Chapter 34 – Willa
THIRTY-FOUR
WILLA
I sit in silence as Gabe drives me home.
Everything inside me is stirred up, confused, and strange, as emotions ricochet through my mind.
I’m unable to sort through them logically or make sense of them, and I desperately want to call Leo.
I need to talk it out with someone who knows me and whom I can trust, but I know I need to take my time.
I need to be patient and not rush into this.
Leo already dislikes Jefferson and, in his own way, Jackie.
Still, I had convinced myself that when things are less busy, when Leo is free from Perfect Image, I would be able to convince them to work together relatively amicably.
I’ve had a rapidly increasing reluctance to tell Leo about just how miserable things have been with Chris, for fear he might step in and, in turn, jeopardize his own career.
Up until now, I thought I could make it through the next six months with a bit of a headache and inconvenience, and then, years down the road, when there is no risk of Leo’s concern and protectiveness of me causing him to implode the career he loves, I would tell him the whole mess, and we’d laugh about it.
It would be a funny story, the dumb shit we both had to deal with in order to get to where we are today.
But each day, it seems less and less funny.
Thankfully, by the time Gabe gets me home and into my house.
I’ve begun to formulate a plan. First things first, I realize now I’m going to have to tell Leo at least a bit of what happened today.
Even if I could hold it in, because he’s going to find out through the media, and I need him to step in and help me avoid any backlash for Margo.
After that, I’ll move right into prepping for my mom’s charity auction tonight, and tomorrow, Leo and I will have to have a much bigger talk about what's been going on around here.
And, most importantly, Jackie and I are going to have to get on the same page very soon regarding my future, my career, and my life as a whole.
This working relationship was fine before I decided I wanted more from life, but now her vision and my needs are clashing in a way I can’t live with for long.
Once I’m home, I quickly take a shower to clean off the workout grime.
During that time, I move through what I am going to say, practicing so as not to alarm him, before, with a nervous belly, I call Leo.
I have about thirty minutes before hair and makeup start to arrive, though, and I need to do this before listening ears arrive.
“Hey, honey,” he greets after picking up on the second ring, surprise in his words. He didn’t expect me to call this afternoon.
“Hey, babe,” I say, trying to keep my voice neutral and clearly failing. Something about hearing him has the emotions and confusion I just managed to bury popping up already, my carefully laid plan falling apart.
“What’s going on?” Instantly, his voice is concerned, and it tugs at the strands in my chest, both loosening and tightening the nerves and emotions in different ways.
“Nothing,” I lie quickly, but the silence that follows make its clear I am not selling that in the least. “I need,” I start, then take in a deep breath, trying to steady myself. “I need you to take down any mentions of All That Jazz from the press. It’s going to come out that I was there.”
“What happened?” he asks, his tone changing instantly, moving from my Leo to work Leo, and if I weren’t still shaking, I’d find it funny. “I thought Gabe had it covered. Did they corner you?” I shake my head, then remember that he can’t see me.
“No, no. I uh,” I bite my lip, wondering if maybe I should have held off on this, if I should have tried to manage this myself, put some distance from it so I could think clearly, but with something like this, time is of the essence.
“Chris showed up today when I was about to leave. With the press.”
“He what?”
There’s anger in his words, and I try to quell it quickly.
“It’s really not a huge deal. I guess Jackie slipped it to him here, and he thought it would be good press for both of us. It was a…” I swallow back the feeling of lying. “It was a misunderstanding.” Silence lingers on the line before he speaks with an alarming level of calm.
“Jackie let it slip?”
“I guess. I don’t know. It wasn’t a big deal, I—”
“It is a big deal, Willa. You’ve held that boundary for years.” Sometimes it really sucks that he knows me so well. “You give her plenty of opportunities to exploit your good deeds. This one has always been for you and off-limits. She knows that. What was she thinking?”
“I don’t think—”
“Fuck it, I’m going to call her,” he says, and I shake my head.
“No, no, Leo. You can’t do that. It’s fine, really, I just need—”
“It’s not fine, Willa. I can hear your voice from here. It’s not fine, and you are not fine, so I’m going to speak with the people who are responsible for that. I won’t sit by when people are fucking terrible to you, Willa.”
God, but I love this man. Still, I force myself to attempt to talk him off the ledge.
“They’re not terrible,” I murmur, shaking my head. “They’re just… misguided.”
“They’re taking advantage of you,” he states bluntly.
“If you’re going to be with me, you’re going to have to learn to deal with that. I don’t need you coming in and fighting my battles for me.”
A moment passes before he speaks, his voice suddenly low and calm.
“A battle implies you’re fighting back, honey.
” My entire body stills, but when I don’t respond, he continues.
“I’m happy to let you fight your own battles, but fighting your own battle implies that you’re standing up for yourself, and you’re not.
I know that’s not easy, Willa, because of your history with Jackie: you’re close and you’ve known her for longer than you haven’t.
So it’s my job, not just as your man, but as your publicist, to step in for you.
Because, until you tell them no, they aren’t going to stop. ”
I close my eyes and take in a deep breath, a confusing mix of emotions battling in my chest. On one hand, I feel warmth and joy that, finally, finally, I have someone in my corner whose sole priority is me.
On the other hand, I know I have my own responsibility to take care of Leo and his own interests, the same way he does mine.
If he goes off on Jackie and Jefferson now, things could go terribly.
“I have. I did,” I say. “I told Jackie that she crossed a line today, and I did so clearly. I think she got the message.” I leave out that she knows about Leo and me, deciding that neither of us has time to brainstorm what to do about it right now.
“Look, I know there’s a bigger conversation that has to be had here, but right now isn’t the time.
I’m coming home earlier. I’m not waiting until Thursday, I’m coming back tomorrow morning.
While I’m home, we’ll talk about it all, figure things out. ”
“Come now. Skip the next event. It’s not that vital, pretend you’re sick.”
My shoulder drops, and my voice goes soft despite the fact that I’m about to deny him.
“I can’t, Leo. People are relying on me.”
“Who? Who is relying on you?”
“Jackie, for one. And my mom. And in his own way, because Chris is my date, Jefferson, and you and I both know that we have to keep him content for the next year until you’re free of your contract.”
“I don’t care about that anymore, I—” his voice is strained, and it tugs at my chest, but I stop him. He’s speaking from a place of impulse and protectiveness, not from common sense. Right now, it’s my turn to be the rational one.
“I do, Leo. I’m not letting you risk your career for me,” I say, my voice soft. “Just like I know you would do the same to me.”
A heavy pause takes over, and my heart pounds before he lets out a frustrated sigh.
“Willa, you know I wouldn’t.”
Relief moves through me, quickly followed by dismay that I have to say what I have to next.
”Then you know I have to go today. I’ll be home soon.”
He groans, the sound deep, and I can picture him running his hand through his hair.
“Yeah. I know, honey.” Another moment passes before he speaks again.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t being fair. I know you have to do what you have to do for your job, and you’re right: we have to keep them happy, especially if Jefferson is in Jackie’s ear, trying to get her to stay with Perfect Image.
I don’t trust him with your career at all, and if I am out of there, you’ll be stuck being led by him.
” If I hadn’t already had the gut feeling against Jefferson, today would have cemented that, but that, too, can hold on until I go home.
“There’s more we need to talk about,” I whisper, thinking about how Jefferson tried to throw Leo under the bus and how Jackie seemingly knows about Leo and me. Despite my best intentions, Leo is right: we might need to be working on plan B earlier than later. An unhappy laugh leaves his lips.
“I’m sure we do.” The words make a dread spiral in my belly, but just then a text comes through, Gabe informing me he’s sending the hair and makeup team in.
“Shit. I have to go,” I whisper into the phone. “Hair and makeup are here.”
“Okay,” he says, the words curt and final feeling, making my heart pound with nervous energy, unsure of where we stand.
“Are you mad at me?” I ask without thinking.
“Fuck,” he says, voice low. “Fuck.”
“Leo—”
“I need you to know right now that if I, for any reason, am ever pissed at you, Willa, I will always tell you. I will never be a dick and bury that. You and I are a team now, which means I get you out of situations you’re uncomfortable with, not because I work for you, but because I love you, and I hate to see you unhappy.
I hate that no one else in your team or in your life does that, and that’s what I’m pissed about.
I’m furious that Jackie is only ever worried about your fucking brand, as if you aren’t the fucking brand.
As if you couldn’t show up in sweatpants and your hair in that messy bun you wear around your house and not think you’re the most beautiful, interesting person in the room.
And I hate that you want to let her have that, because you feel like you owe her something, as if she made you when you’ve always been you. ”
“She did—” I start to argue, but I stop when he continues.
“Willa, I’ve seen videos of you as a kid.
I’ve seen you acting, and I’ve seen you singing, and I’ve seen you dancing.
Jackie did not make you. Jackie found you, saw that no matter what, you were going to be something big, and saw that your mom was so desperate for you to have fame, she could make herself absolutely indispensable.
That she could live the rest of her life off of your talent.
Then, as you grew older, she saw the sweet, kind person you are and found ways to manipulate that, too, to benefit her.
I’m not mad at you, Willa. I’m mad at the world, and the way it has learned to take advantage of a sweet, kind woman like you.
” Despite myself, I find myself smiling.
“But don’t worry. We’ll work on that, too. We’re a team now.”
“I kind of like this team, Leo.”
“Good. You’re stuck with it.” I grin then, full out, something I didn’t think I’d do after my shit day.
“Now go let everyone think that they’re going to make you somehow even more beautiful than you already are, and make sure you send me photos.
” That smile spreads wider, and I don’t miss the way his words are so different from those of Chris.
“Okay, Leo,” I say.
“Love you, honey.”
I’m relieved when I hear the same smile on my lips in his voice.
“Love you too.” And then I go off to get ready, one last task before I can go home.