Chapter 35
35
‘Hi, are you OK?’ Adeline said when Monique answered her call. ‘I’m sorry we were so long.’
All in all, it had gone well. Sophia had been completely taken by Lili, apart from the moment when her new granddaughter had sprayed a little orange juice on her when talking too enthusiastically. She’d stiffened a little, tutted and mopped her dress. Lili had looked at Adeline wide-eyed. But the moment had passed, Sophia had apologised – ‘ Sorry, it is a favourite of mine, but please, it’s OK’ – and they’d relaxed into conversation again.
Eventually, Adeline had said she had to go and Sophia had given them both a hug and promised to stay in touch. She still felt as if Sophia was somehow a stranger – she knew so little about her. But they’d see each other again. So, while there were still things unsaid, questions unanswered, there was a lightness too. Because something that was broken had begun to heal. Adeline was convinced that they could all feel it – even Lili – that sense of belonging and rightness that had washed over them all as they sat and bonded over coffee and orange juice and – in Lili’s case – probably too many madeleines.
When she’d glanced at her phone and realised the time, she’d felt terrible. She’d told Monique they’d probably be an hour – but hadn’t banked on their talking for two. She knew her friend would understand, but it seemed a bit remiss all the same to have stayed away so long and not contacted her or encouraged her, once again, to come down and join them.
She’d knocked on the door of Monique’s room on the way past, but there’d been no answer. Her own room was also silent and empty when she’d slipped the keycard through the sensor to let them both in. So instead she’d called, wanting to know if Monique was OK.
‘ Oui , I just went for a walk,’ came the response.
‘Well, we’re back,’ Adeline said. ‘Let me buy you some tea perhaps? Dinner? There are some lovely restaurants.’
There was a deep sigh. ‘Perhaps. Or we can order to the room, peut-être ? I am feeling quite tired. And our train will be early tomorrow.’
‘Of course, whatever you want.’ Adeline slipped off her shoes and felt her socked feet sink into the soft carpet.
Lili had already flung herself on the bed, so she picked up the remote and was about to flick through to find a cartoon or film when she realised that her daughter’s eyes had already closed. The excitement of both the morning and the afternoon had wiped her out, and she lay curled into herself and completely unconscious. Usually, if she fell asleep at this time, she’d try to gently wake her – to make sure she had something sensible to eat, a bath, got changed into her pyjamas before settling down. Today, just this once, it didn’t seem that important .
‘I will come back.’ Monique’s voice was still rather flat. ‘Perhaps I will be half an hour.’
‘OK, see you soon,’ Adeline said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed and ending the call. Instinctively she checked her emails and found one from Kevin that he must have sent this morning.
Hi sis,
Well, I’ve done it! I’ve been on a date. And you know what? It didn’t go too badly.
How are you? Have you found out more about your birth mother? I want to hear everything.
I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch for a few days – it’s been manic at work and time’s just flown by. But I’m looking at flights for June – I’d love to pop out and see you again, and that little rascal of a niece. If that’s OK?
I’ll give you a call at the weekend if you’re around?
See you soon.
Kev x
She smiled reading his message and resolved to reply tomorrow on the train, when things seemed a little less fraught and she knew how to put into words everything that had changed since she’d last updated him.
On Facebook, there was a message from Chris.
Hey you. Sorry I’ve been crap. We’ve heard we’re getting inspected this term, so everyone is crazy at work. Stressful! But we need to catch up properly. I feel like I’ve been a bit of a crap friend since you left work. You must update me on ALL YOUR NEWS. And I’ve spoken to Dave; reckon we might manage to take a little trip to France at some point soon – maybe half-term?
It was followed with a GIF of a cat wearing dark glasses with the words “How You Doin’” written across the bottom.
Adeline smiled and returned her own cat GIF, resolving again to write a longer message tomorrow.
For now, she felt exhausted. Happy, but tired to her bones; the tension of the last couple of days had ebbed away and she realised for the first time how much the anticipation of meeting Sophia and the travel to get here – not to mention her sleepless night – had taken its toll.
Before she had time to lay back on the bed and close her eyes for a moment or two, there was a soft knock on the door. It opened and Monique was there, her eyes red, a big smile forced across her face as if to try to distract from the fact that she’d obviously been crying.
‘What’s wrong?’ Adeline said, all tiredness forgotten.
‘But nothing is wrong!’ Monique said in a voice she clearly intended to be upbeat, yet sounded anything but.
‘You’ve been crying,’ Adeline said, looking at her steadily until she glanced away, like a child who’d finally had to acknowledge a crayoned wall or an empty biscuit tin. She wrapped her arm around Monique and led her to the chairs and small table by the window, nodding in Lili’s direction en route to confirm that they were effectively alone and could talk about proper, adult things if they needed to.
Monique slumped into the chair and Adeline reached for one of the bottles of water that sat on the dresser and passed it to her. She opened it and drank from it gratefully.
‘Now,’ Adeline said firmly when the bottle had been set on the table. ‘Tell me what’s the matter. ’
Monique shook her head. ‘It is too difficult.’
‘Did something happen while we were with Sophia? On your walk perhaps? Did you get a call? Some news?’ Adeline’s eyes searched Monique’s face, but other than the evident upset written on it, she couldn’t read her.
Monique shook her head again. ‘It is too much to explain for now. “The truth must dazzle gradually”.’ She met Adeline’s gaze.
If she thought she was going to get out of telling Adeline whatever it was that was bothering her – that had clearly been bothering her over the past few days – by quoting Dickinson, then she had another think coming. ‘Monique,’ she said. ‘Please. I can handle it. Honestly.’
Monique remained silent.
‘Look,’ she said. ‘I know what you’re saying. There is something wrong and you don’t want to burden me with it, or for it to be too much. But I’ve realised over the past few months how important truth is. It might not always be perfect, might not be what people want to hear. But it’s still the truth. People shouldn’t be afraid of it.’
Monique nodded softly.
Adeline reached for Monique’s hand. ‘So tell me. What is it? Is it the shop? Michel? Something else?’ She remembered the letter from the DNA company. ‘Something about your daughter?’ she found herself asking.
Monique flinched slightly at her words. Then her features softened as if she were at last releasing something, some sort of barrier between them. ‘ Oui ,’ she said softly. ‘I think I know who my daughter is.’ Her hand reached up to the moonstone at her neck.
‘Oh my God, that’s wonderful! Why didn’t you say?’ Adeline began before realising that her own reunion had probably taken precedence in all their conversations. Monique probably hadn’t known how to raise it with all of this going on. ‘Anyway, no matter. It’s brilliant news! You’ve found her? You know who she is? Did you do a DNA test?’
Monique shook her head. ‘ Non . I considered it. But in the end I didn’t need it. Because I found my daughter quite by accident, and it is sure.’
‘You know – truly?’
‘ Oui ,’ Monique said softly.
‘But that’s wonderful! Oh Monique, I’m so happy for you!’ She pushed back her chair and wrapped her arms around Monique, squeezing her tight. She felt Monique stiffen slightly, so released her and sat back down. Clearly, something was wrong.
‘It is wonderful, isn’t it?’ Adeline repeated. A thought occurred to her. ‘Oh. Did you make contact? Was she not… Did she not want to…’
‘ Non . It is not that. It is just… well, complicated I suppose.’ Monique fixed a steady look on Adeline, this time neither happy nor sad. As if she were trying to communicate something with her eyes.
‘OK…’ Adeline said slowly. ‘But what kind of complicated? I mean, life is complicated… so I’m sure whatever it is, we can find a way to… to…’ She trailed off as something stirred inside her.
‘Adeline,’ Monique said, her gaze not wavering. ‘My beautiful girl. You already know.’
‘I… what?’
‘You already know.’
A shiver ran through her. Adeline raised her eyes and met Monique’s. She felt the months fall away, back to that first contact between them. The fizz she’d felt when Monique had touched her. The way she’d settled so quickly into the shop. Lili’s closeness with Monique .
Monique’s deep brown eyes, her hair. That expression when she laughed. The way she touched her cheek when she was thinking. Her mouth, the set of her teeth. Even her skin. But something, too, beyond all of that. Something that might be science or might be magic. A connection that was almost inexplicable.
‘Your daughter…’ she said after a moment. ‘She’s Sophia, isn’t she?’