21. River
CHAPTER 21
RIVER
T his wasn’t the first time Bane had held me, and the safety and security I’d always felt was undeniable. But something between us had shifted on a seismic scale. We’d always been pieces of the same puzzle, but our splintered edges never quite fit together. Now that our truths were being laid bare at our feet, our broken parts could heal, and it felt like we were slowly fusing together in a way I prayed was unbreakable.
When I left his house, I was happy to die. Instinctually, I knew it was the best outcome I could have hoped for, but today I had hope. Fresh oxygen filled my lungs rather than dissipating when I inhaled. The darkness that shrouded me was lighter. Shadows danced where once there was nothing, and my heart felt like a smoldering ember I might nurture back to life.
Bane offered me everything I’d thought was an impossible dream, but no matter how much I wanted his heart, his love, to be with him… one question remained. Was I worthy of him?
“Shh. I’ve got you, angel. I promise I’m not going anywhere. I meant what I said.” My breath hitched as his words wove themselves into the fibers of my being. “I love you, and I will spend every day proving to you that you’re worth everything I have to give.” I shook my head, refusing his words, my brain screaming at me to push him away before I ruined him. Lifting a trembling hand to his nape, my fingers sunk into his hot skin, hauling him closer to me.
“I-I…” I licked away the salty tears from my lips, exhaling heavily, unable to find the words for my tumultuous emotions.
Bane linked his fingers with mine, peeling them off his neck and pulled back. My heart froze, fear icing my veins. This was it. This was the moment he realized I was too much. That he’d leave, because no one wanted to tie themselves to a mess like me.
“River. Angel. ” Bane’s gravelly voice was raw and unfiltered. His hands cupped my slick cheeks, his left still entwined with mine. “Look at me, baby.”
My eyes fluttered open at his heartbreaking plea. I looked up at him through wet clumpy lashes and even though he wavered in front of me, nothing could hide the depth of emotion painted on his face. His contrasting eyes were wells of honest love, and the sweet smile that lifted his full lips breathed life into me.
“I know you’re scared.” He brushed the still falling tears from under my eyes. “I know you don’t believe me, and you have good reason to doubt me, given everything you’ve been through. But I will never lie to you.” I tilted my head to the side in question, and Bane chuckled. “Not when it comes to matters of my heart. With that, I will lay every god’s honest truth at your feet.”
Chewing the inside of my cheek, I let my eyes trace every detail of his face and committed them to memory, searing them into my soul. Never had I felt so cherished as I did right now, even if it did feel like I was standing at the edge of a cliff with everything I’d ever dreamed of waiting for me at the bottom, if only I was brave enough to jump.
The sound of the door clicking open made me jump, but Bane didn’t release his hold on my face. Instead, he leaned forward, brushed his lips over my clammy forehead, and whispered, “I would love you in any form, in any world, in any time, with any past. All I want is you. Never doubt that I would lay my life down for yours without a second thought, because you are worth fighting for. You, River, are everything.”
His words settled into my soul, etched in starlight and dreams. And I knew at that moment that I would not let this chance slip through my fingers like the sands of time—I would fight for the ember coming to life in my heart. I had never known love in any form, but what I felt for Bane was what I believed love to be. I would love him like the world was ending, because I knew what a lifetime without it was like.
Resting his forehead against mine, he took a shuddering breath. “We do this together.” His words melted into my skin and fused in my bones. His certainty took hold like roots in the darkest parts of me and pulled me toward his light. I could do this if he was beside me every step of the way. I wasn’t strong enough to fight on my own, but with Bane in my life, I wasn’t alone anymore.
“Together,” I mouthed against his lips and felt him breathe them in as they curved in a tentative smile that I mirrored. He slowly pulled back, and I saw a lifetime with him moving like smokey shadows in his eyes. All we needed to do was give them life, color, and form.
A throat clearing made us both turn. Montoya leaned against the door, ankles crossed and hands shoved in her pockets. “Sharon’s bringing you something to eat. She’s also completed your paperwork.”
My eyes darted back to Bane, and he shrugged. “I knew you wouldn’t want to stay here any longer than you had to.”
I snorted. Even though every inch of my skin burned with pain and every movement felt like my bones were crumbling to dust, I was climbing the walls being trapped in another cage.
“T-true,” I rasped. I felt the weight of Montoya’s gaze on me as I slicked my bottom lip. “I-I…m…my…bag?”
“They said—” Bane began, but Montoya swiftly cut him off, reading something in me Bane couldn’t.
“I’ll go check with Sharon about what happened to your belongings.” With that, she slipped from the room again without another word. I struggled to get a read on Montoya. She seemed nice, but I still hated her for every day she’d spent with him that I hadn’t. Whether or not my jealousy was warranted, it slithered through me, completely unrepentant.
After eating some dry toast and orange juice, Sharon changed my dressings and promised she’d pay me a home visit to check on my progress. I had a feeling it was more of a favor to Bane, who lost his shit when he saw the extent of my injuries. I reminded him this was nothing I couldn’t handle. He’d scoffed, balled his hands into fists, and left in a cloud of frustration.
“He’ll be okay, sweetie. He acts like nothing affects him, but still waters run deep.” When I’d looked up at her in confusion, she snickered. “He’s like an iceberg when it comes to his emotions. What he shows you is nothing compared to what he buries inside. Officer Benson has always been so very careful with his words and actions, not just because of his size, but also his position. But mark my words, that man has the softest, purest heart.”
I’d smiled at her while she gave my dressings a final once over before she helped me into some of Bane’s clothes and told me she’d keep searching for my belongings. I wasn’t worried about my clothes, but there was something I needed, something I’d been willing to sacrifice my life for that I needed to give to Bane. Without it, I feared we’d both be living on borrowed time, and now that I had him, I wasn’t prepared to lose him again. Dahlia wasn’t one to give up control, and once she realized I had something vital to her operation, it was only a matter of time until I took my last breath.
Night had turned the sky pitch black. Even the glow from the streetlights seemed to be swallowed by the ominous darkness. Montoya pulled the car to a stop in front of Bane’s house. My gut dropped as guilt overwhelmed me for everything I’d put him through, but I’d done it all with the best of intentions.
Bane slipped from the car, unlocked the house, and stepped inside, weapon drawn. I watched enraptured as the lights slowly flicked on in room after room as he checked to make sure it was safe. A weighted sigh slipped from my lips at all the extra stress my reappearance had brought to his settled life.
Montoya’s gaze caught mine in the rearview mirror as I stared longingly at the house. I winced as her eyes narrowed. “They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, kid. I don’t know why you did what you did. Why you left...” A sharp inhale caught in the back of my throat as I struggled to find the words to justify what I’d done, but she held her hand up. “I don’t want your excuses.” My shoulders slumped, and every reason why I was a poison to Bane flared to life in my head. “I know you had a reason. I just hope the pain you’ve caused both of you was worth it.”
Luckily for me, Bane appeared at the front door before her words could flay the skin from my bones, his strides devouring the distance between us. He opened the back door, wrapped his hand around mine, and helped me out within seconds. Instead of aiding me to walk the short distance, he hefted me into his arms with an unnatural gentleness for a man of his size, cradling me against his chest like I was something precious. The steady beat of his heart soothed my ragged edges as his body heat seeped into me through the layers separating us. His warmth filtered through my veins and lulled me to the edges of unconsciousness. My eyelids turned heavy, and after a few steady beats of his heart, the world fell away.
I woke with a start, sheets tangled around my legs, gasping into the near darkness of my room. It felt like the air from every breath dissolved before it reached my lungs. My throat was raw, and the fading echo of a scream hung heavily in the air. Before I could blink, my door crashed open, ricocheting off the wall. Bane stormed into my room, gun raised, eyes darting around, before his stormy eyes met with mine and the violence melted away, leaving only concern behind.
“What’s wrong, angel?” he rasped, sleep wrapped around every syllable.
Clutching my throat, my mind spinning a mile a minute, my nightmare refusing to release me, I sobbed out unintelligible sounds. I need you. Please don’t leave me. I’m scared she’s coming for me. I’m terrified she’s going to kill you and burn everything you love to the ground. Bane locked his gun and placed it on the nightstand, then slipped onto the bed like it was second nature, gently pulling me into his arms. I felt like I was falling, spiraling out of control, only seconds away from crashing into the ground and splintering into a million irreparable pieces.
“It’s okay, Riv. I’ve got you. You’re safe. Nothing can get you here.” His deep voice flowed over me in a wave of comforting warmth that thawed my frozen bones, but did nothing to stop the unending deluge of tears falling down my cheeks. “Shh, baby. Please don’t cry.” The rough skin of his thumbs sent shockwaves over my flushed face as he swept away the tears that continued to fall.
The tension in my muscles eased as time passed unmeasured, and Bane’s presence—his embrace—became a metronome I could set my soul by. Deep purples bled into the dark night sky as dawn approached, but I wasn’t ready to be alone. I never wanted to be on my own in the dark again. And as my body slowly relaxed, exhaustion taking over, my mind clung to the fear that everything I’d dreamed of was moments from being ripped away.
Soft lips brushed across the nape of my neck, startling me. “I should go and let you get some sleep.”
Fear slithered down my spine. “N-no S-stay…p-please.” His heavy exhale ghosted across my skin, making goosebumps prickle across my neck and shoulders.
“I’ll stay if that’s what you’d like.” Always. I had never felt safer than when I was cocooned by his body. It was irrational, but logic had no place in my life.
“T-thank…you,” I breathed out. Bane’s arms tightened around me, a silent acknowledgement. His thick thigh pushed between mine, and I locked it in place by wrapping my ankle around his.
“Anything for you, angel. Now sleep.”
Heavy even exhales ruffled my hair as Bane succumbed to sleep, the arm wrapped around me becoming heavier every minute that passed. As the first rays of dawn filtered through the open blinds, my eyes fell closed, a small smile on my lips.
When I woke, my arms searched across the bed for Bane, but the sheet was cold. Blinking awake, I could still see the indent his head had left on the pillow. It wasn’t a dream after all. The last few days had been a cluster fuck of epic proportions that had nearly ended my life, but the devil had spared me so I could act as a warning and to deliver a message. That was before she had even realized what I’d taken.
“I’ll spare his life...” Her voice circled my mind like a cruel joke. I braced my arm against the tiled wall in the shower, my head hung low, defeated. Hot water pummeled my aching muscles as it sluiced down my body, staining the shower floor red as the remnants of my blood washed away down the drain.
I knew it was a lie. Dahlia was incapable of telling the truth. She stacked everything in her favor and used people’s weaknesses against them. For Bane, that was me. For me, that was Bane, Max, Dale, and Gabe. The longer I defied her, the more people she would hurt or kill. I couldn’t play what if with people’s lives.
I was too weak, and she knew it.
“Here you go,” Bane said when I stepped into the kitchen, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. “How are you feeling?” I shrugged and winced in response before shuffling onto the bar stool at the counter. “That good, huh? I’ve got your meds.” He slid a small pile of white and blue pills over, depositing them next to a bottle of water.
I hated taking tablets because I never knew what was in them and feared being poisoned or drugged. But I trusted Bane, and he trusted the doctors at the hospital. All I could do was take them and hope for the best.
“They won’t kill you, Riv. I checked them over,” he muttered as I eyed them warily. “I know how you feel about taking things.”
“Mmm.” I hummed as I swallowed them down, my eyes tracking Bane as he took bacon and eggs out of the fridge. If I hadn’t been paying close attention, I’d have missed the way his shoulders bunched and his breath hitched when he set them down on the counter by the stove before turning back to face me.
“Riv.” His hands wrapped around the edge of the counter in a white-knuckled grip. “There’s something I need to tell you.”