Chapter 19
“Thank you so much for your help. I didn’t think he’d ever get the hang of what they’re trying to teach them in these math classes, but his teacher said he’s already improving from where he was this time last week. He finally gets it.”
I lean closer to the webcam at the top of my screen, smiling at the woman chatting with me from her home.
Her son ran off like he was on fire the moment our lesson was over, but it gives me a few minutes to catch up with his mom.
“I’m so glad. Trying to pick up new concepts is not always easy.
Especially when you’re in summer school. Nobody wants to be there.”
She grimaces. “I’m sure if he had somebody like you explaining these things during the school year, he wouldn’t have needed summer school. Is this the kind of thing you’re only doing over the summer, or do you think you’ll be able to provide tutoring during the school year?”
That’s a good question, one I hadn’t considered yet.
I’ve only been doing this online tutoring thing for a few days, not enough time to settle down and come up with a plan.
“I might be able to fit the work in,” I decide.
“But I won’t know for sure until I start my classes.
It will only be my first semester in college, so I’m not sure exactly how long it will take to adjust.”
“What are you majoring in?”
“I want to eventually be an elementary school teacher.”
“Perfect,” she assures me with a wide smile. “Let me tell you, you are worth every penny and then some. I know my husband agrees with me—name your price, and we’ll happily pay.”
I’m almost too pleased to speak. “Thank you. That means a lot.” A moment after we end the Zoom call, I check my PayPal account and see she’s already paid the invoice I sent out.
Could it really be this easy? All I did was post in a few parent groups online that I’m available for math and history tutoring over Zoom.
I didn’t know there’d be parents jumping at the opportunity to get their kids tutored over the summer—a few students was as much as I hoped for.
Now, my schedule is pleasantly full as I check my calendar to make sure none of my appointments overlap.
It’s almost funny, in a way, how good it felt to receive a little praise just now.
It goes to show how long I’ve gone without it.
Not that I’m hungry for it or desperate for approval, but the fact is, I used to get it a lot more than I do now.
When I was training and competing. To go from that to being ridiculed and belittled on a daily basis…
that’s a long way to fall. Only now, with money in my account and praise ringing in my ears, do I know how badly I’ve missed getting recognition for the things I’m good at.
And once the school year starts, I’m sure there will be more students.
More parents eager to part with their money if it means giving their kids a leg up.
Considering I’m only tutoring middle schoolers, maybe it won’t be too much to juggle this on the side while I study for my own classes.
Lots of people work during college, and not from the comfort of their room, either. I can handle it.
In the meantime, I’m going to save every penny I make and put it toward moving into the dorms when school starts.
One good thing about having a scholarship for college: it’ll let me put my money toward surviving rather than spending it all on tuition.
Even though it’s only the local school and not some big, expensive place, it means being able to get along for a lot less money than I would otherwise.
I’ve done the math, crunched the numbers, and even considered how much I’ll have to buy to furnish my room.
It feels good to have a plan and a way of meeting my goals.
Another few weeks of tutoring, and I’ll already have enough saved up for the first semester.
I really wish I had thought of tutoring sooner.
One added bonus: I can look forward to never having to go to that gym again. And once I’m out of this house, I won’t have to deal with Nix, Colt, or James again, either. At least not on a daily basis. Maybe not ever. I doubt I’ll be missed come holiday time.
This is starting to look like my salvation.
The thought of my stepbrothers makes me tune my ears to any sounds coming from the rest of the house.
I haven’t heard much from them today. In fact, they’ve pretty much left me alone the past few days, ever since I announced I was going to start tutoring.
They haven’t even given me a hard time about not going to the gym with them.
I wish I could relax and believe this means we’ve reached a truce of sorts. I wish I didn’t have to wonder what they’re cooking up.
The problem with using my desk chair for its intended purpose is leaving my door unprotected.
It’s a risk I have to take, and within minutes of my call ending, I’m reminded why I should have gotten up sooner and wedged it under the knob when the door swings open behind me.
I brace myself, gritting my teeth and hoping whatever they want, they lose interest fast.
“Look at you. The little wannabe teacher.” I find Colt reflected in my screen, slouching against the doorframe with his arms folded.
“Is that supposed to be an insult? Because yes, that is what I plan to be, eventually.”
“Life at the gym not good enough for you?”
“I think this job makes more sense,” I explain as nicely as I can. I don’t want to turn this into a fight. I can’t give him an excuse to mess with me. “It’s good experience.”
There’s no pretending I don’t know why he smiles the way he does as he pushes away from the frame, entering the room. “You want experience? I’ll give you an experience.”
My skin crawls at the implication, not to mention the fact that he’s already given me an experience I would rather not go through again.
No matter how much I felt like I enjoyed it at the time.
I wasn’t in my right mind. I didn’t understand what was happening.
He’s managed to ruin that for me, too. I can’t even remember coming that night without feeling used and dirty.
“I mean the kind of experience that will look good on a résumé.”
He perches on the edge of my desk, overwhelming me without hardly trying. His physical presence alone is enough to make my body go stiff, ready for whatever’s coming next.
“So what? You just sit here on the computer and tell kids how to do their homework?” Could he sound more dismissive? Because organizing storage shelves is so much more important?
“Something like that.”
“And people pay you for that?”
“They pay pretty well, actually.” I can’t help but feel proud of that. “Lots of parents want to make sure their kids are at the head of the class. There’s a lot of pressure out there.”
“That makes sense. Though I can’t imagine why they’d pay you for that.”
He’s only trying to get a reaction, and I know it, but that doesn’t stop my irritation from bubbling over until I have to say something. “I’m actually pretty good at math, and history was always my best subject.”
“You’re such a nerd.” It’s funny, though. He doesn’t sound as nasty as usual when he says it. I’m under no illusions here. We’re not friends. But at least he’s not being cruel. It’s amazing how little I’ve come to expect.
“Yo, what are you doing in here?” Nix shows up out of nowhere, and the entire energy between us changes.
If I didn’t know better, I would think some of Colt’s posturing and cruelty is due to his brother’s influence.
I’m not going to fool myself into believing that.
I know I can’t trust Colt; he’s proven it to me.
But I can’t pretend there isn’t a difference in Colt’s expression now that Nix is standing beside him. He’s harder, colder.
Nix sneers down at me. “Hard at work? I guess if you don’t have any friends, there’s not much else to do.”
“She’s too good for the job we got for her,” Colt reminds him, wearing a nasty smirk. “You can’t even be nice to some people.”
“And that’s why you don’t have any friends,” Nix decides. “Because you don’t know how to be grateful.”
“I’m sorry, but a job at the gym isn’t going to look as good on my résumé as tutoring.”
“You’re such a fucking loser.” All things considered, I’ve heard worse from him. “Don’t get used to it.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means things are going to change around here again once the parents get back.”
I don’t like the way he says it. The barely veiled threat under his words. “How?”
Rather than clue me in, he elbows Colt. “Come on. We’ve got shit to do.” Strange, but I can almost feel the expectation in the air when Nix stares at me. “Well?” he demands.
“Well, what?”
“Don’t you want to know what I’m talking about?”
“Not really. Have fun, whatever it is.” But I don’t turn away, back to the laptop. I’m not turning my back on them.
“Come on. She’s not worth it.” Colt pulls Nix away, and once they’re in the hall, he mutters something that makes him laugh in a way that sends a chill down my spine. Are they planning something? Or do they only want me to think they are, so I sit here worrying myself half to death?
Psychological warfare. That’s what they are doing to me.
What they want most is for me to react, and I’m not going to give them that satisfaction if I can help it.
Instead, I’m going to sit here and wonder what Nix meant about things going differently once our parents get home.
There’s still another ten days before that’s supposed to happen, and I’ve been secretly dreading them coming to an end.
I don’t know what is going to happen with James or how things are going to change.
Whether he’s going to go back to the way he was before, which I can only guess now, was all an act.
The more time before I have to face him again, the better.
But I can’t imagine anything I’m doing right now that I couldn’t do once life goes back to normal. I’m making money and want to get out and take care of myself. What’s so wrong with that? No matter how I try to come up with a reason for somebody to get in the way, I can’t come up with anything.
Then again, I never imagined James doing what he did, either.
Even now, it feels more like a nightmare than an actual memory.
The way he changed so suddenly, going from the nice guy I thought I knew to someone dark and violent.
It’s enough to make me worry about Mom, and that’s saying something.
Very rarely do I worry about her since she doesn’t seem to care much about me unless it’s about the way I make her look or about the way I ruined her life.
Has he ever treated her the way he treated me that day?
I can’t imagine since why would she have married him?
The answer to that question is pretty simple, actually. Just looking around my bedroom is answer enough. It’s practically the size of half our old trailer. She’s been desperate to get out of that life. Is she desperate enough to marry a psychopath?
I stare out the window, lost in my worries. Wondering if my mother is somewhere alone with somebody who could suddenly lose his temper and do to her what he did to me…