Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Iwent back to work without thinking about it. It was the last thing I wanted to do, and yet I also didn’t want to go home. I sat in the parking lot for an hour, crying and snotting and fuming.
How had it come to this?
How had so much gone so wrong this quickly?
How had I fallen from perfect wife, loving mother to wife betrayed in a matter of days? It didn’t seem possible. And yet, here I was. Again. Why was I so easy to cheat on? Why was I so easy to lose?
I wiped away my tears, lowering the sun visor and opening the mirror to look over my makeup. My hair had frizzed from the humidity, most of my makeup melting away, and I had tear stains on the makeup that had fought to remain.
I couldn’t go into my building like this, but I couldn’t go home. I couldn’t face the conversation that I needed to have. Ty had advised that I wait until I had proof, but there was absolutely no way I could face Ben without telling him what I knew, what I’d seen, and how I felt.
He left Kat’s house just before I did, so he should’ve been home by now. I pulled out my phone and typed up a quick, emotionless text.
Hey. What are you up to?
He’d lie and pretend he wasn’t doing anything wrong.
Pretend he and Gray had spent the morning at home, as usual.
He’d lie like he always had. Because I was the kind of woman who men lied to.
I was the kind of woman they cheated on.
The kind who was easily replaced. The kind you traded in for a new model after a while.
Two completely different men in two completely different scenarios had cheated on me. The only common denominator was me. I had to believe that meant something.
I ran a hand over my belly, several pounds of extra fluff still lingering since I’d had Gray.
I knew some women who lost the baby weight almost instantly, but I still carried at least twenty pounds extra.
My breasts were swollen and sore, and they belonged solely to Gray now.
I wore thick, diaper-like pads in my hinged nursing bra to keep the milk from leaking through my clothes.
I had several more weeks of bleeding before Ben and I could be intimate again.
Not that he’d want to. I was no longer the sexy, enchanting woman he had met a year ago.
Could I really blame him for falling in love with someone else?
We’d been together such a short time before I’d fallen pregnant and he’d proposed.
Maybe he felt like I’d trapped him. Maybe I had.
Fat tears fell down my cheeks as I waited for his return text. I needed to pump. I needed to eat. I needed to wash my face and change my clothes. I put the car in drive and pulled out of the parking lot, heading across town to deal with the shambles that appeared to be all that remained of my life.
I parked the car and stepped into the building with determination.
I would hear Ben out, but I wouldn’t back down.
What he’d done was wrong. What he’d allowed Kat to do was beyond wrong.
I wouldn’t forgive him for it. If he wanted to be with her—if he wanted to leave me—I wouldn’t beg him to stay, but he had to know I wouldn’t walk away with my tail tucked.
I’d fight for custody. Fight against alimony.
As I climbed the stairs, a sick thought filled my mind. Now that Ben was home full time, what if he could get custody more easily? What if I’d set him up to receive alimony without even realizing it? Women did it all the time in divorces, didn’t they? It may be no different here.
I shoved the thought out of my head. It wasn’t going to happen like that. Ty was the best of the best, and I had him on my side of this. Whoever Ben hired wouldn’t be nearly as good as who I had on my side.
I approached the door and put my hand on the knob, twisting it carefully. It was locked. I lowered my brows, knocking. Why was it locked?
After a moment, I groaned and dug through my purse, locating my keys and unlocking the door.
“Ben?”
The first thing I noticed was the silence. It was deafening when I was so used to hearing life coming from the apartment. Gray fussing. Ben tapping his feet. Ben laughing. Gray cooing. There was nothing this time.
“Ben?” I called again, keeping my voice low, though a worried feeling had settled low in my stomach. Something is wrong.
I walked down the hall with caution, my footsteps the only sound I could hear.
The humidity from an impending storm had settled into the apartment in such a short time, and a bead of sweat gathered on my upper lip.
“Ben? Where are you?” I called once more as I stepped into the bedroom.
The room, like the rest of the apartment, was empty and silent.
My husband and son were nowhere to be found.
I pulled out my phone and clicked on his name from my recent calls list. It didn’t ring.
“Hey, it’s Ben. Leave me a message, and I’ll get back to you.”
The line beeped, and I hung up. Where is he?
I walked back into the living room, searching the place for any sign of a note from him explaining his disappearance. When I’d left Kat’s house, he was gone. It wasn’t possible that he hadn’t made it home yet if this was where he was headed.
There were no papers, no notes, nothing out of place.
The stroller still sat against the wall, so despite the fact that the rain wasn’t here yet, it was doubtful that he’d taken him on a walk.
I had a sinking feeling of dread that I couldn’t explain.
Everything in me screamed that something was very wrong.
I opened the apartment door, locking it behind me and jogging down the stairs.
I glanced out at the street, thankful that the rain had held off.
I searched the street, looking for signs of his car to no avail, then turned the corner to head around the building.
I looked throughout the small parking lot and inside the underground parking garage, hurrying through each level in search of the silver Mazda. It wasn’t there. He wasn’t there.
Once I’d reached the last level of the garage, I turned back around. I walked up the sidewalk back to my apartment slowly, watching for his car, just hoping it would appear.
Where are you, Ben?
I had such a bad feeling. But how could I explain it? And what was I supposed to do with it, anyway? How was I supposed to fix it? How was I going to find them? I called my office first, on a whim.
“Thank you for calling Cumberland Design, Palmer Lewis’ office. How may I help you?”
“Howie, it’s me,” I said, letting out a huff.
“Palmer? Hey! Are you still in Spring Hill?”
I shook my head, though he couldn’t see me.
“No. I…” I had no reason to lie to him, but I needed to.
Howie had more than earned my trust, but I couldn’t explain to him everything that was going on.
I didn’t have the energy. “I just dropped by the apartment to eat lunch. Listen, Ben and Gray didn’t happen to come there, did they? ”
He paused. “You mean today? I haven’t seen them. Were they supposed to?” His voice grew faint, and I could tell he was leaning away from the receiver, careening his neck around the office to get a good look. I could picture it well.
“No, I just…they aren’t here, and he’s not answering his phone.” I chewed my bottom lip. “They’ll turn up. I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t missed him.”
“They aren’t here, but if they do show up, I’ll have him call you.”
“Thanks, Howie,” I said.
“Will you be back in—”
I’d already lowered my phone, and I couldn’t bear to worry about the answer to that question. There was still so much unknown. I needed to call someone else—but who?
I didn’t have the phone numbers of any of the men he used to work with. I could call the store, but why would they be there? I clicked on his name again, but still, it went straight to voicemail. Had his phone died? Worse, had he turned it off?
I tried to fight back the worry and the fear that ricocheted through every inch of my body, wrapping its spider-like fingers around my organs, telling me to do something—anything—to make this better. I had no idea what to do. No idea how to make this any better. How could I be this helpless?
Ben had no relationship with his family, so I didn’t have much more than their names. No phone numbers, no addresses even, other than the knowledge that they lived out of state, and just getting that much was like prying teeth from my husband.
You try looking up Mark and Kathy Lewis and let me know how far you get.
I opened the freezer and gasped. All of Gray’s milk was gone. Every single bag. More than a week’s worth. Had he brought all of that to Kat’s? I hadn’t seen how much he had packed.
I didn’t want to drive back to Crestview, especially for no reason, but I was out of options. My keys were still in my hand, purse around my shoulder, as if somehow, I’d just known that this would happen. I’d known I’d have to leave. Have to go after them.
I pulled open the door and stopped. My head was so fuzzy with fear I couldn’t really concentrate. He hadn’t mentioned going anywhere, had he? I didn’t think so.
I sucked in a breath, locking the door behind me and rushing down the stairs, switching my phone’s ringer to loud. The rain pelted me—why wouldn’t it decide to start now, of all times?—the wind blowing my hair and my clothes wildly as I made my way to the car.
Please call me back.