Chapter 49
49
We all stood there for a moment, silent and still. The hole’s burbles sounded merry, like it was pleased to have been fed.
“Well.” Moon’s voice was subdued. “That’s that.”
Catherine sank to her knees, sobbing quietly.
“I know it’s hard.” Moon smiled bravely, rubbing her back.
My mind was blank, my body rigid.
Every atom in my body screamed at me: THINK!
Okay. I needed to figure this out. Jonah’s gun. If I could just wrench a hand away, I could stick it under his shirt, grab it. But I didn’t know how to shoot a gun. Maybe training it on them would be enough? Then I could back up across the cave, run upstairs, and use the phone in my front pocket to call emergency services. Down here I doubted there was satellite access. And then—
As if listening to my thoughts, Sol reached into my pocket, pulled my phone out, and slipped it into his back pocket. Shit. I let out a sound, which was muffled by the gag.
“Thea.” Moon approached me, looking exhausted but happy, like she’d just come from a great workout class. “I don’t want this to scare you. I know what it looks like, but you have to trust me. This portal leads to a beautiful realm. There’s no pain, no suffering. You’ll finally get to rest. Gracie wanted that too.”
The words washed over me, and my brain was banking them, but I felt suddenly disconnected from my body. I couldn’t feel the cold stone underneath my feet. A desperate thought arose: Is this a nightmare? Maybe if I could just pinch my thigh, I’d wake up.
Her expression softened. “I know you’re scared. That’s normal. But it’s your destiny. And we’ll help you through it.” She reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
She started across the chamber, towards the tunnel out, and Sol and Jonah dragged me after her. It was hard to walk over the slippery surfaces without use of my arms, and at points they hauled me along as I stumbled. My arms and shoulders were on fire, overstretched. Catherine’s quiet sobs followed us.
Where were they taking me? As we finally entered the flatter cavern, I tried to form a new plan. Maybe on the stairs… they couldn’t both hold me, could they? But if I tried to shove them down the steps, wouldn’t they take me with them?
“Oh, I did bring a zip tie!” Sol paused us at the foot of the stairs. Jonah pinned my arms behind me and sharp plastic bit into my wrists.
“Onwards.” Sol walked me up the steps, grasping my bound wrists. It was hard to walk with my hands behind me; it threw off my balance. I had to concentrate on not tripping. It was slow going, and on the way I visualized Grace’s head disappearing beneath the surface. Where was she now? Stuck in some underground aqueduct? Had she drowned? Did the hole lead to another cavern? Was she still alive? Panic simmered underneath my thoughts.
I stumbled.
“Careful!” Sol sounded irritated. I was sweaty with exertion, and the gag made me feel like I couldn’t breathe. I jabbed at it with my tongue, and it fell out just as we entered the studio. Okay. We were out of the cave. It was time to get away now. But how? My breath rasped in the quiet. I was actually amazed I wasn’t having a panic attack, but some animal part of my brain was keeping me in the present, taking in every detail.
Sol marched me through the courtyard, up the stairs, and into Catherine’s room. Inside, he sat me on the bed, bending me forward. The zip tie came loose, but immediately something cold and metal clamped on my left wrist. He closed the other end of the handcuffs on the metal bedframe.
I rolled my free wrist, realizing there were tear tracks on my face.
“You guys don’t need to do this.” My voice shook, and I swallowed. I needed to use my words; that was my only chance. “I get it. I agree with what you’re doing.”
Sol stood in front of me. “Sorry, kiddo.”
Kiddo? The flash of indignation helped, felt solid, and I grasped at it like a flotation device. “Did you do that to Karen too?” I asked, my voice a little stronger. “Steven?”
“Of course not.” Moon sat at the edge of the table. It was just the three of us now; Catherine and Jonah had broken off. “Steven was staying away with the car so you didn’t have an escape option. And Karen is fine. She’s resting. She’s tied to Grace in this lifetime, and we thought it’d be too hard for her to watch.”
“Did she know ?” I asked. “That Grace was going to do that?”
“No.” Moon shrugged. “But she’ll understand.”
“So that’s what you’re going to do to me tomorrow.” Terror rose up through my throat.
“Thea—oh, good.” Moon glanced at the door. Jonah walked in with a bucket and set it on the floor next to me. I stared imploringly. But he was no longer the person I’d cuddled with an hour ago. This new version avoided my gaze.
Sol gestured. “Here’s your bathroom, for now. We’ll get you some TP too.”
Moon smiled softly. “If there’s anything you need…”
“Just yell.” Sol grinned, his eyes flashing with contempt. Whistling softly, he left the room. Jonah hesitated at the doorway, finally looking at me.
His eyes weren’t hard like Sol’s, or soft like Moon’s. He looked despondent yet determined, like a rancher who was gearing up to shoot his injured horse.
“Please,” I said. There had to be a way to get through to him.
“I’m sorry.” Strangely, his own voice was pleading. As we stared at each other, the full reality of the falsehood reared up. Jonah had been a part of this the entire time. Like Karen, this was his home. He, too, had been asked to play a role, and he’d played it well.
He opened his mouth to say something else, but Moon touched his arm and they walked out together, closing the door behind them.
“Okay,” I said out loud after they left. I stood and tried to pull the bed; it didn’t move. My arms ached, and my right wrist chafed painfully against the metal. I peeked underneath the bed and saw the legs were bolted to the floor. There had to be a way I could twist and pull the thin bar on the headboard. But though tarnished, the headboard was strong, all one piece of metal. There was no way I could bend it, let alone break it.
I strained at the handcuff for a few minutes, trying to slip my hand out, but it just cut into my skin. Now I was bleeding, bright red smearing onto the white duvet. Someone had put on fresh sheets and made the bed.
I lay down, staring up at the ceiling. The horror of the situation felt muted, hanging out at the edges of my periphery. If I allowed it to move in, to envelop me, I’d be completely useless.
I had to think. What had Moon said down there about Catherine? Something about coming back from the dead?
But because it was the wrong person, the portal sent her back. Catherine rose from the dead. It’s a miracle that hasn’t happened for thousands of years.
So they’d sent Catherine into the “portal,” but she’d survived. That meant there had to be a way out. The thought helped ease the blank fear back beneath the horizon. Maybe at this very moment, Grace was crawling through a tunnel, back up towards the light.
But—and I didn’t want to think about this, I really didn’t—even if Catherine had survived, she’d reappeared changed. She’d had a psychotic break. I had no idea what she’d seen down there, what she’d had to go through.
She’d sobbed to see Grace go in. So the path out hadn’t been easy.
The thought made me stick my face in the pillow and scream.
Whatever horrors she’d been through now awaited me.
For a few hours I lay there, my brain calculating, trying to puzzle a way out. At some point I passed out, falling deep into a dreamless sleep. When I woke, it was dark. Pain flared in my wrists, arms, and back. A wave of terror rose, and I pushed it back down. Focus. I slipped out of bed and squatted over the bucket, then pushed it as far away as I could reach.
Maybe, if one of them came in, I could throw the urine in their face.
And then what?
Before I sat back on the bed, I paused. This was Catherine’s room. Maybe there was something in or around the bed that could be of use. I threw back the covers, pulled off the fitted sheet—not easy with one hand. Nothing there except an old striped mattress, yellowed and dotted with stains. I pulled the mattress up off the frame, peered underneath.
The sunglassed cat grinned back at me.
My diary.
I grabbed it and sat heavily. Its disappearance felt like it happened so long ago. The retreat itself felt quaint, like a trip I’d taken years before. Had Catherine taken it? Why?
I moved into a small patch of moonlight so I could see it. A torn scrap of paper marked one of the pages.
M and I are going to the Stargirl next week, I’m so excited!!!! We’re going to buy tickets to The Drama Queens and sneak into Stargirl instead. I know!!!! It’s a lie and I’m already praying for forgiveness from God. But I have to see it. I don’t know why, I just have this feeling. I HAVE to. I’ve even been having dreams about it. So you know how the poster for Stargirl shows the actress in this desert staring off into the distance. Last night I dreamed that she and I were in the desert together. At first we were in this really nice tent that had rugs and golden cups and stuff, and people were treating us like ROYALTY. And then we woke up and everyone was gone. They’d left us there!! It was really scary because we knew that we were going to die of thirst!! We just had this little pouch of water. And then this snake appeared and maybe it was because we’d started hallucinating (sp?) but it started talking to us!! It asked which one of us wanted to be a sacrifice. We were like: ??? And the snake explained more but I don’t remember what happened/what we decided. Then I woke up.
I let out a deep breath. I didn’t remember this dream, but if Catherine had read about it, she could’ve told Moon. But if she had—why was the diary hidden? And besides, even if Moon had known I’d had this dream at thirteen, how had she known I’d be dreaming about it here? It was also slightly different: I hadn’t remembered being out in the desert with a group, but now it felt familiar. I could almost hear it, feel it: the clang of wine goblets, the shout of tipsy laughter, the soft fur underneath my elbow.
It was different from Stargirl , in which guards had unceremoniously dumped her and left.
The moon shifted; the whole room was now dark. I slipped the diary back under the mattress, tried to fashion the sheets and blankets back as they’d been.
A new wave of despair washed over me, and I sobbed into the pillow until it was soaked. After, I lay on my side, staring into the pitch-black room. There had to be a way out of this. There had to be. Determination surged into my belly.
There was no way I was going down that hole.