15. Giulia
The morning after Renzo took me to his place, I woke up groggy and disoriented from poor sleep. All night long, I suffered flashbacks of the memories that would live forever in my mind.
The rub of his muscled arms against my sides. The clutch of his fingers on my ass. The pulling cinch of that fabric around my wrists, disabling me from freeing my hands.
“Stop,” I groaned lightly to myself as I got out of bed. “Stop thinking about him.”
It was impossible. Because as I started a scalding hot shower to massage my body, I couldn’t turn off the phantom reminders of how he felt.
Over me. In me. Everywhere. The desire he’d stoked in me coursed through me with a feral intensity, and I didn’t think I’d ever feel normal again.
Was this simply what it felt like to no longer be a virgin?
Or is it because it was him?
I stepped into the stall and hoped the hot water would massage me and render me awake.
Last night, I showered and cleaned off the stickiness of our cum and the little bit of blood, but today, as I let the water soothe my rattled mind, I felt depressed. That was it.
Once.
I’d enjoyed the harsh perfection of Renzo deep inside me one time, and that was all I could ever hope for. His Family loathed mine, and what remained of my Family wasn’t any better. Dario still seemed to suspect Renzo killed Father. Mother hated all the Bernardis. Trying to look forward to a repeat of that unexpected passion was a waste of time.
I eventually left the shower, my skin numb and raw, and I knew this uneasiness and sense of longing would have to fade.
Downstairs, I found my mother seated in a chair in the summer room.
I stopped short, almost spilling the coffee I’d just made.
She sat there, calm and collected as she sipped her coffee, and my suspicions grew immediately.
What is she doing here?
Since Father died, she’d been holed up in her room. Francis claimed to have overheard her speaking on the phone, but I hadn’t seen or spoken to her since the rushed excuse of a funeral she’d ordered to hold for Father.
If she was grieving, fine. I wouldn’t have believed she cared that he was gone. She’d never shown him an ounce of love but made sure to consistently harass and nag him when he was alive.
If she was still sick from whatever drug she’d been poisoned with, she didn’t make any requests for medical assistance.
Seeing her was a shock. I saw no hint of an emotional or physical weakness. She looked as normal as ever, face taut and unexpressive, even bored.
But why was she here ?
This was where I always took my coffee. She hated it, claiming the plants looked tacky and the tinkling sound of the ornamental waterfall from the sculpted water pool in the corner of the sunny room was annoying.
She was deliberately seated in my place. Coupled with her sudden reappearance, she seemed to be up to something.
“Morning,” I said cautiously, coming out to sit next to her.
I wasn’t stupid. She had to have chosen this spot to force me to speak with her. I seldom had to deal with her in the mornings. Like my father had, she preferred to keep her personal time a priority over being a present mother.
She lifted her gaze to me, studying me. It was stupid, but I couldn’t help the worry that she was looking through me. As though she could know what I’d done last night. She wouldn’t have approved of Uncle Dario’s suggestion that I spy for intel about Father’s death. And she definitely wouldn’t like that Renzo had fucked me.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked for a greeting.
Shit. I wasn’t any good at hiding it. I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary, but just hearing her suspicious tone set me further on edge.
“Nothing.” I set my coffee down on the table too quickly. I didn’t need to add caffeine to my already frazzled status. Without another word, I headed for the exit to the gardens outside.
She wasn’t going to let me off the hook. Waiting for me in the place I always sat and drank my coffee was only her first plan. As she hurried after me, the glass door swung back, almost smacking her in the face. It still didn’t stop her.
“Giulia.”
I shook my head, not in the mood for any of her games. I’d never trusted her, and I wouldn’t start now.
“What do you want?”
“To talk.”
I narrowed my eyes at her as she rounded me. Standing on the path, she blocked me from walking off. “About what? Father?”
She kept her lips pressed in a tight line.
“You’ve holed yourself up in your room for over a week.” I crossed my arms, letting my natural loathing for her conceal how unsettled I’d felt since Renzo took my virginity.
How absurd. I could trust him, the enemy, but my mother provoked me to be defensive.
“I’ve had to handle all the condolences. I’ve had to ward off all the questions about why we didn’t even really hold a funeral for him.”
She shrugged. “That doesn’t matter.”
I slitted my eyes further. “Why? Why did you choose such a pathetic funeral? Are you trying to ignore the fact that he died?”
“Ignore? No one can ignore that he’s dead.”
I shook my head, letting all my pent-up confusion and anger come to the surface. “Then why are you ignoring it? You rushed for a private funeral. You won’t speak to anyone. You hide in your room and—” I groaned, already exhausted from dealing with her at all.
“I was grieving.”
I smirked at her. “Really? That’s the line you’re going with?”
She raised her brows. “I was grieving.”
“You never cared about him to grieve him.”
Tilting her head to the side, she seemed to almost smile. Like I was amusing her. “And you did?”
I gawked, stunned that she’d be so… cavalier about this. “Are you trying to say I’ve been acting unusual about his death?”
“Your father’s death is something none of us can change.”
What? Obviously, we couldn’t. He wouldn’t be coming back from the dead. While her cool wording suggested that she’d come to terms with losing him, she seemed too indifferent. I didn’t expect my mother to be sad, and she didn’t look one bit upset. But she was taking this way too calmly.
“However,” she added, causing another twist of dread to knot my stomach, “his death does necessitate our making changes for the future.”
I stared at her, nervous and worried. This heartless woman was always scheming. Always planning. And her goals were always to secure her own best interests, no one else’s.
“Such as?” I lowered my arms, then crossed them again because I needed the comfort of something like a hug. Whatever she would have to say would be bad news. I just knew it.
“You will marry Nickolas Romano.”
Her words were a death knell.
I knew it. Renzo had put the idea—the fear—in my mind. He’d mentioned overhearing Nickolas talking about marrying me now that Father was out of the way.
So many frantic questions filled me as I stared at her.
Did Father not want me to marry Nickolas? Could he have killed him because of that rejection? And what, did my mother want me to marry him and she could go ahead with those plans now?
“Why?”
She smirked, like I was being petulant and silly. “What do you mean, why ? Why else?”
I shook my head, refusing to look at her and just accept this punishment.
“We need to secure an alliance with the Romano influence. To gain the support of their wealth and strengthen our Family now that your father is dead.”
“Not like that.” I thought back to Renzo’s accurate description of her. She’d need to heel. She would have to listen to the Romanos. She’d no longer be able to nag and scold the people who controlled the money.
“It’s not your choice to make.”
I glared at her. “Nor is it yours.”
“Oh?”
She was the widow of the former head of the Family, but until all the will stipulations were seen to, she was no more powerful—as a woman—than I was at the moment.
Reminding her of her insignificance in our world wouldn’t change anything. Instead, I tried a different counter. “Uncle Dario thinks that avoiding any marriage arrangements would be smart. At least until we know who killed Father.”
“Dario?” She snorted and rolled her eyes. “He’s not the leader. He’s not the Boss of this Family.”
“But he’s Father’s brother, the de facto man in the Family whom any marital arrangements should come to for his consideration.”
“Dario is weak,” she spat.
“He’s sound of mind,” I argued. “And he’s willing to stand in until we know who our enemies truly are.”
“I know who our enemies are.” She stepped closer, trying to intimidate me but falling short. Literally falling short. I had two inches on her and I wouldn’t be kowtowed.
“Don’t be stupid and think that you have an opportunity or freedom to make your own choices. You have no power in your future.”
“Nor. Do. You.”
She lifted her hand to slap me, but I deflected it. Before Dario was injured, he and Francis taught me more than the basics of self-defense.
“You should know your fucking place, Giulia.” She flung her arm back, seething.
“I do know my place.”
“Then shut up about this. You won’t get out of this arrangement. You will marry Nickolas and spare me from ever having to put up with your impertinence ever again.”
What about my sisters?
What about Dario?
What about… me?
“He’s a monster,” I told her. Trying to win her sympathy wouldn’t work. She’d made up her twisted mind, but I had to speak up.
“They’re all monsters. Monsters or weak fools, like your father was.”
I shook my head. No. “Nickolas isn’t someone I can marry.”
“It’s not a matter of whether you can. You will.”
“He’s…” I panicked, swallowing down the whining sound that clawed at my throat. Too many memories filed through my mind. All those rumors and stories. “He’s a sadistic asshole.”
She huffed.
“All that stuff about that whore,” I reminded her.
“Luka was with that woman when she died. I heard it was suicide, anyway.”
“Because of how Nickolas tortured her!”
Was this her way of saying she didn’t care if I died after staying with Nickolas?
“Then I suppose you should try to prepare yourself now for what’s coming.”
How can you be so cruel? So heartless and unloving?
“You should know by now that no man who is fit to be your husband will be a soft, pathetic gentleman. That’s not the way this world works. So get your mind off the thought of a ridiculous fairytale ending.”
“I don’t want a fairytale. I want to live without fearing my husband!”
Over her shoulder, I caught a glimpse of Renzo sneaking through the hedges. I should’ve been shocked that he was trespassing—again. That man knew no bounds to taking risks where I was concerned. But seeing him here meant he’d overheard this death sentence.
Exactly what he’d tried to give me a warning about.
“Don’t be such a child,” Mother scolded. “You’re going to marry Nickolas and spread your legs for him to bear him a child. Whether you want to or not.”
My lungs seized. I couldn’t breathe. The mere thought of enduring anything from Nickolas pushed me toward a colossal breakdown.
Never.
Renzo was forceful with me. But I enjoyed it. I felt so full and alive under his forbidden touch, and I yearned for him again. Despite the punishing attitude he’d had when he pushed me to the bed, I knew he’d been doing it with affection.
It would be the opposite with Nickolas.
And I vowed not to find out.
Back by a tall length of hedges, Renzo hid in the shadows.
There was no way he hadn’t overheard it all. Besides, he’d already known about the possibility of this union from whatever Nickolas had said.
I had to see him. I had to talk to him. Just being near him would soothe the throbbing agony in my head at the mere thought of being forced onto Nickolas.
I didn’t know why he was here, but I assumed it was to see me, too.
“Is this all that you wanted to tell me?” I demanded of her, eager to be out of her presence and away from whatever she was plotting.
She dragged her wicked gaze over me, looking for something else to bitch about. “For now.” Instead of letting me tell her to get lost, she turned and headed inside.
Remaining where I was, letting her think that she’d had the last word, I waited for a long moment. Zoning out at the manicured grass, I stalled until she’d entered the house and was gone from the windows overlooking the garden.
I glanced up, catching sight of Renzo at once. A slight tip of my chin indicated for him to head toward the side where my room was.
If he’d climbed down the trellis near my balcony, he could climb back up it, too.
He nodded, and I spun around to run to my room and wait for him.