Chapter 42
42
“So you’re really staying?” Mikki’s eyes were wide behind chunky glasses I hadn’t yet seen her wear. I’d caught her in the midst of packing, and her suitcase yawned next to me on the bed.
“Just until tonight.” I’d told Mikki that Moon and Sol had asked me to stay, but not why. If I told her about the “disturbing” belief system her source Clint had mentioned, then that was definitely going in the article. And maybe that would be okay, but my first order of business was to get Catherine out of here.
“Ah yes, the car-stealing plan.” She nodded, sitting on the chair and pulling out her vape.
“I mean, it’s probably Catherine’s car anyway, right? She’s been the one funding everything around here.”
Mikki took a pull. “Touché.”
“If it’s the only way she’ll leave, that’s what we have to do,” I said. “Someone will come get the car from the airport, anyway. We’re not actually stealing it.”
“But Thea…” Mikki tugged at the tangle of necklaces around her neck. “What if she doesn’t go? And you’re already missing your flight… I don’t know. This all sounds weird.”
If only she knew.
“I trust her,” I said finally. “I can read her; I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe it’s my clinical skills.”
Mikki leaned forward, her arms on her knees. “Do you think it’s safe?”
“How do you mean?”
“If Catherine’s too scared to leave during the day, what does that say about this place?” She stared down at her combat boots. “And Karen playing pretend… I don’t know. It all feels shady.”
“I know. But I don’t think it’s, like, dangerous.”
“Why not?”
I considered. “Catherine’s afraid to leave, but those car keys have just been sitting in the desk. She could’ve taken off at any time. She’s not locked in her room—there’s a lock on the inside. This place is cult-y, for sure. But I haven’t seen evidence of anything illegal.”
Mikki sat back and crossed her legs. “Remind me why Catherine was in your psych ward again?”
“She was catatonic. I think she had a psychotic break beforehand.”
“How did that happen?”
“Catherine said it’s because of the work they do—how intense it is. And I can see that. I just had one session and it was overwhelming.”
Mikki blew a white plume towards the window.
“Did you…” I started. “I mean, in your session, was that true?”
She stared at me. “No.”
“Oh.” I tried to chuckle. “You’re a good actor, then.”
“I do what I need to do to get the story.” Mikki jiggled the vape pen. “I was laid off from a media company six months ago. I’ve been eating through my savings. It’s not easy to be a journalist these days.”
“I can imagine,” I said.
“These companies are hiring fewer and fewer people full-time. So we all have to compete against each other for freelance stories. Most of them with shitty pay.” Her lips pursed. “I’m behind on my rent. New York is just so fucking expensive. My sister wants me to come to Atlanta. My mom and dad want me to move into their guest bedroom in St. Louis. But you know what that would feel like? It’d feel like a failure.”
“I get that,” I said, thinking of the sticker shock as I’d looked for apartments. And I had a full-time role with benefits.
“But you know what this is?” Mikki gestured around. “This is a capital- S story . A top-tier news source paid for me to come here. This reveal about Moon will be huge; people love a con artist. And I’ll make actual money. Get other assignments. This is everything, Thea.”
“I understand.”
“So if I have to pretend to be a sex and love addict, then that’s what I’ll do.” She smiled. “It’s not that far off, anyway.”
“Did you ask Moon about her fake accent?” I asked.
“No. Not yet.” Mikki sat up straight. “We just did more ‘work.’ They both pushed me to come back next month.”
“Oh, wow.”
“And I will, if I can get my editor to pay again.” She shrugged. “I’m starting to see that this story might be even bigger than we expected. Oh, I wanted to ask—do you think Catherine would speak to me? Once she’s out?”
“Maybe. I can give her your information.”
We traded phone numbers. Still no Wi-Fi, which meant I couldn’t even try to move my flight. I’d have to email Diane from the road as soon as I had service, letting her know I was calling out Monday. Hopefully, Catherine and I could find an early morning flight.
“Are you sure you want to stay?” Her gaze was like a laser beam. “This Wi-Fi situation is concerning.”
“I’ll be okay.” I held up my phone. “I can still reach emergency services.”
“All right. Well, I’m going to stop in Silver City for a few days.” Mikki stood, hands on hips. “See if I can talk to someone about the cave, maybe from the university. I also want to dig on Steven a little more.”
“Steven said he’s known Moon a long time.” I remembered from our brief conversation after he’d caught me in the junk room. “They were even living together in India for a while. If you find more info on him, maybe you’ll find out more about Moon.”
“Good idea.”
I stood to leave, but at the doorway Mikki said my name.
“Yeah?”
Lines appeared between her eyebrows, and it struck me this was the first time I’d seen her look truly worried. “Just be safe, okay?”
Lunchtime came and went, and soon Mikki, Ramit, and Dawne were rolling their suitcases to the entrance. I felt a tightness in my chest—the reality of my decision to stay was starting to sink in. Jonah and I hugged the departing: the official story was that we were flying out the next morning. No one questioned why we hadn’t gotten flights for that evening, as the retreat instructions had specified.
“Let’s stay in touch.” Dawne gave me a tight hug, before Ramit did the same, along with a sunny smile. We’d all traded numbers, and I felt a pang of sadness as they got into the SUV. Despite the disturbing nature of the weekend, I’d really bonded with these people. It was amazing how quickly that could happen when you went through something intense together.
As the car retreated down the dusty road, Moon wrapped an arm around me.
“I’m so happy you’re both here.” She squeezed. “We’re going to start setting up for our session tonight.”
“Tonight?” I repeated. I’d thought I’d be long gone before having to do another one.
“Yep.” She grinned. “It’s going to be so special. You’ll see.”
“Thea.” Sol tapped my arm. “Want to join me on the veranda?”
“Sure.” I followed him, glancing back to see Moon grasping both of Jonah’s hands. She’d been thrilled when I’d told her we were both planning to stay, but not particularly surprised, as if she’d expected it. Jonah knew the plan; we’d both leave with Catherine at 4:00 a.m.
Sol leaned in towards me. “I asked Steven to make us some kava. Have you had it?”
“No, I don’t think I have.”
“Oh, you’re in for a treat. It’s a root that relaxes the body. We mix it with chai. Delicious.”
When we reached the veranda, he motioned to the chairs and continued his confident lope into the kitchen. The flat-topped pool was still; it was a breezeless day. The scent of honeysuckle tickled my nose. Sol returned with two glasses clinking with ice cubes. The tan-colored drink was flavorful, sweetened with honey but retaining a sharp bitterness underneath.
“So.” He slipped in the chair next to me. “I wanted to check in with you because I know we laid a ton on you this morning. It’s a lot to take on faith, right?”
“I don’t know.” I said the words lightly. “Maybe it is.”
“I think we both know the real reason you’re staying.” He smiled. “Catherine. Your bond runs deep. It proves our point, though, doesn’t it? After all, if she was just a patient, it really wouldn’t make sense for you to be here.”
“How do you mean?” I met his gaze, feeling like I’d suddenly entered into a game of chess. I had to be careful. I couldn’t reveal anything that might tip off our plan to leave.
“Well…” He scratched his chin. “You tell me. Is it normal for social workers to travel thousands of miles to search for former patients?”
“It’s not,” I acknowledged.
“Catherine told me you listened to the podcast.” Sol straightened his sunglasses. “That was what tipped you off?”
How much had Catherine told him? I realized I had no idea. Something else I had to be careful about.
“Yeah. Well, you invoked a Catherine while directing listeners to come home.”
He chuckled. “Fair. Maybe I was trying to call her back. But it was a pseudonym. I was talking about a member named Talia. She’s traveling, but she’ll be back soon. You’ll meet her, if you decide to stay longer-term. Has the cutest little dog, Dionysus.”
Longer-term? Was Sol really trying to recruit me right now? I kept my face neutral.
“You mentioned him.” I smiled. “The one who likes to chase jackrabbits and Steven, right?”
“Right.” Sol laughed. “Poor Dionysus is just jealous. Steven and Talia are together, you know.”
“Oh, nice.” I felt strangely happy to hear that Steven had a partner. He seemed so quiet, so grumpy, so… subservient. Especially to Moon.
“It was a long time coming.” Sol lifted his face to the sun. “Moon didn’t like it at first. She gets jealous too. Wants all Steven’s attention.”
I hadn’t expected the conversation to go in this direction.
“Not that they’ve ever been romantic,” Sol went on. “That’s just who she is. We’re in an open relationship, so I deal with that too. But it’s a natural part of being nonmonogamous. You have to be really good at communication.”
His eyes were still squeezed closed, so I took the opportunity to study him. Was this his way of letting me know he was available? I’d never considered myself nonmonogamous, even though I knew people—like Dom—who it seemed to work great for. This, however, seemed like way more of a danger zone, given Moon and Sol’s healership positions.
“Do you meet people on retreats?” I asked casually.
He rolled his head in my direction, peeked open one eye. “Sometimes. But only when they’re here longer-term. And only when they’ve done a lot of processing first. Otherwise, I’m just taking advantage, right?”
Right! This was the reason it was beyond unethical for therapists to date clients. There was a clear power differential, as well as a common phenomenon called “erotic transference.” This was when clients became attracted to their therapist because of the dynamics stirred up in the work. But since Moon and Sol weren’t licensed, their licenses couldn’t be revoked. There was nothing holding them back but their own morals.
“That’s great that you’re so thoughtful about that.” I smiled sweetly, sure he wouldn’t sense my sarcasm.
He raised his glass. “We try to be thoughtful about everything we do here.” He took a gulp. “You know, I heard you’re an artist. We could set up a studio for you. All you’d have to do all day is make art, eat good food, and relax in the hot tub.”
In another world, one in which this was just a community and not a cult, that would’ve actually sounded tempting. After all, what did I have to look forward to back in New York? A stressful job? Moving in with strangers? Dating apps? It all felt so gray, compared to the bright colors and gentle breeze that I woke up to here daily.
Living in a place like this was a nice fantasy, but just that—a fantasy.
“Thanks.” I nodded. “That’s a really generous offer. I’ll think about it.”
“Good.” He finished his glass and stood. “I need to go help set up. But feel free to relax, use the pool. Whatever you’d like. We’ll have our session before dinner.”
Sol left his glass on a table, so as soon as I finished mine I carried both through the dining room and into the kitchen. Steven was washing an enormous pile of dishes. He’d served more Indian food for lunch, and the smell of ginger, garlic, and turmeric filled the small, hot space.
“Hey.” I set the glasses on top of more glasses on the counter. “Can I help with that?”
“No,” he grunted back without looking at me. A boom box that looked like it was from the 2000s blasted heavy metal.
I leaned against the counter. “So when’s Talia getting back?”
His head whipped towards me. “What?” His mouth was tight, his eyes wide with shock.
“Oh, sorry.” I took a step back. “Sol was just telling me about her. That she was traveling. So I just wondered when she was coming back.”
Steven stared at me for a few more seconds, then dropped the pot he’d been scrubbing. Bubbles flew up as he turned and stalked out of the room.
So maybe Talia wasn’t coming back. But then why would Sol tell me that? So that I might mention it to Steven and upset him?
Who knew what dynamics were here beneath the surface. As I left the kitchen, an icy chill traversing my shoulders, I focused on one thought:
Four a.m. couldn’t come fast enough.