Chapter 26
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SIX
JAMIE
I might not be the fastest runner—god knows I wasn’t built for sports—but I was fast when I needed to be. I was small and agile, so I used my build to my advantage. As I neared the sports courts, I slipped between the chain link fences that separated two of the tennis courts and dropped to my knees, hiding behind the low solid wall separating the courts. I leaned back against it, sucking in a heaving breath to center myself.
I counted to ten before rolling onto my stomach and commando crawled along the patch of dirt, praying I could get to the little shack before anyone found me. Grit bit into my hands and scraped along my stomach through my clothes, and my knees felt like they were bleeding. Every time I moved, pain eddied through my body, pulling a whimper from deep inside me. In the silence of the night I could hear them as they swarmed around me over the thudding of my heart in my ears.
By the time I reached the end of the courts, I was covered in sweat. The distant sounds of my hunters’ shouts as they moved farther down the fields let me breathe a momentary sigh of relief. “You’ve got this,” I whispered to myself as I pushed up onto my feet.
Not knowing how much time I had before they came back here looking for me, I ran blindly in the direction of the rundown groundskeeper’s storage building and prayed to every god in existence that I’d get there before I was caught.
“He can’t be far away.” A distorted voice sounded way too close to comfort, and my heart shot up my throat. The cloud covering the moon cleared enough for me to see four figures dressed head to toe in black heading towards me.
“It’s now or never.’” I gritted my teeth, dug deep into my mental reserves, and ran with everything I had. My vision blurred as sweat dripped down my face. The building was within touching distance when cold hard dread slithered down my spine.
“He went that way.”
“Quick, I can see him!”
My leg buckled underneath me and I crashed into the corner of the building. White spots burst in front of my eyes as I fell to the ground just outside the open door. “Shit.” I bit down on my lip and dragged myself though the small opening and quickly sat with my back to it. My hands were shaking so violently, it was almost impossible to get the bolt across the door. My slick fingers couldn’t grip it, but by the grace of a god I didn’t believe in, it snicked shut before vomit filled my mouth and coated the floor.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, and the screen lit up through my pants. For the first time in what seemed like hours, I thought I might be able to get out of this without getting seriously hurt. I needed help. I desperately needed someone to come and save me from this nightmare. “Fuck!” I whispered as it slipped out of my hand and cracked on the cement floor. Please, please, please, don’t be broken.
“He was just over here.”
My heart beat so hard, even my eyeballs pulsed. The grass crunched under their feet as they drew closer. I held my breath and covered my mouth with my hand so I didn’t make a sound. The door behind me groaned, and I jerked when they threw themselves against it.“Fuck. It’s locked.”
“Is there another door?”
“No, there’s just that one. And if it’s locked he can’t be in there. Only Jerry has the key.”
“Alright, let’s move on. He can’t have gotten far.”
Sweat poured down my temples and dripped into my eyes. My tee clung to me under my hoodie and coat, my body drenched in perspiration. My fear permeated the room as I shook uncontrollably. My lungs burned from lack of oxygen, but I held my breath until the only thing I could hear was silence before letting out a ragged exhale.
I blindly patted the ground, trying to find my phone. My fingers brushed the metal case, and I wept tears of joy. I grabbed it and called the only person I could think about. The only one that mattered. I knew in my heart he’d do anything for me.
“Hello?”
“D-Dillon?” I croaked, my dry mouth and thick tongue making it almost impossible to get my words out.
“Little crow? What’s wrong? Where are you?”
“I-I n-need you… h-help.”
“Where are you?”
My breath caught in my throat, and it felt like it was closing up. I shook my head, unable to answer him as fresh tears scolded my face. “I…I…” Anxiety ripped through me, my lungs protesting as I tried to suck in air. I was hyperventilating and shaking. Dillon’s crackled curses were the only thing I could focus on as the world closed in around me.
“Shit! Baby? Can you hear me? I’m coming. I’m coming. Just stay on the line.” Silent tears poured down my face. “Even if you can’t talk, I need to hear you breathing.” He sounded frantic. Doors crashed. Footsteps echoed. His panted breaths rasped through the static of the line. “Just keep breathing, baby. I’m coming.”
I clutched my phone to my heart and kept pressing the screen so it stayed lit up. I’d never been a fan of the dark, but tonight had just turned my fear into something real. I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. It felt like the world was swaying around me, the floor moving in the opposite direction to the walls. I buried my face into my knees and tried to focus on my breathing.
“Jamie, can you hear me?”
Not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this.
“Jamie, baby. I need you to open your eyes and look at me. Please. Please, show me your beautiful eyes.”
Not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this.
Soft lips brushed across my face, the gentle rasp of stubble against my skin sending shock waves through me, making my breath hitch in my throat. But something had sunk its claws into me and refused to let me. I was screaming inside my head but couldn’t move.
Not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Please not like this. Not like this. Not like this.
“Little crow…p-please… come back to me. I need you. I’m so, so sorry.”
Please, please, not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Please not like this. Not like this.
“I never meant for this to happen.” Agony laced his thick words and pulled at something deep inside me. My pain recognised his; we were like twin embers fighting against the darkness that wanted to extinguish our light.
“I was scared, baby. So fucking scared that you being here would ruin everything. I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry.” The sound of flesh hitting flesh made me flinch. “Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Not like this. Please, please, please not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Please not like this.
“Oh, god. I need you to stop shaking. You’re freezing cold. Wet with sweat. If you can hear me, little crow, I’m going to strip you off and put you in the shower. I’m going to hold you in my arms until you come back to me.”
It was like an out-of-body experience. Dillon’s gravelly voice was muted and distant. I was vaguely aware of what he was doing to me, but I couldn’t react. I was trapped inside my body, but it didn’t feel like mine anymore. I was just a passenger pushed into the background.
His words percolated through my mind. I was so scared you’d ruin everything. Darkness claimed me even though I fought against it. I never meant for this to happen. A barely perceptible echo of his pain felt like a razor blade slicing across my skin.
“I’m sorry.”
Nothing.
“I never meant to hurt you.”
Nothing.
My body ached, every muscle burning even though I was caught in that barely conscious state when your brain didn’t know if you were awake or still dreaming. My mind felt heavy, like something important weighed it down, but that knowledge was just out of reach. But the existential dread clawing at my lungs was all I needed to know.
“Hey there, my beautiful boy. Are you back with me?” Heat flushed through me, concealing the way I ached, and I peeled my eyelids back. I winced as the air hit them. Each blink felt like I was scraping sandpaper over them, making them water.
“D-Dil?”
“I’ve got you. I’m never fucking letting go.” He was wrapped around me, legs entangled with mine, and arms enveloping my middle, holding my back to his chest. His fingers bit into my skin and even though it hurt, I melted into him. I felt safe.
“You came for me?”
A pained sound cut through the quiet of his room. “I will always come for you, Jamie.” He sounded like he’d swallowed glass, like every word hurt to say. “Always.” He kissed a path across my bare shoulder and buried his face into the crook of my neck. His shuddering inhale rolled through me. I felt it everywhere.
“I was s-so scared.” My eyes stung, and my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, but it was imperative I got the words out before they burned me to the ground. “What did I do to them to make them hate me so much?”
Dillon’s hold slackened like he was withdrawing into himself. His heart beat through his chest into mine, each one shattering me from the inside out.“I-I don’t?—”
“Don’t lie to me, Dillon. I’ve always been able to tell when you lie.” He slipped out of the bed, and I immediately felt his loss. I was cold, bereft. I closed my eyes and fought the mountain of emotion rising inside me and focused on the sound of his feet shuffling on the floor, the rasp of material on his skin as he pulled on clothes. His erratic, labored breathing. His weighted sigh hung heavily over us.
It was suffocating.
I was like a soldier on the front line, not knowing if these were my final moments.
Memories of last night flicked through my mind, a broken movie montage that didn’t make sense. It didn’t happen to me, did it? Dillon’s broken voice was the only thing I could focus on as the images in my head faded into the fog.
“I never meant for this to happen.”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What did you do?” I rolled over, sat up, and shuffled in his bed until my back rested against the headboard. Naked apart from boxers—his—I felt too exposed, so I pulled the sheet up and tucked it under my arms. “Dillon?” My fractured voice was whisper soft, but his head whipped up like I’d struck him. Tears shimmered and clung to his lashes as oceans of pain raged in the dark depths of his eyes. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.”
Dillon blinked up at me through unseeing eyes and for once, I was grateful for the distance between us. He sat on his desk chair with his elbows braced on his knees. His chin rested on steepled fingers, and his lips trembled as the first tear fell from his wide eyes. “Just know that I love you, little crow. Always have. Always will.” I love you too . But I didn’t have the strength to give credence to my thoughts.
I’d dreamed about the first time Dillon told me he loved me. I expected to feel the kind of euphoria addicts talk about. I never expected to feel like this—like he was shredding my soul with his bare hands. I tilted my head to the side and waited for him to finish. I could tell there was more he left unsaid. Like an iceberg with hidden depths, he’d only given me a crumb of what lied beneath.
Dillon sat up in his chair with his head tipped back and stared at the ceiling. His chest rose and fell with shallow pants. Fingers carded through his hair until he yanked it hard enough for the strands to break before fisting them in his lap. “That night when I first…” He shook his head and tried again. “I hated you! Hated you so much! Fucking hated you and everything you stood for! And then you turned up here and looked at me with those pale-blue eyes.” He clenched his jaw, and a muscle ticked in his cheek.
I sucked in a sharp inhale that burned my lungs and opened my mouth.
“Don’t. I have to get this out.” I shook as his pain lanced right through me. “You fucking left me. You kissed me, then fucking disappeared.” An inhuman noise tore from his lips and tears flowed down his cheeks like a river. His red-rimmed eyes chipped away at my heart. “Did I mean so fucking little to you that you could just walk away and treat me like I was nothing?”
“No,” I gasped, my hand reaching for him. He flinched even though he was on the other side of the room. “It wasn’t like that.” I licked my lips, tasting the pain of my salty tears. “That’s not what happened?—”
“How would I fucking know?!” He threw himself out of his chair, stalking across his room like a caged beast ready to explode. “YOU. LEFT. ME,” he bellowed. “You left me, and I had no one. I was all alone with my pain.” He punched the wall, his fist going straight through the drywall. “Five fucking years, Jamie.” He moved toward me with blood dripping down his fist and a snarl curling his lips. Eyes that only moments ago looked at me with nothing but seething hate.
“That’s not what happened,” I cried. “You need to listen to me,” I begged. Fear coiled around me as he ripped the sheet off my body and yanked me off the bed. I hit the floor so hard, it forced the air from my lungs.
“Five fucking years, and not a word.” He wrapped my hair around his fist and yanked my head back. His whole body shook, and his rage was suffocating. “How fucking hard was it to pick up a phone and called me? To write me a letter and explain why you fucking broke me?”
“I couldn’t.” I whimpered as he dragged me across the floor. “I wasn’t allowed to.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” Reproach flooded his face, and he dropped me like I’d burned him.
“I w-wasn’t allowed to contact you.” I sobbed, curling into the fetal position at his feet. “We were put into witness protection. My dad tried t-to…” The memories of that night hit, and I couldn’t talk. They stole me away from a seething Dillon and pillaged my mind with the darkest moments of my life I’d tried to forget. I was drowning.
“Shit, baby. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” The air moved when he fell to his knees. “Jamie, p-please.” I flinched when he touched me, and an agonized sound wrenched from my chest.
“D-Don’t… t-touch m-me.”
“I’m sorry. Fuck! I’m so?—”
“Your words mean nothing to me now,” I whispered. “T-tell me what you meant last night by y-you didn’t m-mean it to go this far.”
Dillon’s frozen face contorted in the most gut-wrenching pain, as if what he was about to say would cost him everything. “It was me.” He crumbled before my eyes. The mountain fell. “I wanted to make you pay for everything you’ve done to me. I told them to hurt you. An eye for an eye.”
“No.” Every word he said landed like a killing blow to my heart. It wasn’t meant to be like this. I didn’t know if I’d survive this, survive him and the way he broke us. I’d lost so much already, and his betrayal was like the final nail in my coffin.
I didn’t know how I did it, but I tied my shattered pieces back together and threw on the first clothes I found discarded on the floor. I was shaking so violently I could barely see and crawled to the door, my heart nothing but scattered ashes on the floor. My hand latched on to the handle, and I hauled myself up. My legs buckled, too weak to hold me up.
“JAMIE!” he roared as I fell through the door and crashed into the one across the hallway. “COME BACK!”
“No,” I cried as the maelstrom of my emotions pulled me under and started to run as the world fractured around me. His pounding footfalls followed me, but I refused to look back.
“Jamie, come back…”
I tripped over my bare feet, knees crashing to the ground. Pain lanced through me as I gritted my teeth and pushed myself up. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. I couldn’t be near him. I couldn’t look at him anymore. Not when all I saw were broken dreams and bleeding hearts.
“I didn’t know?—”