright royal blue at the horizon, fading into a rich navy above. The stars winked overhead; I hadn’t seen a night sky like this since living upstate. But here, there were no chirping crickets or croaking frogs. Apart from the rush of the wind, it was dead silent.
“What’s your name again?”
I looked over to see the tiny Dawne, who wore a short fur coat.
“Thea,” I said. “You’re Dawne, right?”
“That’s right!” She grinned up at me. “Have you been on this type of retreat before?”
“No, never. Have you?”
“Not this one specifically, but a lot of other relational retreats. They’re so helpful.”
So helpful you have to keep going to them? I pushed the unkind thought down.
“You’ll be amazed at the progress you make this weekend,” she went on.
Mikki’s sputtered laugh rang out in front of us. She was walking with Jonah, so close their hips were almost touching. Watch out, Mikki. He’s not who he’s pretending to be. I felt a sudden loyalty to her, even though we’d just met. But I couldn’t warn her to be careful—unless I wanted to blow Jonah’s cover.
Blow his cover. What was I, a freaking spy?
We neared the bonfire, which danced with massive flames. Grace waited just inside the circle of ankle-high rocks marking the space. Her fluorescent hair softened to copper in the darkness, she directed us to the benches. They were set back about twenty feet, though the warmth of the fire still radiated like sunlight.
Mikki took the first seat. I sat next to her, and Dawne settled next to me. Jonah was at the end—good. I wanted to be as far from him as possible if we were doing group work. Sol was crouched down closer to the fire, ruffling through a large tote bag.
Dawne grabbed my wrist, her long nails digging in like talons. “There she is!”
We all turned to stare at the figure approaching out of the darkness.
In defiance of the cold, Moon wore a fluttering, diaphanous white dress. Lit by the flames, the shadowy outline of the castle behind her, she looked like a frame from a fantasy movie. She could’ve been an elfin queen, but not a particularly nice one. Her lips were pressed together, her expression determined. Her long dark hair trailed behind her, ruffling in the breeze.
Steven, resident mosaic artist and bag handler, strode beside her, a marked contrast to her otherworldly appearance in his baseball cap and scruffy beard. Slightly hunched, he stared at the ground, avoiding eye contact with all of us, as if he were an antisocial sound guy who’d arrived to help set up the show.
I glanced over; Sol had straightened and was watching their approach with a clear frown on his face. He’d gone completely still, like an animal aware of an approaching predator—or prey. When Moon and Steven reached the edge of the stone circle, his face broke into an enormous grin.
“You came!” He jogged over and bent to kiss her on the cheek. She looked away, a small, polite smile on her face. Something glinted on her chest—a diamond on a thin gold chain. A full sleeve of tattoos covered her left arm.
“We’re ready?” she asked. I recognized her voice from the podcast, but it was stronger, clearer, projecting over the crackles of the fire.
“Yup. Would you like to…”
“Yes.” She turned, taking the bag from Steven.
We all watched, fascinated audience members to the exchange. Moon’s annoyance towards Sol was obvious, at least to me. Throughout the exchange, Steven continued to gaze silently at the ground. Sol reached out suddenly and clapped him on the shoulder, making him jump.
Moon advanced towards us, the fire at her back, and cleared her throat. She still looked elfin up close: anime-large eyes, strong brows, heart-shaped face.
“Hi, everyone,” she said.
“Hi!” Dawne called out with delight.
Moon’s eyes dropped down to her and she smiled. Her front teeth were slightly crooked, bookmarked by sharp cheekbones and dimples. She was, like Sol, markedly attractive in person. Her body was small and curvy, her nipples visible underneath the thin white dress. I felt that combination of judgment and admiration that arose whenever I saw a woman brave enough to go braless.
“Welcome,” she said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make our first meal; I needed to gain strength for our initiation ceremony tonight.” Her voice, with that lilting Mexican accent, was richer in person. Dawne and Karen cheered. Sol and Steven settled onto the sand at the other edge of the group, next to Jonah.
Moon cocked her head. “That’s it? Two people are excited?”
The rest of us clapped and yelled. She smiled. “That’s better. I would like to open the ceremony by thanking my ancestors, the proud and ancient line that stretches back through the ages. I thank them for the practices they have given me.” She pulled a pouch out of her bag and walked towards Mikki. “So, we’re going to start with accountability partners.”
“Accountability partners?” Karen echoed.
“Yes.” Moon bounced the pouch in her hands, mixing whatever was inside it. “You are going to check in with your partner. A lot. I’m sure Sol had told you that even though we started off a little slow today, the rest of the time is going to fly by. We’re going to have group sessions, and we’ll also sit down one-on-one with all of you. But in the meantime, we ask that you process as much as you can with your partner. We’ll start with you…”
“I’m Mikki.” She zipped up her leather bomber jacket.
Moon pulled out a small folded piece of paper. She opened it, squinted. “Dawne.”
Dawne waved. “Yay!”
Mikki smiled back, less effusive.
Moon stepped in front of me, glancing up. “Name?”
“Thea.”
“Thea.” Her eyes were a warm amber. She reached into the bag.
Even before she opened the paper, I had a sudden certainty of who it would be.
“Jonah,” she read. He dipped his head in acknowledgment.
Of course I’d be paired with Jonah. But maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing. If we were both looking for Catherine, no one would be suspicious if they saw us talking quietly. Processing.
“So, you two.” Moon gestured at Ramit and Karen. “You’ll be together. Okay?”
Karen raised her hand and Ramit slapped it.
“Tonight we are going to connect and set an intention.” Moon gestured. “To connect, you’re going to share something with your accountability partner that you’ve never told anyone before. You won’t need to share this with the rest of the group. Just each other. Okay? You can go sit wherever you want so people can’t overhear.”
Jonah and I dropped into the sand on the opposite side of the fire. He wore a knit ski cap, and his curls escaped from the bottom. I wasn’t sure where to look; he was staring at me intensely. Did he mean to smolder, or was that just his face?
“Still mad?” he asked.
“What?” I said stupidly.
“You ignored me all through dinner.” He frowned. “Someone might notice, by the way.”
“I was just talking to Karen and Mikki. Anyway.” I shook my head; I wasn’t going to bicker with him. “You never answered my question at the pool. How did you know Catherine was connected with this place?”
“Facial recognition software.”
“From…”
“Facebook.” He shrugged. “Tech is my specialty. I’d scanned before—multiple times—but someone just put up public photos of a retreat they went on last year. Catherine was in several of them.”
A chill went down my spine. “So there’re pictures linking her here. Evidence.”
“Exactly.”
“Can I see them?”
“Of course.” He nodded. “But they’re in a password-protected folder on my laptop.”
“Which is…”
“In New York. I thought it might be a little suspect to bring it along.”
It was the same reason I’d left my own laptop back home.
“But hey.” Jonah smiled faintly. “Quid pro quo. How did you know to come here?”
I briefly explained Catherine’s note, the logo, and the come home podcast episode.
“So you think Moon and Sol sent her a message using the podcast?” he asked when I finished. “And she wanted you to hear it?”
“Yes. I mean, otherwise that’s a huge coincidence, right?” I exhaled. “I don’t know what I was expecting, though. Now that I’m here… I don’t know what to do. How to go about this.”
He dug into the sand, picking up a palmful and dropping it again. “I say we spend tonight and tomorrow getting as much info as we can directly. Tomorrow night, we case it out.”
“Case it out.” The term sounded foreign.
“Search the building.”
“So you think she might be here?” The thought made the back of my neck prickle.
“You don’t?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I did feel like someone was watching me in the courtyard this afternoon. But I didn’t see anything. I could’ve just been making it up.”
He continued to watch me. I knew it was a technique, and yet I couldn’t stop the words tumbling from my mouth. “I called one of the officers who came to the unit after Catherine left, and she made me feel like such an idiot. She told me that Catherine also disappeared five years ago, but that she was pulling out money the whole time.”
His eyebrows drew together. “Why does that make you an idiot?”
“Well, because maybe Catherine just does this. Disappears.”
“But why?” He leaned in. “She’s caught up in something. That’s why her parents hired us—and a hacker to try to break into her bank’s system. We couldn’t find anything. Until now. Catherine’s here , Thea. She left—maybe got away?—but now she’s back.”
“Two-minute warning!” Moon called from the other side of the fire.
“So you think they’re involved?” I lowered my voice further. “Moon and Sol.”
“Absolutely.”
“What do you think of them?”
He stared at me. “What do I think? They’re cult leaders. This is a cult.”
“You’re that sure.”
“I mean, they’re just getting started, but yes.”
“So do we question them at some point?”
“After we search the building. Until then, we keep quiet. Don’t let anyone know why you’re here. Why we’re here.” He softened his voice. “Okay?”
“Obviously.” I paused, my stomach fluttering with a new thought. “You don’t think Moon and Sol… could they have been the impostors who picked Catherine up? I saw some video footage. He was tall; she was short. Though his body shape was different. And she had blond hair. Though of course she could’ve worn a wig…”
Jonah nodded approvingly. “I wondered that too. So I sent pictures of Moon and Sol to Killian and Lisette, who forwarded them to… what’s her name? Diane? She confirmed that the couple who came in wasn’t them.”
“Oh.” The flash of inspiration faded into disappointment. Then again, it was a long shot. I couldn’t picture Moon and Sol flying to New York, somehow making fake IDs, and sneaking in with disguises like undercover restaurant reviewers at the hottest new bistro.
“One minute!” Moon called.
“Why would they even have a retreat weekend if they’re hiding Catherine?” I gestured towards Moon. “Isn’t that risky?”
He shrugged. “To keep everything seeming normal? Or maybe they need the money. They’re making what… 24K in one weekend?”
Moon called us all back together, handing out wooden slats and Sharpies.
“Okay!” Moon held up one of the pieces of wood. “We’re now going to write our intention in one word. Something we want to let go of this weekend. And go deep. No one else will see it but you.”
I paused only a second before writing SHAME on mine, then held it face down on my lap.
Moon pulled out a round, skin-stretched drum whose sides were covered in feathers. She started a slow, dramatic tattoo and nodded at me to go first. I walked towards the heat of the bonfire, then heaved in the wood. It crashed down in a shower of embers. Everyone cheered. I felt a small thrill at the applause, and couldn’t help but grin as I went back to my seat.
Jonah was gripping his slat, his fingers covering half the word, but I was still able to make it out as he jumped up and moved towards the fire.
The word was, strangely, DOUBT .