Chapter 40 Angus
Seeing Layla was always the highlight of Angus’s day, and after a tough visit with Gilly he sorely needed the comfort of her presence.
Despite showing signs of improvement over the last few days, Gilly’s health seemed to have dipped again.
She was weak, with beads of sweat pinpricking her skin as she shivered.
Not for the first time since learning of her diagnosis, Angus looked at his mother and thought, She might not get through this .
Shaking off the devastating thought, Angus headed to Regent’s Park and focused on the evening ahead.
With everything that had happened recently, telling Layla the truth had slipped by the wayside.
Stopping to let a jogger pass, Angus tried to reason with himself that he wasn’t in the wrong for that.
He still planned on admitting to the bits of himself he had hidden.
One day. Soon. He just needed things to settle first. Right now, Angus couldn’t risk losing Layla.
Not when her presence was the only thing that soothed him.
But the second Angus saw Layla, all thoughts of a comforting evening evaporated.
Something was wrong, he could tell. Layla was too serious. Too rigid. Angus’s legs sped up to reach her quicker. ‘Is everything okay?’ he asked. ‘Has something happened?’
The half-smile Layla gave him might have been the saddest smile Angus had ever seen. ‘Walk with me?’ she said, holding out her arm for him.
‘Always,’ Angus replied.
With their arms linked, the pair entered the park. Wind whipped around them, bristling Angus’s already fraught nerves. Willing himself to be brave, Angus searched for the words to ask Layla what was on her mind.
But Angus never had the chance to speak because to his left, someone called his name, throwing his world into chaos.
‘I thought it was you,’ came Clarissa’s eager shout from several metres away.
Layla leaned to look at the woman bounding over in expensive gym gear. Clarissa’s eyebrows dipped as she spotted Layla’s arm intertwined with Angus’s.
‘Oh,’ she said, her expression falling flat.
‘Oh?’ Layla said, looking from Clarissa to Angus. ‘Who is this?’
Angus panicked. ‘This… this is Clarissa.’
Layla paused, seemingly trying to place the name. ‘From work?’
As Angus cringed, Clarissa barked a laugh. ‘Clarissa from work? Is that really who you tell women I am?’
Sickened by dread, Angus braved a look at Layla. As soon as he registered the hurt in her eyes, he wished he hadn’t. ‘Layla, it’s not what you think—’
‘Is Clarissa your colleague or not?’ she snapped.
Angus opened his mouth to reply, but Clarissa got there first.
‘Yes, Angus, am I your colleague? I’d love to know what job we supposedly do together.’ With that, Clarissa faced Layla. ‘Angus is a Fairview-Whitley. He doesn’t work. He doesn’t need to. His family could buy this park and the buildings surrounding it ten times over.’
Angus heard Layla’s sharp intake of breath as she removed her arm from his. ‘Layla, I can explain,’ he croaked.
‘Which part – lying about your career, or how you apparently have a girlfriend?’
‘Clarissa’s not my girlfriend. We used to hook-up, but we haven’t in months! Not since way before I met you,’ Angus protested, but from the way both women reacted, it was clearly the wrong thing to say.
‘A hook-up? Good to know that’s all I am to you,’ Clarissa retorted.
‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ Angus said, looking from Layla to Clarissa and back again. ‘I just… fuck, Layla, this is not how I wanted you to find out any of this.’
‘Any of what, Angus? Exactly what have you lied about?’ Layla asked.
‘Everything, by the looks of things,’ Clarissa replied on his behalf.
Angus wanted to tell Clarissa to stop, but he knew his anger was misplaced. He wasn’t furious with her – he was furious with himself.
Angus had always known he would have to come clean at some point.
It wasn’t like he could get away with the ruse forever.
He didn’t want to, either. He wanted the world with Layla, including dinners with his parents and overnight stays at his penthouse.
He’d always wanted to tell Layla the truth.
He just wanted to do it once he wasn’t full of self-loathing.
‘Maybe we should find somewhere private to talk,’ Angus suggested, but Layla’s eyes narrowed.
‘I don’t want to go somewhere private. I want to know the truth. So what, are you an investment banker? A crypto-genius? A trust-fund baby?’ When Angus couldn’t reply, Layla exhaled through her nose. ‘Come on, Angus. Tell me who you are.’
‘I… I’m Angus Fairview-Whitley.’
‘And?’ Layla demanded.
Gulping hard, Angus unravelled. ‘My family have money, Layla. Lots of it. We’re descended from nobility. I grew up on a country estate in Buckinghamshire.’
Stumbling as if she’d been shoved, Layla gripped her stomach.
‘Are you joking?’ she asked, but Angus’s sombre expression answered her question.
‘Why wouldn’t you tell me that, Angus?’ Angus’s silence only served to infuriate Layla further.
‘Was I not good enough? Is it because my family isn’t wealthy? Are you embarrassed by me?’
‘It was nothing like that!’
‘Then why lie?’
Seeing the hurt in Layla’s eyes, something inside Angus shattered. ‘I never wanted to lie to you. It just… happened.’
‘Lies on this scale don’t just happen, Angus. Every moment we spent together, you were editing who you were. There’s nothing accidental about that.’
‘I didn’t lie about everything, I promise,’ Angus protested.
‘Just most things,’ Clarissa chipped in.
‘It’s not all lies, I swear!’ Angus argued.
‘Everything I told you is based on the truth. I’m still me.
I’m still Angus who likes to cook, and who knows you enjoy having two chocolate digestives and a cup of tea when you read.
’ Angus prayed the personal detail would make Layla soften, but her expression made it clear she didn’t believe him.
‘Layla, this had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me,’ he continued.
‘I wanted to be worthy of you. I wanted to be someone who did something with his life, who worked hard, who achieved things. I was lost before we met. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted, but I do now. I want you, Layla. I want you .’
Angus moved towards Layla, but she stepped away and wrapped her arms around herself. ‘You lied to me, Angus.’
‘I didn’t mean to!’ Angus cried, which only made Clarissa snort.
Angus thought he’d feel no greater shame than admitting to his lies, but watching Layla shrink back from Clarissa’s derision crucified him.
The agony doubled when she looked at Angus through large, tear-filled eyes.
Layla’s pain was there in plain sight, but beneath it was a firm resolve that terrified him.
‘I should be thanking you,’ Layla said, sniffing back her distress. ‘You’ve just saved me from wasting more of my time on a person who isn’t worth a second of it.’
‘I’m so, so sorry,’ Angus said, stepping closer. ‘What can I do? I’ll do whatever it takes. Please, Layla. You’re everything to me. I can’t lose you.’
Layla looked away, shaking her head. ‘I don’t think I can see you again.’
‘Layla, please . None of this was a reflection on you, it was about me! About how I saw myself, about how I hated—’
‘Do you hear yourself?’ Layla cried. ‘I, I, I… that’s all you can see, but I’ve just found out the last few weeks of my life were a lie!
Do you have any idea how that feels?’ The look Layla fired at Angus sliced him in two.
‘You need to grow up, Angus, and I need to put myself first. That starts right here, right now.’
‘ Layla —’ Angus didn’t know what he could say to keep her here, but it was too late. She was already striding away, back towards the park’s entrance.
Stumbling after her, Angus opened his mouth to call her name, but Clarissa clutched his arm.
‘I wouldn’t bother,’ she said. ‘She’s done. Can you blame her?’
Turning to Clarissa, Angus saw himself reflected in her eyes. A coward. He was everything he hated, personified, and there was no one to blame but himself.