Chapter 40
A LOSING BATTLE
ASTROPHEL
THE RETURN TO the mountain is a body-blow.
Worse than anything I’ve suffered in the lists.
We all feel it the instant snow bleeds back into our boots, numbing our toes.
It’s etched deep in the too-tight smile stretched over Tansy’s face, in the fierce set of Maris’ jaw.
Minutes back on that ridge is enough to drive all memory of Nimbi’s restoring waters from my mind.
Especially as my focus turns back to Spindle Pass.
I allow my gaze to soar up the near-vertical ridge, glinting in the dawnlight like the edge of a freshly whetted blade.
My arm throbs just thinking about the climb.
‘Let’s gather supplies,’ Leilani says, wasting no time in pushing open the door to the cabin. ‘We should leave now if we want to reach the Ice Steps before moonsrise.’
She’s pale. I hoped the spell on Nimbi would be good for her, but she’s been oddly withdrawn ever since waking us at the falls.
I move to follow Leilani inside, but Blayze is already shadowing her heels.
I fall back, allowing the others to pass ahead of me, then slope into the furthest corner of the cabin, out of the path of the brisk mountain wind.
Leilani is sorting through the packs when I get inside, drawing out climbing axes, passing them to Blayze to mete out.
Am I imagining it, or do their fingers brush, do their eyes meet, for longer than strictly necessary?
I fold my arms, thinking back to when I interrupted them in the first cabin.
I assumed they’d been arguing – I could have sliced the atmosphere between them with my sword.
But now… something’s changed between them.
A new tension that never existed before.
My stomach sinks. I don’t like it one bit.
‘We find ourselves with a common foe, I think.’ I turn to see Delphine skulking at my elbow. She’s also staring across the cabin at the Clanschief, an acid expression crimping her lips. Her slanted eyes dart between Blayze and Maris, who stands just behind the Clanschief.
‘What are you—’
She gestures with her eyes towards Blayze. ‘I shouldn’t be helping you; it’s against my best interests. But take my advice, do something before things go any further. She’s your betrothed, after all.’
My mouth gapes. I force it shut.
‘Perhaps we should both fight a little harder for what’s ours. That’s all I’m saying.’
With that, Delphine flits to Maris’ side, accepts an axe from her.
I take a slow breath. I don’t want to believe it.
Surely Leilani wouldn’t pursue this? Not with him.
Perhaps there’s a surface attraction, but it won’t be more than that.
What was it Blayze said? Emotions run high on a journey like this.
It doesn’t follow it means anything. A fleeting infatuation.
Nothing more. But then I catch sight of her Shadow Mark.
Is she still in her right mind? We’re in uncharted stars, who knows what she might do in this new, precarious state…
I flex my hand, the twinge in my arm flaring sharp.
The towering height of Spindle Pass once more looms large in my mind.
With a sigh, I put Delphine’s warning to one side and step into the centre of the cabin to receive my axe.
Leilani is right, we’ll need to start our climb straight away if we hope to reach the Ice Steps before dark.
I’ve got greater challenges ahead of me than trying to win back my betrothed’s hand from an imaginary rival.
This will all be over soon. Blayze will return to the East.
Making things right with Leilani can wait till after we’ve found the lost sceptre.
*
ICY FLURRIES SPIT down my face as I carve my axe into the wall of rime-shrouded rock.
Spindle Pass as gruelling a climb as I feared.
Each blow sends fresh lances of pain shivering up my bad arm, but I grit my teeth, refuse to cry out.
I don’t want either of them to hear: not the Clanschief above me, not the Princess below.
I twist over my shoulder to check she’s still there, chest sagging in relief when I glimpse the grey of her fur.
Steeling myself, I strike again, setting my jaw against the ensuing smart, digging the claws of the ice-shoes into the mountain as I strain upwards, gaining another precious few inches.
Something stabs the arch of my foot. A pebble must have worked its way inside my boot.
A drop in the ocean of pain my body is experiencing, but I can’t stop to remove it.
I exhale, low and heavy, my lungs straining for air and finding only something cobweb-thin and bitter as pyresmoke.
I focus on the positives. It bodes well Leilani’s still insisting on climbing behind us. She won’t admit it, not to me, but she does it to make sure we don’t fall off this mountain, to assuage her guilt for forcing us to climb it before we were back to full health.
I’m glad she feels guilty.
I’d prefer Blayze wasn’t a consideration, but the act of caring is what’s important.
Fixating on her Shadow Mark in the cabin earlier has reignited all my worries over Orthriel’s final warning. I keep checking over my shoulder, searching Leilani’s too-knowing eyes, fearing what change I’ll find there – an incessant niggle like the Sister-blooded pebble presently cutting at my foot.
Am I fighting a losing battle?
Shaking myself, I stare upwards. The Clanschief’s boots are still only a handspan overhead. Waiting for him to move is almost worse than the climbing itself, muscles bunching, cramping, in the lulls.
‘We must reach the last ledge by nightfall,’ I shout, the cutting wind stealing half my words. Grimacing at the lengthening shadows creeping over the mountain, I plunge my axe into the ice again. If I drive the pace, close in on his heels, maybe I can speed Blayze on.
He gives a loud huff, digs his own axe into the mountain. The heft of his body winches upwards. A few feet of empty space now stretches above my head.
It’s working. I move to strike again.
‘Astrophel.’ Leilani’s cry splits the silence of the mountain. ‘Not so fast. Your arm…’
Ignoring the searing pain, I strike again, dislodging clouds of powdered ice which gust into my already straining lungs. Coughing, I try to expel it.
‘Astrophel,’ she warns again.
Sputtering, eyes watering, the pebble cuts again at my foot.
I strike at the ice, this time with my bad arm.
But I’m aiming blind. Something dense meets my axe; the blade jumps, my arm’s knocked back.
I must have struck solid rock. I pivot wildly from the mountain, my injured arm hanging useless at my side.
I scream. The sound echoes back at me, mingling with a higher-pitched wail.
Leilani. No – Orthriel said to keep her from distress, from the darker depths of emotion.
I tighten my grip on my one still-engaged axe.
I know I can’t support my weight on it for long.
Worse, if I fall, my bulk will likely rip Leilani off the mountain too. She’s only a few handspans beneath me.
I swore to protect her. I swore it twice.
Cursing, I flail with my bad arm, try to swivel myself back to the mountain, to drive the second axe back into the ice and stabilise myself.
Once. Twice. Clamping my teeth, I brace for a third attempt.
Even buttressed by Nimbi’s Aether-infused waters, I’ve not the strength.
My grip’s loosening on the first axe. A slick of sweat building inside my fur-lined gloves.
After everything, this is how I’ll end.
I grunt and try again for the ice, the swing wild, useless.
The strain in my good arm is building to a searing burn.
I bite down on my lip and close my eyes.
I don’t want to see the ground rise up to meet me.
My fingers start to slip. Leilani is screaming again.
Real terror in her cries. It’s the same keening pitch as when the Clanschief fell through the ice.
A stupid thought at such a moment, but it’s nice to know she’ll mourn me.
I never got to tell her my hopes for our future, how much I regret all the wasted time. I never got to make amends for Thawtide. Give her the first kiss she deserved.
Another finger slips.
I screw my eyes tighter. Then force them open. No, I’ll not die a coward. I’ll look my end in the face, like a true member of The Nine.
‘Blayze!’
I don’t have time to register Leilani’s wild cry – what it means. The wind is choked out of me as warm, thick fingers clamp around my bad wrist. I howl in pain, but the sting swiftly fades. Relief buzzing through me as the rock face slams hard and cold against my cheek.
As the Clanschief draws me back to the mountain.
‘Blayze,’ Leilani screams again, the sound piercing through me, splintering something in its desperate shrillness.
On instinct, I lift my second axe, drive it back into the ice.
‘You got a hold?’ The question comes gruff from above. I’ve no breath left in me to answer. I can only nod. It’s enough. His grip relaxes, eases off me, and Blayze utters a harsh groan as he stabs at the ice himself.
I’m alive. And it’s thanks to the Clanschief.
‘Don’t beat yourself up about it, Peacock,’ he shouts, reading my thoughts.
‘Let’s call it part-settlement of that ink-oath.
A life for a life, but I still owe you for Serafine.
’ His words come rough, bracketed by sharp breaths, but the man is joking, actually joking.
And for all I’m grateful to him, something primitive bridles at the patronising edge to his words.
I’ve been unmanned in front of Leilani. Made to look weak.
But pettiness aside, his jokes make light of an inescapable truth. This man and I, this man I’ve hated, this man my rival in more ways than one, we owe each other our lives. We’re bound to one another despite our differences. There’s nothing funny about that.
Blayze’s boots inch upwards as he restarts his climb.
I’m still panting, both arms screaming in pain. But it’s time to move.
My strokes are tentative this time. I test my axe before I heave on it, glance down at Leilani before I drive with my legs.
Tears diamond her cheeks, but relief splits her face as she smiles up at me.
A sunbeam escaping from behind clouds. Her eyes are still the fathomless pools of lilac they’ve ever been. My chest expands.
The battle is not lost. Not yet.
The pebble cuts at my foot again. Bitter thoughts crowd in, puncturing the swell in my breast. Who were her tears for?
As our eyes lock on the desolate mountainside, I make a decision.
The future is never promised. The last few minutes have proved that.
I’ll take Delphine’s advice. I won’t wait any longer, won’t wait for Leilani to choose him.
Once we reach this last ledge, the one leading to the Ice Steps, I’ll tell her how I feel.
I’ll make her listen to me. I’ll make her see that we have a future – that together we can build a better future for the realm we both love.
Even Shadow-gripped, she won’t want to throw that away. Not for him.
I strike at the ice with renewed purpose.
The pain in my arm horseplay compared to the pain racking my chest at the possibility that she might.