Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
TRACE
“ H e’s your son.”
Delaney’s words echoed around my head, and I froze. I knew she would never lie to me, especially not about something as big as this.
But this all happened ten years ago. I had a son out there all this time, and I’d missed everything. I could never get that back.
“I need to know what happened, Delaney. I need to know everything.”
I could feel an anger starting to build inside, one I’d never experienced before. A need to protect what was mine. Even if it had been kept away from me for so long, both of them would always be mine.
Delaney dropped down onto her butt and blinked up at me. I could see just how much she was struggling with what they’d done to us. I couldn’t even imagine what she’d been through. I was lucky she’d even considered being in the same room as me. What must she have thought of me for all this time?
Delaney slowly shook her head and then she started talking, and my entire world fell apart as she made her way through her story. “I found out I was pregnant, and I had no idea what to do. We were still in school. We had so many plans, and I knew it was going to change everything. Chelsea helped me get the test. She knew no one would think twice if it was her buying it.” I wanted to rage at the mention of my ex-wife’s name. She’d known. All this time, and she’d known. “When it came up positive, she told me to go to my dad. To tell him everything and ask for his help. She didn’t say it, but I knew she meant for him to help me get an abortion. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that without talking to you. It didn’t seem right. I went home and sat in my room for hours trying to figure out what to do, and eventually, I knew that I needed you. I couldn’t make that decision alone. I always went to you with my problems. Why would this be any different?”
I slipped off the couch then, gathering her up in my arms and pulling her into my lap on the floor. As angry as I was right now, all I could see was a broken-hearted younger Delaney trying to come to me for help, and if I was going to make it through what I knew was going to be the worst part of this story, then I needed her in my arms to do it.
“I climbed in through your bedroom window like I used to do, but you weren’t there. The light came on, and your mom was sitting at your desk. She knew everything already. She told me that you’d told her and asked for her help. She gave me a check and told me that if I knew what was good for me, I’d get an abortion. She had all these papers she wanted me to sign saying I wouldn’t tell anyone you were the father. When I refused, she threatened…she threatened my dad, saying he had a mortgage on the farm, and she’d make sure we lost everything. I tried to call you. I promise I did. But it was sent to voicemail, and then when I called back, your phone had been switched off.”
I felt sick. I could remember that night. It was the worst night of my life, the biggest mistake I’d ever made. It was the reason why I thought Delaney had left me and never looked back. As she looked up at me with pleading eyes to believe her, I knew deep down that there was a tiny part of me that was to blame for this, too.
“I signed the papers, and she threw me out. When I got home, I told my dad everything, and he got my aunt to take me in. I moved to Manhattan, and, well, the rest is a much longer story.”
“I want to hear that story soon,” I whispered, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head, taking a moment to breathe in her scent because I didn’t know if everything was going to change when I told her what had happened to me that night.
“Chelsea turned up at my house after school, and she asked if I’d help her with her biology homework. I didn’t think anything of it because we’d done it a hundred times before. But when we went up to my room, she was acting weird. I tried to brush it off, but she kept laughing and touching me. She was stroking my ego so hard that for a minute, I fell for it. You’d been acting weird all day and…I don’t know. I was just enjoying the attention, I guess. Then she kissed me. And for a moment, I kissed her back. But then all I could think about was you, and how wrong it was, so I pushed her off me. But she just laughed and pushed me back on the bed and told me to stop playing hard to get. I told her it wasn’t like that. I told her to stop, but she kept trying to kiss me. In the end, I threw her off me, and Gage came running into the room and saw her crying on the floor. He asked what happened, and she told him that I’d tried to kiss her and then threw her across the room when she refused.”
I could still remember that night. The shock of hearing her lies froze me to the spot, but Gage looked at me like he actually believed her. My own brother.
“Gage started shouting at me, and we got into a fight. My dad had to come in and break us up. Gage told my dad everything, and I denied it. I told them that it wasn’t true, but they wouldn’t believe me. My mom took Chelsea away, and before I knew it, I was being packed in the car to ‘go away for a while so they could sort it all out.’ I thought I’d done something wrong, and I was so ashamed that my own family thought so little of me that they’d immediately believe something like that. They sent me to some ski resort that Xander was at for the weekend with his friends, and it wasn’t until I got there that I realized I didn’t have my phone. I told him everything, and I was so relieved to have someone believe me. He didn’t have your number, but he sent Gage a message asking him to get you to call him, but you never did.”
Delaney looked so broken as she quietly listened to my story. But not once did she push me away, and I had to take that as a good sign.
“It gets worse, doesn’t it?” she whispered, and I nodded sadly.
“When I got back, Chelsea was at the house. She told me how sorry she was, that she didn’t mean to. She said she was embarrassed that Gage had walked in and seen, and then it all got out of control. Then she gave me your letter.”
“I never wrote you a letter,” she told me quietly.
“I didn’t know that then. It basically said that Chelsea had told you everything, but you didn’t know if she was telling the truth or just trying to protect me. There was some other stuff, and then it said that you were moving away, that you were fed up with living in a small town, and this was your chance to be free and start a better life somewhere else. I ran to my room to grab my phone, and I called you. I thought if you just heard the truth from me, you’d understand, but you never answered any of my calls or responded to any of my messages. Eventually, I just accepted that you didn’t want me in your life anymore.”
Delaney burrowed her face in my chest, her arms holding onto me as tightly as she could. “I’m so sorry, Trace. I never got any calls or messages from you. I would have answered them if I did.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s not either of our fault.”
I didn’t know how long we sat like that. Holding each other, grieving the life that had been stolen from us. My mind was spinning with what to do next. How to make this up to the beautiful woman in my arms. But then the lies and the depth of the deception started to sink in. The lengths they’d gone to so they could manipulate us both.
“I can’t believe she did this,” I exploded, sucking in a deep breath through my nose, trying to calm myself down. This wasn’t the time for my anger. I had so many other things to do first. “Chelsea, she…but my mother? She’s always trying to control everything. But this? This is too much even for her. How could she think…”
I realized I was crushing Delaney against me, and she endured it wordlessly as I slowly loosened my arms, trying to reel my anger back under control.
I had other things that were more important than my family.
My son.
“Can I…can I meet him?” My voice cracked as I spoke.
I needed to get my emotions under control. Swinging from one side of the spectrum to the other was giving me a blinding headache, but I couldn’t stop it. Whenever I thought of my son, all I could concentrate on was what they’d done to us, and the anger flowed back inside.
“Of course you can. I never kept you away from him on purpose, Trace. What are we going to do about your family, though? They’re not going to be happy when they realize I’m here with Cade. I don’t think she really has any power over me anymore, but…”
I felt the growl of frustration inside me. I didn’t want Delaney to have to worry about my parents on top of everything else she had going on. Fucking hell, the funeral! How did my family keep consistently making her life more difficult? This was already too much for one person to deal with.
“They’re not going to do anything,” I reassured her. “I’m going to make sure of it.”
I was so ready for this argument. It had been brewing between us for years, and it was about time I put my mother firmly in the past where she belonged. I was done. If that meant leaving Willowbrook, I’d do it. I had my own family now, if they could forgive me enough to let me have a chance with them.
I looked down at Delaney to find her gazing up at me. Her tears had finally stopped, and I could see the fierce determination on her face that only a mother could have. Well—any mother but mine.
“Do what you need to do,” she said. “I need to talk to Cade and tell him the truth, but we’ll be at the farm waiting for when you’re ready.”
Dread filled me fast and strong. “Does he know what happened?”
My kid was going to hate me before I even had a chance to know him. How did you come back from that?
“He knows some of it. But I promise you, I never spoke badly of you to him. Until yesterday, well, we never really spoke about you at all. He asked me yesterday, and I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer because everyone would be at the funeral. He doesn’t hate you,” she added quietly, almost like she could read my mind.
We both finished dressing in silence. I tried not to let the anger brew inside me. I tried to keep the rage contained. It didn’t belong here. It didn’t belong in a place where it could pollute the only good thing I’d ever had in my life.
And as we headed for the office door, it fled me because I quickly pulled Delaney back into my arms and kissed her like the precious gift she was, whispering, “I have a son.”
The front door to my childhood home flew open and crashed against the wall as I stormed into the foyer.
“Mother!” I screamed, pacing the cold tiled floors as I waited for her to appear.
Of course, she’d be here. There was nowhere else she’d be on a Wednesday evening.
My fists balled at my sides as I tried to control myself. The urge to start smashing everything in the house and what it represented was nearly irresistible.
It was my father who appeared first. He adjusted the glasses on his face as he looked at me with concern.
“Trace? What’s wrong? What’s happened?”
He looked past me out into the driveway as if the answers would be out there.
My eyes squinted as I watched him. Just how involved was he in this? My father had always been my mother’s puppet, and I had no idea why. He always gave in to her ridiculous whims, and it was only now that I started to wonder what it was that she had over him. He wasn’t a weak man. I’d seen him tear through business deals with no mercy, but for her, he’d always step back, even if it cost him dearly.
“Where is she?” I seethed, not able to deal with anything else right now.
“Trace? Why are you here causing a scene?” My mother’s cool voice floated down the staircase where she stood, clasping the oak railing with her manicured fingers. Her pale blond hair was pulled tight into the same chignon she wore every day, and she brushed her hand against the non-existent creases in her skirt before descending the rest of the steps.
“What have you done?” I shouted, taking a step closer before holding myself back with a growl.
“Trace! I can see that you’re angry, but you can’t speak to your mother that way.” My father stepped in front of me, but I could see the conflict brewing in his eyes. He might not know what she had done, but he knew full well what she was capable of.
“If this is about that ridiculous restraining order…” My mother’s heels clacked across the tile floor as I reeled back in shock but then shook my head. This wasn’t the time for that. I’d deal with whatever other mess she’d created later.
“I know everything,” I growled.
I thought I saw the slight flare of her eyes, but she quickly covered her shock and tutted, turning away from me, and walking into the drawing room. “I won’t stand in the foyer and discuss our private family business. Jasper, will you find Emmie and ask her to bring us some tea?”
“No!” She wasn’t going to attempt to cover this up. “Stay. You need to hear this.”
My mother’s eyes narrowed as she perched herself on the edge of an overly stuffed armchair that I could believe had never been sat on until this day. We never used this room. It was one more layer of the facade she’d created around this family. “Jasper!” she snapped.
My father looked between the two of us before he stepped into the drawing room and folded his hands behind his back as he waited. I could see the annoyance in the way her shoulders tensed. It would have terrified me as a child because I’d known there would be retribution, but now that I was an adult, I couldn’t care less about catering to her whims.
“I think this is something I need to hear, Regina,” my father said carefully before he looked at me and nodded for me to continue.
Her scoff of outrage only fueled my need to throttle her, but I didn’t let it bother me. She’d tried to strip me of my happiness and my family. Well, now I was going to return the favor.
“She had Delaney run out of town. She actually blackmailed her to leave,” I said, turning to my father. “She threatened to ruin the James’s if Delaney didn’t leave.”
Jasper gasped, looking at my mother in shock. “Regina! Why?”
My father had always loved Delaney. He’d always blamed himself for her leaving, for not dealing with the situation well enough to save me from the heartbreak.
My mother’s back straightened as she sat tall and pulled her shoulders back, preparing herself. She knew this wasn’t the last of it, and she wasn’t going to back down.
“Because she was pregnant with my son,” I told him, answering for her and hopefully putting the final nail in her coffin.
My father turned to me, his mouth hanging open in shock as words failed him. We stood there in silence, watching my unrepentant mother as she straightened her skirt and then finally leaned back into the armchair and delicately crossed her legs like she had full control of the room. In a way, she did.
Eventually, he staggered to another seat and dropped down.
“She kept the bastard, then?” my mother asked, wrinkling her nose in disgust. “I always thought she had more sense than that.”
“Regina!” my father snapped again. “What the hell has gotten into you?”
“Me? Me! All I do is to protect this family legacy. Someone has to.” The scathing look she sent at my father no doubt held some other kind of meaning, but I didn’t have it in me to care right now. All I could think about was what she’d done. What she had cost me.
“The family? My son is the next generation of this family. Or did you not think about that?”
“Please! That child will never have the Farrington name.”
“And I wish I didn’t.” She looked completely shocked by the sentiment, but I’d never been more serious about anything in my life. “Did you really not care about how much this would hurt me? Do you feel so little for me, Mother ?”
I all but spat the title, one she’d never really deserved and, at times, one she never seemed to have wanted.
I really looked at my father then. It was obvious that he knew nothing of what she’d done. He’d just been a pawn in her—“Gage,” I whispered. “Is this why he left us? Did you make him help you?”
Gage was a subject that was rarely spoken about in this house. As soon as he was old enough, he’d left and never looked back. He cut all contact with us, and none of us had heard from him since.
My mother sighed, turning to look out the window. “Gage will be back when he’s done having his tantrum.”
She didn’t need to say anything else. It was enough of a confirmation for me and my father.
He surged out of his seat with a fury on his face that I’d honestly never seen before. “Trace,” he said calmly while his glare was fixed on my mother, looking so perfect in her twin set with the delicate pearls around her neck. You’d never know what a monster she truly was just by looking at her. “Go and spend some time with your family, son. It’s time for your mother and I to have a long overdue talk.”
I didn’t need telling twice. I’d come here to confront her, and I had. I didn’t expect her to apologize or even admit that she was wrong. That just wasn’t the person my mother was. Maybe I’d come here to say goodbye, to throw down the gauntlet, and push them both the hell out of my life.
As I strode away, I paused at the drawing room door, pushing my knuckles against the frame as I took a moment to try to get my head straight. “I can’t promise I’m coming back,” I finally said.
For a moment, neither of them said a word. I didn’t need to see my mother’s face to know it would be perfectly calm. I doubted she cared either way. But as I was about to leave, my father’s words cut through the air.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t, son. This family is a mess, and it’s partially my fault for allowing it to get to this point. But that ends today. I’ll be in touch soon. We have a lot to talk about if you’re open to it.”
I was just about to walk away when my father added, “Hug my grandson for me, Trace.”
I didn’t look back as I stormed out of the house, heading to my car. I was so lost in my own feelings of anger and betrayal that I nearly missed the truck coming down the driveway. It only made me pause because I recognized the vehicle and knew it never came here.
Instead of getting in the car, I rounded it, leaning against the trunk as I waited for Booker to pull up beside me. When he did, I frowned in concern. My brother looked like a wreck. The dark circles under his eyes were evident that he hadn’t slept, and the fact that his shirt was crumpled and looked like he’d worn it all night had me on high alert.
What the hell else was about to go wrong now?
“Trace, what are you doing here?”
Something flashed through Booker’s eyes that looked like guilt, and I stepped closer to my brother in concern. “I think that’s something I should be asking you. Have you ever been back to this house when it hasn’t been a major holiday?”
“I need to talk to Mother. Is she home?” His gaze darted to the house and then back to me. He frowned at the gaping front door that I hadn’t bothered to close behind me, knowing it meant that something was wrong. “What’s happened?”
For a moment, I doubted him. Had he known? All this time, had he stood by my side in support because he was trying to make up for something so truly unforgiveable?
But then I shook my head, dispelling the doubts. Because this was Booker.
He was the eldest brother, and he’d always looked out for us. That meant he took the brunt of our mother’s disappointment at times, but he did it anyway. Because if Booker found something that he genuinely cared about, then there was nothing he wouldn’t do for them.
“Unfortunately. Father is currently discussing the problems with the family with her. I’m not sure what he thinks he can fix, but he seems to be standing up to her for once.”
Booker looked at me carefully. He took a cautious step forward as he did, searching my eyes like he wanted to be sure.
“You know,” he finally said.
I reared back in shock. What the fuck?
“Wait, wait.” Booker held his hands up in surrender before I could even begin to yell about the betrayal. “I saw them in town. I knew as soon as I saw him. I might have accused Delaney of hiding him from you, which was obviously wrong. I came here for answers,” he added with a wince.
I could only imagine how Delaney would have reacted to that accusation.
Booker may have meant well, but our family had been nothing but trouble for her. It was no wonder she’d fled this place and never come back until now.
With my son.
“I missed everything, Booker. The pregnancy, the birth. I never saw any of his firsts. I don’t even know what he likes. How is he going to look at me and see a father and not a monster? I just…I can’t believe she did this to me.”
Booker shook his head as his hand came to my shoulder. “This family doesn’t matter anymore, Trace. You have to protect what’s yours. I will always fight for you, and I will always have your back. Go to them. They’re the ones you should be with. This place, those people…they don’t deserve you. Go and be happy. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, and now you finally have the chance.”
He was right. Booker was always right.
I turned and jogged the few steps to the driver’s door of the car, calling back over my shoulder, “I’ll call you soon.”
“Make sure you do. I want to spend some time with my nephew.”
The smile on his face was one of the biggest I’d ever seen Booker produce. People and family meant a lot to him. He’d just had the misfortune of being born into a terrible one.
But this was a new beginning for both of us.
A family we could build ourselves.
One that mattered.
With people who actually loved each other.