Chapter 33 – Willa #3
“Leo wouldn’t do that. We’ve worked together long enough that he knows my boundaries. The work I do there is never made public, something he knows.”
“Why not?” Jefferson asks, clearly not understanding. I take in a deep breath, trying to remind myself that his entire business is PR, that there’s a reason he is this way, that it’s because he sees every member as an opportunity for PR.
“Because I don’t do it for the brand,” I say, trying to center myself.
“I don’t donate to the studio because I want people to think I’m a good person…
I do it because I want to bring a little joy to the kids at the dance school, and to be able to dance in peace once in a while.
I won’t ever be able to go there without it being splashed everywhere now,” I say, that all too familiar grief moving through me.
I’ve always loved coming here, but now it’s ruined by Jefferson and Chris.
“So who did it? Who told Chris and all of those paparazzi where I was going to be?” I ask, getting angry the longer I think about it. Jefferson blinks at me, not expecting this, but when Jackie speaks, all attention moves to her.
“I did,” Jackie says, looking confused, sliding her phone into her bag. “It was a good opportunity. What does it matter?”
“Because I don’t do this for the media, Jackie. You know that.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, goodwill, performative, I know. But it’s really going to help Chris.”
That one twists, frustration building as she speaks.
“You’re my talent agent, Jackie. Not his. You’d do well to remember that. If you pull something like this again, I’ll also have to.”
Something flashes on her face before she stifles it down.
“Jefferson, would you mind leaving us for a moment?”
“Of course not. The room is all yours.”
Jackie gives him a soft, pleasant smile before she walks him to the door as if he owns the place, sitting behind him, resting her ass on the edge of the table, and giving me a soft smile.
“What is this really about, Willa?”
“It’s about you not respecting my wishes. What is going on, Jackie?”
“Willa, please, you’re throwing a temper tantrum like a child. I can’t believe you embarrassed me in front of everyone like that!”
I stare at her, trying to find the woman who helped raise me.
I can’t find her.
I don’t know if it’s just because my own shield is forever changed, or if the way I see things, people, and understand their expectations of me has changed so much that I can’t understand what or why she’s talking like this, but I’m lost.
“I just don’t understand where your priorities are, lately. In the past, if I told you it was a good idea, you were fine with it. If it were for the brand, you would be okay with it. You're acting different, and I’m concerned.”
“You’re concerned? Were you concerned when Chris kept blatantly pushing boundaries? Or when the press keeps coming when I don’t expect it, priming me for a public panic attack?”
“You’re being dramatic, Willa. You know, I’ve been talking to your mom, and she agrees—”
“My mom? I haven’t talked to her in months! She has nothing to do with this.”
“She understands the brand we’ve been building for decades now. More than you do, recently.”
“Because I’m not trying to build a legacy! I’m trying to work my job and then live my life.”
“Right now, your job is to help rebuild Chris’s reputation, and we’re all working toward that except for you.”
That’s what it always boils down to, I suppose.
“That. That right there. That is why I’m done with this shit.
Why this is the last one,” I say, my voice firm.
Her face goes chiding, like a parent whose child is demanding dessert every night, here until eternity.
“I’m done with the fake relationships and with using my personal life to build my brand when I’m already the biggest pop star on earth.
I’m tired of bringing myself down to build up people I don’t know, much less even like. ”
“We’ll see,” she says, and for the first time since I can remember, true, pure irritation and anger at Jackie flares to life.
I wonder, though, if I’ve felt it before, if I’ve always felt it, I’ve just also always buried it beneath duty and gratitude.
“You’re very emotional right now, so we won’t be making any rash decisions. ”
“No, Jackie. This is the last one. That wasn’t a request: it was me telling you this as a fact. I’m telling you right now, this is the last fake relationship. I’m not doing this forever, Jackie.”
“This isn’t the time, we—”
“It is the time because I say so. I am telling you now, not as a request, but as a courtesy. I am not having any more fake relationships.”
“Is this because of Leo?”
“Excuse me?”
She looks around, then sighs like a disappointed mother before giving me soft, disappointed eyes.
“I know you’re fucking him, Willa.”
I blanch, panicked.
“I—”
She rolls her eyes before I can explain, deny, or choose some other option I haven’t yet processed.
“I know everything about you, Willa. I manage your life, I have access to everything.” Panic runs through me at her words, unsure of just how much she means by them.
What exactly does she mean by everything?
“I allowed it because you weren’t writing and then you were, and I have to admit, the album is exactly what I was hoping for.
” She slides off the table, taking two delicate strides towards me before grabbing my hand.
“But you should know he’s using you, Willa. ”
“Jackie—”
“I know, I know you don’t want to believe it.
This is your first real relationship since you were a teenager, and you’ve worked closely with him for years.
Add in that he’s had months with you alone, able to twist your head up in knots, and it’s hard to see through his games.
But you’ll see, Willa. He doesn’t have your best interests at heart. ”
“Jackie…”
My words trail off as my heart beats loudly in my ears.
“But I have always had your career and the brand’s best interests in mind.
Always. You’ll see that, at the end of the day, it has always been and always will be me.
I’m the one who always wants what’s right for you.
He’s only doing this with you because he is planning to leave Perfect Image and wants to ensure you’ll go with him. ”
She reaches out, grabs my hand, and holds it.
“I don’t mind you having a fling with him or anyone.
You know how to do it and keep it under wraps, but I’m worried about you.
He’s messing with your head, manipulating you, and soon it’s going to blow up in your face.
He’s going to hurt you.” She stands then and looks at her phone.
“And when he does, I’ll be here, like I always have been.
I’m the one who’s always here, Willa. But I do have to get to another meeting. I’ll see you later.”
And then she walks out, leaving me stunned with my thoughts.