Chapter 16
Time is ticking away. I have a decision to make.
The idea of being in this house alone with my stepbrothers while Mom and James are on their honeymoon is unthinkable.
One of the only things that kept me going last night was knowing that, eventually, James would come home.
Mom? I doubt she would care either way. But he at least gives me hope.
He’s the only one around here who’s kind to me.
I need to believe that kindness will make a difference.
I need him to believe me and stick up for me.
Somebody has to because I’m not getting anywhere by myself.
This isn’t like me. I’m not the kind of person who runs around squealing on people. I doubt either of my stepbrothers would believe this, but I would rather mind my own business.
That’s what I’m fighting with as I wander my room, my conscience and my sense of self-preservation fighting it out as one crucial minute after another ticks by. They’re leaving soon. I don’t have much more time to make up my mind.
I can either spend the honeymoon locked in this room, afraid to step foot outside even to get something to eat, or I can tell James what’s happening.
At least he might warn them to stay away from me.
He’ll be on my side. He has to be, especially when I tell him there’s proof on the laptop. It’s the only chance I have left.
That’s that. When I look at it that way. When I consider how many awful things they could do to me while it’s just the three of us, it’s obvious I have no other option. I open my bedroom door, take a deep breath, and prepare to track him down before he leaves.
As it turns out, I don’t have far to go. He’s carrying a bag over his shoulder, fiddling with his sunglasses on his way down the hall. A smile lights up his face when he sees me approaching. “There she is. I haven’t seen you all day. You made a quick escape last night. Were you feeling all right?”
“Yeah, I had an accident with some wine, so I figured it would be better to come home and get changed than walk around in a stained dress all night.”
“That’s a shame. I’m sorry you missed so much of the party.”
I can’t say the same. “Anyway, it seemed like you two were having a good time, and that’s what matters.”
“What a sweet thing to say. If I’ve told your mother once, I’ve told her a hundred times: you are a wonderful kid, and she did a fantastic job of raising you.”
I have to say it. I have to say it before I lose my nerve. “Can I have a minute? I know you’re probably on your way out, but I need to tell you about this before you leave. And believe me, I don’t want to do this. I’ve been trying all day to come up with a way not to tell you about this.”
“Not to tell me about what?” He reaches out and touches my arm, frowning. “What’s happened? What can I help with?”
“I know this isn’t going to be easy for you to hear, but Colt and Nix…” Oh god, I didn’t think about how humiliating it would be to repeat all of this. But I have to get through it.
“What about them?”
“I’m sorry, but they hate me.”
“Remember what I told you last night about the awkwardness—”
“It isn’t awkwardness. It’s so much worse than that.
I wouldn’t say anything like this if it wasn’t true and if I wasn’t afraid.
But they do hate me. And…” I rub a hand up and down my arm, looking at the floor.
“They force me to do things. They have forced me to do things recently. I didn’t want to do them, but they made me. ”
“What kinds of things?” He hasn’t blown up yet, so that has to be a good sign. I knew this was the right thing to do. He’s the only sensible person in this house.
“One night, they forced me into… performing oral sex on Nix.” I glance up at him, wishing I could crawl into a hole, wishing he would stop looking at me the way he is because I feel so sick and dirty.
“They forced you into that?”
“Yes. I’m so sorry to have to tell you about this. I know they’re your sons, and I’m sure you don’t want to believe anything like this about them. That’s not all of it, either. It gets worse than that.”
His head snaps back a little, eyes narrowing as he scans my face. “Are you sure this isn’t some sort of misunderstanding?”
My heart sinks, but I can’t give up. Of course, that’s the first thing a parent would think. They wouldn’t want to believe the worst about their child—well, unless they were my mother. “Believe me. I’m sure. There was no room for misunderstanding.”
“You didn’t all have too much to drink, lose track of yourselves?”
“No. No, not at all. And like I told you, that’s only one example of many. But it’s constant, and I don’t know what to do about it. That’s why I had to come to you. I’m so scared of being alone in the house with them while you’re gone. Please, can you help me? I don’t know what else to do.”
He sighs, his shoulders slumping a little. “Leni, it isn’t that I don’t believe something happened to you, but I know my sons. I know they aren’t perfect, but what you’re describing… it’s all too much to believe.”
“I know it is.” This is the hardest part of all. This is the part that’s really going to kill him. “But there’s a video.”
His eyebrows lift. “Excuse me?”
“There’s a video on Colt’s computer. I found it last night.
They took it while I was… you know. On my knees.
” My voice shakes, and tears are in my eyes, but this is worth it.
I have to push through. “If you can’t help me, I’m going to have to tell somebody else and show it to them. I’ll go to the police if I have to.”
And then it happens.
I can pinpoint the exact moment I see him for the first time. The real James.
His pupils dilate, eating up most of the color, turning his soft blue eyes that usually look at me with fondness and concern into an icy, dark blue.
One second, the James I danced with last night, who’s been the only kind person in this house, is in front of me.
The next second, he is gone, and the man in front of me now raises his lip into a snarl like an animal about to attack.
He is the predator, and I’m the deer, literally frozen in the headlights.
I’m a flash, his hand is around my throat, and he’s slamming me against the wall. The force knocks the air out of me, and the tears that were already filling my eyes instantly spill over as the pressure in my head builds.
He leans in, his face swimming in front of mine now that my head is spinning and my vision is blurring. “James!” I croak, fighting against his hand, fighting to pry his fingers away. It’s like trying to bend iron.
“You listen to me, you little slut.” His spit hits my face while I strain for air that never comes.
“If you ever so much as mention going to the police again, I’m going to make you regret it.
You’ll wish you had never even thought of it.
” He pulls me an inch or two away from the wall and slams me against it again, hard enough that my head bounces off it.
“I will come to your room, fuck you bloody, and I will slit your fucking throat from ear to ear. Do you understand?”
I only understand I’m finally facing the biggest devil of them all.
And he’s not interested in playing. “I said, do you understand?” He gives my throat another squeeze as if he could force the words out of me.
I push up to my toes, hoping to relieve a little bit of pressure on my throat, but it’s no use.
My lungs burn excruciatingly, begging for air that’s not coming.
Oh my god, I’m dying. He’s killing me. I beat weakly at his arms, but he just won’t let up. A rattling noise comes out of me, and even that isn’t enough to make him let go. I feel myself drifting away. I feel the life leaving me, and he’s not stopping. Why isn’t he stopping?
Something warm runs down my leg, and it takes me a moment to realize that pee is running out of me. The warm liquid trickles down the insides of my thighs, soaking into my jeans.
“That’s what I fucking thought,” he grunts, his face almost touching mine. I don’t even have the strength to try to pull his arm away anymore. My body is going limp. My body is letting go…
Darkness consumes me, and I sink into it. I have no other choice.
When I open my eyes, I’m on the floor. I’m not sure how much time has passed or what’s happening to me.
I’m dizzy, I feel like I’m going to throw up, and every time I move my head, my vision swims. I feel like I’m underwater, but wouldn’t my body feel light if I was? Not like lead, the way it does now.
A pair of legs appear in front of me and whatever part of my brain is still working reacts. I try to push them away, but my arms are so heavy. I’m so weak.
Did that really happen? I can’t make it make sense, any of it.
It isn’t James standing in front of me, crouching and taking me by the arms. It’s Nix. Nix, whose expression is blank, who doesn’t say a word as he helps me to my feet. I’m soaked, and I stink like pee, and I’m so fucking weak.
Somehow, though I know it should matter, none of it really does.
It’s like I’m floating above myself, watching Nix trying to help me down the hall.
My legs are too weak and eventually give out on me—all he does is scoop me up and take me to his room.
I don’t have it in me to fight him. I don’t have it in me to do anything but go limp in his arms.
That didn’t happen. It couldn’t have happened. Not James. The things he said. He almost killed me, didn’t he? I felt myself dying. How is this possible?
Nix closes the lid on the toilet in his bathroom, then sets me down on it before reaching into the shower to turn the water on.
There’s nothing snide about him, nothing cruel or nasty.
He only takes off my clothes one piece at a time, moving efficiently.
All I can do is try to help him along as much as I can, but I’m useless.
Once I’m naked, he leads me into the shower. It almost seems strange that he doesn’t follow me—isn’t that the point of this? No, all he does is place me under the water and soap up a washcloth, which he gently but quickly runs over my body.
The entire time, he never says a word. He doesn’t even look at me.
I lean against the wall, still too wiped out to do much else.
James. How could he do that? I can’t even put it all together in my head.
It all feels like something that happened to somebody else.
Not to me. Not from James. If it wasn’t for the water hitting me and the scent of the soap, I might think this was all a dream.
After all, Nix is being nice to me. That’s the opposite of normal, too.
Once he decides I’m clean enough, he turns off the water and pulls out a towel from the wall closet.
I just stare at it for a few seconds when he holds it out to me.
Shaking his head, he wraps a towel around me and guides me out of the shower.
He’s just as gentle as he dries me off, and it never occurs to me to do it myself.
It’s hard enough for me to stay upright.
I could have died. I almost died. And he left me there, not caring.
Nix hangs the towel on a hook, then takes me by the hand like it’s the most normal thing in the world and leads me into his bedroom. I’m naked and shivering, so lost. What do I do now?
He goes to the dresser and comes back with a T-shirt, which he even helps me into. It falls almost to my knees, but it’s soft and clean.
Once he’s finished, he places his hands on my arms again, and I lift my head to look into his eyes.
They’re flat, without even the light that usually enters them when he’s having fun with me.
How is he so detached? It’s almost like his feelings are turned off or worse, he is so used to this, it’s normal to him.
“Did you see?” I don’t have to explain what I’m talking about.
“I did. Heard it too.” His words are so nonchalant as if seeing his dad choking and threatening to kill me is an everyday event.
“But you’re not surprised.”
“He’s my dad. I grew up with him. You don’t think I know this part of him?”
A shiver works its way through my body, and this time it’s not from the cold. Instantly, my mind goes to Colt and Nix being helpless children in a house trapped with James.
“Go to your room,” he murmurs in a voice that sounds nothing like his. “You need to forget this ever happened.”
Without waiting for me to reply or to ask exactly how that’s supposed to be possible, he goes to the door and opens it, then leads me out into the hall before closing the door on me.
There’s nothing for me to do now but go to my room, lie down, and try to do what Nix said.
It isn’t like I want to remember anything that just happened anyway.
But how am I supposed to forget?