Chapter 34
34
‘You’re back!’ Adeline exclaimed the minute Monique entered her room with a tired, but sugar-energised five-year-old some two hours later.
‘ Oui , and you are too!’ Monique smiled, letting Lili run forward and leap into her mother’s arms. ‘Was it OK?’
‘We had ice cream!’ Lili shouted.
‘That’s wonderful, darling. And yes, it was OK. More than OK. And I know we thought we might go out this afternoon before the train. But would it be OK if I saw her again? We barely touched the edges of what we need to say. And I didn’t think I would – but I really want Sophia to meet Lili.’
Lili looked up, interested for the first time at the mention of her name. ‘Who?’ she said, her lips, coated with sugar, glistening slightly in the light that streamed through the open curtains.
They’d sat together for two hours, talking incessantly, barely remembering to order coffee until a waiter started hovering by their table, coughing slightly. It had been absolutely effortless. And wonderful. And she hadn’t wanted it to end. But she’d promised Lili she’d be back in the room when she returned, and hadn’t wanted to spring the whole thing on her daughter out of nowhere; she’d need to prepare her.
‘But of course,’ Monique said gently. ‘We can stay another night, also, or take a later train. So that you have enough time; so you don’t have to worry.’
‘But the shop?’
‘Ah, it is just one day. What is the point of having your own business if you become a bad boss to yourself!’ Monique told her. ‘I will have Michel put a note in the window and people will have to come back on Wednesday, that is all.’
‘It’s so kind of you.’
‘Ah, it is not so kind.’ She seemed about to say more, but a shadow crossed her face and she closed her mouth.
Lili was now camped on the bed. ‘Can I watch SpongeBob?’ she asked. She’d become a big fan of the yellow cartoon sponge in the moments when Monique let her watch cartoons on her laptop.
‘I’ll find something for you,’ Adeline said, nearly bursting with all the things she had to tell Monique, but unable to do so properly in front of her daughter. She found the remote control and selected a Disney film. Lili was soon transfixed, her eyes looking set to close at any minute.
‘She looks exhausted,’ Adeline said, smiling at Monique. ‘I bet you are too?’
‘A little,’ Monique shrugged. ‘But I am excited to hear what you discovered from Sophia. If you wish to share.’
‘Of course, of course I do.’ Adeline inclined her head and they moved to the two small chairs set against a table at the edge of the room. With Lili engaged, they could probably talk without her eavesdropping if they kept their voices low, the tone even .
‘She never wanted to give me up!’ Adeline said, triumphantly. ‘She was a little like you. Her mother thought it would be best. She got pregnant at sixteen, and had her education, her life to think of.’
‘Ah, so she was forced into the adoption?’
‘No, not quite. I found out something else too,’ Adeline said, barely able to form coherent sentences. ‘Monique, Sophia was adopted too. And she had a wonderful childhood – like mine, I suppose. One of the reasons she agreed with her mother that having me adopted would be best was because her mum had always said how much happiness she’d brought to her parents’ lives when they’d adopted her , and how she could pass a wonderful gift to a family. And her mum said, too, that I would be better off being raised by a couple who were ready for the responsibility than by a sixteen-year-old who might have regrets down the line and was in no place to raise me properly.’
Monique’s eyes were glistening a little. ‘And was she right?’
‘Yes. Yes, she was.’ Adeline replied. ‘I mean, I felt a connection to her instantly. Something I’ve rarely felt before. But I had a wonderful mum and dad. A great childhood. I can’t say I’d necessarily change things now. Obviously, I wish I’d known the truth about myself growing up, but I would have wanted to stay with my parents, I think.’ She felt something lurch inside her at the thought of Mum and Dad; she wished she’d had a chance to talk to them about all this. They were out of her life now, and there was no way to reach them, but even though she knew it was irrational, she couldn’t help feeling guilty at seeing Sophia.
Monique was quiet for a moment. ‘That is good. And she said her childhood was good too? Even though she was adopted?’
Adeline nodded.
‘Has she ever tried to find her mother, did she say? ’
‘She tried a few times over the years. But there was no information available. Then a couple of years ago a cousin of hers who’s really into family trees suggested she try the DNA site. She thought she might find me or her mother, or at least some relative. All she knew was that I was in England; that my birth father came from there. But she wasn’t in touch with him any more and didn’t know where else to start with me. Then suddenly she got a notification, then my email, and it all joined up!’
Monique smiled. ‘That’s wonderful. That she found you, and that she forgives her mother too.’
‘Yes,’ said Adeline. ‘But then she’s so nice. She’s kind. She works as a teacher in a high school, like Michel. And she’s got children too. Much younger than me. One in his teens, another in his early twenties. But I’m her only daughter – and I think it made her more desperate to find me somehow.’
‘So you have this enormous family now!’ Monique said, her jollity sounding a little false.
‘Yes. Well, one day at a time, but yes, I’ve suddenly got all these people. People I might get to know and who might become, well, really important. And did I tell you I also have a niece? About Lili’s age?’ She shook her head, unable to contain her excitement at how much her life had changed in a single morning.
‘And she is coming here again later?’
‘Yes. I hope that’s OK. She’s actually still here. Well, nearby. I just wanted to come and see if you guys were OK. And talk to Lili. Sophia, my… my mum has gone for a walk to give me time to talk to Lili.’ Adeline could sense that she was babbling, but didn’t feel able to stop.
‘ Mon dieu, ’ said Monique softly, almost to herself. ‘She is still here. ’
‘And you’ll join us?’
‘Oh!’ Monique seemed shocked at being asked. ‘ Non . It is not my place. This is your special time.’
‘Honestly, she’d love to meet you. I’ve told her about my job, about you. About what brought me to France.’
Monique shook her head, just once. ‘ Non . Perhaps another time. Perhaps when I have had time to… it is hard to explain.’
‘OK,’ Adeline said, knowing when she was beaten and – if she was honest – too excited about it all to stay in one emotional state too long. ‘So! This afternoon then!’ She hugged Monique. ‘Thanks for not minding!’ she said, and felt Monique’s arms squeeze her almost too tightly.
It was easier than Adeline had thought it would be trying to explain to her five-year-old that she was going to meet her grandmother. Lili had only known one grandmother in her life and didn’t know much about biology, but was quite happy to accept who Sophia was. ‘So I have two grandmothers?’ she asked.
Technically, she had another blood grandmother too, and possibly a grandpa, on her father’s side. Colin’s parents. One day, perhaps, they’d find that other woman – a woman who had a granddaughter and perhaps wasn’t even aware of her. But for today, it was simply important to help Lili understand Sophia’s place in her complicated family tree.
‘Yes,’ Adeline said, feeling a little guilty for the half-truth. ‘Yes. She’s another grandmother.’
This, it seemed, was enough for Lili, who bounced with excitement on the bed.
Eventually she was coaxed down; they ordered a room service snack for all of them, changed Lili’s clothes, brushed her hair and wiped her sticky face and hands.
The time passed in a flash and soon Adeline was gripping Lili’s hand, feeling a mixture of excitement and nervousness – it had been wonderful meeting Sophia, but already she was starting to lose that feeling of ease she’d developed in this new mother’s presence.
They made their way to the lift, Lili dancing and pulling on Adeline’s arm in her excitement, babbling about how she would tell her new mamie all about school and her friends and the concert that was coming up, and did Adeline think that she’d give her a gift, and would she come and live with them one day? In the end, Adeline stopped trying to answer Lili’s questions and let her babble away – realising it was her own version of excitement prompting the interrogation rather than any real need to know the answers to the torrent of questions.
This time, Sophia had taken a seat near the window on one of the red, plush chairs that flanked a mahogany table. She stood when they walked in, her eyes locking with Adeline then moving down to see Lili. This time, she didn’t rush towards them but stood waiting for them to reach her.
She crouched down to Lili’s level and looked into her eyes. ‘ Bonjour, Lili,’ she said. ‘I am Sophia. Your grandmother.’ Only an adult could have detected the wobble of emotion in her voice.
Lili, suddenly shy, gave a small bonjour and then hid behind Adeline’s legs. But after she’d been lifted into one of the velvet chairs, and offered an orange juice with a straw, she began to gain confidence and chattered away to Sophia with an ease that was almost astounding. Was it blood that led to a near-instant connection like this? Adeline wondered. Or simply the fact that she knew this woman was a grandmother, and that she understood this meant she was more important to her than some other grown-ups?
She sat back and sipped her coffee, watching with pleasure as Sophia leaned forward and nodded her head as Lili talked. Once in a while, her mother would glance up and their eyes would lock and they’d exchange a look of pleasure – a shared joy at a sweet story or expression or simply an acknowledgement of how special this moment was – before returning her gaze to her brand-new granddaughter.
Across the room, past the other customers sipping their drinks or standing at the bar or reading books on solitary tables, nobody saw the woman with dark hair tied in a neat chignon, whose mid-length skirt swung a little when she moved. Nobody saw the expression on her face as she gazed at the three generations of women who were both strangers and closely connected, finding out about one another for the first time. Nobody noticed the glistening in her eyes and the fact that once in a while she’d take a step forward as if to join them, before shrinking back, a look of fear skittering across her features.
Everyone was too engaged, too busy, too taken with their own conversations or drinks or newspapers or books to see Monique hovering in the doorway, her gaze fixed on the three of them as they talked.