Chapter 17
17
It was late evening when Kate returned to the centre, and walking towards Jamie’s room, a box full of games and bits from his room in hand, she passed the kitchen. A waft of lemon floor cleaner attacked her nostrils and she grinned, knowing that Rita would be in there, putting her own mark on the place after the cleaners had knocked off. She walked in to say hello, and stopped herself when she saw Cooper sitting at one of the tables. He was laughing as he and Rita chatted away, their low murmurs not quite reaching her ears. The bottle of wine from the other night was sitting on the table. He’d bought her a gift for helping. This man, she thought. So many layers to unwrap. Rita was scrubbing at the floor with her mop, and she turned to look at her. Kate looked back guiltily. Rita winked, motioning her to come in.
‘I was hungry, thought I might try and scavenge a bite.’ She took a seat at the table with Cooper, deciding at the last minute to sit one chair away from him. She could feel her skin flush as he looked at her. Rita chattered away, filling the silence, but it sounded like white noise to Kate. She couldn’t take her eyes away from his. Rita’s voice faded into the background, and Kate heard the faint noise of the refrigerator door closing before Rita left the room.
‘She’ll love you, giving her some work to do,’ Cooper said, his soft but masculine tones feeling like a salve, smoothing over her battle wounded skin.
‘Glad I made someone happy. I forgot to eat,’ she said ruefully, taking his half-drunk cup of coffee into her hands. His mouth twitched at her gesture, and she eyed him over the rim of the mug as she drank. Taking two huge gulps, she offered him it back, but he waved her away.
‘Looks like you need it more than me. Bad day?’
She finished off the coffee, holding the still warm cup close to her chest. ‘Hard, but good in the long run, I think. I packed up the old house. It should be sold soon. You?’
He winced and looking at the kitchen door, lowered his voice to a whisper. ‘I was asked to leave the gym today, apparently my mood was scaring people.’
Kate laughed. ‘So, people are finally seeing the annoying Captain I know and—’ She stopped herself from finishing the sentence, but she still caught Coop’s surprised expression as she looked away.
He reached towards her, and she held out the cup by mistake. He took it from her and put it aside on the table. Touching her fingers with his, he smiled. ‘Growing on you, am I?’
Kate blushed and swatted him away. He dodged her deftly and tightened his grip on her fingers, holding her hand between his. She could feel the roughness of her skin against hers, and she squeezed his hand. ‘I guess you are. Why were you in a mood?’
‘Frustration,’ he replied simply. ‘I’ve had enough of living like this, and I have decided that things have to change. I think we need to step up the work with the time we have, and I wanted to ask if you wanted to go on another date with me, before the dinner.’ He kept his green eyes focused on hers, and without even considering anything, she whispered ‘yes’. He grinned and started to lean towards her when Rita swept back in, a large tray balanced on top of her nimble hands.
‘So, did you have a good day off Kate?’
Kate thought of the tribulations of the day, and looked again at Cooper, who was looking at her with concern. ‘Not bad,’ she said, ‘I cleaned out my house, put all our stuff into storage.’ Cooper said nothing, a myriad of emotions crossing his features, and she squeezed him again in response.
‘Ooh,’ Rita exclaimed, arranging plates and bowls of goodies from her tray onto the table. ‘That sounds like a novel, not a day! No wonder you’re hungry!’
Kate used her free hand to grab a ham sandwich, not wanting to break the contact with Cooper’s hands. He made no move to get any food. Rita emptied the tray and moved on to cleaning the next room, looking back at the pair as she left the kitchen. She had seen a lot of things over the years, working in various kitchens, and she knew what was going on here.
Kate wanted to scoff the sandwich straight down, being so hungry, but she wasn’t ready to let the man before her watch her eat like a pig. She took her time and reached for another. His stomach growled, and she looked at him in shock. ‘Hungry?’
‘Yep,’ he said, smirking. ‘But no food is worth letting your hands go. I would starve to death first.’
‘For a hand touch?’ she asked, teasing.
‘To start with,’ he countered, waggling his eyebrows comically. She put the sandwich to his lips, and he ripped off a chunk with his teeth, making her laugh. His eyes rolled back. ‘Man, Rita makes a mean sandwich,’ he said, moaning with pleasure. Kate nodded in agreement, taking a large bite herself.
Finishing off the food, Kate feeding him morsels till they were both full. She sighed with contentment, happy to sit with him, feeling the calm from his touch wash over her.
‘Where did you go?’ Cooper asked, his green eyes boring right into hers.
‘I was thinking how nice the silence was, how comfortable we are with each other.’
‘It must have been hard, packing up the house. I’ve always sort of moved around. Packed light.’
‘It’s just stuff,’ she shrugged. ‘To be honest, that house hadn’t been a home for me in a long time. I’ve got some great memories, but they’re mostly of Jamie.’
‘You’ll make new ones. There’s plenty of time.’ He took one of his hands away, and he patted his lap. ‘Come sit with me.’
She didn’t hesitate and walked around the table to him. He pulled her onto him, lifting her legs up to dangle over one side of the chair. ‘Best seat in the house,’ he quipped, his mouth inches from her own. She could smell his aftershave, and something else, something inherently sweet. She was about to ask him what the scent was when he placed both hands on her cheeks and pulled her to him. His kiss was urgent but restrained, as though he had been waiting all day to do it, and she responded eagerly. She grabbed his cheeks and pulled him closer, a muffled moan escaping from her mouth into his. He groaned in response, wrapping his arms around her tightly, caressing her body with his strong hands. They kissed forever, lost in each other, till he finally pulled away. She opened her eyes, and looking into his, she saw the lust and need she felt mirrored on his face.
‘I have to stop this Kate, otherwise I won’t be responsible for my actions.’ He dropped another slow kiss onto her mouth, licking her lip playfully. ‘You drive me crazy, woman. I don’t want to stuff anything up for you here.’
She put her hands around his neck, running her fingers through the dark curls that sat there.
‘You’re not so bad yourself, soldier. You’re right though. I’m only your physio, but I think we should cool things till you’re not my patient any more.’
He groaned again as she ran a fingernail down his neck. ‘That’s not helping. I mean it, Missy. It’s been a while, and talking dirty while you run your hands all over me is not going to cool me off.’
‘Maybe I don’t want to cool you off,’ she said brazenly. His eyebrows raised in surprise at her words, and his eyes searched her face. ‘Why do you do that?’ she asked, transfixed.
‘What?’ he whispered.
‘Look at me like that,’ she said, suddenly shy under his deep gaze.
He dropped another kiss onto her lips, before placing one on each cheek, the tip of her nose, and her fluttering eyelids. ‘I look at you like this because I’m trying to work you out. You’re like a puzzle I can’t crack, and I don’t fail to crack things. I look at you because I am suddenly scared for the first time in my life, and I don’t like the feeling.’
She tightened her grip on his neck, pulling herself closer still to him.
‘What are you scared of?’
He looked sad for a moment, and her heart went out to him. She could hear it hammering against her ribs, as though it were a bird trying to escape its cage to find its mate.
‘I never wanted anything in my life, not like this. The army is my family, my home, and I never wanted for anything, never looked back. The fact is Kate, the more I know of you, the more I want, and I don’t know what to do about that. I feel as if I know you, and we met in a fucked-up way. In a fucked-up place. I know all that, but I still can’t stay away from you. It’s like we’re the same, you know. I can’t stop thinking about you. I want to tell this whole damn place how much I like you. I don’t know what’s going on with your life at the moment, but I know you need your career. You love it like I did mine, and I don’t want to be the thing that makes your life worse. I have a lot to overcome, and you have Jamie. I just want to be sure you know what you’re getting into. I have no clue either, but I know I want it.’
Kate agreed with everything he was saying, but it didn’t make it any easier to hear. ‘I know. It’s a lot, but I can’t stay away from you either. When the house is sold, I’m going to look for a bungalow. Move out of the centre. I want you too, Cooper, but Jamie gets a say too. I need to put him first, and we can’t start anything deeper till you aren’t a patient.’
‘So we wait,’ he said with a kiss to each cheek. ‘Till we get our ducks in a row.’
She moaned even as she nodded her agreement, touching her forehead to his in frustration. ‘Trust me to get the squaddie with morals. I thought you guys were all grab the girl and hang the consequences.’ She was only half joking.
He chuckled, a low rumble that vibrated through her. ‘Not forever, just till things are sorted, till Jamie knows about everything.’
Kate winced at the mention of her son. He had already been through so much; she had no idea how and what to tell him about today.
‘And what about Jamie?’ she asked him, deflecting her own thoughts for the moment. ‘Me having a kid doesn’t bother you?’
He shrugged. ‘He’s a lovely kid, we get on. As long as he’s okay with me dating his mother, I am more than happy. He has a father, I’m not out to step on anyone’s toes. I just want to see where this goes.’
He has a father. If only he bothered to come see him, she thought to herself bitterly. ‘I don’t see there being a problem, but we’ll have to take it slow with him. He’s lost so much already.’
Cooper nodded. ‘This is what I’m saying; the last thing I want is to make things complicated for you two, especially when you’re getting on so well. You were really close, weren’t you.’ He said it like a statement of fact, and Kate smiled at him. He didn’t miss a trick. When, and if, Neil did want to come visit, that would present another obstacle to navigate. She knew he was hurt, blaming himself and her for the accident, but that didn’t help Jamie. He seemed to be okay with just speaking with his dad on the phone, but for how long? They all had demons to face, it seemed.
Later that night, Cooper sat on the bathroom floor, mirror placed at the side of his leg. He was slick with sweat, having woken from a dream that he was in the battlefield, running for his life. The pains in his missing limb had woken him up, and it was the first time he was thankful for the pain. The look on Smithy’s face as he lay in the dirt haunted him even when he was awake, and he wasn’t sure how he was going to pull off the gala dinner. The thought of it made him want to throw up, and it was only knowing that Kate would be at his side that kept him from cancelling his attendance. One thing was for certain; he wouldn’t be going there in his chair, not if he could help it. He wanted to walk in there tall, with her on his arm, not pushing his chair. He owed it to himself and his unit to walk in there showing everyone that although the bastards had taken one of their own, the men remaining were as strong as ever.
It was an odd sensation, having pain in a limb that was no longer there. Part of him had been cut away in the battlefield, and it wasn’t just flesh and bone. He wasn’t the man that fought that day, but the person he was becoming was someone that he liked, wanted to be. He was making friends here with the other patients, the staff. Hell, he’d done a sky dive and taken a beautiful woman out for dinner. He spent time with Jamie, had even shown him how to use some of the gym equipment. They’d bonded over video games, and he was falling for his mother a little more each day.
He should hate her. The Cooper from that day did. He’d despised her for saving him, for making the decision to save his life against his wishes, to turn him into something he didn’t want to be, but now he was glad. He knew she did it for the right reasons, and he had almost made his peace with it. He needed to figure out his next move, sure, but he was convinced that he could do something he would be just as proud of as his career. He found these days that he wanted to stick around, see what happened next. He was adjusting, learning to live this new normal. But for now, all he could think about was recovery. Recovery for him, and the doctor and little boy who had become entwined in his life.
He focused on the pain, forcing his brain to register what he saw in the mirror. Leaning forward, he made a fist, clenching his knuckles together till they went white. He took a breath, and pounded down into the space where his leg would have been. His mind made his body flinch at first, preparing him for the pain that should have come as his hand connected with his leg. He brought his fist up and down again and again, making his mind register the fact that no pain was coming. He looked into the mirror to see the reflected leg, and he pulled it away. His pain dulled as his mind caught up with the reality. He had been doing this most nights now, and the pains were lessening. In fact, he had slept through for two consecutive nights, which was pretty much a record since his injury. He knew that he would have to keep training his body to accept what his mind struggled to see, but he was on the right track. He just had to crack the prosthetic leg, and he was on his way.
He had even been thinking about life after rehab, which was something he had never considered before. When Kate had mentioned moving out of there, living nearby, Cooper had found himself picturing them all living together somehow, but he wasn’t about to put that thought into words, especially to her. It was far too soon. Too fragile. Even though it felt so right, he didn’t want to rush anything. It had to be the right move, at the right time for all of them. They were all broken in their own ways. Healing together.
Cooper already knew that he would give his life for theirs, and they didn’t even belong to him. Not really, though he wished it would one day be true. He sat there on the bathroom floor, knowing that no matter how hard things were right now, better things just might be around the corner. There might just be life after the army after all.