Chapter Eighteen
EIGHTEEN
I peep one eye open as the ringing of yet another alarm clock pulls me from my sleep.
My phone is lit up like a beacon in the dark, as per usual.
This serves me right for being so smug, I decide, as the fact that I very much did still die yesterday comes into sharp focus.
All that banging on about learning and becoming?
At one point I actually used the words ‘hashtag grateful’ in my head, which surely in itself deserves eternal damnation.
The shame. I’m cringing at the memories as I reach to silence ‘Over and Over’.
What Monday will it be today?
Nervously, I sit upright in bed and survey the scene.
I’m in my London flat! What a relief. My racing heart starts to calm as I soak in the comforting sights of my normal bedroom. Silk pyjamas on. Outfit laid out ready. Suitcase packed, checked and waiting by the door.
I’ve gone back to the future! Only without the help of Marty McFly or a time-travelling DeLorean.
Ooh, wouldn’t that be fun? I’m sure I’d be much cheerier about this whole debacle if I had a sweet ride to get me from A to B.
Like a Maclaren, perhaps? Or, more realistically, the cute Fiat 500 I’ve been lusting after for ages but there’s no need to have a car in London so—
I’m getting side-tracked.
The good news is, I’m back to my ‘normal’ Monday, waking up in the flat I share with Penny and, thank the lord, not wearing a thong or anticipating a naked Hamish to come stumbling in.
I take a moment to count my blessings.
This is good. This is … fine.
Sure, I thought I’d managed to escape the loop, but at least I’m back to the more normal end of things.
Although, what the hell happened yesterday?
Did I trip over and die?! How ridiculous.
If I thought the whole luggage buggy ending was embarrassing, then clearly I had another think coming.
Who even trips over their own outfit in the first place, other than tumbling toddlers?
Am I quite literally four years old now?
Maxi Mortality
Even great boobs couldn’t save woman from tragic maxi dress trip hazard
I shake it off. I need to get moving.
Because if I don’t get out of this loop soon, who knows what will happen. My photos are disappearing. Other people’s behaviour is changing. And, very much not coming in third place, I’ve become a murderer. Each Monday is getting weirder and weirder and I need to escape pronto.
Also, just to add to this state of urgency, I cannot wait to see Callum.
I missed him hard yesterday. He’s gone from being the thorn in my side to someone I need to be around.
I love it when I make him smile, especially when he tries so hard to make it look like he’s not smiling.
I love how he seems to find my existence entertaining, even though that used to be the very thing that wound me up about him.
And I LOVE the way he takes his glasses off and pinches the bridge of his nose when he’s exasperated by me, which seems to be most of the time.
Not that I love Callum Bang, obviously. I could barely tolerate him until ten minutes ago. But, you know … we’ve got a lot to discuss. Like the small matter of him being stuck in this time loop too.
Monday Seven, let’s do this.
Shower. Tube. Great hair. Egg sandwich. HANG ON A SECOND. There is no egg sandwich in the foyer of Terminal Two, repeat, there is no egg sandwich in the foyer of Terminal Two. Huh? On to baggage check and the good news is I spot lovely, lovely Mel waiting at her desk, ready to weigh my big old bag.
‘Oh Mel, how I’ve missed you,’ I sing. ‘It really does feel like seeing a long-lost friend.’
Naturally Mel looks confused as I heave my bag onto the conveyer belt.
‘The last time I saw you,’ I say fondly, like a mad aunt greeting a long-lost relative, ‘you were, wait, let’s think … That’s right, you were giving Arsey Alan a look.’
Mel looks at me with wide eyes.
‘How do you know my name?’ she asks.
‘It’s a real long story, Mel,’ I sigh. ‘Just think of me as your fairy godmother.’
Mel takes this surprisingly well.
‘Okay.’ She claps. ‘I love this!’
‘That’s the spirit!’ I reply excitedly as she attaches a heavy bag sticker to my luggage. ‘So, Mel, how long have you been in love with Alan?’
‘I’m sorry, what?!’
I try to look full of knowledge, like an oracle.
Mel casts another longing glance in Alan’s direction.
‘You’re right,’ she sighs. ‘And it’s been ages. But he’s awful to me.’
‘The yoghurt stealing thing?’
‘Yes!’
‘I get that. But for reasons I cannot explain, I’ve had a long time to ponder what’s going on between you and Alan, and I reckon the best thing you can do is call him out on his bad behaviour. Just ask him why he does it. Could it be that he’s trying to get your attention?’
‘By stealing my yoghurt?’
I shrug. ‘Listen, men can work in mysterious ways. I suspect he’s been acting out because he doesn’t know how to handle his feelings for you, which isn’t ideal, obviously.
But I also suspect that you’ve offered him a challenge and that he’s got to learn how to navigate that, which could be really good for both of you in the long run.
Could it be that by clearing the air you might make way for, say, something new to blossom between you? ’
‘Hmm. Clear the air,’ Mel repeats thoughtfully. ‘I guess I could give it a go.’
‘Please do! I’ve a sneaky suspicion that you two would be perfect together.’
Mel smiles at me.
‘You’re my favourite customer today,’ she says. ‘Thank you, fairy godmother!’
Bag checked and I’m fidgeting in the security queue, itching to see Callum now. We’ve got so much to talk about and also, after twenty-four hours, my eyeballs are hungry for him. Ravenous.
I wonder if I’ve been hate-fancying Callum all along?
Back before any of this happened, I definitely acknowledged that he was a beautiful person, aesthetically speaking.
But all the awfulness of his terrible personality had, I thought, made his outer beauty null and void.
Only now I suspect I probably was crushing on him all along. An angry crush, if you will.
Pulling out my phone, I find myself staring at my inbox as I wait for the email from Kat to come through. Ooh, here it is now! Today, in my eagerness, I open it immediately.
To: NinaMoss@
From: Kat@
Subject: GO GET ’EM, TIGER
Darling Nina!
My superstar. Wanted to wish you all the luck in Oz. Not that you will need it, of course, I know how hard you’ve worked on this and am certain it’s going to be a roaring success.
I’m here if you need me, although I’m sure you won’t.
Have fun!
Ciao for now, Kat
‘That’s absolutely not right,’ I shout at my phone. Right now my butt cheeks should be clenched as I discover that my former rival is on his way to the airport. Where’s the bit about Callum coming too? The bit about us collaborating?!
I try to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach as I wait until I’m through security and can give Kat a call. Something’s not right. Well, everything’s not right, but today it feels like yet another thing has gone wrong.
‘Darling!’ Kat picks up.
‘Kat, sorry it’s so early,’ I say hurriedly, trying to remain polite as I listen to her green juice story again.
‘Everything okay?’ Kat asks.
‘I was just wondering when Callum’s getting here? You didn’t mention it in your email. He’s coming, right?’
‘Cal? Coming to the airport?’ Kat barks out a hacking laugh. ‘Why would he do that?’
The sense of foreboding worsens.
‘Because … because, you want us to become sympatico, remember?’
‘I don’t remember having that conversation with you, Nina.’
‘Well, no, you haven’t … yet. But I’m sure you’re considering it,’ I gabble, trying to sound encouraging.
A pause as the juicer whirs loudly into life.
‘I know that you two don’t get on, that’s for sure. But what I don’t understand is why you think Cal is going to pop by Heathrow before you fly to Australia, Nina. Are you feeling all right?’
I do wish people would stop asking me that.
‘Fine, thanks,’ I say hurriedly. ‘I thought you were going to send Callum on the trip to Australia with me, because he’s really good with the clients and you want us to learn and grow together. Remember? LEARN AND GROW?’
I’m getting desperate.
Kat is cackling down the line. ‘Learn and grow? That does sound the sort of bullshit I’d say, but honestly, Nina, the thought of you can Cal cooped up together on a long-haul flight to Australia is ridiculous.
You’d kill each other! Ha ha ha. What a thought!
You do come up with some crazy ideas. No, don’t worry.
Cal is staying here in London while you travel to Australia. ’
NO!
‘I actually think it would be a great idea,’ I scrabble, changing tack. ‘We could, you know, iron out our differences?’
‘Darling, whatever it is you’ve taken, stop it immediately. Go do some yoga and calm down, capiche? Cal is not coming to Australia and that’s the end of it. Now, we’re eating into my five-minute juice window so I really must dash. Ciao for now!’
‘Wait!’ I call desperately down the line. But Kat has hung up.
And Callum is not coming to the airport.
I twirl around helplessly until I come to a stop, the bag on my arm thudding painfully into my side.
The airport starts to spin around me and I stagger over to a row of seats, slumping down onto one.
My head is banging, my heart beating too fast, and I’m sweaty and cold at the same time. I’m properly panicking now.
He’s not coming?
Over and over in my head, I keep asking that same question.