Chapter 12
CHAPTER
TWELVE
JAMIE
“ T here she is,” I cooed as Jessie’s face appeared on my phone. “How are you, my little sunbeam?” Her luscious brown curls danced across the screen as her image flipped, and it felt like the world was spinning.
“Oops. Sorry, JJ.” She giggled. God, I’d missed that beaming smile of hers. It had been far too long since I’d seen her face. I spoke to her briefly on Monday when I’d gotten back to my dorm, and Aunt Clara sent me a couple of photos of her and Zack, but that had been it as far as communication from my family went. It was like I’d been forgotten. The old saying, “out of sight, out of mind” felt like it applied to me.
“What are you doing, you little cray cray? Hope you’re not being a superhero without me?”
Her laughter filled the air around me, making me feel like I was home. “I thought it would be fun to talk to you upside down.”
“Huh, that’s different,” I remarked. “So, what’s new with you?”
“Nothin’.”
The edge to her voice made me think otherwise. Jessie was always full of life, going at a million miles an hour, but she didn’t talk about things that upset her. “You sure, sunbeam? Your smile must be hidden behind a cloud.”
She huffed a breath and the cutest little pout appeared on her face. “Mama packed up my room again and said we’re goin’ on a road trip somewhere new…”
“And?”
“I don’t wanna, JJ. l like it here. I’ve gots friends. Suzie-Mae, Joelle, and Patty. We played in the pool yesterday at Patty’s and had cake ‘cause it was her birthday and… and then all my toys were gone when I got home.”
Guilt ate away at me, even though I wasn’t there anymore. I knew I was the reason for the move; Aunt Clara confirmed that was the plan once I was settled at Briar U. Hopefully, this constant moving wouldn’t last much longer. It wasn’t fair how much my life affected theirs. They deserved a home, not a stop gap. They needed the chance to set down roots, the chance to grow, be kids, and make friends.
“Well, I think it’s exciting. I’ve moved to a new place for college, and you’re moving to a new place too.” I smiled at her as the world flipped again, and she sat upright on the couch. “You can tell me all about your amazin’ new home, and I can tell you about all the cool stuff here? Deal?”
“I’m not so sure.”
“I think it’d be really cool, Jessie.”
Sounding more like an adult than the child she was, she responded, “I’ll think about it, but the same goes for you.”
“Of course, sunbeam.” I smiled at her, and my heart clenched with how much I missed her.
Her face grew larger on the screen until all I could see was her eyeball. A chuckle escaped me at the sight. “Where are you?” she asked curiously.
“Can’t you tell? Your head is almost popping out of my phone.” Her laughter was brighter than the sun.
“No, silly.” Jessie stuck her tongue out at me, and I did the same right back, making her giggle-snort.
“I’m sitting under a tree, waiting for my friends Mal and Ava to get out of their classes, so we can go grab dinner. Then I’m off to the library to research a paper I’ve got for History of Architecture.”
A yawn split her face so wide I could see her tonsils. “Food sounds good.” As if on cue, her stomach rumbled like thunder. “But books and stuff sounds boring.”
“Ha! Yeah, it can be, but I’ll tell you a secret,” I whispered conspiratorially to her.
“What?” she mimicked.
“I kinda like it.” Her amber eyes popped wide open as she stared at me. “I like books and libraries.”
“You’re so weird, JJ.” Her stomach rumbled again, and I could hear Zack’s voice in the background yelling for her to wash her hands. She rolled her eyes at me. It took every ounce of control not to laugh at her.
“Jamie, who are you talking to, grinning like that?” Ava asked as she plonked herself down next to me and grabbed my phone. “Oh, hello cutie. Who are you?”
“You look like a rainbow fairy!” Jessie squealed, clapping her hands, her grumbling stomach all but forgotten. “Do you really have rainbow hair?”
“I sure do. So you like it?”
“I love it!! You look real pretty.”
Ava’s cheeks tinged with a soft pink blush. “Well, thank you. You look like a princess with your long hair.”
I grabbed the phone off Ava. “Jessie this is my new friend Ava?—”
“Fairy Ava.” I rolled my eyes at Jessie’s sass.
“Ava, this is my little sunbeam, Jessie.”
“Hey Jessie, it was lovely to meet you, but I need to drag Jamie to get some food. I’m starving.”
“Me too.” Jessie giggled. “I gotta go. Mama is shoutin’ for me.”
“Bye—” before I could finish, the screen went black, and Ava burst out laughing. She flopped backwards onto the grass and tucked an arm behind her head.
“Get down here.” She tugged my shirt until I was lying next to her, and we stared at the clouds. “Mal’s running late. He had to stay behind and ask Mr. Powell some questions.” I flicked my gaze over to her and checked our group chat, but there weren’t any messages. “I saw him when I cut through his building. There was a whole group of nerds asking questions.”
“No problem.”
“So, is Jessie…”
“Don’t look at me like that.” I snickered. “I’m too young for kids.” I rolled my eyes at her smirk. “She’s my niece. I live with my aunt. Or, you know, I did before I came here.”
I didn’t know what kind of reaction I was expecting. Maybe I thought I’d see pity in Ava’s eyes or she’d ask questions but no, she surprised me.
“Oh, sweet. Is it just your aunt and that lil’ cutie, or are there more of you?”
“There’s also my cousin Zack but that’s it.” Linking her fingers through mine Ava gave them a quick squeeze.
“I live with my Nanna. Mom and Dad died in a car crash when I was five. I was in the accident too, but I don’t remember it. They said my car seat saved me.” My heart went out to little Ava losing so much so young. “It’s all good though.” She hitched her shoulder up as she turned to look back up at the clouds. “I mean, I don’t really remember them, but Nanna has lots of photos and tells me stories all the time. So, I guess I know them through her more than my memories.”
My eyes fluttered shut as I processed everything she said. “Well, now you have me and Mal. I mean, what more could you want?” My words had the effect I was hoping for when Ava cracked up, melting away all the tension from the moment.
“Hey guys,” Mal said, dropping down to sit at our feet. I squinted against the afternoon sun and shielded my eyes with my hand. The bruise on his cheek had faded to a greenish yellow and was still a point of contention between us. I wanted him to report the incident, but he refused. “God, what a day. I was thinking we could go off campus to eat instead of staying here?”
“Heck, yes!” Ava jumped up and grabbed her bag before turning to look at me. “You coming, JJ?”
I opened my mouth ready to answer, but Mal cut me off. “Thought we could go to The Smoke House and get barbecue?” Mal said, brushing the grass off his jeans as he got up.
“Uh.” I sighed. “I would, but I kinda need to go to the library as I’ve got a paper to write.”
“You sure? We can always go tomorrow?”
“I’m sure. Thanks, Mal. I’m just gonna grab something from the cafeteria, then head down. I’d rather get a head start on this than rush it.”
“Such a good boy.” Ava snickered. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, Ava.” I hugged them both and grabbed my bag. “If I can get most of it planned tonight, then maybe we could do something tomorrow?”
“There’s a party on Greek Row?”
“Ava,” Mal cautioned, his tone all but telling her to zip it.
“What? It could be fun.”
My stomach flipped at the thought. “I think I’m all partied out for the time being. I don’t want to run the risk…”
Mal grimaced. “We’ll talk tomorrow and sort something out?”
“Sure,” I ground out.
They walked me to the library before hugging me goodbye. I felt buoyed after speaking to Jessie, even though I didn’t make it out with Ava and Mal for dinner. Nothing was going to put a dampener on my mood. Truth was, I couldn’t really afford it. Instead, I planned on grabbing a sandwich on my way back to my dorm.
The sound of the door closing behind me echoed through the cavernous space of the library. It took my eyes a few seconds to adjust to the muted light, but something about the atmosphere in here soothed me. The domed ceiling was an amazing piece of architecture that drew my eye as soon as I walked in. It never got old. Suspended from their peaks were cut glass chandeliers that cast rainbow fractals over the overstuffed shelves that filled the building. Interspersed between row upon row of books were tables peppered with students. There was a surprising number of people in here, considering it was the first Friday of the semester.
Was it weird to feel a sort of camaraderie with people I didn’t know just because they were here working on their assignments when the rest of the student body was out living it up?
I was a homebody at heart, even though it had been years since I’d had one. It was one of the only things I truly craved. I didn’t think home was a place defined by its position on a map, marked by longitude and latitude. No, to me, home was a moment in time. A memory. A person. An unattainable dream that had been ripped from my grasp when it was almost tangible. I’m sure I’m cursed to hope for things that can never be.
“Nothing worth having is ever easy.” It was one of mom’s favorite sayings. I missed her so much, and it hurt to think I’d never get to see her smile again or be enveloped in her arms.
My thoughts seemed to want to pile problems on top of problems. I had so many, it was easy to get lost in them. I overthought. I over cared. I over loved, and I over trusted people, which ultimately meant I got over hurt.
Shaking off that train of thought, I made my way to the section of the library I needed, then sought out an empty table. I dumped my bag on the table, parked myself in a chair, and pulled out my laptop. I logged onto the intranet, and it took me a few minutes to find Mr. Tunaley’s portal and the details of the assignment he’d set. Now, all I had to do was decide which topic I wanted to write about. “Explore how architectural design is influenced by the philosophies, methods, and technology of the fine arts” or “Explore how the current culture and intellectual theories have influenced modern-day architecture.”
“Easy,” I muttered to myself. “Not!” I shoved my laptop across the table as frustration burned through me. I tipped my head back and stared at the ceiling while the minutes ticked past. Maybe I should just flip a damn coin. Releasing a weighted breath, I hauled my laptop back to me and pulled up the list of suggested reading material. Maybe I’d find the answers in there. If not, I’d see what book I found first and hope it had the solution to my current problem. It’s not like procrastinating would help me get my degree.There, choice made.
The looming bookshelves seemed to watch me the farther I walked into the stacks. My finger trailed along the spines as if the physical connection could help me decide what question I was going to pick. Ha! Who was I kidding? A heavy sigh punched out of me when I saw the book I was after, but even stretching up onto my tiptoes, I couldn’t reach it. Sometimes it really sucked being short.
I was about to turn back and grab my chair when the air seemed to shift around me, and the temperature dropped. The delicate hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood on end as my skin prickled with goosebumps. I sucked in a shuddering breath and glanced up and down the row but saw no one. Nothing seemed out of place. Trepidation crawled down my spine and spread across my skin, making me shiver.
“H-hello?” I croaked and waited. I couldn’t hear anything, and the ensuing silence only served to ratchet up my frayed nerves. I licked my dry lips as the feeling of being watched intensified, and the erratic pounding of my heart tried to tattoo itself onto my sternum.
“Is someone there?” Great, now I sound like every cliché murder victim in a cheesy horror movie. I scoffed at myself. Stuff like that didn’t happen in real life; it was just my overactive imagination.
“Stop being an idiot,” I scolded myself and stepped up onto the bottom shelf, praying it didn’t break under my weight. I rolled up onto my toes and braced the knee of my right leg on the shelf above, my fingertips skimming the spine of the book I needed. “Just a little bit farther.” I bit my lip as I focused, managing to grasp it and yanked it backward off the shelf. I lost my footing and slipped, falling backward. It felt like everything was happening in slow motion but also rushing so fast I couldn’t focus or brace for the inevitable impact.
A yelp ripped out of me as I smacked into something hard. No, not something, someone…if the low oof was anything to go by. “Watch it,” they growled as thick arms wrapped around me from behind before lowering me onto my feet. Large hands braced my hips as I got my balance.
“Fuck.” I gasped and rubbed my hand over my chest. I clutched on to the damn book in my arms like it was a lifeline as I tried to draw air into my lungs.
“Next time,” the husky voice chuckled, “use the ladders. That’s why they have them.”
I looked over my shoulder, my eyes locking with the dark fathomless depths of Dillon’s. All traces of humor vanished off his face as it contorted in anger. “T-thank you,” I stuttered, feeling the blood drain out of my face.
Dillon’s chest heaved as his stare bored into me. He clenched his fists so hard, his knuckles bleached white. I swallowed around the lump in my throat as tension thickened the air.
“What do you think you’re playing at?” he growled, the rasp in his voice like a visceral touch as he stepped into me, backing me up against the bookshelf. “What are you doing here, little crow?” The demand was unmistakable as the wood bit into my skin.
My eyes shuttered closed, and I shook my head, unwilling to look at the man who wore the face of the boy I once loved. You still do, a little voice whispered in my mind. “S-s-sorry.”
“That’s not good enough,” he bit out. I shivered at the intensity of his closeness, and every nerve ending came alive. His body heat seeped into me as he braced one arm beside my head, and I inhaled his musky sea salt scent. Heat unspooled in my stomach, something that had been dormant for years. I gasped when his other hand wrapped around my throat, his fingers biting into my skin. Dillon yanked my head up so I faced him. “You don’t belong here, little crow.”
“I…I…” Every word that sprang to mind dried up on my tongue before I could say it.
“You need to leave.” I blinked up at him, at a loss of who this person was before me. Gone were the kind eyes that used to greet me every morning. Gone was that smile that used to make my heart skip a beat. “Now!” He clenched his fingers tighter, making it impossible for me to breathe.
My heart thundered in my chest and echoed in my ears. My lungs screamed for oxygen as the edges of my vision started to fade to black. But I couldn’t look away from his desolate eyes. They hypnotized me, called to the brokenness that I hid behind my smile.
“D…D…” I rasped. My book slipped from my hands, landing with a resounding thud. I managed to wrap my fingers around his, relieving the intensity of the pressure against my throat. “D-Dillon… please.”
A snarl curved his lips, and he leaned into me, chest to chest. His taut nipples brushed against mine, and his hot breath danced over my lips. His knee slipped between my legs as he caged me in, with only the thin layer of our clothes separating us I burned up inside. “No,” he breathed, lips almost brushing mine. “You need to leave.”
“No.” I shook my head as much as I was able but it barely moved. My strength faded as the darkness around me closed in.
“Get out of Briar U before I hurt you so badly, there will be no coming back.” His words sliced right through me and carved agony into my bones. But his eyes. Oh, they told another story, one from a lifetime ago. I saw an echo of the love I had for him reflected back at me.
“I… c-ca…”
Dillon growled and bared his teeth while his fingers pulsed around the column of my throat. My heart stuttered, and everything faded to black.
Scorching heat seared my face, abrasive and demanding. I sucked in a breath when the pressure relented, and my eyes flew open. It took a few seconds for my brain to catch up with what my eyes were seeing. With what my body was feeling.
Dillon’s fingers sunk into my hair, controlling the angle of my head. The hand that had squeezed my throat until I blacked out was now teasing the skin along my thundering pulse. A groan reverberated through the air, surrounding us as unyielding lips slammed down on mine. His tongue demanded entry to my mouth, pushing past the seam of my lips.
I gasped at the intrusion as he invaded my mouth, and his tongue wrapped around mine. A shudder worked through me as liquid heat filled my veins. I couldn’t reconcile how something that should be so intimate, so tender, made me feel owned and dirty. I loved him, but he didn’t love me.
Dillon lapped at my tongue, tasting and teasing me while simultaneously breaking me to pieces. Tears burned in my eyes and collected along my lash line, but I refused to let them fall. His hips rolled against me, and the rigid hardness of his length pressed against my stomach. Our height difference had never been more apparent to me than it was at that moment.
I was helpless to do anything but let him defile me. To allow him to take what he wanted and sate the thirst he needed to quench. Every brush of his lips was a rusty nail driven into my heart by his bare hands.
“Jamie,” he whispered as his lips slipped from mine. The reverence in his tone stole what little air from my lungs there was left. For a split second, I saw the boy I once knew before the cold mask of hate settled over him again. I wanted to reach out to him and beg him to stay, but the iciness of his glare silenced me.
The static buzzing in my ears nearly drowned out the sound of our ragged breaths. “Dil?—”
“Shut the fuck up! Get away from me, you fucking little faggot. I don’t want to ever see you again.” Dillon shoved me, and my knees hit the floor, the carpet burning through my jeans. My shoulders hunched up to my ears, and I wrapped my arms around myself as I crumpled inwards, my heart shattering into a million pieces. A blanket of coldness wrapped around me, chilling me to my core.
The first tears fell as I watched the boy I’d loved since I was eight, walk away from me like I was nothing to him.