Chapter 46
46
Jonah didn’t respond when I knocked at the door of his yurt. So I took my dead phone to the lobby and plugged it in. It lit up. God, it was after two in the afternoon. Had I really slept that long?
Still no Wi-Fi.
I went to Catherine’s room; finally I was getting the layout of this place down a little more. But no matter how much I knocked and called to her, she didn’t answer.
When my phone was charged, I headed to the dining room. My stomach was still rumbling, but maybe I could settle it with some toast. My mind whirred. Where was Jonah? Why wasn’t Catherine letting me in? Was she furious? Sleeping?
This was the second time I’d failed her. The memory arose: She asked for you. The night before she’d left the hospital, I’d also dropped the ball after drinking.
As I crossed the veranda, I felt more than unsettled, like I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
The lack of Wi-Fi, the disappearance of the SUV, the other car not working… Were Moon and Sol trapping us here? I hadn’t thought they were dangerous, just unethical and overconfident. But maybe I’d been willfully ignorant. After all, Catherine had refused to leave unless she could sneak away. She knew a lot more about this place and its inhabitants than me.
The dining room was empty, and as I neared the kitchen I heard voices behind the door. I slowed and crept closer.
“I just don’t know if I can do it.” Grace’s voice was low. A hiccup: it sounded like she was crying.
“Oh, it’s okay.” Sol crooned the words. “Come here, baby.”
Nothing for a minute. Then Sol: “You’re so strong, Gracie. You’re stronger than you know.”
“But I’m afraid.”
“Don’t listen to your fear. It comes from the primitive self. What does your higher self believe?”
“That… I don’t know.” She paused. “Do you think I should do it?”
“Well, that’s not my decision.” Sol sounded thoughtful. “It’s really up to you.”
“I know. But what do you think?”
“It makes sense to me. You know, taking responsibility like that.”
“But then… I won’t be able to see you.” She started crying again, her sobs cutting into my chest.
“Of course you will. Gracie, nothing can keep us apart. You hear me? My love for you transcends all worlds.” He paused. “You know, you’re the bravest person I ever met. No one would’ve expected that you’d be able to do this. The others, they think you’re a coward. But I know what you’re capable of.”
She took a shuddery breath. “Thank you.”
“Thank you . For inspiring me.”
There was quiet, then. At least until Grace made a soft moaning sound. I backed up, then turned and hurried out of the dining room onto the terrace.
The running kicked up the headache, which interfered with my ability to puzzle out what I’d just heard. Grace and Sol were lovers. Fine—I wasn’t all that surprised Sol was sleeping with other members. But what on earth was Grace so scared to do? And why was Sol pushing her to do it?
Don’t listen to your fear. It comes from the primitive self. Gaslighting the natural fear response was a classic cult technique. It was so effective because it cut people off from their intuition. If your brain was able to argue with what your body was feeling, then you could be convinced to do anything.
Jonah was walking down the gravel path from the yurts.
“Where have you been?” I asked, approaching him.
His hair was mussed, his eyes bleary. “Sleeping.” He rubbed his hair, making it even messier. I remembered running my hands through the curls, grasping them hard.
“Listen, I have to talk to you,” I said.
“Okay, I just really need water.”
“No.” I held up a hand. “Please, just for five minutes.”
We went back to my yurt, where I filled him in on the car situation and the conversation I’d overheard between Grace and Sol. He listened, stroking the stubble on his chin.
“That is weird,” he said when I stopped.
“Right? What do you think they were talking about?”
“I don’t know.” He exhaled. “But I don’t like the sound of it. Any of it.”
“Me either. And I can’t stop wondering… I mean, what if Moon’s lying? What if that second car actually works?”
“Well.” He shrugged. “Why don’t we try it?”
“Now?”
“You know a better time?” He clasped his hands. “We know where the keys are. If the car works, then that’s that. Grace can drive us, or we can fucking drive ourselves.”
“But what about Catherine?” My heart slammed against my breastbone. “We can’t leave without her.”
“You don’t think she’ll come?”
“I don’t know.”
“Listen, let’s take it step by step. We check the car first.” He was already halfway out the door. “Come on.”
As we approached the lobby, I wondered what everyone would think, hearing the car turn on in the heavy silence. But what did it matter? It’d prove they’d been lying to us. They couldn’t stop us from leaving, and if they tried, I’d call emergency services.
Jonah pulled open the drawer and snatched the lone set of keys. He sailed through the glass doors, and his movements were quick enough that I wondered if he felt scared too.
He unlocked the car, which beeped softly, and we both quietly pulled open the doors and got in. I felt a wild leap in my chest. On this plot of land, nothing fit neatly into place: people lied convincingly, things went missing, and supposed past lives floated in the air. But this was concrete, undeniable. The car would either work or not.
I clutched the front of my shirt as Jonah inserted the key in the ignition. He turned it.
Nothing happened.
Frowning, he tried again.
Silence.
“Okay, then.” He hopped out and I followed suit. We locked the car and went back into the lobby. Jonah dropped the keys in the desk drawer.
A deep disappointment filled my torso. “Shit.”
“Yeah. We tried.” He massaged his eyes.
“It doesn’t seem safe, does it? To be stuck here like this?” My headache resurged. Being trapped was making me feel hot, almost feverish.
“I don’t think safety is these people’s number one concern.” He slumped over the desk.
“Well.” I took a deep breath. “What are our options?” I counted them off. “We could wait for Steven to get back. We could contact emergency services…”
“And tell them what? We need a ride?” Jonah shook his head. “There’s no way cops would drive hours out here to pick us up.”
“We could say Moon or Sol’s threatening us.”
“It’s illegal to make false statements to police officers.”
“Well, what about walking out to the road? We could try to hitch a ride.”
“You want to walk to the road?” Jonah lifted his head. His eye circles were darker than usual, a deep violet. “?‘Bye, guys! We’re just going to drag our suitcases down this gravel road for an hour or two!’?”
“Well, they wouldn’t physically drag us back.”
“Maybe not. But you think Catherine would be on board with that?”
I had to concede. “She wouldn’t. I think there’s a chance we could’ve convinced her to drive out with us. But not walk.”
Jonah drummed his fingers on the desk. “It’s also really deserted out here. I don’t remember seeing other cars on the road when we got close. It could take a while to see someone and way longer for someone to actually pick us up.”
“Yeah.” I felt the urge to scream and pull out all the drawers, fling the stuffed owl off its perch. “Fuck.”
“Hey.” He came around the desk. “We’re going to be okay. I have a gun—”
“You have a gun ?” I jerked away from him.
“I do. And I’m going to start wearing it on me.”
I sank down to the ground. This—all of it—was too much to process. Jonah sat quietly beside me.
“So what do you want to do now?” he finally asked in a low tone.
I lifted my head from my arms. “I want to talk to Catherine. But her door’s locked.”
He bumped my shoulder with his. “Well, let’s go break in.”
Ten minutes later, we heard the telltale click and Catherine’s door swung inward. I didn’t love having to talk to her this way, but there was no other choice.
“Catherine?” I said softly, stepping inside.
It was dim, curtains mostly covering the two windows. It smelled even more sour and stale than before. I felt a jolt of déjà vu as I clocked Catherine’s prone form in the bed, facing away from us.
“Hey.” I switched on the lamp on the bedside table. Standing over her, I could tell her eyes were open, staring at the wall.
Oh no. Was she catatonic again?
But she finally shifted, looking up at me. “Hey.”
“Sorry to come in like this.” I sat on the edge of the bed. “But we had to talk to you.”
She glanced at Jonah behind me.
“Tell him to leave,” she said in a flat voice.
“Sure thing.” He raised an eyebrow at me as he left the room.
The metal bed creaked as she sat up. Her greasy copper hair hid her face.
“So I told Moon we wanted to get a ride to the airport,” I said.
She closed her eyes.
“Not you,” I went on. “Just Jonah and me. But Steven’s out with the SUV and the other car doesn’t work—we checked. We were thinking of maybe walking to the road to try to hitch a ride. Even though… I don’t know. Do you think someone will pick us up?”
“You’re asking what I think?” A puff of air—a tiny scoff. “I think you’re fucked.”
“What?” Needles pricked the back of my neck.
“This happened last time too.” She lowered her head. “You always fuck things up.”
“I know, at the hospital—”
“No. With Sol. When he was the governor or whatever. I told you to stay away from him. And the guard. They wanted us, but they hated us too. They hated our power. Why didn’t you listen to me?” Her eyes glistened.
Okay. We were in group delusion territory here. I had to tread lightly.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I messed up. But this is our chance—”
“There is no chance.” Catherine coughed, a phlegmy sound. “It’s over.”
“What’s over?”
She just leaned her forehead on her knees. Her shoulders jerked and went still, as if she was too exhausted to cry.
“I tried.” Her voice was muffled. “I really tried.”
“I know you did.” I rubbed her back. The knobs of her spine were too prominent.
“Well.” She lifted her head. “Maybe it will reject you too.”
“What will reject me?”
She just stared straight ahead.
“Catherine, what will reject me?” Her strange, disoriented face in the shadows was making the hairs rise on my arms.
“You should know. You’re the sacrifice.”
I jumped up. “Okay, I’m getting out of here. Even if you’re not coming with me. You’re freaking me out.”
She lay back down.
“And we’ll come back,” I went on. “We’ll rent a car and come back and get you. Okay?”
No answer.
“Okay, Catherine?” I wanted to grab her, shake her silent form. But instead I turned and left.