22. Bane
CHAPTER 22
BANE
I watched the color drain from River’s face, leaving his bruises in stark relief, making them look even more ghastly than when he’d walked in. He blinked wide, red-rimmed eyes up at me. I didn’t know how many more hits he could take, but for now, they were going to keep coming until this case was closed and Dahlia was either behind bars or dead. I knew which outcome I preferred. Fuck my job and duty of care for my profession. My world had narrowed down, and now my purpose existed for only one man. River was at the forefront of every errant thought that went through my mind.
River swallowed and wrapped his trembling hands around his mug like it could shore him up and keep him safe. I didn’t know how to say this, how to tell him one of his friends had been beaten, assaulted, murdered, and dumped in a container. I owed him the truth; he’d survived for so long in this life that sugarcoating it wouldn’t do him justice. He was stronger than he believed. Very few people could have lived the life he had and still have so much love to give.
Shadow’s claws tapped across the floor as he ran to River’s feet, a pathetic whine following in his wake. His erratic tail thwacked against the counter as his head appeared next to River’s arm, tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. I chuckled at the momentary reprieve. A beatific smile lifted River’s lips as he stroked Shadow’s head before his gaze sliced back to mine. The temperature in the kitchen seemed to drop.
“I…” I rolled my bottom lip between my teeth, my heart pounding its way up my throat. “I don’t really know how to say this, but?—”
River’s face was void of all emotion, the sight stealing the air from my lungs. “W-who died?” he rasped. His voice sounded like broken glass.
I shook my head as shock rocked the ground beneath my feet. “How did you know?”
River screwed his eyes shut. A single tear stained his mottled skin, glittering in the subdued morning light. He pulled his phone out of his pocket. I mirrored his actions, setting mine on the granite in front of me.
You looked like every officer and doctor on the TV when they tell a relative someone they love died.
My head dropped between my shoulders, and I sucked in a shaky inhale before lifting my eyes back to his glassy ones. “Max.”
River gasped and bit his fist. His shoulders rocked as shudders rolled through him, and the dam burst, tears flowing in a viscous current down his face. “No. No. No. No.” He repeated that one word, over and over again. My heart broke for him. I couldn’t bring his friend back. All I could do was be there for him.
Without conscious thought, my feet carried me to him, and I wrapped my arms around his trembling shoulders. River buried his face in the crook of my neck, his stuttering gasps clawing at my skin as his pain became mine. His fingers laced through my hair, tethering me to him like he was afraid I’d vanish as he clung to me.
“I’m so sorry, angel.”
River shook his head as tears and snot soaked into my henley. I didn’t care. All I wanted was to be there for him in any and every way he’d let me.
“H-how?” he whispered against the shell of my ear. I shook my head as the images of Max’s body flashed behind my eyes. “I-I n-need…to…know.”
My fingers flexed against the hoodie he wore—my hoodie—until I felt his solid form beneath them and closed my eyes as I relayed the events of the morning Max’s body was discovered. I promised him we’d make sure whoever killed him was arrested and held accountable for their crimes.
A hysterical laugh tore its way from River’s lips. I released him and cupped his blotchy face in his hands. “I promise. I promise you, River,” I vowed, staring into his eyes, forcing my way beneath the agony he was drowning in.
“S-she s-said…” He chewed on his lip as his rough voice cracked and gave out before trying again. “She s-said…I-I’d have m…mor…t-time.”
“Who did?” I whispered, not wanting to hear the name I knew he was going to say. The hurt and betrayal was written into every line, cut and bruise on his beautiful face.
“D-Dahlia?—”
My grip tightened unintentionally, holding him in place with more force than I’d intended. “That’s why you left?!” I demanded incredulously. “You left me to go back to her?! After everything she’d done to you,” I bellowed, fear and rage consuming me. “Why, River? Why the fuck would you do that? Why put yourself at risk like that?”
“B-b-because,” he choked out.
“Because what? Am I not enough for you? Is this house—my home—not enough?” I threw my arms out wide, gesturing to the walls I’d spent my life trying to afford. My hands felt the absence of him like a missing limb.
“N-no…t…that’s..n-not…it.”
“Then what is it?” I growled, my sanity clinging on by a tattered thread. “I would give you the world, and you walk through fire back to the woman you described as the devil.”
“No!” River’s hands sunk into his wild hair, pulling and yanking at the dark strands out until they clung to his clammy fingers. Snot and tears mingled on his face and coated his blood-red lips. “I went to her FOR YOU!” he screamed. His shattered voice knocked the wind out of my sails, and I collapsed on the floor, shattered and broken.
I stared up at him from my prone position. “Why?” I whispered, too scared to even speak. Why would he put himself in her path and face her wrath again? It didn’t make a lick of sense. The more we’d learned about Dahlia, the more depraved and dangerous she’d become. The more I thought about it, the more unstable his actions seemed.
River all but fell off his stool into my lap. The impact must have been agony when his shredded skin crashed into my legs, but he didn’t make a sound as he crawled up my legs and wrapped himself around me until his wet lips brushed my ear.
“I did it for you,” he breathed. “I knew she’d be watching for me. I wanted to help.” His words spilled at an unintelligible speed, as silent as the grave, but I felt them all the way to the marrow of my bones. “I wanted you to win. I needed you to be safe. I was prepared to die so you could end her and save countless lives. S-so you could save others from ever having to experience the life I’ve had.”
Shock rippled through me. Every word landed like a bullet ripping through my skin. I wrapped my hand around his throat and maneuvered him until I could look him in the eye. “Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?”
“B-be…cause y-you’re m-my…h-heart.”
Fuck. Me. The world stopped turning. We hung suspended in our own timeline as his fractured words echoed in my head. Tentative hope bled from him into me, stealing the air from my lungs. I didn’t have pretty words gilded in gold. I couldn’t offer him the world. All I had was raw, pure, unadulterated emotion, and the only thing standing between us and our happy ending was reality.
I crashed my mouth to his, tasting his tears and his pain, and swallowed them down. My tongue teased across the seam of his lips, making him gasp and open so delicately for me. My tongue wrapped around his, and it was like our souls reunited. Every wild and turbulent emotion in me faded away to a gentle ocean lapping at the shore.
River was my safe place.
My protector.
My home.
He was everything I needed and everything I never knew I did. We were night and day, but it was as if every road I’d taken had led me back to him. My true north. The only person in this world who could truly understand me, who fought for me even when he’d given up on himself. He was precious and pure. He was worthy of love and deserved to be cherished above anything—no, anyone—else.
His unique taste exploded across my tongue, and he melted in my arms, fusing himself with me. His grip tightened around me as his arms wrapped around my neck, his legs locked around my waist, and we lost ourselves in a synchronicity of reunited lovers. We gave confession to each other, bared our shortcomings, our sins, and our failings through this union of flesh that went so much deeper than a mere kiss. Every brush of his lips resonated with my soul, binding us together in perfect symbiosis.
“Angel,” I murmured against his kiss-swollen lips. “We need to move. This can’t be comfortable for you.”
River snorted indignantly. “I-I d…don’t…c-care.” Tension filled his arms as he forced every painful sound from his mouth.
“Stop being a martyr.” Brushing a chaste kiss against his lips, I tucked my feet under us slowly so I could lever us up off the floor and walked over to the couch. “What do you need, Riv?” My lips teased across his damp forehead in a show of affection that was not quite a kiss.
River sighed, releasing his death grip on my hair and settled his still-trembling hands on my shoulders. I watched them rise and fall as he focused on getting his staccato breathing under control. His eyes, although closed, moved from side to side like rapid fire until a full-body shudder worked its way through his body from his head to his feet.
Bottomless forest green eyes fluttered open, a maelstrom churning in their depths. I felt like I was drowning and flying in them, in him, simultaneously. “S-stay…w…with me. H-hold…m…me.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” I brushed back the dark stands that clung to his brow before they fell in his raw eyes. “I’m so, so sorry about Max.”
“I-its m-my f…fault.” I looked at him in confusion. Had Dahlia twisted his mind so much he believed every one of her actions was his fault?
“It’s not your—” He held his hand over my mouth and shook his head.
His Adam’s apple rolled in his throat as he swallowed. “I-I failed.” He huffed a frustrated breath and tapped his throat.
“Hang on,” I said, sliding him off my lap. “Let me grab you some water.” A whimper worked its way up River’s throat as I headed to the kitchen, but I was back before he could make another sound. I pulled him back onto my lap, holding him in my embrace where he belonged. His small frame fit perfectly in my arms, like he was made to be there.
Uncapping the bottle, I lifted it to his lips and tipped it so he could swallow the warm water down easily. “T-thank you.”
“Any time,” I said.
“S-she g-gave … me a…m…mess…age.” I arched my brow and ground my molars together. “Y-you…h…ave…t-to…st-stop?—”
“I will not stop until that monster is behind bars and can’t hurt you anymore, River.” He flinched as my anger bled into my voice. No matter how much I tried to control my emotions, I was a fractured vault about to erupt. My hands coasted up his arms, gently massaging his tense muscles. “I’m sorry, angel. Continue.”
The semblance of a smile flickered at the corners of his lips. “T-that’s…the…o…only…w-way.” His voice gave out and his breath caught in the back of his throat like he was choking. “Y-you…l-live.”
I mulled his words over while my fingers dug into his traps and continued down to his obliques before resting on his hips. “She said she’d kill me?” Riv nodded, just a slight dip of his chin, but the fresh wave of tears that carved their way down his cheeks told me everything. “Did she threaten anyone else?”
“Yesssss,” he hissed through clenched teeth.
“Who?”
“E…every…one…I-I…care…a-about.”
“Oh, angel.” I brought my hands up so they could wrap around his shoulders and pulled him into me. River buried his head against my neck and inhaled deeply as my fingers teased the short hairs on the nape of his neck. “I won’t let her hurt anyone else you care about. I prom?—”
“No.” His voice rang out loud and clear, cutting me off with its assertiveness. “D-don’t m…make pr-promises y-you…c-can’t…”
With River in my arms, I deflated into the soft cushions of the couch and tipped my head back, comforted only by the sensation of his exhales ghosting over my skin. I knew what he said was the truth. I couldn’t promise to keep people safe, especially when I didn’t know where they were, but goddammit, I wanted to. I wanted to be his knight in shining armor, but when you were fighting someone as sadistic as the devil, only another monster could outsmart her.
“I will do everything I can to protect them and you. To make this world a safe place for you to live.” Cool lips worked their way up the column of my throat, along my jaw, and up to that sensitive spot just below my ear.
“Thank you.” I felt the shape of his lips more than heard his voice over the pounding of my heart and then chuckled when a yawn pried his lips apart and he grew heavy in my arms.
“Sleep, angel. You need it to heal.” I kissed his sweat-dampened hair and inhaled his cinnamon and orange scent like it was the only thing keeping me going. His scent was like a drug to me. It was better than air.
After River fell asleep and was a deadweight in my arms, my phone vibrated in my back pocket. It took a hell of a lot of wiggling River’s weight around in my arms before I could yank it free, and by then, the call had gone to voicemail. Placing it on the cushion next to me, I waited for either a message alert or for it to start ringing again.
This time, I answered before the first vibration had finished. “Benson.”
Harsh breathing echoed down the line. “It was a bust.” A bust? Oh shit. There was a raid planned on Christine Hamilton’s—the Dahlia’s—today.
“Crap. I forgot.”
“Ha. No shit.” Montoya cackled. “It’s alright. I told Bower what had happened, but he wants answers.”
“I know ” I pushed that point aside for another time because that wasn’t what worried me right now. “What do you mean, it was a bust?”
The raucous noise of the station locker room disappeared when a door slammed shut, and Montoya groaned. “The place was deserted, Benson. Not a print or hair to be found. Every room had been whitewashed, every floor and surface deep cleaned. You could have operated on the ridiculously large dining room table, it was so sterile.” She cleared her throat. “He’s still stewing over what you told him about Davis. He just won’t accept it. I don’t understand. The guy is all kinds of wrong.”
“I agree, but sometimes we can’t see what is right in front of us. He’s spent years working and training with Davis. All we can do is keep an eye on him and report back about any red flags. I don’t trust him as far as I could throw him.”
“You don’t think he had anything to do with the failure of this one?”
“Shit.” I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. “This day just keeps getting fucking worse,” I muttered. “I guess only time will tell. If the next one goes the same…it’s a pattern that even Bower can’t ignore. Right?”
“I’d say so, but I bet he slips up before that. Is the kid alright?” The concern lacing her voice gave me a beat of levity. She might be a hardass, but when she cared, she was like a mother hen.
“Yeah, kinda,” I huffed. “We kinda got into it over why he left?—”
“And?”
“He said he did it for me—for us—to help with the case. Said he was willing to die if it meant we could take her down.”
“What did he get?”
“I don’t know, but…” My voice trailed off as pieces started to click together in my mind. “His clothes. Whatever he got must be with his clothes.”
“Leave it with me. I’ll check back in with Sharon.”
“Thanks. I owe you.”
“You always owe me, smartass. But, Benson?”
“Mmm?”
“Don’t be too hard on him. I know what he did was stupid and reckless and scared the shit out of you, but his heart was in the right place. I can’t imagine how powerless he feels. How powerless he’s always felt. So while it might seem like he’s grasping at straws, that boy is trying to change his stars and those of others like him. It was a noble act, even if it turns out to be fruitless.”
“I know he meant well, but he’s not a cop.”
“No, he isn’t. He’s a survivor, Jacob. He’s lived through things we can’t even imagine.” I sighed as her words laid more guilt on my shoulders than I already felt for shouting at him and losing my temper. “Take care of him. He’s something special. Happy looks good on you.”
“It’d look good on you, too.”
“Hell would have to freeze over first. I don’t need a man to make me happy when I have batteries and Tinder.”
“I don’t need to know about that,” I snarked. “I’ll talk to you later.” I hung up before she could respond and cradled the broken boy in my arms, pulling him closer to me like I could peel back his skin and live right next to his heart. But that still wouldn’t be close enough to satisfy this yearning inside me that wanted to consume him.