Chapter 15
CHAPTER
FIFTEEN
DILLON
T he last two weeks had been a hell of my own making and things only seemed to be escalating. They were spiraling beyond my control, and all I could do was sit back and watch the destruction. Jamie was a ray of sunshine that was trapped in eternal darkness, one I had caused. It was my fault for giving the guys carte blanche over what they did to him, and the student body were a bunch of twisted sycophants when it came to the football team, willing to follow any directive they issued.
Stevens took the proverbial bull by the horns after I lied to them about why I hated Jamie so much, and I was racked with guilt over it, drowning more and more every day. I thought Stevens was easy-going, but apparently, that was just a mask he wore. Once that was ripped off, he was the most cruel, vindictive individual I’d ever met. He scared the shit out of me—and that was saying something. His first major offense was the exploding box he had couriered to Jamie during the middle of the day. It was orchestrated so the whole team would be there to witness the events as they unfolded. I ended up walking away in shame as Jamie sat there frozen in shock as blood dripped down his face. The headline the following day in the Briar Chronicles was still a trending topic on campus and followed me around like a bad smell. Box blood bomb: Freshman Prank Gone Wrong or A Cry For Attention?
Every time I closed my eyes, the events of that day and every one since haunted me. I don’t know where Jamie found the strength to keep going, but every day there was a smile on his face, and he treated everyone he came into contact with a level of kindness they didn’t deserve. I was too afraid to talk to him directly, so I became his shadow. He never saw me, but I know he felt my eyes on him. He constantly looked over his shoulder when he was walking around campus and didn’t even feel safe bracketed between his friends.
The guys had been planning something the last few days, but I’d ignored them and focused on our grueling training and conditioning schedule. It was either that, or I’d beat the shit out of every one of them. My already frayed temper was balanced on a knife’s edge, and if anyone so much as breathed near me the wrong way, I would explode. Coach capitalized on it on the field, and it led us to a nail-biting 24 – 21 win in our preseason opener against Amhurst Hall. We celebrated the win, but it felt hollow, considering our defensive line fell apart, adding more fuel to the fire of my building feud with Chad.
“You’ve got calculus next, haven’t you?” I looked up from the sports science assignment I was working on when Stevens slid into the chair next to me.
Keeping my voice hushed, I cast a surreptitious glance around the library. “Yes, why?”
“Oh, nothing really. It just means you’ll have a front row seat to what we have in store next for your boy toy.” The twisted smirk that spread across Stevens’s lips sent a chill down my spine.
“Are you going to clue me in on this?” I asked as I packed up my books.
“Nope.” My glare made Stevens chuckle. “There’s such a thing as plausible deniability here, Cap. The team needs you, especially after that game.” He wasn’t wrong there. We might have pulled a win, but it was a mess, and Coach was riding our asses after the defensive line crumbled.
I grunted in response and kicked back my chair. “Are you coming?”
“Nah, but I’ll see you in an hour though.” Stevens winked at me before turning his attention to his phone, effectively dismissing me.
It wasn’t far to the mathematics building from the library. The late afternoon sun hung low in the sky, elongating the shadows and making them take on a sinister edge. Everything had changed on campus, yet somehow, it was still the same. If I was the introspective type, I believe I’d realize it was me that had profoundly changed since the semester started, but I wasn’t that kind of person. I didn’t believe in that kind of shit anyway.
The room was empty when I slipped through the door about ten minutes before our lecture was due to start. I made my way up the steps and took my usual seat at the back where I could be left alone. We didn’t have assigned seating, but as time passed, I realized no one had moved from where we sat on our first day, whether it was a conscious decision or not.
My heart beat erratically and trepidation coiled through me as I drummed my fingers on the table. Jamie hadn’t noticed we had this subject together, and with the way things currently were, I hoped he didn’t. Nothing good could come from it, and I had a feeling that after today, everything would change again. Whether it would be for better or worse was still to be decided. Sitting at the back gave me the perfect opportunity to watch unencumbered as he interacted with the others. Always the introvert, he would barely acknowledge the guy sitting next to him unless we were made to discuss the problem presented on the whiteboard.
The room filled with noise as students filtered in and took their seats. I pulled my laptop out of my bag and checked the group chat to see if anyone had let anything slip about what they were planning today, but it was quiet. Eerily quiet. And that unnerved me more than anything. Before I could focus on the tension growing inside me, Mr. Velecote walked in and silence fell over the room.
“Morning, everyone. I hope you all took the time to read and review everything we’ve been working on the last two weeks, because today we have a pop quiz.” A collective groan rang out along with a few muttered curses. I shoved my laptop back into my bag and waited for the paper to be passed along the rows.
The door creaked open and somebody stumbled through, capturing the attention of the room. My heart lurched up my throat when I realized the disheveled person was Jamie. Cheeks flushed, clothes askew, he looked like he’d been dragged through a bush backwards. He caught himself on the front row and righted himself before straightening his clothes.
“Nice of you to join us, Mr. Bowen.”
“I-I’m—” Jamie stuttered, gasping for breath.
Velecote’s voice took on a biting edge, which was completely out of character for him. “I’d have thought you’d know your time table by now and manage to be in the right place at the right time. Perhaps you could drum up an ounce of respect for me and your fellow students and arrive on time in the future.” Jamie folded in on himself and tucked his chin into his chest.
“What are you waiting for?” Velecote bellowed. “Take your seat this instant, or you’ll get an automatic fail.” Jamie flinched like he’d been physically struck, his knees shaking as he shuffled to his seat. I white knuckled the wooden table so hard I’m amazed it didn’t crack under the pressure. It took everything within me not to haul my ass down to the front and introduce Mr. Velecote to my fist.
“S-sorry, sir,” Jamie responded meekly as he slumped in his seat.
“Now that you’ve had your afternoon delight...” That earned a round of chuckles. Mr. Velecote looked down at his wrist, his thumb and index finger poised around the watch face. “You have forty-five minutes to complete the quiz, but when your time is up, you’re done whether you have completed it or not. Your time starts now.”
I chanced one last glance at Jamie before working through the inane multiple choice questions on the first page. Time merged into one big blur, the questions blending into each other. It was difficult to focus when I knew something was coming, and my gaze kept landing on Jamie. He sat slumped in his seat, curled over the table, but nothing could hide the way his body vibrated—whether through fear or anger, I could only guess. I was ready to throw the test when an alarm sounded. My heart stalled mid-beat, my only thought was to get to Jamie and wrap him in my arms. To keep him safe, no matter what it might cost me.
There had never been a fire drill when lectures were in session before, so this had to be a real incident. Noise exploded in the room, footsteps thundering on the floors as everyone rushed toward the exit. Except for Jamie, who cowered in his chair while Mr. Velecote loomed over him. I was singularly focused on the object of my obsession when four men dressed in all black and wearing ski masks stormed into the room. Frozen to the spot, all I could do was watch as everything unfolded. Three of the guys surrounded Jamie and pinned his head and arms to the table. Try as he might, he couldn’t fight them off. I could tell he was screaming but couldn’t hear anything above the wailing alarm.
Pain bloomed in my chest, spreading outward like poison with every raging beat of my heart. I stormed down the stairs, ready to confront the men, when my eyes snagged on the fourth guy shaking hands with Velecote before he slipped out the faculty door.
“No fucking way.” I clenched my jaw and balled my fists, ready to take a swing. This was what Stevens had planned? As if he could feel my eyes on him, he turned and waved in my direction, motioning for me to join them. “What the fuck are you doing?”
His low chuckle sent shivers across my skin. “I told you to stay tuned.” Malice coated his usually playful voice, and it made me realize that I didn’t really know anyone past the facade they presented on the surface. “If he doesn’t leave after this, I have one more idea that will end him.”
Refusing to give credence to his words, I turned my back on him and watched as the others hauled Jamie to his feet and pulled a sack over his head. Jamie fought with everything he had, and I just stood there like a piece of shit as they dragged him out of the room, his feet trailing on the ground.
“Come on, man, we don’t have a lot of time.”
I followed behind Stevens as my stomach revolted, and bile burned the back of my throat. My chest felt like it was being crushed under a ton of weight. Guilt slithered over my skin, coating me in an icy tar. I was disgusted. I was retched. I fucking hated myself as I stood by watching and doing nothing to help the boy I loved.
The edges of my vision started to darken as shadows swallowed the light from my world. I trailed behind them down the corridor, every step becoming harder as my feet tried to fuse with the ground to prevent me from being part of this atrocious act. I was the one who should be condemned, because I started this. I told them to make him leave. I was the one who set the devil free. The continuous blaring of the alarm acted like a countdown timer, covering Jamie’s screams.
One of the guys held the janitor’s closet open, swinging the keys around his finger like this was a normal everyday occurrence. “Come on, come on. We’ve only got about three minutes before they turn it off.”
Stevens chuckled behind me. “Has Spencer got the containers ready?”
“You know it,” the guy on the door said with a chuckle.
“Good. Throw him in.”
It felt like an out-of-body experience as they threw Jamie into the small dirty room that smelled like stale smoke and chemicals. I was frozen to the spot, my body locked up tight, every muscle begging me to move, to make it stop, but I couldn’t. I was trapped in a cage of my own making, screaming at them to stop inside my mind but unable to do anything.
The thud of Jamie’s body as it crashed into the shelves lanced through me, fracturing every part of me. Fear wrapped around my throat like a boa constrictor, stealing the air from my lungs as I was pulled into a memory, one I had long since forgotten.
The rough planks of the front steps bit into my legs as I waited for Jamie. It had been two days since we’d seen each other, because his parents had dragged him out of town for some unknown reason. I knew he’d gotten back last night, because I’d seen their truck out front, but he hadn’t been allowed out. When I’d turned up, his Dad was yelling, so I crept around the back and knocked on his window to see if he could sneak out. His red-rimmed eyes had said everything he couldn’t, but he promised he’d come and see me today.
Light footsteps made my head snap up as he approached, and a wide grin lit up his face as he sat down next to me. “Hey,” he said softly as he bumped my shoulder.
“Hey.” I chuckled. “What do you wanna do today?” I looked down at him expectantly, waiting for his answer as he toyed with a piece of rye grass between his fingers.
“I dunno. How about we play at the abandoned house? See if we can find anything worth keeping?”
“You just want to see if there are any treasures you can add to your hoard,” I joked as his cheeks stained a pretty pink. I shook off that thought, jumped to my feet, and held out my hand. His soft palm slipped into mine, so much smaller—delicate really—and I hauled him to his feet.
Jamie scuffed his shoe in the dirt and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Can we take your bike? Mine is, well…”
His voice sounded small and sad so I did what I always did. I tried to make him smile. “O’course we can.” I smirked. “The question is whether you can balance on the seat and not topple us this time.”
Jamie laughed so hard, he clutched his stomach and bent over. “That was one time ? —”
“And we ended up in the creek!”
“I know, I know.” He wiped a tear from his eyes. Even though tears swam in them, they sparkled brighter than I’d seen in weeks.
“Race you to the back.” Before I’d finished speaking, I ran to the garage and pulled my bike out. Jamie hopped on behind me. The ride to the abandoned house took us about twenty minutes through the winding back roads that no one really used anymore. We spent most of our time dodging the growing pot holes and laughing every time I had to swerve when the road broke beneath my tires.
“This place will never not be cool,” Jamie said with wonder in his voice. He loved this old building even though I thought it would make a better bonfire. “One day when I’m older, I’m gonna build us a house like this.”
I turned to look at him with a funny feeling in my chest. Us? He’d said us. I wondered what that meant to him. Did it mean the same to him as it did me? Jamie was my everything, the center of my world. But was I his?
“That sounds cool,” I said as the porch boards crumbled beneath our feet. “Just promise me it won’t fall apart like this one.”
“Like I would design us a bad house?!” The affront in Jamie’s voice had me cackling as he shoved me through the open front door and into the wide open entryway covered in dry leaves and trash. Graffiti covered the walls, and an old mattress was dumped in one of the front rooms.
“Well, I won’t know till I see it, will I?” I said.
“That’s true.” He snickered. “It’ll be a surprise. I’ll just say one day, ‘Oh Dil! I’ve got something to show you,’ and bam! There’s our home.”
My heart skipped on the word home. That’s what he was to me. Home. “Sure, can’t wait. Hey, wanna play hide and seek?”
“Okay. I’m hiding first though,” Jamie called to me as he ran past the stairs. I shook my head and started counting. By the time I’d gotten to thirty, the house was silent save for the wind whipping through the broken boards. Even though the windows had been white washed, I could still make out the dark clouds swelling across the sky as the temperature started to drop. I could taste rain in the air as a storm rolled in.
“Ready or not, here I come,” I shouted as I strode through the house and out to the back deck. Jamie had an affinity for nature—he’d be outside surrounded by trees or water as often as he could. I didn’t know if he was trying to escape something or just loved being outside more than anything. He might be my best friend and tell me almost everything, but I knew he kept secrets from me. Just like I kept some from him.
“Jamie, where are you?” I called after half an hour of searching for him. His small frame made him a master at this game. It frustrated me no end, but all I wanted was to see him smile. “Jaammmiee?”
A faint giggle carried on the wind as I headed back toward the house and searched every room. Where is he? The only place I hadn’t looked was the old storm shelter under the house. We’d both been a bit freaked out when we checked it out the first time we came here and had never gone back.
I grabbed the rotten door and pulled it back, staring into the darkness beyond. “Jamie?”
“Ahhhh, crap.” His voice floated up from the dark depths. “Dil, I’m stuck.”
“I’m coming!” I shouted and jumped right in, the old wooden beams groaning when I landed. I blinked a few times, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the near darkness before moving. “Where are you?”
“Over here.” Jamie’s voice sounded pained as I followed it farther into the extensive shelter. Old shelving units were toppled over, and piles of old clothes gave the damp air a musty tinge that tickled my nose.
“Little crow?” I whispered as I saw Jamie sitting in the corner. “I’ve found you.”
“Well, I kinda gave it away when I called you,” he whined. “My leg’s stuck Dil. The floor gave out.” Just as the words left his mouth, a cracking groan rendered the air and the board beneath my feet crumbled.
“Shit, Jamie,” I screamed as the corner he sat on shattered, and he disappeared. I threw myself onto my stomach, trying to find him. “Jamie? Jamie? Please answer me.”
“I’m down here,” he cried. “I’m… I’m okay.” Sure enough, about ten feet down, Jamie was wedged under broken planks. “I can’t get out Dil. You need to get my mom.”
“I’ll be as quick as I can. You gonna be alright while I go and get her?”
“Y-yeah?”
It took seven hours to get Jamie out. He’d been alone and terrified all that time. I didn’t have a phone, and Jamie’s mom wasn’t home. None of the neighbors knew where she was. By the time I finally found her, hours had passed. Once we got back to the house, Jamie was hysterical and couldn’t stop crying. The doctor had to sedate him, because he was shaking so badly.
Jamie’s hysterical scream snapped me back to the depravity of the present. His head cracked on the concrete floor, his body jolting from the force as he skidded into the unit storing toxic chemicals. The guys laughed as Jamie’s screams turned to pained whimpers, each one like a bullet to my soul. They pulled everything off the shelves. Cleaning supplies, buckets, and tools scattered across the room as they fell to the floor. Jamie curled into the fetal position, his arms braced over his head to protect himself as things landed on him, making him grunt.
A loud whistle pierced the air, silencing everyone. They all left the small room and turned off the light. “This is my favorite part,” Stevens whispered into my ear as someone else appeared with two large buckets filled with water.
“What the fuck are you going—” My words froze as they threw the contents of the buckets into the room, drenching Jamie and flooding the floor.
“Get the lights,” someone shouted, and my heart turned to lead. I didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as Jamie after this. I knew what it would do to him. It would fuck him over more than I intended. All I wanted to do was scare him enough so he’d leave, and my secrets would stay hidden. So I could live my life and get out from under my dad’s control.
The door slammed shut, the click of the lock an ominous sound as the alarm fell silent. In the blink of an eye, everyone scrambled out, darting in different directions. Jamie’s haunting wails stalked me as I ran from the building.
My heart was pounding so hard it was about to shatter my ribs. I ran until my knees buckled, and I crashed to the ground, gasping for breath, my body tight and aching. I dragged myself under the trees for cover. My stomach revolted as bile surged up my throat, and I emptied the contents of my gut until I was retching on nothing but air.
I rolled onto my back. Sweat dripped down my temples and soaked through the shirt on my back. Tears seared my eyes as guilt ate away at me. “What have I done? What have I done?” I was the worst of the worst. I might not have thrown him into the janitor’s closet or doused him with water, but I am the reason he is suffering. I am weak. Pathetic. A disgusting excuse for a human being. I will be condemned for the rest of my life for what I allowed to happen today, all because I wanted to keep my truth a secret. But I’ve done it at the expense of the most amazing and loving person I’ve ever known. I might hate him, but does he really deserve this?