Chapter 43
43
“Everyone! Time to gather!” Moon popped out of the dome in a bikini top and shorts.
“Wonderful,” Jonah muttered sarcastically. We both stood. From the veranda, we’d watched them build the dome over the last several hours, the activity so frenzied that I’d asked if Jonah and I could help—which Moon had nixed with a dismissive wave. First the rounded wooden skeleton had gone up, like the spine of a huge tent. Then they’d covered it in blankets and finally sheets of canvas. Sol and Steven had carried in large stones on pitchforks; they’d heated them in a huge fire at the pit.
Now, I could feel the heat coming off the structure, radiating like a sunburn. I could only imagine what it felt like inside.
Apparently, our “special” session was going to take place in a sweat lodge. I was someone who avoided saunas at the gym: the thick heat made it too hard to breathe.
How was I going to get out of this?
“Moon.” I cleared my throat. “I really appreciate you guys going through the trouble. But…” God, this felt like the hot tub all over again. I’m not really comfortable.
“Let me guess.” She grinned. “You hate hot spaces like this.”
“Yes.” Her words felt like a relief.
“Well, of course you do.” She blinked. “You died in a desert.”
I glanced at Jonah. “Okay…”
“Listen.” Moon touched my arm. “This is going to make the regression so much faster and easier for you. And the solstice is in two days; we don’t have much time. This temezcal will wake everything up. I know you’ve been dreaming about it a little, but it’s time for a boost. Now.” She glanced around her. “Let me grab Catherine.”
Catherine had stayed in her room that afternoon. I’d wanted to check on her, but I also hadn’t wanted to say anything that might accidentally change her mind. I had the feeling it wouldn’t be hard for that to happen.
Jonah rubbed his face as Moon left. “I hate this kind of shit too.”
“It’s just so hot .” I paused. “Haven’t people died in sweat lodges before? You know, ones that are run by people who don’t really know what they’re doing?”
“Well, that’s encouraging.”
“Hi, guys!” Sol came out of the tent, his shirtless chest shining with sweat. He slicked back his hair. “You ready to get started?”
“Yeah…” I winced. “I’m sorry, I really don’t like saunas.”
“I feel you. But you can step out at any time. We encourage people to check in with their bodies and take care of themselves.” He squinted, his blue eyes matching the clear sky.
At least it was a mild day, probably in the low sixties. I glanced at Jonah, and he shrugged. Sol held the canvas flap back for me to enter.
It was hot, but at least I could breathe. It didn’t look like they were pouring water on the rocks, so the heat felt dry. The cushions were set in a circle, and I took one next to Karen. It was dark in here, the only light from the sunlight filtering in through the doorway. Grace was moving the rocks with a stick, while Steven glowered at me from the other side. Yikes. Sorry, dude. He had to know I hadn’t meant any harm by mentioning Talia, didn’t he?
I felt unnerved again; the last thing I wanted to do with this group delusion was another session. But maybe I could think of it like field research. How many people got to witness something like this? Shared psychotic disorder, mass psychogenic illness otherwise known as hysteria… People could deeply affect each other in an unconscious but very real way. There was one I’d been particularly fascinated with after hearing about it in school: choreomania , which referred to crowds bursting into spontaneous fits of manic dancing in medieval Europe.
“Okay!” Moon ushered Catherine inside. To my relief, Catherine looked slightly better than she had that morning: more awake and alert. She sat across from me, near Steven. Her eyes met mine, but she said nothing.
“So.” Settling next to Catherine, Moon looked at each of us in turn. “I’m going to start by telling you a story. We think of how things are today—the massive amounts of suffering—as normal. But they weren’t always that way. Modern female scholars realized that ancient artifacts proving tribal violence were actually misread. Because it’s all interpretation. And so of course we’d see bones and rocks as arrows and weapons. We now know that up until a certain point in prehistory, humans lived together more or less in a state of harmony. There was still conflict, of course; it wasn’t perfect. But communities were much more equitable. Women held positions of power. There were priestesses.” She looked meaningfully at Catherine and me. “Everyone mattered. But then nomadic groups started taking over these peaceful communities. And they had to defend themselves to survive. Now our societies descend from those legacies of violence.” She paused, blinking. “It leads to so much unhappiness. Emptiness, loneliness, fear. Those in charge sell us stories about soulmates as just one way to placate us. We do need connection, but not in the way we’ve been told.”
“Hear, hear,” Karen muttered softly.
“Thousands of years ago, our past life selves gave in to the fear and violence. But today, we’ve been given the opportunity to make it right.” She got to her feet. “Thea? Catherine? Can you come here?”
Here we go. I went to stand beside her. The tent just accommodated my head; Sol and Jonah would have to stoop. With the space now enclosed, it was definitely hotter. Sweat was already beading at my temples. I forced myself to take a deep breath. I could do this. I would take a break, just not literally one minute in.
Moon took our hands. “Catherine, when you were thirteen you dreamed of a male and female leader. In the movie version it was a pharaoh and queen, but I believe Sol and I were much less than that. Likely elected leaders of a village. And you and Thea were the twin priestesses. There was something special about you two. Your mother knew, didn’t she?”
There was a beat. Then, Karen got to her feet. Her face glowed with sweat. “I knew.”
“Thank you, Mother.” Moon nodded with her chin. “Did Father know?”
Steven stood. “No, but I trusted my wife.”
It felt strange to watch him participate. A little embarrassing, like watching a disgruntled grandfather forced to do improv.
“Because…”
“Because she was smart.” He shrugged. “Calculating. She wanted them to have a better life than us.”
“Did she.” Catherine’s voice was bitter. I glanced over; she was glaring at Karen.
“You doubt that?” Moon asked her.
“I think she did it more for herself than for us.” Catherine’s tone was scornful. “She wanted that respect. That esteem.”
“I’m sorry.” Karen’s voice was a pleading warble. “I didn’t know what would happen.”
“Where did you live?” Moon turned to Catherine. “After she gave you away?”
“The temple.” Catherine looked at me. “Right, Thea? Can you see it?”
And the stunning thing was, I could.
It appeared suddenly in my mind’s eye: the quiet square pool, its surface glass-like. The trees with tiny jade leaves shimmering in the breeze. The nearby buildings, low square blocks made of a light-colored stone. Was this a scene from Stargirl ? No, the temple there had been grand, filled with candles and statues and piles of gold objects. This visual had to be coming from somewhere else.
“We felt trapped,” Catherine went on. “But it was tolerable until she came.” She pointed at Grace, who blanched. “The sorcerer wanted you to get rid of us so she could take our place.”
“Stand up,” Moon directed. Grace got to her feet. She was wearing a swimsuit and gray linen pants already dotted with sweat.
In Stargirl , it had been a male sorcerer showing the queen visions, convincing her to kill Thuya. Were we going to go through the full plotline together?
Moon went over and put an arm around Grace’s shoulder. “What did my advisor tell me?”
Grace cleared her throat. “To get rid of them.”
“And how did I do it?”
She hesitated.
“How did I get rid of them?” Moon asked again, louder.
Grace’s eyes filled with tears. “Um, I guess—”
“Don’t guess!” Moon shouted, her yell overwhelming in the small space. “Tell me what you know!”
I glanced at Jonah. He’d pulled off his shirt and a bead of sweat ran down his chest. He was staring at Moon as if entranced.
“I’m sorry.” Grace covered her face.
My clothes were completely molded to my body. I pulled off my shirt, since I was wearing a sports bra underneath, and felt a millisecond of relief.
“Focus!” Moon shouted again.
“Please stop,” I said. They both turned to me. “You left us in the desert to die, I’m assuming.” I went rigid, sure that Moon would freak out at my use of the word “assume.” But instead she grinned.
“Yes.” She let go of Grace and came towards me. “And what happened?”
“Well…” I glanced at Catherine. “We died.”
“And before?” Moon grabbed my upper arm, her fingers digging in. “What did you see?”
A new image grew in my mind: something sliding through the endless dunes, coming closer. Unlike in my dream, I could see it clearly. It was a snake, its onyx scales sparkling in the sun. But this was no normal snake: even from far away I could tell it was huge, thick as a tree trunk.
“You see it?” Moon asked in a whisper. She pushed down, and I sank to the floor. Catherine sat, too, lying down and curling into the fetal position. This was exactly how we’d been positioned in my dream. A wave of horror washed over me. What was happening? How was I seeing what I was seeing?
“It’s coming closer, yes?” Moon crouched next to me, still gripping my shoulder.
I wanted to race out of the tent into the cool air, suck in huge breaths. But I was frozen in place, watching the vision unfold. I knew if I went outside it would disappear.
“Tell me what you’re seeing,” Moon urged.
“Uh… it’s a snake.” It was coming unimaginably fast straight for us, and I had the distant thought that perhaps it’d swallow us up in a gulp and keep going. The idea felt like a relief—at least it’d get us out of this unrelenting sun.
The heat was a bridge. Even though I knew I was sitting in this sweat lodge, I was also there, near death in the desert, watching the creature approach.
“A snake.” Moon sounded triumphant. “What does it look like?”
“It’s huge.” I sucked in my breath. “It just stopped right in front of us.” Its head—about the size of a watermelon—floated at my level, its eyes large as marbles. A thin purple tongue darted in and out of its jaws. Its scales reflected the sun so brightly I could barely look at it.
“What’s it doing now?” she whispered.
As I sank further into the vision, my body cried out in agony; the sun was baking us alive. And then, right when I thought I couldn’t stand a second more: sweet relief. An animal hide stretched over us, providing shade.
“We’re under a tent,” I said. “I think the snake made it appear.”
On the floor next to me, Catherine murmured in gratitude.
“What’s the snake saying to you now?” Moon asked.
I could hear the words, a conversation unfolding. The snake’s voice was low and booming, but coming from inside my head. I was answering in kind, too weak to speak out loud.
“It… I’m asking it: Is this tent real? And it’s saying: In a sense, yes.”
“And now?”
“It’s telling me that we were put in its path for a reason.” I swallowed, my bone-dry throat swollen. “That normally it can’t communicate with our kind, but that we’re special; we’re able to connect to other worlds. It’s saying it knows that our entire community betrayed us because they were scared of our power.”
Can you help us? Catherine asked; she was involved in this psychic conversation too.
It is too late for this lifetime. The snake’s eyes were like stone. I had the sense it had been here long before humans and would remain long after we were gone. You will soon be bones and dust.
The words filled me with heavy sorrow and regret.
But I can give you an opportunity , it went on.
“What’s the opportunity?” Moon asked when I relayed the statement.
“It’s…” Here the conversation glitched, the words not quite making sense. “Something about how being betrayed by our entire community gives us power… that we can make the decision to sacrifice ourselves in the future, and that act can cause a shift in humanity. Or a jump ahead, or something like that.”
There was a repeating high-pitched rasp; I realized it was me wheezing. Catherine and I were so close to the end.
“What’s your response?” Moon’s fingernail pierced my skin and the bright pain brought me back into the tent. They were all staring at me, eyes wide, faces red and gleaming.
I tried to pull away. “It’s too hot.” I started to get up, suddenly desperate.
“No!” Moon wrenched me back down.
“I need to get out.” White spots sparkled at the edges of my vision.
“Keep going.” Sol was on my other side, holding my arm, keeping me in place. “We’re almost there.”
“What did you say?” Moon hissed.
I squeezed my eyes closed. And there they were: the watchful eyes of the snake.
Fuck humanity. My inner voice was scornful, and rage surged up through my belly. They deserve to burn.
Don’t die with hate in your heart. Catherine’s psychic voice was almost too faint to hear. There will be consequences. She was usually the impulsive one, the selfish one. What right did she have to chide me now?
There isn’t much time. There was a touch of some emotion in the snake’s resonant voice, maybe pity. What is your answer?
“Thea!”
I plunged through a dark tunnel into wakefulness. Someone was grasping my shoulders. Dom? Had I missed my alarm?
Moon let go of me and Sol and Jonah blinked down at me. Consciousness rushed in: I was at the Center.
“Are you okay?” Jonah asked. He and Sol both looked concerned, their faces drawn. Moon’s expression was blank. I thought suddenly of the snake, the stonelike eyes.
“Yeah.” I started to sit up. The rest of the group stood in a larger circle around us. We were on a sandy patch of dirt just outside the tent. My body and hair were completely soaked, my hands clammy. “What happened?”
“You passed out.” Jonah shot a glance at Sol.
Sol and Moon had been holding me in place, forcing me to stay even when I’d said I wanted to leave.
“I’m so sorry, Thea.” Now Moon’s eyes were filled with tears. She brushed back my wet hair. “I’m so sorry I pushed you. I just—we were so close to getting a confirmation.”
A confirmation of what?
The memory of the desert and the snake and Catherine still loomed behind my eyelids. My body felt strange, but I was also relieved to no longer be in searing pain. The memory of it made me suddenly nauseous. I leaned over and retched, but nothing came up.
“You poor thing,” Moon muttered. “Grace! Go get Thea some water.”
I just wanted to get away from everyone, especially Moon and Sol, to try to figure out what had just happened. The fastest way would be placating them. I held up a hand. “I’m okay.”
Even though I was most assuredly not okay. At first it had started almost like a game, saying what I thought Moon wanted me to say. But then I’d actually seen things, heard things, so lifelike that I could still remember every detail. Had it been some kind of hypnosis? But Moon hadn’t been speaking; she hadn’t even been pounding her drum.
“Take it easy.” Sol peered into my eyes like a suspicious doctor.
I tried to stand, but my legs gave out underneath me. Sol and Jonah grabbed my arms and lowered me back to the ground.
“Told you I didn’t like saunas.” It was a dumb joke, but I couldn’t help but glance accusatorially at Moon.
She bit her bottom lip, having the decency to look ashamed.
“I’d say we have our confirmation.” Sol rubbed my shoulder gently but looked at Moon. “Right?”
She ignored him. “Let’s get you back to your yurt. Unless you’d like to rest in the main house?”
“No, it’s fine.” I tried again to stand. They held my arms, but I was able to stay up. “I—I just need to rest.”
Sol insisted on keeping his arm around my waist as we started down the gravel path.
I glanced down at my arm. Blood smeared around the red crescent Moon’s fingernail had pressed into my flesh.