8. River
CHAPTER 8
RIVER
I jolted awake to the sound of a husky feminine laugh echoing through the quiet house. I pushed the lingering effects of sleep away, scrubbing a hand down my face. The door to my room was closed, not open like I remembered. The floor was now littered with several bags and packages. Stretching out the tight muscles in my back, I rolled my shoulders and cracked out the kink in my neck.
Cool stale air of what was now my room hit me as I kicked off the blankets, making me shudder. The chilly wooden floor was a shock to the system as I shuffled my way across to the bags someone had left while I was sleeping. The TV was playing something I have no recollection of selecting. The actor with dark messy hair was hot, but his icy blue eyes made me think of other more perfect blue-brown orbs that called to a part of me I’d locked away in fantasies.
The sheer amount of bags and boxes took my breath away. I didn’t remember ordering this much stuff. But as I carried them over to the bed, I realized I hadn’t. One small parcel caught my eye. It was the size of a small book, wrapped in black paper with a rainbow-colored bow. I set it aside for later, even though I was itching to know what was inside. Rifling through the bags, I pulled out the pants and tops I’d ordered, along with the bedding and scent-free toiletries, but that still left a number of bags that must have been brought up here by mistake.
My jaw clenched tight enough to crack my teeth when that husky laugh reached my ears again. I wanted to slam the door shut and hide away, overwhelmed by the feelings that surged inside of me. I wanted to storm down there and lay my claim on the only person who’d ever made me feel anything other than apathy for myself.
He was mine, goddamn it. Mine.
But he wasn’t, not really. Nothing ever was. Shaking my head, I pushed those possessive thoughts away because what right did I have to them when all Bane had shown me was kindness? And platonic kindness at that.
I tried on the clothes I’d ordered to make sure they fit, which they did, even if they were a little loose. But they were clean and new and mine. It was strange having more than two outfits and somewhere to put them that was bigger than a single moldy drawer. I didn’t really know what to put where, so I settled on pants and underwear in the drawers below the TV and shirts in the closet.
The bathroom was as intimidating as it was gorgeous. Clean marble tiles sparkled in the bright light, while a large vanity set under an unbroken mirror dominated one wall. I stuffed the towel and toiletries I didn’t immediately need into one of its drawers. The tub wasn’t cracked or lined with mold and was actually big enough for me to soak in. I’d never learned to swim, but I wondered what it would be like to float in it, my body completely suspended. It was like a dream, or maybe I was in an episode of The Twilight Zone—I couldn’t decide which. But it made that empty cavity inside me feel less hollow, and that was a dangerous, dangerous thing, because it made me ache for things that could never be real.
This isn’t permanent. You’re not wanted here , I reminded myself, hating reality as much as I clung to it. I was here because I was useful, not because Bane wanted or cared for me. I was helping with the case. That’s why he needed me, why he was keeping me close. Once they had what they wanted, knew everything I knew—which, to be honest, wasn’t a lot—they’d send me on my way without a backward glance. There was no point in allowing any of these delusional thoughts or feelings running rampant through me to take root.
The shiny tap turned with ease, no pipes clanking or groaning, just clear fresh water spilling from the faucet. I splashed my face with cold water, washing away the beads of sweat that had covered my skin and breathed deeply, clutching the edges of the counter until my knuckles turned white. “You’ve got this,” I mouthed. My reflection looked back at me, one I tried to ignore for years because I didn’t know the person who stared back at me.
My skin was pale, and dark shadows bloomed under my empty flat eyes. I was skinny, gaunt, and underdeveloped for my age. I might have looked like a tired eighteen-year-old, but my eyes whispered secrets of the horrors I’d endured like they were etched into the flecks of green. My dark black hair was a matted riot, with wayward strands stuck across my forehead. I ran my fingers through the wilderness on my head and slicked it back before pulling the hood of my top over my head, feeling the white walls closing in around me. I needed to get out of this perfect space that was the opposite of everything I was before I tainted it.
My feet slipped into the black boots I’d found. The distressed leather comforted me, reminding me that even new things weren’t perfect. I grabbed the bags that didn’t belong to me, ignoring the box wrapped in black paper on the bed, and headed downstairs. My senses were heightened after a lifetime of waiting for someone to jump me any second.
“How’s it going?” The husky voice was low, but I heard it clearly. “It can’t be easy on you or him.” My teeth clenched, biting down on my tongue until I tasted blood.
“It’ll take time for him to trust me, Montoya.” Bane sighed. I slipped down the hallway on silent feet and flattened my back against the wall. She perched on a stool and leaned across the counter, her hand resting on his forearm. It was a tender gesture, intimate in a way I hated. “It’s not like I can make him tell me anything.” Bane winced and dug the heel of his hand into his eyes. “Or that one night’s sleep will change everything he’s been through.”
My heart panged as his voice broke and pain tightened his eyes. I’d told Bane the bare minimum back at the station. I’d answered his question, yes, but in the simplest way. If he had an inkling of what I had been through, it would kill him. And I never wanted him to hurt because of me. He was too good, too damn pure for someone like me.
“I know. Trust me, I know, but what he knows could crack this wide open.” Montoya leaned forward, ass rising from the stool as she pushed into his personal space. Bane’s breath caught in his throat, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. My hands clenched involuntarily, the paper bags crunching loudly as emotions raged inside me, making it feel like I was splintering to pieces.
“That’s… he’s not. Not just… Fuck! I know, but…”
I couldn’t listen to this anymore, to be reminded no one really wanted me here. I stormed into the kitchen and dumped the bags on the counter next to the Latina beauty with her thick, glossy black hair in a messy bun on the top of her pretty little head.
“Hey there, cutie.” Montoya smiled softly at me and sat back in her seat. I met her deep amber eyes with a glare and turned to Bane, pointing at the bags.
He looked slightly dazed as he leaned across the counter, his eyes running over my body in my new—thanks to him—clothes. A small smile flickered at the corners of his mouth. “They look good. Sleep well?”
I rolled my eyes, crossed my arms over my chest, and huffed, nodding at the bags with agitation eating away at my insides. They looked at the bags, then at each other, like they were having a silent conversation, then back at me.
Bane cleared his throat and peered into the bags, confusion marring his beautiful features. “They’re for you,” he said, so simply my heart skipped a beat.
My arms fell to my sides, hands clenched into tight fists while my eyes darted around, looking for a pen. I chewed my cracked bottom lip but couldn’t see anything past the beauty sitting at the counter making freaking heart eyes at Bane.
“Here.” Montoya passed me a pen from her pocket and pulled out a small flip pad. She watched me intently, like she could chip away at my walls and see every thought that ran through my head. Nervous energy flooded me, making me jittery. The pen slipped through my sweat-slicked fingers.
I didn’t order them.
Releasing a heavy exhale, Bane’s shoulder slumped. “I know, but you…I…” He shook his head. “I thought you might like some more stuff. You barely selected anything. I wanted you to have more options, to feel at home here. I want you to make this your home. Y-you deserve it.”
I scoffed.
No!
“But…” Bane’s voice pleaded with me. The behemoth of a man looked crestfallen, his eyes dropping to the mug he twisted between his fingers rather than continue looking at me. I didn’t know how to explain to him I felt so goddamn guilty about uprooting his life like this, relying on him for everything when I had nothing to give him back.
No! I can’t pay for what I’ve got. So no, keep your money.
I slapped the pad down on the counter, stomped past the pair of them, and opened the sliding door onto the back deck. Tears pricked the back of my eyes as I flushed hot and cold. Emotions I didn’t understand pulsed beneath my skin. I wanted to throw myself into Bane’s big thick arms, to scream at him for giving me stuff I couldn’t pay for. I wanted to cry because I knew everything came with a price, and the clock was ticking.
I wanted to be worthy of his kindness. Of his love, time, and attention. But I wasn’t. I was like a cancer, slowly infecting him until I took over his life and drained him of everything that made him so perfectly perfect. I broke everything I touched, and I couldn’t stand to ruin him.
The door slammed shut behind me as a gust of wind whipped across the deck, cold and biting, but not as ferocious as my heart. The backyard was large and laid mainly to lawn beyond the deck. I headed down the steps as a light misting rain fell. The pale gray clouds churned above my head, pulling in darker shades that gave the afternoon an ominous feeling. I trudged through the knee-length grass, heading as far away from the perfection of the house and the intimate scene in the kitchen that I just couldn’t process.
The weight of Bane’s gaze seared into my back with every step I took, but I ignored every spark it lit in me. The fence at the far end of the lawn was a simple post and rail, not like the tight featheredge one that ran along the sides, offering a sense of seclusion and privacy. There was a small gate in the middle of it, leading to a wooded area, but it was what lay farther back that piqued my interest. A tall weeping willow towered over the shrubby trees that surrounded it, its long tresses swaying in the building wind. Twigs and dead leaves crunched under my boots like brittle bones as I headed toward it. The gate caught on a nasty gust of wind and latched itself closed behind me. Absentmindedly, I picked at the broken skin around my left thumbnail as I settled into the hollow bow and pulled my knees up to my chest. I finally felt like I could breathe.
I’d never experienced such intense emotions as I had since I’d woken up. It had been my mission to keep everything locked down for so long that people had accused me of being ice cold. But really, it was just self preservation at its finest. Everything was beyond overwhelming, and I didn’t know how to process it all. It had been almost as long since I’d been around nature and able to enjoy it.
Was this what heaven felt like? The icy wind whipped against my cheeks, and water misted the air. The woods smelled of damp earth and life. Freedom. Not four walls and a cage. It was like free-falling with no end in sight. It was exhausting and exhilarating. I tipped my head back and allowed my eyes to fall closed, praying it would quiet the noise in my head.
Something cold and wet nudged my hand as it hung over my knee, making me snort awake. I blinked rapidly just as something warm and rough ran up my finger, making me flinch. A soft yip and a solid weight butting into my leg made my lips twitch. I looked down at my accosted finger and battered leg to see a golden puppy chewing on the digit. Its little tail flicked from side to side at warp speed, and its big dark eyes looked like pools of happiness.
“Hey there, little one,” I whispered, each word grating as my muscles struggled to form them. The little pup tilted its head to the side like it was listening intently to me, something I doubted very much. I stretched my legs out in front of me, and the pup took it as an invitation to sit on my lap and shuffle around.
“Cooper?” The voice carried on the wind, making my little friend’s ears prick and his head dart in that direction before knocking on my hand, demanding scratches.
I chuckled. “You’re trouble.” I swear the little monster winked at me. His tongue hung out the side of his mouth as he grinned.
“For fuck’s sake, Cooper, where are you?”
“Someone’s looking for you.” Cooper tilted his head again, then lurched up so his paws were on my shoulders and licked my face. “Oh my god!” I choked on a laugh as his tongue invaded my mouth. “Yuck.” I wiped off his slobber with the back of my hand.
“Cooper, come on, bud. Please?”
Cooper yipped right next to my ear in answer to his owner, but refused to move and nuzzled his head against mine. I should have been freaking out that an unknown person was coming toward me. I could feel my hackles rising, the air thickening around me, but this little obnoxious bundle in my lap kept it at bay.
“Cooper?” He yipped again, his tail nothing but a blur. “Cooper! What have I told you about—” A young guy appeared around the tree and fell to his knees at my feet. His bright blue eyes crinkled as a smile lit up his concerned face. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry about him,” the guy started and slipped a collar and leash onto Cooper as I held his wriggling body still.
I nodded along as he kept talking, telling me that Cooper was a Houdini-level escape artist, and nothing he did to his backyard could keep him in. It turned out Colton fostered pets when the local shelter was overcrowded. He currently had Cooper, a six-month-old lab; Terry, the chihuahua; and Talulah and Daphne, French bulldog sisters. It sounded manic, but his enthusiasm was as infectious as Cooper’s licks.
“You should come over and meet them. Cooper loves you, and I bet the others will too. Hey, maybe you could adopt one of them?”
“What the hell is going on here?” Bane growled, and I shuddered at the low, menacing tone of his voice. My heart thundered in my chest, but I couldn’t work out if it was fear or something else. My fingers sunk into Cooper’s coat as I clung to him. Bane bent over, chest heaving, hands braced on his knees. “Oh shit. Hey, Colton.”
“Hey, Bane. You okay there, big guy?” Colton’s eyes lit with hunger, and it was my turn to growl—although rather pathetically. I made no sound, only choked on the spit in my mouth as my chest rumbled and ended up hacking up a lung.
Colton and Bane moved together, both lunging towards me, bodies towering over me like night and day. In a split second of fear, I shoved Cooper off my lap, threw myself on the ground, and curled into the fetal position. Hot tears tracked down my cheeks, dripping onto the damp ground. I squeezed my eyes shut like I did when I was a child. If I couldn’t see the thing that scared me, it wasn’t there. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t hurt me.
“Oh fuck. Shit! Did I? Was it me?” Colton’s frantic voice sounded like it came from the other end of a really long, echoey tunnel. I tried to breathe, but there was a weight on my chest that made it impossible.
“No. No, just step back slowly, okay? Give him some space.” Bane sounded calm and controlled, but still so far away. I wanted to reach out for him and anchor myself to him, but I couldn’t move. “Hey, Riv? It’s just me, okay? Colton’s gone. I’m going to bring you back to the house where it’s safe. Where you’re safe. I’m sorry I didn’t come out sooner,” he whispered against the shell of my ear as his arms scooped me up and pulled me into his chest.
His heart beat frantically like an echo of mine as he held me tightly against him like I was something precious. Twigs and leaves crunched under his feet, but that soon gave way to the squelch of the lawn as we headed back to the house. “Can you pull your hood over your face? The rain has picked up since you’ve been out here, and I don’t want you to drown.” He snorted at what he said. “I mean, I won’t let you drown, but I don’t have a jacket on or anything to cover you with, and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
I nodded stiffly against his muscled chest and pulled my hood down as I buried my face into his well-developed pectorals. His usual cedarwood and leather scent entwined with fresh rain and damp wood. It reminded me of the past, of hiding in the trees when we played hide and seek. Unlike the other kids at Mrs. Wilkinson’s, Bane and I didn’t need to talk. He accepted me as I was and didn’t try to change me or call me names because I preferred not to talk. It took over a year before I started talking to him back then. Little did I know he’d give me the most amazing year of my life.
The sliding door slammed shut behind us. Bane had somehow opened and closed it without dropping me. The man had muscles carved from adamantium; his hold on me unwavering. His shoes smacked into the wall as he kicked them off before carrying me back to the room he claimed was mine.
“Stay here,” he muttered as he set me down on the edge of the bed. The warmth of the house caused a violent shiver to roll through me as the cold fabric of my hoodie clung to me. I sat there, teeth chattering, as he headed into the en suite. Bane hummed softly as he turned on the taps for the tub. “I got you some bath salts and stuff to help you relax.” I dipped my head like he could see me and wrapped my arms around myself.
My eyes caught on the black wrapped box with the rainbow bow. It was the most colorful thing in this room and seemed to glitter under the glow of the lamplight. My fingers itched to touch it. I’d always been inquisitive, but I wasn’t that na?ve child anymore. I’d learned long ago not to touch things that didn’t belong to me.
“Open it.” I jumped when Bane’s voice came from beside me. My gaze shot to his, but it was his body that stole my breath. Water droplets slid down his temples, looking like diamond fractals as they caught on the thick five o’clock shadow on his jaw. I licked my lips as my eyes dropped lower to where the wet fabric of his tee clung to the defined muscles of his shoulders and pecs. His nipples were hard buds, fighting against the fabric suctioned to them. I could count each and every one of his eight abs, the ridges and grooves in high definition. I wanted to touch him in a way I’d never wanted to touch another person.
It was a mindfuck to want someone with the latent raw power to destroy me. Bane was dangerous in more ways than one. Physically, he could overpower me with one hand, but emotionally, he could devastate me. I’d never survive him. The air thickened, and the temperature seemed to rise until it felt almost impossible to breathe as we remained focused on each other, not saying a word. His chest rose and fell with heavy labored inhales that matched the ones I forced in and out of my nose. His scent was heavy, enticing, and I could taste it on my tongue.
“River.” Bane’s gravelly voice was like a physical caress that started at my toes and flushed me with heat all the way to my fingertips. My tongue darted out and wet my lip, his hypnotizing eyes tracking the movement. Bane moved forward, completely unaware of his body’s actions until he was crouched down right in front of me. He raised my chin with two fingers. “River.” I shuddered and my eyes fluttered closed as his minty breath ghosted over mine. “Open your gift.”
When he stepped back, it felt like I’d been thrown in a vat of ice. Goosebumps prickled across my skin. Bane cleared his throat, pulled my hand out so it was facing palm up, and placed the black present on it.
“Open it while I check on your bath.”
I weighed it, trying to work out what it was. It took me a second to realize my hand was shaking, and my heart was working its way up my throat. I swallowed it down, steeling myself as I pulled on the shimmering rainbow bow and carefully pulled the tape off. I was left staring at a white box that said iPhone 16 on it.
“Do you like it?” Bane asked softly as he knelt in front of me once again and carefully took the box from my hand and opened it. He pulled out a beautiful teal phone and flipped it over in his grasp so I could see the front and back. “I’ve added my number and desk direct line to it.” I blinked up at him through water logged eyes. “I thought it would be easier for you than writing all the time. It also means you can reach me when I have to head back to the station.”
There you go. What more proof did you need? He’s going to leave you. Just like everyone does.